Red - Anger, love, violence.

Yellow - betrayal, perception, fear.

Blue - peace, calm, trust.

Before she would have went home.

Before she would have given him the silent treatment.

Before she would have stayed away until he comes groveling back to her.

That was before everything changed. Before they changed.

Now, she stayed.

Kate marched up to the guest room, trying to get rid of the disappointment and frustration that she felt towards Castle and how out of control things had gotten.

She threw off her dress and scrubbed her makeup off. Since her spare clothes were downstairs in Castle's room, she snagged the dark blue guest bathrobe from the wardrobe and slipped it on.

Kate trudged down to the kitchen to see if she could find anything to eat. Not that she was hungry. She just needed to keep herself busy, keep her mind from going over her argument with Castle. She couldn't help but analyzed everything she said to him and him to her. Her brain went over every word, every tone, every action, wondering whether she had said the right thing.

Plus, it also gave her an excuse to see if Castle would come out of his room after his shower. Though she wasn't sure what he'll say to her if he did. He told her to go home and she did the opposite. Would that make things even worse between them?

No. she wasn't going to think about this. What's done was done. What's said was said. If he comes out, she'll deal. Right now, she'll turn her attention to something else.

And so she focused on making a bowl of cereal for herself. She focused on getting the bowl from the top cabinet. She focused on grabbing the milk from the fridge. She focused on opening the box of cereal that was left on the countertop and shook out a generous amount into the bowl. She grabbed the bowl and went over to the kitchen island, slipping onto one of the bar stool.

She glanced over to the master bedroom. The door was shut and Kate could still hear the water in the bathroom running. She picked at her cereal – all the while keeping both eyes on the master bedroom door, alert for any activity.

An hour passed and there was still no sign of Castle. Kate poured herself a glass of wine when she realized the cereal wasn't going to be eaten and returned to her position. She busied herself by checking the many messages on her phone. Esposito called about ten times while Ryan left about twenty messages. She fired a quick message to the boys saying that she's fine and that she's working things out with Castle, adding that she might not come in tomorrow. After deleting the boys' messages, she found a frantic message from Alexis from an hour ago. Kate sent an "everything-is-fine-nothing-to-worry-about" text to the redhead, hoping she wouldn't press her for more information. Kate wasn't sure what to tell her if she asks.

The second hour was uneventful as the first. Castle was now pottering around the room doing god-knows-what.

She was almost done with her third glass of wine when Kate decided that she was going to call it a night. Clearly, Castle wasn't going to come out to search for her like she hoped he would. Setting her glass in the sink, she cast one last look towards the general direction of the bedroom before heading upstairs.

It has been awhile she last spent the night in the guest bedroom. It brought back memories of bombs and fire and her apartment in shambles – none of it good memories. And here she was again, adding more bad memories to the room.

Kate lay on her back, not bothering to get under the covers, and stared up at the ceiling. She willed her racing mind to quieten down. Though exhausted, her body was like a live wire, charged and alive. She needed to sleep as she knew it was going to be a long day tomorrow but she knew it wouldn't come that quickly.

Instead, she went over the events of the night. Yet again. Did she overreact? Was she right in blaming Castle for the botched operation? If she was being honest with herself, she understood why Castle did what he did. If she was in his shoes, wouldn't she do the same thing? Maybe the reason why she got so mad was because his actions took her by surprise. She had never seen this side of him before. She saw a glimpse but not the whole picture. It made her realise – yet again – that there was still so much about him that she didn't know.

Then there was the whole thing about how her harmless birthday prank might be the trigger to all that has happened tonight. Kate close her eyes, trying in vain to fight off the picture of Castle's face that elbowed its way into her mind as he described to her how scared he felt that night of his birthday. The last time she saw that fear on his face was when he had thought Alexis was dead in a van. It broke her heart then and it broke her heart now. She swallowed as guilt settled in her stomach like a stone, hard and heavy.

Kate opened her eyes and watched the shadows from the traffic below chase each other on the ceiling. Though the drapes were close, moonlight still managed to filter through, painting the room a dark blue colour that made her feel like she was at the bottom of the ocean.

She flittingly wondered if she was ever going to get some sleep…

Kate jolted awake, blinking. The room swam into focus and she wondered for how long she managed to doze off. She dragged herself up to a sitting position, trying to see if she could find out what the time was.

And to check on Castle.

That was when she spotted him sitting by the door, legs outstretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankles. What little light that spilled into the room, cast eerie shadows across his face, making his features a black mask. "Castle?"

"Hey," he greeted, his voice quiet and jagged.

Kate pressed her palms to her eyes, wondering if she was still asleep. She stayed on the bed just to be sure. "Hey. What's wrong?" she asked, dropping her hands to her sides. She gripped the ties to her robe, tightening the knot around her waist.

