I own neither Puella Magi Madoka Magica nor any of the fictional characters associated with it.

No, seriously, I don't. I'm not in any way connected to it. Not even with SHAFT. I'm being serious here. You have to believe me!

Sunday, May 1st

Somewhere in this world, there is a cycle. A cycle that spins around again and again, in time, possibly unto eternity.

But this is no ordinary cycle, not one of formula or mechanics. No, not at all.

This is a cycle of choice.

The girl responsible for it, refusing to give up each time, possesses an unwavering will to save her friend. She made a deal with the devil, gained amazing powers, and created this cycle for the one purpose of saving her closest friend, whose destiny is to always die. Her mission had always been to change an unchangeable future, and even after having repeated the same month so many times now that she had lost count, she still hasn't given up yet.

She always has the option to walk away safely, and live a peaceful life far away from the city and the one girl she cares about.

She always has the chance to end this nightmare and begin anew, without any attachments to the old world.

But she will never take it.

Instead, at the end of yet another failure, she will always reach for the mechanical shield and click it, restarting her mission yet again. A cycle.

Yet even at the height of her potential, she cannot accomplish anything but failure.

And yet, there is no end.

To say that there is an 'end' would be to assume that this girl will eventually give up on her friend after so long. The human mind is flawed, but her unwavering determination to save her friend is something that will never ever change.

Because of this, it can rival even the most miniscule of possibilities. Infinity dictates that within infinity, anything can happen regardless of the chances. By this logic, even a circle with a perfectly logical circumference can spiral out of control, as nonsensical as it may sound to a human being who has never attempted to fully understand the concept of 'eternity'.

In other words, within infinity, what is seemingly an infinite circle may end up being finite.

And in that unlikely event, should the details of this circle ever change by even the slightest note, should it even dare spiral inwards instead of outwards, the future that the circle dictates may just change forever.

It won't even be a proper circle anymore, once infinity overtakes it. It will have become a circle of spirals.

*click*

And that is how the story of Akemi Homura goes.

Wednesday, March 16th

Another failure.

Homura's eyes reluctantly opened up, only to find that there were tears in her eyes. Wiping them away, she shook her head as she pushed away her own personal feelings.

She had learned a lot this time, so she wasn't about to let this new information go to waste. With each reset, she was getting closer and closer to her goal. She had to be.

So there was no way she was going to give up now.

Getting up, she didn't even bother to move her gaze about. She'd lost track of the amount of times she had to go through this. Having woken up in this room so many times now, every detail of this room had been burnt into her mind, so much that she just wanted to forget it.

The nearby desk with a purple pen, a glass of water, and the admittance information slip on it. The bright morning sunlight, penetrating diagonally towards her through open gaps in the wide blue curtains. The opened window near at the end to the right which was open, allowing the sounds of blowing wind to come in. The rolling stand in front of her bed. The pale turquoise blue sky showcased in the window not too far behind it, with two small clouds, one them obscuring the top-left corner, and the other of which would float out of her current line of sight within the next seven minutes, with green trees visible below. The bird that would begin chirping within the next three minutes and stop within the next. The nurse who would come to meet her within ten minutes to inform her about the discharge, at which time she would already be ready to leave.

There was no need to glance at the calendar behind her, which had the '16th' all scribbled over. Once upon a time, Homura might've been excited about this day, but that was long before she had to relieve it over and over again.

Homura picked herself up from the bed, only to find her arms wobble as she did so. That was odd, but she quickly dismissed it as her own weakness. There was also a throbbing in her head, and a numb feeling in her chest. She couldn't let things like these get to her.

She'd managed to get this far, after all.

This time, I will definitely save Madoka.

With determination, she threw off the sheets and jumped down from the bed…

…only for her feet to lose their balance, and Homura hit the floor hard on her face.

She took a moment to groan out in pain.

What's wrong with me?! Convinced that this was a result of her own mental state of mind, she scolded herself. Get up!

Gathering her strength, Homura picked herself back up. There was a pain in her chest and slight numbness around her right cheek, but she dismissed it. It was unimportant. What was important was Madoka needed her right now. She couldn't just stand around here and do nothing. Reaching out for her Soul Gem, she suddenly realized that it wasn't there.

Calm down. I must have misplaced it somewhere. Maybe it's on me somewhere, or maybe I left it in the bed. I can't let myself worry about that right now.

