Look who's updating even though they're supposed to be taking a break!

I just wanted to get this started before the big Strider Reunion, because I have no idea how Karkat will react and I am almost afraid.

I d not own Homestuck. Maybe I will post something about my official kickstarter-designated OTP at some point...

Dirk barely even registered the names of the chat rooms as he scrolled down the page. He didn't do this very often, but every now and again it was nice to hear about other people's problems so he could forget his own for a few minutes.

Jake had been… Well, acting distant, as he was wont to do sometimes. Sometimes he would just get really skittish and end their dates early or just call them off altogether. Dirk was trying to hold things together but it felt like Jake was slipping further and further away.

He wished he could talk to Roxy about it. Sadly, she was also Jake's friend, and over the years Dirk knew he had put more baggage on her than she deserved. Especially since during some of her less sober periods she had admitted her love for him. He did love her, but not the same way, so he was loathe to discuss romantic matters with her anymore.

He was still on bad terms with Jane. After all, he had essentially snatched Jake from right underneath her nose. It was honestly sad that he couldn't remember the last time he had a pleasant conversation with her.

And then, of course, his younger brother was gone. Not dead, that would be really fucking sad. No, Dave was off at college along with Roxy's little sister. They'd both gotten into Derse University. Actually, Jane and Jake's cousins had both gone to Prospit University just half an hour away. The four kids were even renting in a house together with some of their new friends. Both Universities, however, were over 200 miles from where Dirk was sitting at his computer trying to find a not-pornographic chat room.

Dirk got along with the other three kids, even if they were six years younger. But even if they weren't so far away, they were second year college kids, and he didn't want to be bothering them while they tried to establish their independence and have some fun. He did talk to his brother from time to time. Mostly, though, he let his bro enjoy an experience he never got to have himself.

Just before Dirk was supposed to go to Derse himself, their parents had passed away. His tuition was taken care of, but Dave wouldn't have been. He got a job doing computer repairs and was now helping with robotics and software. Even without an official degree, he was a valuable worker because of his quick learning and natural affinity for technology. They'd paid for him to get his Bachelors through an online program, at least. Now Dave had his own scholarship and his own chance to find a place in the world.

Dirk shook his head, clearing out the lonely feeling of being left behind and focused on the computer screen.

How the hell had he gotten here?

The logo read TeamTroll, and the drop-down menus didn't look any more promising. Cosplay, Role-play, Philosophy, Robotics… Well, at least he knew how he got there. He'd been looking for another nerd to geek about the latest tech. It would have been better than another bout of relationship pity-parties anyway.

Before clicking the menu he scrolled down to see what the website was all about, because if it was porn again he would need to clean his browser history just for the peace of mind.

He was rather surprised by a series of announcements from what appeared to be the website moderator

twinArmageddons posted at 2:12am on 12/12/12

2orry, but the 2iite'2 going two be down for maiintenance on the 4th

twinArmageddons posted at 6:26pm on 12/20/12

Announcement on behalf of arsenicCatnip

Hello furrends. Don't furrget that the convention is coming up next month :33

twinArmageddons posted at 7:47am on 12/29/12

our chatlog2 are now up. Feel free two u2e them for fun, trolliing, or whatever the hell you want two do. ju2t keep two the topiic of the room!

He was a little put off by the typing quirks, but thought he might as well give it a try. He clicked the chat room menu and glanced over the titles. He found one on mechanics and was about to click on it when something else caught his eye.

R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTY TOWN. In every single color of the rainbow, of course. He was slightly tempted to click on it, but figured this might be one of the rooms dedicated to trolling, as permitted by the webmaster, and it might start flashing odd colors. gallowsCalibrator might be one of those people who enjoyed watching others seize.

He then glanced at the one below that. FRUITY RUMPUS ASSHOLE FACTORY. The words were all black, unlike the title of the room this one seemed to be parodying. It was run by carcinoGeneticist.

His mouse hovered over the link for a few moments while he debated. He had to wonder if it was just some random guy raging. It might be fun to see what the users were arguing about. A click of the mouse later, he was in the room.

timaeusTestified began trolling at 10:41

He waited for a moment, changing his text color to orange, then realized the only other person logged into the room was the creator. It was only a few seconds before his presence was acknowledged with angry grey text.

