No Way Out

Your name is Karkat Vantas and you're sitting in a dark room in this gog-forsaken meteor, thinking about all the shit you've done that led to this. You gave cancer to a universe. Most of your friends are dead. The survivors are trying to escape certain death. And you know it's all your fault.

You were never a good leader. You have failed. You always fail.

You try to remember the last time you did something right, something that really helped people. You can't.

You think of the things you hide from others. You hide your emotions behind insults and screams. You hide you lack of confidence behind your leader status. You hide the color of your blood behind another stupid color. Now you wish you'd never hid your blood color, so you could be killed right then, before all this.

The shame is so unbearable, but you don't have the strength to hide it anymore. You just want someone or something to take the pain away.

You don't believe the plan is going to work. You don't see any way out of this dark place. Your hope is gone, along with your future.

You wish you could do everything differently. You wish you could turn back the time and save everyone, like a good leader should. But you can't.

You begin to think you would cause fewer problems if you just didn't exist. You look at your sickles. It would be so simple. No one would get hurt because of your mistakes again, no one would die because of your shitty leadership.

You take one sickle and hold it close to your throat. The cold metal feels good, comforting against your skin. You're about to push it harder when a hand stops you.

You're about to start a rant full of the most obscene language you know, when you raise your head and see those shades staring back at you.

You used to hate those shades. You used to hate that guy. Things changed, though. It happens when you're stuck in a lab for years with the same few people. It starts with a little hate, drawing fights, next thing you know you actually care.

You and Dave have had a few bonding moments when no one was around. When you realized you had started to care you tried to back away, close yourself. You thought it had worked.

Apparently, he cares about you as well, because he takes the sickle from you and throws it away. He doesn't say a word when he wraps his arms around you, like he was trying to protect you from the world. All you can think is that he shouldn't have done that, he shouldn't have stopped you. You couldn't bear be a failure anymore. You wouldn't bear be a failure to him.

He pushes away only enough so he can see your eyes. You avert his gaze. His hand on your chin brings your head up again and you find that you can't look away anymore because you find the most beautiful red eyes you've ever seen staring back at you. He's not hiding anymore.

"You are not a failure."

"How could he possibly know that?" You think.

"I've felt like this before. Like you are not the hero, like you can't help anyone. Now I know it's not true."

He wraps an arm around your waist and brings you closer. You feel like you could drown in those red pools.

"I need you, Karkat. Please, my hero."

Somewhere you find your voice and let out in a shaky breath:

"What if I fail? I always fail."

"You won't fail this time. I promise."

And before you can come up with more self-loathing Dave leans down and your lips touch. It's quick, you both keep your eyes open, but you can feel a promise there.

A promise things will be fine.

A promise of a future.