Hey guys! :D

Yup, it's another edition in the Misadventures of the RED Team series :p

Wanted to get this up before the end of the month, and this counts!

Chapter One – Moving out

~RED BASE~

The RED Engineer wasn't entirely certain why he'd chosen the Scout and Pyro to accompany him.

Maybe it was partially because his first choice, the Sniper, had politely and efficiently refused to go there ever again.

It was partially because the Demoman would just drink the entire freaking time they were there.

It was partially because the Soldier still hadn't gotten to grips with the 'no weapons in public' policy.

It was partially because of the heavy Heavy's heavy eating habits.

It was partially because Medic had tried some kind of medical experiment and was easily higher than Pyro at the moment.

And it was partially because, even though he was too nice to say so, frankly Engy thought the Spy was an ass.

Well, that was pretty much why then.

The three of them were in front of Teleporter Three. I should explain. Sometime between stories the Engineer set up a network of teleporters linked to all the places in their epic adventure in Misadventures of the RED Team 2.

Section Three, if you remember/even read it, was the one with the department store.

And, this excessive explanation later, I can tell you that the REDs needed to go there because they had no furniture. Personally, we believe this was due to Soldier and his rocket launchers.

Well, Pyro just believes in magic. Nothing else.

Nevertheless, with plans to get the stuff and worry about the whole money thing later, here they were. Engy, ever practical, was telling his two companions how it was going to be cold all the way over in Section Three, and Scout would probably need something besides his T-shirt.

"What," Scout scoffed, "ya tryin' to be a father figure or somethin'?"

The Engineer blinked when he realised he kinda had done.

"Damn author and her headcanon…" he muttered, shaking a fist at the sky. Still, he asked Scout nicely to go put on a jumper. Exasperated, the runner sighed overdramatically;

"Fiiine, I'll get the fast learner." He jogged away through the base. Engy wondered what kind of weird slang that was before remembering 'fast learner' was the name of Scout's undershirt.

Pyro tugged on the defence class's sleeve for attention and said something, sounding distressed.

"Ya feel a sense of all consumin' forebodin'?" Engy translated, quite casually. "Interestin'."

Pyro nodded, agreeing, then promptly forgot the feeling and watched Balloonicorn, Reindoonicorn, and their baby Balloondoonicorn frolic overhead.

~UPSTAIRS~

In life, there are an awful lot of 'what ifs'.

What if you hadn't started reading this? Then, you wouldn't be reading this.

What if it hadn't been cold in the distant Section Three? Then Engy wouldn't have- wait, that's its own point.

What if Engy hadn't been such a practical bro and told Scout to get a jumper? Then Scout wouldn't have gone upstairs.

And then, ooh then, he wouldn't have bumped into Soldier in the hallway. CUE SOURCE OF FOREBODING.

"And where are you off to, maggot?" Soldier asked, making sure he was standing further up the uneven corridor so he would appear taller. Scout jerked a thumb over one shoulder, indicating that-a-way.

"Gettin' a shirt, cuz apparently Section Three's cold. Me, Py, and Engy are furniture shoppin'." Incidentally, that was probably most sane sentence he ever uttered. "Also, I think there should be duck show jumping." Oh. Never mind.

Soldier's expression visibly darkened.

"Oh. Okay. Yeah. You guys have fun. The three of you. Yourselves. Yeah. Bye." He abruptly pivoted to face the nearest wall, pulled out his rocket launcher and blew a hole in it. "ABSCOND." He yelled, stepping through.

"…That was weird." Scout observed, derping out. He shrugged it off and dove into the rubbish dump that was his room, resurfacing moments later wearing his fast learner.

With his trademark speed it didn't take Scout long to rejoin Pyro and Engy, and the three of them stepped through the teleporter.

~MEANWHILE, STILL UPSTAIRS~

Soldier got grumpy pretty easily, especially when there weren't any BLUs around for ass-kicking. And now there was extra cause for grumpiness, because his BEST FREAKIN' BUDDY Scout was going out without him.

Wow. Just wow.

"I'll show him." Soldier suddenly vowed, then, turning to the forth wall, he added, "I'LL SHOW ALL YOU MAGGOTS."

(The author does not have responsibility for any insults Soldier may throw in your direction.)

~BACK DOWN THEM STAIRS~

The Demoman and Sniper were in the rec room, the former break dancing on the table and the latter sitting upside down on one of the chairs.

Both of them were very, very drunk.

Their somewhat undignified hysterical laughter was interrupted when the roof blew up and rubble landed in a convenient wee circle around them.

"Tha' was close!" Demo belched, laughing again without the intention of stopping. He did stop however when Soldier crash-landed on top of him. "Ow."

At that point, Sniper hiccupped loudly and fell backwards over his chair, so only his feet were visible above it. Soldier heaved himself up, strode over there, and dragged Sniper upright. Then, with all the authority in his system, the offense class clambered up Rubble Mountain to address his fellow mercs.

"ANNOUNCEMENT!" he began, "We have been DITCHED. Ditched like when you're playing Medic without the quick-fix and that damn Soldier rocket jumps away from you when you're all alone behind enemy lines and there's a Heavy there what is with that I mean JESUS!?"

Of course, Sniper and Demo didn't really get any of that, but they realised Soldier was about to rope them into going on some dumb-assed adventure. So they ran.

"ARGH GOD SOLDIER YOU BROKE ME LEGS AGAIN!"

…Okay, 'run' may have been a slight overstatement; more like 'stagger two paces only to have Soldier karate chop both legs into uselessness'.

"Fine," Demo said a moment later, "We'll go. Weee'll go."

~THE INFIRMARY~

"So, vhat exactly happened zhere?" Medic was asking, having repaired the Sniper and Demoman's injuries- but he forgot to make them sober.

"Well, Scoot, Pyro an' Engy are goin' furniture shoppin'. Withoot us." Demo began, falling off the infirmary bed so Sniper had to continue;

"So us and SOLDIER-" he burped loudly saying the merc's name- "are gonna go appliance shoppin'."

Medic looked up sharply at them.

"Oh? Zhe three of you? Just- okay. Fine. Have a good time." The doctor pointedly opened the infirmary door and gestured for them to remove their butts from the room.

Once alone, the support class decided to do a little pacing. His doves accompanied him overhead, forming a little white cloud of feathers just under the roof. It's not like he was even the tiniest bit interested in shopping.

But… it would have been nice to be asked, y'know?

"Zhis means war." Medic stated, receiving something of an encouraging brofist from Archimedes as he strode from the room. "HEAVY! SPY! GET OVER HERE!"

Right guys, updates are not gonna be as quick as usual, because

THE EXAMS ARE NIGH!

Sorry about that, I'll do my best :)

Incidently, if you were at DOJ-CON, hi! Maybe I saw you!

Thanks for reading!