Upon reassuring herself, Homura took a step forward. It was weaker than usual, but after a bit of thought, it was only natural. It looked as if the past was finally catching up to her.

Brushing it off, she forced herself to retain her balance and made her way to the bathroom.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she looked reminiscent of a certain girl she used to be, only with a sharply cold look behind those purple eyes. Apart from that, it also looked tired somehow, most likely just from the stress, something she could easily overcome. She untangled her thickly-braided, letting her dark hair flow straight. Then she moved to take off her red-framed glasses.

All of a sudden, everything around her blurred.

In confusion, she put them back on again, and her sight returned back to normal. There was something really strange going on here.

But it was most likely just fatigue. Stress. What was that thing called again? Post-traumatic stress disorder? It was probably that. But she had come this far, so she couldn't let something like that hinder her now.

Taking off her glasses again, she stubbornly tried to force her eyes into focusing on her surroundings as she left the room and sat back down on the hospital bed.

Any minute now, her body should return back to normal.

Breathe.

All she needed was a little relaxation, and then she'd be good as new.

Relax.

This time...

This time for sure, I'll definitely save her!

…

Nothing was happening.

As Homura sat, a thought crossed her mind – I can't waste my time here.

Having learned from countless experience, anything could happen. One event easily led to another, and even if she did nothing, things changed. Like the timeline when that Kyousuke guy used a guitar instead of a violin for some reason, or the timeline when someone called Oriko showed up out of nowhere and royally screwed up all of her plans.

She had spent so much time repeating the same formaics over and over again that it was beginning to get really distracting. Even the tiniest factor could potentially change what she understood about this timeline and influence her decision into making a contract.

But this time, she decided, I won't let that happen.

Forcing her body to move normally even though it was feeling so weak, she went towards the open window and felt fresh air blow against her skin, though that wasn't her intention. The winds were a little heavy from up here, and glancing at the surface below, it appeared to be just two or three stories in height. This height was nothing to someone like her, who'd previously dropped from skyscrapers without any problem.

Still, it was getting difficult to breathe for some reason, and her heart was beginning to beat faster as she felt something dull press against it. Maybe it was panic.

Homura was a Puella Magi, and thus, something like this should be nothing to her. Her body had to be reminded that it wasn't human anymore. For Madoka.

All this, for the one goal of saving Madoka. Nothing else mattered. Not this hospital, not school, not her parents, just Madoka.

"With my own power, I'll carve a future for the two of us," she swore to herself in conviction.

That said, Homura pulled the window fully open with all her strength. The ground looked a long way away, but to a magical girl, it was nothing. As her heart raced, the throbbing in her chest had begun to intensify.

She ignored it to the best of her ability, forcing her terrified body to move forward, and prepared to leap out—

"OH MY GOD!"

The sound of a nurse's shriek echoed throughout the entire hospital hallway.

Friday, March 18th

Akemi Homura should've been discharged two days ago.

Instead, she had to spend another two days going through psychiatric treatment over what was perceived as an attempted suicide. As much as she protested against it, the hospital viewed her action as such based on the nurse's report.

What had happened was that right after the nurse shrieked, a surprised Homura lost her grip and awkwardly stumbled back onto the floor.

It was only a couple of hours later after the event that she was speaking with a therapist and a report had been filed to her parents – wait, parents? She'd almost forgotten she had such people. They were always so busy, but due to this, she doubted that they would ever notice her circumstances. Having never bothered to send a message or anything to her in all this time, in every alternate timeline, why start now?

In any case, Homura had to keep on insisting that it was only a misunderstanding. While they still weren't convinced, the hospital reluctantly relented and allowed her to leave today.

Two days late.

So far, everything about this timeline had turned out to be absolutely infuriating. She wouldn't be surprised if she arrived at Mitakihara Middle School only to find out that Madoka had already made a contract.

Then there was the core of the problem. Something that ought to have been impossible. Something that was unthinkable, and that would potentially screw up everything to do with this timeline.

Her Soul Gem wasn't gone simply because she lost it. It was gone because it had stopped existing, taking all her powers with it. In other words, her soul was back where it belonged.

That's right.

Akemi Homura...

...was no longer a magical girl.

Right now, Homura was just a frail little girl with heart disease, bad eyesight, and serious mental issues.

When she first realized it, her mind had started to tear apart at the horrible, horrible factors involved in this timeline, and even now, just the fact that this was happening was overwhelming her mind... There was no way she could protect Madoka like this. She wasn't even sure if she could reset the timeline in this state! Right now, all she wanted to do was shove a grenade down that damned Incubator's throat.

