Disclaimer: whatever

Rating: T

Pairings: None

Chapter… what? I forgot? Like… 8?

The microphone buzzed a second time and the blue alien cocked their head questioningly. Gintoki nodded, but pushed harder on the bokutou when the Amanto slowly pressed a button on the panel.

"Heeey, I heard a loud sound, is everything okay down there?"

Gintoki shrugged as he heard the lazy voice and pulled the bokutou back a bit. The Amanto breathed in slowly, then pushed another button.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Yoshiko-chan suddenly had to sprint to the toilet and spilled her instant ramen all over the floor."

"Ughhh again? When she gets back, tell her she'll be cleaning up the mess herself. The cleaning lady quit last night."

"I'll tell her that. Anything else?"

"No, that's all. Just keep an eye on the cameras."

"Yees, boss."

"I'm serious, Yuuki-san. I really mean it this time, alright? Because I heard those guys caused some trouble in town again today. We may have to deal with that Shinsengumi or whatever they're called again."

Gintoki shifted and the Amanto eyed him carefully.

"Oooh? What happened?"

"They trashed a bar or something. Dunno, I haven't heard much else."

"Right."

The line went quiet for a moment and Gintoki already relaxed his stance a bit, but then it buzzed again.

"… You haven't complained about anything, Yuuki-san. Sure everything's fine? Nothing on the cameras? Is there, perhaps, someone standing next to you, holding a blade to your throat and making you say these things?"

Gintoki raised an eyebrow and the blue alien frowned.

"I haven't complained, boss? You want complaining?" She delicately pushed the bokutou away from her throat and leaned closer to the microphone. "Where should I even start? There's so much to complain about I don't even know where to start! This room is too moist, there's no air in here, and this morning when I came to work a big fat rat was calmly eating its breakfast in the trashcan. I'm actually surprised all these computers still work in these conditions!"

"Er…"

"The food they offer here is so awful we need to bring our own instant ramen every single day. And the toilet is in the other end of the goddamn house and it's almost always clogged."

"Yuuki-san…"

"It's really no wonder the cleaning lady quit again. No one wants to unclog the toilets in every five minutes! And you know that bigass guard named Tatsumi? That guy always harasses me and Yoshiko-chan. I swear, if he touches me again, I will stab him with a pen and kick him in the balls. Do you want me to go on?"

"Uh, no. that's quite alright. I'll look into… everything when I get the time. Thank you, Yuuki-san."

"It's always a pleasure, boss. You know it is."

"Of course it is."

It was quiet for a moment, then Yuuki pressed the button again.

"Oh, boss? One more thing."

"Hmm?"

"I think I'm going to need a drink after work today."

"Okay, gotcha. I'll have to buy you, right?"

"Possibly two drinks. Maybe three. Or seven."

"Right, right. Meet you at 8?"

"Yeah. Thanks, boss."

The line went dead and Yuuki stayed completely still even as Gintoki put the bokutou away. When he was sure she wouldn't do anything, he took his time and studied the screens on the wall.

"Do these show the entire compound?"

"Yes. Is Yoshiko-chan okay?"

"Hmm? Oh, the other one? Probably. Goats have hard skulls and I didn't hit very hard. She'll wake in a bit."

"We are not goats, actually," she remarked, but Gintoki ignored it.

"Are there any rooms that aren't shown?"

"There are a few rooms, but only the ambassador's cabinet is important from them. He doesn't like to be watched all the time for some reason. There is a camera in there though and I could switch over to it any time, but he's not in right now anyway. Oh and the room you so rudely entered from, that one doesn't have a camera. But we sure as hell are going to install one now. Can I please check on her?"

Gintoki saw her throwing worried glances at her companion. Maybe he even felt a twinge of guilt. Though, remembering he'd only eaten the small bowl of eggs over rice Granny gave him that morning, it might've just been hunger.

"Sure," he drawled. "But first show me the ambassador's cabinet."

"You can change the cameras with these," she showed him a handful on buttons, then quickly left to her friend's side.

Gintoki carefully went over every single screen and all the cameras, but didn't notice anything suspicious. There were a few guards moving about, just like the huge bison Amanto he remembered from the war, and some smaller, colourful goat-like Amanto sitting behind desks working with some fancy documents or whatever, but that was more or less all he could see. Even the ambassador's room was empty, just like he'd been told.

"Do you have a map of this place or something?" he asked.

"In the top drawer. The blue one," Yuuki said from behind him. "Are you going to tell me why you knocked Yoshiko-chan out?"

"I'm looking for someone." Gintoki pulled the drawer open and found some scrolls. He took out the only blue one and rolled it open on the single desk in the room, pushing the empty instant ramen cups on the floor. There were lots of tiny white and red lines on it and he winced quietly. Zura was so much better at this, but he managed when he had to. He just needed to find a room where they could potentially hide Mai.

