Author's Note: I have been an avid supporter of the FF franchise for a long time, but I never thought to write about it until I came across the truly fantabulous stuff at Television Tropes & Idioms. (Seriously, do check it out; it's amazing!) So let's kick things off with a little something that parodies Gabranth's thoroughly butchered attempt at impersonating his brother, because who was he even trying to fool?

Disclaimer: I own neither Final Fantasy XII nor Television Tropes & Idioms.

Bad, Bad Acting

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Acting's version of Hollywood Tone-Deaf.

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There were dead bodies scattered all over the place, but it was the old geezer slumped over on the throne that really caught his attention. Granted that he had never set as much as a foot inside any of the royal residences until today, but even Vaan would have figured this one out fairly quickly.

"Y-Your Majesty…!" cried Reks breathlessly in a moment of dumbstruck awe (and little wonder, because a Nobody like him wasn't supposed to be anywhere near a Somebody like that!) before the full and horrifying truth of the matter hit him all at once.

Too late…

They had been too late.

Somehow, the unthinkable had happened. The King was dead and Dalmasca…

Dalmasca was lost.

He swallowed hard – once, then twice – in an attempt to calm his racing thoughts, but panic was starting to set in. What was he going to do? Everyone in the room was dead. Everyone, except Reks.

…and the Captain! he realized with a belated pang. The Captain was nowhere to be seen!

He quickly ran his eyes over the corpses littering the floor, but Captain Basch was not among them, and in spite of everything, hope flared in his chest.

Captain Basch was alive.

(He was. He had to be… Captain Basch would never submit to the Imperial dogs so easily.)

But where was the Captain now? And where had he been when Archadia forced Dalmasca's surrender? When they had murdered the King?

How could Captain Basch have let any of this happen?

Reks didn't know. But he would get his answers all too quickly, because all of sudden there was the Captain's face… and a sharp, burning pain in his gut.

"C-Captain…" he choked out in raw disbelief. "Why?"

(…Captain Basch… the King! Reks' mind was reeling. Gods, it had been Captain Basch!)

"Our King…" he rasped, trying in vain to ignore the dagger he knew was thrust deep into his side. "What have you done?"

"The King intended all along to sell Dalmasca to The Empire," spat the Captain harshly. "His Majesty was a traitor!"

"Captain, I—" Reks checked himself. He couldn't put his finger on it just yet, but there was definitely something fishy about this, and his Older Brother Senses were tingling. "Hold on a minute."

The Captain glowered. "What?!" he barked impatiently, eager to move the proceedings along and get to the next part of the speech.

Reks' eyes narrowed into two thin slits. That confirmed it. "You're voice has changed," he announced, slowly raising a blood-stained hand from his wound to point accusingly at his supposed superior. "You… You're not the Captain at all!"

The Captain's chiselled jaw dropped ever-so-slightly.

Maybe it was the major blood loss making him giddy, or a side-effect of spending so much time trying to raise Vaan, but Reks was actually starting to enjoy himself. "Who are you?" he demanded. "And what have you done with the real Captain Basch?"

"I…" The fair-haired warrior looked uncertain. "What do you mean? I am Basch!"

"No, you're not." Reks turned up his nose. "I don't believe you!"

"Why, you insolent whelp, I—"

"I bet you don't even know my name!" interrupted Reks triumphantly. "Or anything only the real Captain Basch would know!"

At this point, Gabranth was sweating buckets under his thin Dalmascan garb. This wasn't supposed to happen! But he couldn't kill the brat, because Lord Vayne had said they needed a witness. "But I'm telling you," he insisted with mounting desperation. "On my honour, I am the real Basch!"

(…which at least was partially true, Noah supposed. Sort of.)

"Prove it!"

Watching the cutscene unfold from the shadows, Vayne Solidor promptly facepalmed.