But there was some hope. Maybe Kyubey didn't exist in this timeline, which explained why she didn't have her powers anymore. If that was the case, then Madoka could live an ordinary life without any witches or insane magical girls to suddenly step in and threaten her life. Yet even so... as much as she wanted to believe it, she couldn't convince herself about the fact. It was too difficult to believe that the Incubator would just disappear like that. Just in case, she would have to stay on guard at all times.

At this point, she couldn't let herself be stricken by this. Even with this minor setback, she had to keep going!

Trying to motivate herself and make the best out of this hopeless situation, Homura spent her final hour at the hospital writing on a blank piece of paper, jotting down everything she planned on doing once she and Madoka had gotten past Walpurgis Night safely. It wasn't exactly healthy to think about the future when there were so many challenges to overcome in the present, but as long as she could keep herself going, she was sure she could do anything.

Once she was done, Homura crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it into a trashcan. If anyone ended up reading it, things would end up too troublesome.

Walking out of the hospital with a blank smile on her face, if such a thing was even possible, she tried to look hopeful for the future. In her right hand, she held a box of medications that contained multiple pills and syrups that she would need to take for the next... six months? Year? Two years? The doctors weren't sure, but at least until she could make a full recovery. There was no way she could take on Walpurgis Night this way.

She really needed to stop thinking about her own circumstances. Even though she was behind schedule, she had learned a lot from her previous experiences, so surely this body of hers wouldn't make too much of a difference.

"Nyan."

A black cat?

Running past a group of bicycles, it paused to glance at her before going off by itself towards the main road with total disregard as to its surroundings. She couldn't help but have a feeling that she was forgetting something as she watched it.

Wait.

Madoka's original wish was—

There was no way. It had to be a different one. After she first made her contract with Kyubey, it disappeared as if it had never existed in the first place. Therefore, there was no way they could be the same, right? Right? Right?! It was just a stray, and there were plenty of black cats anyway out there in the world. It wouldn't be the first time she had mistaken a stray cat for Amy.

But wait, wait, just wait.

Today is—

March the 18th, the day Madoka would first make a contract.

She had always been there to stop her behind the scenes, but at the moment, she was utterly powerless. This was bad, bad, bad, seriously seriously bad.

Frozen, Homura panicked silently to herself, and she could feel her heart throb as if resonating with her terror. Madoka couldn't be allowed to make the contract. She made a promise to stop her from ever doing such a thing, and right now, just thinking about it terrified her.

Calm down, Homura.

She couldn't calm down.

Calm down.

In fact, she felt like she was hyperventilating.

You have to calm down!

Madoka was going to make a contract, die a horrible death again, and she wouldn't be able to do anything to help her poor friend, and everybody was going to DIE, and this entire city would once more get annihilated by some spinning witch, while Incubator would be sitting in a room LAUGHING ABOUT EVERYONE'S SUFFERING like the emotionless bastard he was

"CALM DOWN!"

Shouting at herself somehow did the trick.

Looking away awkwardly from the confused stares of passersby, Homura gripped her glasses tightly as she ran off into the direction of the cat. She couldn't take any chances this time. She had to save Madoka no matter what!

...but even though her determination was burning bright, she found that her feet wouldn't move as fast as she wanted them to, forcing her to jog desperately against a world of darkness and everything in it. After a moment or two, it couldn't even be called a jog. She had quickly depleted her painfully-low stamina and now she was just sort of wobbling forward. Any onlookers would probably get the impression that she was drunk. What could Homura the Human possibly accomplish anyway?

Having gotten used to having the powers of a magical girl, being reverted back to such a state was pitiful.

By the time Homura arrived to the main road, she felt like she had run a marathon, and took her time so she could catch her breath. But as pitiful as it was, it would be hypocrisy for her to want her Puella Magi powers back, so she tried to savour her newfound humanity.

It wasn't easy.

Shaking her head, Homura tried to get her thoughts in order.

I acted too hastily, she mentally told herself, and began to formulate a plan.

What I need to do first is get home, build some grenades, and buy a baseball bat. Afterwards, I'll disguise myself as a bush, lie in wait by Madoka's house, and hide until Kyubey shows up so I can pound him into oblivion and then demand some answers about my current circumstances. Then I'll convince him that he shouldn't even think about making a contract with Madoka, or... else...?

