Eh? What do you think you're doing here?! How did you get past the Cryogonal? Well, if you're looking for a battle, you're not going to get one. I'm currently working on something else.

…

You say you're here for the reviews? Well why didn't you say so? Anyway, before I begin, let me introduce myself.

I'm Kyurem the critic! When I'm not fighting the Swords of Justice, I usually spend my free time reading different Pokémon fanfictions and creepypastas. After a while, though, I noticed that Keldeo, the runt of the Swords of Justice, decided to review other fanfictions! The nerve of that kid! After hearing about this, I decided that I wasn't going to let that runt hog all the glory. Though he does have my respect, I'm still peeved at the fact that he stole the glory after our battle…

But you came for the reviews, didn't you? Well, you're about to get them. Still, don't expect me to be nice about it. Unlike the Swords of Justice, I'm not put under a code of honor, so I can be as brutal as I want.

(Kyurem smiles sickly as the entrance becomes iced over, trapping all inside)

So why don't you sit back, relax, and enjoy the commentary of…

Kyurem the Critic – Acid

(Pokémon Creepypasta)

Now, to avoid being a complete rip off of Keldeo the Critic, I've decided to not only read fanfictions, but also read Pokémon Creepypastas. Now, if some of you don't know what a creepypasta is, GO LOOK IT UP!

…Fine. A creepypasta is a story, usually sent via email that is meant to disturb and scare. Some are good, and some are completely awful. An example of a good creepypasta would be either "Lost Silver" or "Pokémon Creepy Black." Unfortunately for me, though, I will not be reading something as well written as those two. Instead, I will be reading a creepypasta known simply as "Acid." Yeah, real original…

I have very little time to write this.

And it shows.

So this anonymous author states that her (I'm assuming she's a her) friend got her a new Pokémon Diamond game. It was brand new. Never been opened. Keep that last part in mind.

Excited, I fired up the game as soon as I got home. Strangely, there was a save file already present.

And here, I find the first error. Didn't she just state that the game was "never opened?" Yes, I believe she did. If this is supposed to be scary, it isn't.

So the save file was named Louis. He had all of the badges and all of the Pokémon in his Pokedex. Instead of this scaring her, like any normal person would, she is simply curious and decides to try the save out.

Why the people in creepypastas are so dumb is beyond me. I mean, in every creepypasta, the author will see something strange and completely out of the ordinary, and they shrug it off as a glitch or something, and then continue on. Just why?

He had a team composing of four Gastley and two Magikarp. The Gastley were all named "Desire" and the two Magikarp were both named "Karpe Diem."

Clever, but it has absolutely no relevance to the story.

So our author decides to test these Pokémon out by going into the grass. Despite the fact Karpe Diem wasn't at the front of the party, he came out anyway. But surprise surprise,

The Magikarp knew Acid, Acid Armor, and Acid Spray as well as its usual Splash.

Does anyone else smell a hacked game here? Oh wait, it's brand new! Oooh, Scary!

This disturbed me a little since Acid Spray didn't come out until the fifth generation but here I was, on a fourth generation game and a Magikarp, of all things, had the move.

I should have given the game back but I was too curious to just call my friend and force her to take the game back.

Are you crazy? Are you an idiot? I think this is enough evidence to give the game back, or at least turn it off now! This is what I was talking about earlier. Unfortunately, the game went on without her.

The game went on without me, the Magikarp using Acid Spray on the poor little Volbeat.

I'll admit, this is more of a nitpick, but it would've been nice to know that earlier.

"Karpe Diem used Acid Spray! Volbeat was badly burned!"

It showed the Volbeat, an entire half of its body was burnt and in places, completely melted.

How is that supposed to look? I mean, it's a pixelated sprite. I can't see how you can tell about how it was burnt.

"Karpe Diem wants to eat! Let it?"

I furiously tapped no but the game didn't respond. Reluctantly, I tapped yes.

It showed an animation of the Magikarp leaping at, and consuming, the injured Volbeat.

…

WHAT?! That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard! I shouldn't be surprised, though. Let me explain.

This is a problem in most creepypastas that center on a video game, especially Pokémon. They always say that something happened, like how a Pokémon killed another one or something like that. However, how is this supposed to happen? I don't think that a hacker could put such elaborate things in these games.

Now, the other common thing people say is that the games are haunted. I find this to be even worse than the hacker theory. Making stuff happen due to paranormal activity is cliché and overdone.

Finally, I have one more complaint about this sentence. Even if that did happen, where's the description? I want to know how the Magikarp ate the Volbeat. This may be gruesome to some people, but creepypastas aren't for the faint of heart. There's no need to be lazy and not put a description in.

(Kyurem sighs.) Let's just finish this up.

Scared, I called my friend. She was over within a few minutes and said, "There's only one thing you can do with a cartridge like this." She then yanked the Diamond game out and shoved it into her mouth, crushing it under her teeth and swallowing.

"Call me if something happens again."

Okay, so as you can see, this creepypasta was- WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT?!

She then yanked the Diamond game out and shoved it into her mouth, crushing it under her teeth and swallowing.

I will admit, this last part did catch me off guard, and I might've had to look it over a few times before the shock wore off… NO, I WAS NOT SCARED!

Overall, this creepypasta was, for the most part, not creepy at all as well as unoriginal. However, the ending held a bit of refrigerator scares, but the reader would first have to get through the first part of it to read the end. I would not recommend this to anyone, and is truly just another bad Pokémon creepypasta.

(Kyurem uses Ice Beam on the fanfiction, freezing it to the wall.)

I'm Kyurem, and this has been…

Kyurem the Critic

Credits:

Creepypasta wiki

Hello there! This is Mr. Grool giving his true opinion on the review you just read. Unfortunately, I agree with everything Kyurem says, though the ending did surprise me. Thanks for reading and sorry to the author if he/she ever reads this review.

Mr. Grool in no way owns Pokémon. In fact, the original idea for this fanfiction stems from the fanfiction known as "Keldeo the Critic," which belongs to Matthias123.

Keldeo the Critic and Kyurem the Critic are both parodies of the Nostalgia Critic by Doug Walker on That Guy with Glasses.