A/N: This story was inspired by the Star Trek episode "The Naked Time".

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"Will you cut that out already?!" Nick's bellow rent the air and caused a few grazing cattle to raise their heads in alarm.

Heath looked up from where he was wrapping wire around a fencepost. "Something wrong, Nick?"

"Yes, there's something wrong!" Nick fumed. "Where the devil did you hear that, anyway?"

Heath looked puzzled. "Hear what?"

Nick groaned in frustration. "That infernal song you keep humming over and over! Badly too, I might add!"

Heath pushed his hat back on his forehead. "You mean this?" he said after a moment's thought and whistled a short refrain.

"Yes, that!" Nick yelled in exasperation. "You've been humming and whistling it all afternoon and you're driving me crazy!"

Heath grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Nick, didn't even realize what I was doing. One of the girls was singing it in town last night and I reckon the tune just got stuck in my head."

"Well, unstick it," Nick grumbled, "before I have to shoot you."

"Whatever you say, Nick."

The two men returned to the task of repairing the fence that had been taken down by a large tree during the windstorm the day before. It only took about two minutes before snatches of melody came back to Nick's ears, this time accompanied by something he assumed was supposed to be singing.

"…take you back, Kathleen, to where your heart will feel no pain…"

Heath was going to feel pain, Nick vowed. That darned song had wormed its way into his mind, too, but he wasn't going to give Heath the satisfaction of humming along. He wrestled the last strand of wire into place and cursed under his breath as a sharp barb tore his shirt and grazed his arm.

"I'm going home," he barked as he stepped back to inspect the repairs while holding his injured arm. "You coming or are you just going to stay out here and warble with the songbirds the rest of the day?"

Heath could see Nick was reaching the end of his rope. Assuming he's not there already, he thought with a touch of guilt, but it wasn't really his fault that song had gotten stuck in his head. "I'll just maybe ride up the fence another mile or so," he offered, figuring he ought to stay out of Nick's hearing for a while, "then I'll head back." He leaped into Charger's saddle in one fluid motion. "Tell Mother I'll be in time for supper."

Heath rode off and a few whistled notes could be heard on the breeze as Nick mounted Coco, muttering under his breath about show-offs and annoying little brothers. He rode for home, thankful that with every mile, that irritating tune in his head grew fainter and fainter until he could no longer remember exactly how it went. The good mood he had at the beginning of the day started to return and he gave Ciego a wide grin as the stableman came up to take his horse's reins.

"¡Hola!, Ciego," he greeted the Mexican effusively.

"Señor Nick, what happened to your arm?" Ciego asked as Nick dismounted. Nick glanced down and saw a small amount of blood had stained the sleeve of his shirt.

"Oh, just a scratch," he answered dismissively, but truth be told, it was starting to ache a little. "I'll clean it up inside. But," he warned with a jab of his finger, "if Mother finds out and hunts me down with her liniment, I'll know who to come after."

"No one hears it from me." Ciego grinned as he led Coco away and Nick bounded up the steps onto the porch. He was just about to open the door when…

It couldn't be. There was no way Heath could've beaten him home. But he could hear it, that cursed song his brother had been tormenting him with all afternoon. Nick slowly opened the door and stalked inside.

Audra turned from the piano bench and her face beamed with those infuriating dimples. "Nick, look what they got in at Bandy's today!" she gushed. "A new shipment of sheet music with all the latest songs! I've just started learning…"

Nick slammed the door and tossed his hat on the table before stomping up the stairs, a bewildered Audra watching after him.

"Was that Nick?'

Audra shrugged helplessly as her mother swished into the room. "Yes, Mother." She looked disconsolately at the other woman. "My playing isn't that bad, is it?"

Victoria patted her shoulder reassuringly. "Oh, no, Audra, not at all. I'm sure it wasn't that, but I do wonder what happened to put your brother in such a mood." She gazed up the stairs. "Knowing our Nick, he needs a chance to cool down and by the time he does, whatever it is will likely have blown over. I'm sure he'll be feeling better at dinner."

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Heath cautiously opened the door, looking and listening before he entered the house. He quietly put his hat on the table and started unbuckling his gunbelt.

"Any reason why you don't want anyone to know you're home, brother Heath?"

Heath looked up with a start and saw Jarrod in the parlour. The lawyer held out the glass he'd just poured and Heath nodded, coming over to take it as Jarrod poured another.

"Seen Nick?"

"Nope, not since I got home, but Audra told me he stomped up the stairs in quite the foul mood." Jarrod took a drink and eyed Heath curiously as the blond cowboy sighed. "You wouldn't by any chance know what put Nick in such a bad temper, would you?"

Heath smiled ruefully. "Think it was me that put the burr under his saddle," he admitted. "You heard that new song that's been making its way around?"