Homura's train of thought was disrupted by the sound of an approaching car engine.

Ah―

"Nyan?"

Then, without the use of her shield, time came to an absolute halt.

Was it because of her experience as a magical girl? It didn't matter. In that one, split-second instant, the very instant she heard that sound, her mind understood everything.

The lone, black cat before her. Crossing the road at a casual pace. Almost as if daring the universe to throw something at it. Thus, the universe had responded in kind. In the distance a silver Subaru XV car was approaching rapidly, quite possibly speeding beyond the legal limit. There was no way this vehicle would notice the in time, let alone stop for them. And so, clear as day, this creature was directly in its path. Amy – if it was Amy anyway – was fated to die right here and now.

Once upon a time, in the very first timeline, a cat was hit by a car. Madoka's original wish had been to revive it, transforming her into a magical girl for the very first time. Truly, a very noble wish - but a contract was absolutely unacceptable. This was an event that had to be avoided at all costs.

Why was Amy reappearing now, anyway?

Ever since the first timeline, that cat went completely missing! It never showed up again, not once!

No, she shouldn't complain. It pained her to let Amy die after this sudden reunion, but it was impossible to save it at this rate - if Madoka found that cat, Kyubey would definitely take advantage of its corpse to form a contract for sure. Fortunately, since the girl in question was nowhere in sight, she could simply dispose of the roadkill right afterwards, ensuring the body would never be discovered. It'd just take seconds!

However, in the next few milliseconds, as her gaze moved to the opposite end of the street, a trace of pink caught her eye.

And her heart skipped a beat.

Mado—?

That wasn't an option anymore.

There wasn't any more time for standing, thinking, planning. If she was going to do this, she had to do this now.

Without any remaining, hesitation, Akemi Homura found her feet rushing forth, racing forward, onto the road with a shot of extreme adrenalin. Tossing aside the box in her hands, her surroundings transformed into a blur, no longer registering within her mind. Right now, there was only one priority in this reality.

Saving that STUPID, DANGER-SEEKING CAT!

However, she wasn't moving fast enough. Car tyres crunching through the gravel road, accompanied by a whirring electrical engine, were rapidly becoming clearer and clearer as they approached. The car was already very very senses was utterly overwhelmed in noise. If she had to make an estimate, it was merely a dozen meters away. She hadn't even managed to grab the cat yet. Right here, at this very moment, she might just die.

Yes. Akemi Homura may very well die here, trying to save the life of a cat. Of all things.

After all that she'd been through, having enduring countless amounts of tragedy, having battled against the impossibly-powerful Walpurgisnacht so many times now, having made it through everything alive via sheer will, she was about to die in a car crash OF ALL THINGS?!

YOU IDIOT

IF MADOKA

IF MADOKA SAW YOUR DEAD BODY―

'Then she would certainly become a magical girl to save you'. Such was the logic.

It wasn't the faith that a friend would pull through for her, but the innate understanding that Kaname Madoka would always do what she believed to be best. Whether it involved saving a cat or even a complete stranger, then she wouldn't hesitate to help them if she had the option - regardless of whatever the option involved. When faced with the shock of a car crash, she wouldn't stop for a second to use her wish to save the victims. For better of worse, that was the sort of person she was.

I, no―

So once more, she would become a magical girl, and the cycle of despair would continue on.

NO!

My life doesn't matter, but you-

I won't, I WON'T LET YOU TAKE THAT RESPONSIBILITY―

There wasn't any time left to regret this reckless decision.

Since Madoka was watching, she absolutely could not let herself die here! And therefore, she absolutely could not let this cat die either! If she couldn't even save some stray cat, how could she ever expect to save Madoka?!

Pushing her body beyond its limits, as every inch and every cell of her self burning open in agony, the raven-haired girl shut her eyes, shut off all her senses... and just like that, reality broke apart around her.

Her mind focused only on running forward. Forward and forward, driven by the end of her dreams. Imagining the future beyond that hopeless horizon, secured. Imagining the relief of an impossible burden, reached. Without any further need to worry about Incubators or Witches, without any further suffering, or despair, or loss, with everyone free to live their own lives. Her frail muscles were blazing, but she focused on that singular image. Truthfully, this was something she dared to let herself think about every now and then. The selfishness she let herself feel in the briefest, rarest of gaps that came with every timeline, the image that steadily transformed into something more and more concrete with each reset. Never something she dwelled on, merely something to push her onward. A simple concept turned into a fantasy. She focused, focused, focused, visualizing that image, visualizing running towards that image... A clear blue sky, with the sun casting gentle light onto the world. An open field of flowers, white lilies stretching out across the horizon, filled with sweet fragrance. Standing at the centre of it all, a girl with radiant pink hair and equally pink eyes, and a silly grin on her face, and her arms held out. Free at last.