"Those bastards who trashed a bar in town today," he said slowly. "They took something important and I want it back."

"Oh, well, then you won't find it here." Gintoki heard her sigh in relief. He turned around and watched her trying to wake her companion up unsuccessfully. "Yes, we come from the same planet and ultimately it's us who have to clean up after they're done, but they really don't have anything to do with us here. I've heard they work under some loan shark. I don't know all the details, but boss has warned us to stay away from their nest so I do know where they are. If you'd hand me that white map from that same drawer… no, not that one, the large one."

Gintoki pulled out a long scroll and threw it to the Amanto. She caught it neatly and rolled it out, flattening it against the ground. The thin black lines formed the bird's-flight view of Edo, with the grey spot in the middle marking the Terminal, and the large square on one side indicating the shogun's palace.

But the Amanto had no interest in either of those landmarks. Instead she followed a road down to a grey mass of streets, twining and looping each other like a nest of drunken snakes.

"Here it is," she said, pointing at a seemingly random spot.

"Er. Kabukicho?"

"Yes, that. Kabuwhatever. That's where their headquarters are. There, now you know. So go away. Good luck."

"Uh… got any more specific directions?"

"What do I look like to you? A walking atlas? GPS maybe? I can't really read maps that well, okay? I know how to get there but can't show it on… Oh…"

Gintoki smiled.

"Oh, poop," she said.

-x-

"Nope, no way. You can't make me. I absolutely refuse to do it."

"Quit your whining and jump in already. You could use some fresh air. Staying in eating ramen and watching flashing screens all day is bad for your health, apparently. I heard that from TV last night."

"Fresh air is good, yes. This is not fresh. This is not even remotely fresh."

"Fresher than what you had in there."

"It is stuffy there, isn't it? I keep telling boss that but they're still not doing anything about it. So annoying."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Get going already."

"I can't leave Yoshiko-chan all alone!"

"Well, the longer you whine the longer she's gonna stay alone." He pointed to where Yoshiko-chan was tied up to a chair, still unconscious and not showing any signs of waking up. "Maybe you want to stall so long she'd wake up and stay here alone and tied up in a dark and cold room? I've heard people go nuts like that." He tapped the wooden handle of his bokutou. "Or would you prefer me making sure she'd never wake up again?"

She eyed the bokutou. "Humans are so heartless."

"Yes, we are," he said without batting an eye. "Look, if you don't climb down yourself, I will push you. Trust me, you do not want to land face first in that."

She squinted her eyes. "You wouldn't."

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. "You sure you wanna try me? I'm pretty pissed off right now."

"And cruel. Heartless and cruel," she said, and carefully lowered herself down the metal ladder and into the sewers. "Ughh it smells disgusting. I hate this. I hate you."

Gintoki only shrugged at that. He gave one last look to the other alien and then followed Yuuki down. He'd lifted up the heavy metal door to make it look like nothing had ever happened and so if anyone came to check on them, they wouldn't find the unconscious Amanto right away. It was cruel, but it was a way to make Yuuki lead the way and get them to the hideout fast, if she wanted to come back quick and save her friend.

The moment Gintoki touched the ground he heard a loud splash behind him. He turned quick to see his hostage sprinting through the wastewater towards the exit. He cursed and ran after her, trying to catch her, but she was too fast. She got out of the tunnel a whole second before Gintoki did, and he drew his bokutou, ready to throw it at the Amanto and knock her out before she could alert any guards.

As soon as he got out of the tunnel though, he stopped. Yuuki was crouching down a little further away and Gintoki could hear her gasping for breath. He went closer to hear what she was saying.

"Oh. My god. That. Was the worst thing I've ever smelled. You know, you can kill me and kill Yoshiko-chan and kill my entire clan for all I care, but I will not be going back there ever again. Uhh, I feel like I need to burn all my clothes and take at least six showers." She swallowed audibly a few times. "Shit, I think I'm gonna puke…"

Gintoki stepped away and gave her a few moments to gather herself. When she didn't puke, however, he poked her with a foot.

"Quit stalling. Get up."

She fussed and complained and scoffed, but eventually got up and Gintoki let her lead him in the general direction of Kabukichou.

It was quite a long walk and for a good while they walked in relative silence. They got a lot of odd looks from other people around, after all, it was a rare sight to see a human and an Amanto walk together fairly peacefully, but Gintoki paid them no mind. The weather was nice for the moment, there was no sun, but it wasn't too cold. The wind was steadily picking up and gathering clouds, and Gintoki thought it'd rain in a few hours. A nice storm always added a good dramatic touch to battles, but he didn't really care for getting drenched, so he kept making remarks about her guide being too slow.

