A/N: Hello all! I just wanted to inform you all of some potential triggers:
- Self Harm
- Bullying
- Attempted Suicide
- Perhaps character death? (I've yet to decide)
But all in all that should be the extent of all the damage, I may add more as time passes!
(I also apologize in advance for the horrible tone shifts, this is my first time writing in present second person)
I hope you enjoy! I do not own Homestuck or any of the Hussmaster's characters!
-AJ3
Your name is John Egbert and, boy, are you stupid.
You've lived in this small Washington town for as long as you could remember; same small house, same small diner, same small gas station, same small school. This is a town where everyone knew everyone. And you have no doubt in your mind that you have just made the biggest fool of yourself and that by the week, everyone would know. And it's Friday.
You realize that you probably should have thought this through. How could you have been so stupid? You had jumped into a situation, and you were going to pay the price for it, no matter how harsh it may be.
The scene replayed over and over again in your head...
"WHAT? YOU THINK THAT I'D-... WHAT?" he gave you a look that made your stomach twist with regret and disappointment.
You couldn't say anything... You hadn't thought he would take it like that. Upon reflection, you don't really know how you expected him to take it...
At the moment, you are sitting next to the dumpster behind the cafeteria, the wind pushing you up against the rusted metal and sending the tears that leak out of your eyes flying. You don't fight it. You hold your knees to your chest. You feel the cold wind rush past your bare legs as your already too short jeans hike up even farther, exposing your pale flesh. Every now and then, you see some of your classmates pass by you. Almost all of them give you dirty looks, word travels fast around here.
Every time someone passes, every time someone gives you that look, it makes you feel even more worthless, makes the tears come faster.
You are a wreck.
You are always a wreck.
You know you shouldn't think like this, but you do.
Why couldn't you just think? Why couldn't you stop thinking?
You continue to let the tears fall.
After what felt like ages of sitting and moping, you press your face into your bony knees. Come on, John, you say to yourself, You are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
You finally get the tears to stop, all the while chanting to yourself, you are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
You pick up your blue backpack and sling the tearing straps over your shoulders, you are strong, you are strong.
You wipe the remaining tears out from your eyes and try to recover what dignity you have left, you are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
You begin the walk home since you missed the bus, kicking at rocks as you go, you are strong, you are strong.
The clouds begin to form as you pass by the only auto shop in a twenty mile radius, you are strong, you are strong.
You hike up the collar of your jacket to protect against the battering wind which attempts to knock you over, you are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
You look up at the sky when you feel a cold drop hit your face, you are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
Suddenly and with virtually no warning, water pours from the sky in sheets and you instantly regret not bringing an umbrella, you are strong, you are strong, you are strong.
With the rain soaking you to the core and the wind both pounding you and making the water freeze you, you feel even worse, but you are strong, you are strong.
You then rush to get home, feeling completely drained when you see your front door, you need to convince yourself that you are strong.
But you don't think you've ever told yourself a bigger lie.
You sneeze as you walk through the entryway of your three bedroom two bath home that is slowly wearing away with time. The walls are all white with a few family photos scattered around. The paint is beginning to chip in places and there is mold in others. All the pictures that hang lazily from their places have a thin coating of dust on them except for the ones that contain the image of a beautiful young woman with long dark hair holding a young child. You smile sadly at the one that hangs right next to the doorframe. You readjust your bag on your shoulder and continue on to the living room.
You pause for a moment to observe the state of the space. There is a fireplace nestled into the north wall of the house. It is built with extremely old brick, of which your dad says once belonged to your great great grandfather, but you doubt that highly. Sitting on the mantle of the ancient relic is another item that makes you sad whenever you see it. It is your Nanna's urn. You didn't know her very well, but whenever you see it, you think of the time right after she was gone and he'd just look at it for what felt like ages with this destroyed look on his face. Recalling it brings back some of the emotions you were feeling earlier and you try to quell them before you break down again.
Continuing around the room, you see a shelving unit propped up against the north wall that holds various... objects that you do your very best to avoid on a daily basis. You look to your left and you see the old, moth hole ridden sofa that is another "family heirloom," although apparently not that important because it had an upturned cake sitting on one of the cushions. This was not a good sign.
You walk over to the closed kitchen door and press your ear against the light wood. You can't hear anything. You sniff. There it is. The smell of cake is overpowering and you know that means dad is in one of his moods. You can feel the bad feelings bubbling up inside of you again as the thought of your dad's current state invades your thoughts. You think that it's high time you get up to your room and turn and walk as swiftly as you can up to your room without making a sound.
Once you reach your room, you feel the emotions that have been coming at you from every direction all day hit you like a semi truck. You go to your bed and throw yourself to the mercy of your signature Ghostbusters sheets. They seem to be the only thing giving you any comfort these days. You fight to hold the tears back and you fail miserably. They slide shamefully down your face as you attempt only halfheartedly to smother yourself with your pillow. You feel like you've been run over by a steam roller and you can't seem to scrape yourself off the floor.
It is only the vibrating you feel in your pocket that manages to get you to acknowledge the world around you. You awkwardly roll over, still hiccuping from all the crying and tears still streaming down your face, and dig the periodically buzzing cell phone from out of your pocket. You look at the screen and see that it's a text from your cousin Jade. You can't help but feel a little better at the sight of your favorite cousin's message. Your actual relationship with her is a little hard to follow. Your Nanna and her Grandpa were brother and sister, making your parents cousins and you and Jade second cousins? But that doesn't matter to you, you and Jade are so close that she is practically your sister.
You open her text history and see a long strand of messages that you haven't received.
jadeHarley [JH] began texting johnEgbert [JE] at 5:01
JH: john!
JH: hey john!
JH: jooooohhhhnnn!
JH: where aaaaaarreee yoooou!
JH: JOHN!
JE: hey there jade
JH: there you are! i was beginning to worry that you'd never pick up! :)
JE: why's that?
JH: cause you haven't answered me all day! :(
JE: i was at school!
JH: that's no excuse :)
JE: ...
JE: fine
JH: yay!
JE: so what was it you wanted to talk to me about?
JH: oh right! i wanted to tell you about a new im app i found!
JE: really?
JH: yeah!
JE: that's cool i guess
JH: ...
JH: do you want to hear about it
JE: uh
JH: well its probably not that great anyway, i just thought it was cool and i thought i'd let you know about it! :)
JE: thanks jade
JH: sure no problem :)
JE: so what's it called then?
JH: pesterchum. i can send you a link if you want...?
JE: sure i'll take a look at it
JH: yay! oh! and when you install it, my username is gardenGnostic
JH: . ?37333-PESTERCHUM-3-14-1-New-Pesterchum-(6-26-3-41 -8eta-pg54)
JE: sweet, i'll check it out
JH: awesome!
JH: i've got to go... he's home...
JE: oh, good luck jade!
JH: thanks...
You look at the phone and hesitate for a moment. Then you scold yourself for being ridiculous and click on it. It doesn't take all that long before you have the application downloaded and you are staring at the line where it asks you to choose your username. You think about it for a moment before you notice your sheets. And then you think about the only good part of your day, the only part of the day where you don't feel like you are a complete and utter screw up, biology class. The name then becomes clear to you and you are almost stunned by how proud you are of coming up with such a name and then scold yourself for being lame. You type in the name ectoBiologist.
Thanks for reading everyone! I will try to update this thing as frequently as I can (hopefully no more than a week at a time, fingers crossed) and I apologize in advance for any offensive whatnot!
Also! reviews do actually make me work faster, and frankly, I have issues with finding my inspiration... yeah.
Thanks for reading!
-AJ3