My first fanfic, for a fandom I have loved for a long time. I may consider continuing the story later, but for now, it is a oneshot. Enjoy, and please tell me what you think. Thank you.

~The Starfleet Serpent

Down the Rabbit Hole (and Back Again)

Jim didn't know why he'd dragged himself back to the door of the chamber. In the logical part of his mind, he knew that the air he was gasping was saturated with radiation, that opening that door might kill everyone he had just given his life to save. Yet, here he was. Typical illogical human.

He blinked, and there was Spock. Spock, his First Officer. Spock, his exact opposite in every way except what mattered. Spock, his friend. "How's our ship." Jim choked.

"Out of danger." Spock reassured him. "You saved the Enterprise. You saved the crew."

Jim gave a weak smile. "And you...used what he wanted...against him, Spock. That was a nice move."

"I only did what you would have done." Spock said softly.

"And this? This is what you would have done," Jim whispered, with a somewhat wry smile. "It was only logical."

Beyond the glass door, Jim could see a blurred red form moving into the room. He drew a ragged breath. "Spock, I'm scared." He admitted hoarsly. "Help me not be. How do you choose not to feel?"

Was Spock...crying? Couldn't be. "I do not know. Right now, I am failing."

Jim tried to pull himself upright using the hand he had splayed against the glass. He failed. "I wanted you to know why I couldn't let you die." His speech was growing slurred and stilted. "Why I...went back for you..." Spock placed his hand over Jim's on the glass, so that had it not been there, their palms would be touching.

"Because you are my friend." Spock whispered, voice thick.

Jim painstakingly arranged his sluggish fingers into the Vulcan salute, mirroring Spock's own hand, trying to say yes, I know, I've always known you'd do the same for me without speaking, because he couldn't seem to get his words to work. He offered Spock one last, shaky smile. Everything was so blurry.

Moments later, the world dissolved, and his hand fell.

If you'd asked James T. Kirk, he'd have said he thought the whole 'life flashing before your eyes' thing was supposed to happen before you died. Also, had he given it much thought, he'd have assumed it'd be a generalization of sorts, not a parade of randomly specific events.

Like the first time he'd heard a recording of the USS Kelvin's last mission, taken by the ship's computer, on his sixth birthday.

"Jim. Let's call him Jim."

And that time he'd driven his father's antique car off a cliff.

"Citizen, what is your name?"

"My name is James Tiberius Kirk."

Standing at the back of a crowd and hearing Kodos, their wise and kind leader, condemning half the population to die.

"The revolution is successful. But survival depends on drastic measures. Your continued existence represents a threat to the well-being of society. Your lives mean slow death to the more valued members of the colony. Therefore, I have no alternative but to sentence you to death. Your execution is so ordered, signed Kodos, Governor of Tarsus IV."

One bar fight stands out from countless others. The night he first met Captain Pike.

"Oh relax, cupcake – it was a joke."

"Your father was captain of a starship for twelve minutes. He saved eight hundred lives, including your mother's - and yours. I dare you to do better."

That first shuttle ride. Meeting Bones.

"Space is danger and disease wrapped in darkness and silence."

"Well, I hate to break it to you, but Starfleet operates in space."

"Yeah, well, I got nowhere else to go. The ex-wife got the whole damn planet in the divorce – all I got left is my bones."

The Kobayashi Maru. Nero. Vulcan. Spock.

"I believe I have the right to face my accuser directly?"

"I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

"You NEVER loved her!"

"I would cite regulation, but I know you will simply ignore it."

"See? We are getting to know each other."

"There are no exceptions, Captain. To reveal the advances in technology represented by the Enterprise would be a direct violation of the Prime Directive."

"I'm not your Captain, Spock. Not any more."

"You believe my refusal to feel means that I do not care, when in truth it is the exact opposite."

"I want you to know why I couldn't let you die...why I went back for you."

"Because you are my friend."

Jim had died, yes, but he had died for something worth his own life ten times over. The Enterprise, and her brilliant, fearless crew.

"Jim. Let's call him Jim."

"I dare you to do better."

"Because you are my friend."

Yes. It had all been worth it.

Like I said, I may consider continuing it through the year that the Enterprise is being rebuilt, and everyone recovering from the aftermath of Khan, but I wish to analyze the general reception of this part before doing anything. So, again, please tell me what you think. Thank you for reading.