They made it to the first street of Kabukichou and she stopped in her tracks and Gintoki lost all patience.

"Do you need a good kick in the ass to start goddamn moving?" he demanded loudly

"Stop rushing me! Geez, just give me a minute to remember. I've only been there like twice."

"Well make that minute shorter!"

"Typical human. Always so impatient," she hissed. "What's so important anyway that you need to hurry?"

"Why do you care?"

"I don't," she said. "Just would be nice to know why I'm out here ignoring boss' orders in the first place."

Gintoki watched her slowly studying the buildings around them, head a little tilted as if thinking hard. He shrugged. "It's a brat."

She hummed sympathetically and turned left towards a larger yellow building. "I see now. A product of yours, I assume?"

"No."

"Oh," she sounded disappointed. "Then why care?"

"Does it matter why?"

"Of course it does. If you're ready to break into an embassy and destroy a group of gangsters, then the child must be valuable. If the child was yours I'd understand, but they're not. Are they the offspring of an emperor? A future king perhaps?"

"Highly doubt that. Would be nice to get a huge reward out of this, though."

"Then I don't see why go through all this trouble? If the child was taken, then sure, very tragic, but it's a part of the universe's big plan. It was inevitable."

"The universe's big plan? You really believe in that crap?"

"It's not whether I believe or not. The scientists at home have proven that the universe has a bigger plan with all of what is going on. The good and the bad likewise."

"Okay. Let's say you're right and there is a bigger plan. After all, eeeverybody loves the universe and the stars and shit. But you know what the universe really is? It's just a bunch of burning gas orbs and a loooot of empty space. Trust me, I learned that in school. And all that crapload of empty space doesn't give a shit whether you live or die or are happy or in pain. It just is what it's always been and compared to it we're all like fleas. Even less, actually. Like flea crap, maybe. Dried and pulverized flea crap? Yes, that works," Gintoki nodded shortly. "Anyway, we're so insignificant that whatever this pulverized flea crap is doing down here has no meaning to the universe, and so whatever's the universe's big plan has no meaning to us. I don't care if something is inevitable or whatever. If I don't like what's happening, then I will do what I can to change that."

"Tch. How irrational. Typical earthling." She mumbled something under her nose and turned a corner, then asked, "Isn't it hard to live with yourself when you try your best to fix something that turns out to be unfixable? Isn't it hard knowing that your best just isn't enough and will never be enough?"

Gintoki sighed. "Sometimes it is. But I find it harder to know that I didn't try my hardest to fix something. Anyway, how much further is it?"

"Learn to be patient!" she snapped. "Should be just around the corner if I remember it right."

She sneaked closer to the corner and peeked around it.

"Oh. Okay, I was wrong. It's around the next corner."

Gintoki grabbed one of her horns and pulled up until her feel almost didn't touch the ground anymore. She yelped and tried to loosen his grip by scratching his hand.

"If you lied and brought me to a wrong place then…"

"Get your filthy hands off me! It is the right place! Around the next corner, go see for yourself and then you can kill me!"

Most of the people on the street had stopped to see what the fuss was about, so Gintoki let her go.

"You go first," he spit angrily.

"Fine, whatever," she said and sneaked slowly to the next corner. Gintoki kept a hand on his bokutou and followed her. "See, asshole? Told you it was here, asshole."

Gintoki looked as well and indeed, there was one of the bison guards standing in guard in front of one of the houses on that narrow street. He analysed the location quickly. There was visibly no gap between that house and the ones on either side of it, so he couldn't sneak in from the side. There probably was a way to go around and attack from back, but that didn't sound very appealing. In fact, all Gintoki wanted to do was just use the front door and trash everything that got in his way. Yeah, he decided that was the best course of action. If not strategically, then for himself at least.

He grinned. This crap day could still turn out to be fun.

"You are welcome, asshole," Yuuki said next to him.

Author's notes: Yes, I know it's a tradition for me to whine at the end of each chapter, but to be honest, I actually don't have much to whine about right now. School is still killing me and it's past 1AM and I have school at 8 in the morning which is... less than 6 hours? So fun. But that's fine. I wanted to write this chapter a good while ago as I do remember making some kind of promise about this fic ending before.. what? Before the world ends? Probably that was it, yes. Man, my memory is flawless.

ANYWAY! Thank you all so so much who reviewed and faved and followed! There's quite a lot of you guys gathered around this fic by now and it's really great! Wish I could send you all a chocolate or a postcard or something like that as thanks. I hope you will keep supporting me because this fic is actually not that far from its end. Just a few chapters to go! We can do it! All together, heck yeah!

(I'm so tired imma go pass out for a few hours now)