Jarrod thought for a moment before asking, " 'Take Me Home Again Kathleen'?" At Heath's confirming nod, he continued, "It's quite popular," he observed, "but how does that explain Nick?"

"Well, the darned thing got stuck in my head and reckon I was humming and singing it most of the afternoon. Annoyed Nick but good." Jarrod started to chuckle and Heath couldn't help joining in.

"Which explains Audra's report of him storming up the stairs," Jarrod said. At Heath's expression, he explained, "Audra picked up a copy of that song for the piano this afternoon and was playing it when Nick came home."

"Bet that went over real well." Heath could just imagine his rancher brother's reaction.

"Poor Audra thought it was her playing," Jarrod added with another chuckle. "I'm sure she'll feel better when she finds out it was just her choice of repertoire."

Heath finished his drink and set down the glass. "Well, reckon I'll go upstairs and clean up for dinner."

"Just try not to sing too loudly in the bathroom," Jarrod advised teasingly, "Nick's room's close enough for him to hear."

Heath gave his oldest brother an impish two-fingered wave as he headed up the stairs and left Jarrod chuckling behind him.

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"So, Nick," Jarrod said casually, taking a sip of his coffee, "how'd the fence repairs go?"

"Fine," Nick grumbled as he speared a chunk of meat viciously.

Jarrod's blue eyes glinted mischievously. "And Audra, I hear you've been practicing a new song on the piano. I can't wait for you to play it for us." He hadn't gotten the chance to share Nick's aversion to her choice of music with his sister and from the dark look on Nick's face, the barely concealed laughter on Heath's and the bright enthusiasm on Audra's, no one else had either.

"I do need more practise, Jarrod," Audra told him with a dimpled smile, "but if you'll bear with my mistakes, I'd be happy to after dinner."

Jarrod reached for another dinner roll. "That would be lovely, honey. Wouldn't it, Nick?" Nick shot Jarrod a dirty look and it was all the attorney could do not to choke from laughter.

"Well, I'm looking forward to it," Heath told his sister with a wink.

Nick remained silent as he tore off a chunk of bread with his teeth and scowled across the table at his siblings.

His temper didn't go unnoticed by Victoria. "Nicholas, what on earth has gotten into you this evening?" she asked in exasperation. "Honestly, you've been in a foul mood ever since you got home."

Nick glared at Heath. "Just can't let it go, can you?" Heath looked back in wide-eyed innocence. Then he glowered at Jarrod and Audra in turn. "I bet he put you up to it, didn't he?" Audra was genuinely puzzled while Jarrod had on his best courtroom face. Nick finally threw his napkin on the table in frustration. "That's it, I'm going for a ride. And when I get back, you," he jabbed an accusing finger at Heath, "had better not be singing and you," the finger pointed to Audra, "had better not be playing." He stalked out of the room and Jarrod and Heath couldn't contain their laughter any longer.

"Boys, I don't know what this is about," Victoria told them sternly, "but I think you've tormented your brother long enough, especially when you drag Audra into… whatever this is." She fixed them both with a steely gaze.

"You're right, Mother," Jarrod said apologetically as he rose to his feet.

"C'mon, big brother," Heath agreed sheepishly as he preceded Jarrod to the door, "you can hold him back if he decides not to take my apology."

As they walked down the hall, the two brothers heard the front door and snatches of a familiar tune being whistled. They exchanged an alarmed glance and sprinted for the foyer as they heard the expected roar, "So help me, Gene, I hope you learned how to run fast at that fancy college…!" They paused as they got a look at Nick's incensed expression and the utter puzzlement on Eugene's face that quickly turned to alarm.

"Whatever it was, Nick, I didn't do it… Jarrod, Heath, help!" Gene squawked as Nick grabbed him by the lapels. "Tell him I didn't do it!"

In spite of their best efforts, Jarrod and Heath burst into unrestrained laughter. Nick turned to them and slowly his rage dissolved into laughter as well as he realized the absurdity of the situation.

"You've gotta admit, it is catchy," Heath said between chuckles.

"Yeah, so is influenza," Nick shot back, still chuckling himself.

Eugene looked at them as he straightened his collar and then to Jarrod with a bewildered expression. "I don't think coming home unannounced was such a good idea."

Jarrod slung an arm around his youngest brother's shoulders. "I'll explain later," he promised, "but no more whistling and for goodness sakes, whatever you do, don't sing!"

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A/N: "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen" was composed in 1875 by Thomas Westendorf and was one of the most popular songs in America in 1876.

I in no way own The Big Valley, the characters or situations from the show. I make no money from writing this, just the personal satisfaction of (hopefully!) entertaining those who love the show as much as I do