Aparté /apaʀte/

Nom Masculin
1. en aparté = in private; (in a play) = in an aside
2. Internal ideas and feelings spoken aloud to an audience but silent to other characters

In the final act of William Shakespeare's masterpiece Romeo and Juliet, Romeo finds his beloved Juliet presumably dead and, unable to live without her, takes his own life with poison. Juliet soon wakes up from her slumber and finds her love dead by her side. Mad with grief, she takes his dagger and plunges it deep into her heart, thus joining her lover in death. The two are buried together in one common grave and a statue is erected in their memory.

Nezumi slammed the book shut with a loud bang, causing the mice who were previously resting on his shoulder to scurry onto the floor and take refuge beneath the bookcase out of fright. Nezumi let a long and heavy sigh escape his pursed lips. He was feeling annoyed to no extent, his irritation growing day by day as he remained locked up in his small room. He had returned home after he had seen No.6 crumble before his very eyes, and after he ̶

The young man rose sharply from his seat, startled by his own erratic heartbeat as the memories came surging through his mind. He had left Shion standing on the edge between his world and the 'new world' they had opened, he had walked away from him without ever turning back once to glance at the frail figure. He had left him, abandoned him at the ends of the known world and left to find himself as he had promised he would.

'Nezumi, home is only where there are people you care about. If not, it's just an empty house'

A sad grin appeared on his face as he realized how much he was in pain. Nezumi hated admitting his weakness to anyone, let alone to himself, but he couldn't keep his thoughts contained anymore. As he made a move to reach for the kettle atop the heater, a single, enormously loud voice echoed into his mind so abruptly, it sent him flying backwards into his chair, knocking the wind out of his chest.

I regret being alive

He couldn't believe such a thought had crossed his mind. Maybe he had been cooped up too long in his basement, with only mouldy books and mice as companions. He, who had repeated a thousand times that living was the most important thing a human could do, that surviving was the only answer in this harsh world, had in a fleeting moment regretted being alive. It was certainly a mistake, his brain had wanted to say 'be glad that you're alive' and had somehow mistaken two verbs, creating this impossible sentence.

I should have died

There it was again, nagging at the back of his mind and tugging at his common sense. Why should he have to feel this way? He had conquered over the Holy City ̶ and survived ̶ and had been able to return to his comfortable abode without anymore worries or cares.

'Nezumi!'

A pair of bright eyes flashed across his eyelids. A gentle smile materialized beneath them, stretching a reddened scar across the left cheek, wrapping itself around a slender neck and plunging deep across a well-structured chest beneath layers of fabric ̶

Nezumi's eyes flew open before his mind could press on. He didn't want to be thinking about these sorts of things, especially not alone in a darkly lit room, dampened from the exterior world. He unconsciously raised his fingers to trace his lips where the other boy's had been twice before. Where ever Shion had touched him, he felt a mild tingling as if to remind him of their time spent together.

Why am I alive?

Nezumi dragged himself from the chair over to his bed, flopping face down onto it with his super fibre scarf tightly wound around his shoulders. He remembered how Shion had looked after death had taken him. He was peaceful, no traces of pain were to be found on his features. Nezumi couldn't for the life in him understand why he seemed so at ease with dying. He had been shot through the heart and, even though his passing was almost instantaneous, he still remembered his widened eyes at the moment of impact, blood gushing through the gaping wound on his chest. Nezumi screwed his eyes shut as a wave of pain shot through his body making him wince and bite down on his lower lip.

He waited a few seconds until the pain eased, letting him breath raggedly into the mattress beneath him. He remembered how he had gazed upon Shion's body one last time before lying down next to him awaiting his own death.

'There is no meaning in a world without you Nezumi, no meaning at all!' had shouted Shion at their parting.

Nezumi curled his legs against his stomach, wrapping his knees with his arms in a protective manner. 'You're wrong Shion … there's no meaning in a world without you' he whispered to himself as sudden fatigue took over his body, forcing his eyelids to flutter to a shut. He was supposed to have died back there in the Correctional Facility, alongside Shion, but fate had other plans for them. Safu ̶ or rather Elyurias ̶ had saved them both, had revived Shion and brought Nezumi back from the brink of death. But the price to pay was a heavy one: Nezumi had to leave, he had to wander the world aimlessly has he had promised he would. Had they died together after their mission, they would have been allowed to stay together for eternity, but Safu had saved them out of greed and for personal satisfaction. She had saved them from death, yes, but had consequently forced them apart. Was it her plan along? Had she simply taken revenge against Nezumi for having stolen Shion away from her?

'Nezumi … why are you so sad? You're alive, this is what you always wanted. You wanted to be free from No.6, free from the West Block ̶ and free from me'

'No!' his mind screamed. He had never wished to be apart … but it was inevitable. Shion asked too much of him. He wanted a friend, a confidante, a lover ̶ . Nezumi could never be the latter, not as he was now. How could he possibly love another, when he didn't even know what love was? He had always hated everything around him, especially all things relating to No.6. Still, he couldn't hate Shion, even though he was a part of what he despised the most. The boy had showed him compassion, trust, love, friendship; so many emotions, he couldn't possibly count them all. Perhaps he did love him, he just hadn't realized it. If only he could stop rationalizing everything, looking at life through cynical eyes, maybe he would find the courage to explore such feelings, and Shion would help him ̶

Nezumi woke slowly from his dream. He had probably dozed off while reminiscing about his life with Shion. Through half-lidded eyes he scanned his room until his gaze came to an abrupt stop on a figure crouching next to his bed. Nezumi blinked back twice and took in the glowing form that laid before him. His eyes met with bejewelled ones.

"Shion ̶ " he whispered with a trembling voice.

The figured smiled at him, cheeks filling in with a rosy hue and eyes twinkling in the darkness of the room. Nezumi raised a shaking hand to the boy's face, caressing the opalescent hair through his fingers. He sighed deeply, a sigh of relief, the kind that is expressed after the completion of a long and arduous task.

"So this is what it feels like to be home"

*NOTES

Dearest reader,

I wanted to explore Nezumi's mind a little bit after the collapse of No.6 and his departure from Shion. Usually, most writers concentrate on him returning to the new No.6 and starting a life with Shion, Karan and the other characters. Somehow, that doesn't seem to fit Nezumi's personality and so, I decided I would try to give more of an in-depth account of his thoughts in Atsuko Asano's style. I hope my characterization of him will be in concordance with the original story, and I hope you will find satisfactory my alternate ending to this beautiful tale.