This was Homura's 'fantasy'. An unrealistic idea, conjured up by the most selfish corners of her mind. With its sweetness, came the crushing pain of its inherently delusional nature. Still. It was kinda nice. Her own little guilty pleasure.

Overcome by a massive burst of energy, Homura leapt forth with outstretched arms, grasped hold of the cat - which let out an alarmed shriek - and launched herself as forward as she could―an instant later, strong gusts of wind swept against her whole body. She felt the hulking, metal Subaru XV blast behind her like a cannonball, mere inches away from her body. Might've even scraped past the sole of her right shoe.

Her glasses went flying off, and she slammed directly into the pavement's rough, hard gravel. Exhausted. But accomplished.

I—

I made it.

However, her relief in being alive didn't last long, especially once she realized her own state.

Heavy pants escaped her mouth.

Desperation clung against her lungs.

The air tasted stale, and as much as she tried to breathe, she couldn't.

Indeed, she felt much like a suffocating fish. And throughout it all, a pounding pain was eating away at her heart, again, and again, and again...

Homura knew exactly what this was. 'Arrhythmia'. The condition that hospitalized her, as well as changed her life forevermore. An inadequate blood flow to the heart blending with a dangerous build-up of cholesterol, to disastrous results. She'd spent so much time without it that she had overestimated her own limits. In a strange way, the pain was nostalgic. Almost like the return of an old, bittersweet friend. The memories of her time at the hospital, as well as that of the first timeline, were so distant, yet this exact pain was something she used to endure for years without end. This was the condition she used to live with on a daily basis. Now, in this moment of unfamiliarity, she'd just driven herself to its very edge.

A faint memory of what felt like many years ago floated up to the surface, a certain March the 15th when she was warned by her doctor that she shouldn't overexert her body. To do so would be to risk severely damaging her heart. Her mind was being set into a panic, scrambling to readapt in mere seconds, to invoke all that advice she was once told, to recall the best methods she used to have to handle it. Yet it was for naught. Her mind, overwhelmed with pain, could feel nothing but an invisible constriction, could be aware of nothing but her own lack of oxygen. For all the suffering she'd gone through as a magical girl, her physical senses had always been dulled. Now, there was no such convenient barrier.

M-

M a... do...

This was pathetic. Even after risking her life and successfully getting away with it, she was going to die anyway from something as minor as heart overexertion.

How humiliating.

The only comfort she could take in this was the furry creature on her chest, the assurance that she had successfully saved the black cat. The one once called Amy. Of course, it proceeded to escape from her grasp in fright, not that she blamed it for doing so. She probably wouldn't want to be held by a seemingly-suicidal panting maniac either. At least unless it was Madoka.

Speaking of Madoka, she couldn't help but wonder to herself what she would say in this sort of situation. If the girl ever saw her like this, she'd probably say something along the lines of—

"U- um, hey, are you alright?!"

Yes. Just like that.

That tone of worry mixed in with amounts of shock and panic, the same tone that was used whether it was her closest friend or a complete stranger who'd just done something stupid in front of her. Because that girl was far too kind, far too caring. The way it sounded, it was perfect in every way. Homura couldn't help but praise her own imagination for how vividly she'd managed to imagine Madoka's voice, and savored it for what it was worth.

Wait.

Although Homura felt like she was forgetting something very important, she didn't have any strength left to figure anything out. At the moment, the world was retreating before her very eyes.

"H- h- hey?!"

A shade of pink. The warmth of two petite arms as they tried to support a frail body.

Those were the last two things that registered into her mind before she plunged into darkness.

.

.

.

If anyone asks, no, I do not not take pleasure in writing about Homura's suffering. But, I am going to enjoy writing about this story.

This is still merely the introductory chapter. After this, I shall move onto the wonderful interactions she'll have with everyone else and revel in her suffering as she tries to catch up with everyone else.

Of course, do not be mistaken. The true suffering hasn't even begun yet~ muahahahahah!