CG: fuck, who is this?

CG: if this is another one of your pranks GC then fuck off

CG: you aren't impressing anybody

TT: What's with the shitty greeting?

TT: Seriously, I haven't even been here for ten seconds and you're already jumping the gun like a track runner who has no idea what the hell he's doing

TT: Calling me names and accusing me of shit I didn't do

TT: What is this, kindergarten?

CG: just my luck

CG: another smartass

TT: Hey, at least I'm keeping you company

TT: I bet it gets lonely in this room with you yelling at anybody unfortunate enough to think this might actually be a fun place

CG: if you were looking for fun I suggest you go find the nearest ditch and lie in it

CG: until a rabid raccoon comes scavenging for your repulsive flesh

CG: I certainly think that's a fun idea!

TT: Dude you have a sick sense of humor

TT: And I mean that in the worst way possible

TT: Wait, I take that back

TT: What just popped up on my screen didn't even come close to humor.

CG: it wasn't meant to be genuinely funny, dipshit

CG: there's this thing called sarcasm

CG: that pops up every once in a while like some fucking internet advertisement

CG: and it looks really sincere like the little old lady who lives down the street and gives out cookies to the neighborhood kids

CG: and then it smacks assholes like you in the face just as you're about to enjoy the warm chewy goodness of a chocolate chip mouthgasm

TT: First off, doesn't needing to explain the fact that you were being sarcastic defeat the purpose?

TT: Maybe if you went in a more roundabout backhanded manner you could insult me and I would actually know it?

TT: Secondly, what kind of depraved person uses the word 'mouthgasm'

CG: That would require some effort on your part

CG: Unless I'm just wasting my time insulting someone who's too much of an imbecile to understand the nuances of a good jab

CG: and it was part of the metaphor, you fucking nooksniffer

TT: that was a shitty metaphor

TT No continuity whatsoever

TT: I felt like I was reading a postmodern dystopia novel

TT: Written by a 12 year old

CG: If you think throwing around fancy vocabulary about literary styles and the obviously damaged outcome of any crackpot idea for a perfect society will make me believe your intelligence is above that of a primate

CG: Think again.

TT: Just admit that your metaphor was bullshit

CG: Fuck off, nooksniffer!

TT: As much as I would love to go back and forth all day calling names

TT: I would genuinely like to know what the hell a nooksniffer is since you've used it twice already.

CG: It's slang

TT: For what?

CG: For jackasses like you

TT: then why not call me a jackass?

TT: Dude, I really want to know.

TT: Wait, you are a dude, right?

CG: Yes I am a fucking dude you nooksniffer!

CG: And it's more complicated than that

TT: Then explain.

TT: Or can you not, since you made it up?

CG: I did not make it up!

CG: It relates to putting your face near someone else's genetals

CG For the sole purpose of taking a good long whiff

TT: dude, I knew what it meant

TT: I was being sarcastic.

CG: FUCK YOU

carcinoGeneticist has ceased trolling

Pleased with his results, Dirk logged out of the chat as well. He had heard Roxy use the term several times when referencing an online friend, Calliope. Not that Calliope had ever called Roxy the word. Rather, it was part of some sort of cultural study that Calliope was doing. If only he could remember what the culture was called. As he closed the website window, he wondered if it had to do with trolls.

He pushed his chair away from his desk and stretched his hands over his head. There was no sense in starting another chat now. As he shut the desktop off, he wished once more that there was more to do in the middle of Nowhere, Texas. Still, pissing off the angry guy at the other end of the chat had been somewhat amusing. He would have been nice if CG wasn't such an ass.

Ready to get some sleep, Dirk shucked his wife beater and pants; it was too hot to sleep in anything more than his boxers. His mind managed to keep off the subject of Jake. Unfortunately, that only left him free to think about the schematics for his latest creation; Sawtooth. Schematics weren't boring for him, so they didn't put his to sleep. Eventually though, he drifted off.