"I couldn't sleep so I thought I get a drink of water. That's when I saw your shoes by the door and I came searching for you." He paused as he cocked his head. "You didn't go home." The sentence came out more as a clarifying statement than a question.

"No. No I didn't," she replied as she ran a hand through her hair, smoothing out whatever bed-hair she had. "I know you wanted me to but I couldn't leave like that – not after how things ended between us." Castle nodded and Kate thought she saw a ghost of a smile on his lips. It was gone before she could be sure. "How long have you been sitting there?"

He shrugged, letting his eyes fall to his hands. He started playing the bandage on his right hand. "Not long. I didn't want to wake you."

"Are you ok?"

He didn't reply. He kept tugging at the bandage as if it offended him. "I will be," he finally replied.

Kate took in a breath and exhaled slowly. "I think I did this all wrong," she began quietly. "I was thinking like a cop, that's why I got angry. I wasn't…I should have put myself in your shoes. I should have known that you're still going through stuff. I'm sorry." The silence that followed made Kate shift on the bed uncomfortably. She bit her lip nervously, wondering if her apology was a little too late.

"Do you have doubts after what happened?" he asked after a beat. "Do you have doubts about me?"

Kate couldn't help the surprise from springing up on her face. "What? No, of course not."

"I do." Kate frowned, not sure where he was going with this. She opened her mouth to speak but he beat her to it. "If you ask me 5 years ago what kind of man I am, I would have told you without any hesitation. Now? Now, I'm not too sure. The past year itself, I shot a man intending to kill him, – and I know Tyson deserved it so maybe that doesn't count – I tortured a man for information and now…this. I thought I knew who I was but now…"

"You have doubts," Kate finished for him.

"I have doubts," he echoed, his voice empty. He looked up, catching her gaze. Even in the darkness, Kate could see the hollowness in his eyes, like he lost something tonight. Something he might never get back.

"You're a good, kind, caring, passionate man who would do anything for the people he loves," she told him, putting as much fervor as she could behind her words. She needed him to believe in those words just as much as she believe in them, in him. "You always been that man, Rick. I don't think anything has changed."

"Huh. A kind, caring man who beats up a guy?"

"You did what any man in love would do," Kate admitted. "I get that now."

"I'm not going to apologize for hitting him," he told her, defiance loud and clear in his words.

"I know."

"I was scared. And I was really, really angry that he got too close."

"I know."

"And I know you're a cop with a gun who can take care of herself but if any scumbag touches you –"

"I know," she said with conviction because she did know. She understood what he did and why he did it. He loved her.

"So what now?" he asked.

"I don't know. But whatever happens, we'll deal with it like we always do."

Castle nodded, wordlessly.

"It will be ok, Castle. I promise."

He cracked a smile and hope fluttered in her chest. "Thank you for not going home."

She reached out a hand towards him, palms out. "Come to bed, Castle." He looked at her hand for a moment before returning his gaze to her face. They locked eyes. She smiled.

Castle smoothed out the bandages before climbing to his feet. He took her hand and she tugged him towards the bed. "You know there's a perfectly good bed in our bedroom downstairs."

Kate shushed him. "Let's just stay here for a while."

They settled on top of the covers, side by side, his hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to him. His body was hard against hers, his muscles still taut with tension. He buried his nose in her hair as she closed her eyes, bringing his right hand close to her chest. Her thumb stroke the top of the bandages, hoping to ease some of the pain.

"I thought I lost you today," Castle whispered against her skull.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't ever do that again."

"I won't," she promised. She felt him inhale her and she let him, hoping her scent would calm him, remind him that she was here. Alive. With him.

"Are you still mad?" he asked.

"I was never mad."

Her body shook as he chuckled beside her. "Liar."

Kate couldn't help the smile that spilled onto her lips. "Ok, I was mad. But I was mostly scared. For you. I never thought I would see that side of you again."

"I know."

"I still think you need to talk to something about this. It won't get any better."

"I know."

"And I'll help you. I'm not running away, I'll be here."

He pressed a kiss into her hair. "I know."

They stayed still in each other's arms, relishing being close with each other again. Kate watched as the room got brighter, the dark blue turning lighter as the sun rose. As the darkness faded away, so did the anger and doubts between them. A quiet stillness fell over them, filling in the gaps the pain and fear left behind as it ebbed away.

"Castle?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you for having my back in there."

She could feel him smile as he tucked her tighter against his chest. She molded herself against his frame, his body finally relaxed and accommodating.

"Always."

A/N: From reading your reviews, I realised we have a different interpretation of the story. To me, this story was about Castle and how the events of season 5 (namely the kidnapping) has affected him and how he is now a completely different person to the one we saw in 1x01 and how he deals with it. Nonetheless, I hope the ending was still satisfactory.

For all your time, interest and reviews for this story, I thank you. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. You are awesome. Truly.