For approximately one week, I spent all of my free periods at college crafting a carefully written, well-thought out story about Fili, Kili, and Thorin. I then took it home, typed it up on my computer, and promptly decided I hated it. Then I sat down and wrote this one in pretty much one day. Yeah.

Although I have been a fan of LOTR and The Hobbit (both the books and the movies) since forever, this is my first time publishing a story I've written in that universe. So please take that into consideration if you feel everyone's massively out of character. :)

WARNING: Even though I love Fili dearly and he is my favourite, I am mean to him, because that's the way I am. There is blood and gross-ness (is that a word?) in this story. If you have a weak stomach maybe it's not your thing.

DISCLAIMER: I own absolutely nothing. No cute dwarves, no Middle-earth, zip. They all belong to Tolkien.

X

He wasn't supposed to be there. Thorin specifically instructed him not to join in on this scouting mission, reminding him how he had barely recovered from his illness and it would be far too dangerous.

But Kili was going, and where Kili goes, Fili goes. And so he had snuck after them at the last moment, knowing full well that his uncle would notice his absence before long.

Gandalf had warned of this area being a common place for Orcs to travel through, but Fili had not really expected to find any. It had been many days since they had last seen any Orcs.

Yet they came, ambushing the five of them – Fili, Kili, Bifur, Dwalin, and Gloin – and they had been forced to fight for their lives against some twenty Orcs.

All had been well until Fili had begun to tire, and he stumbled. When the Orc blade cut into his upper arm in that moment, he was still fighting so hard and fast he barely registered the pain.

When the fight was over, they were in such high spirits at having brought down so many Orcs Fili almost forgot he had been hurt. There was barely any pain, and he would really rather Thorin not find out about it anyway. Nobody else seemed to have noticed – they had been too busy fighting themselves, and thanks to the colour of his jacket, the blood is barely noticeable afterward.

X

Now, as they return to camp, Thorin is looking thunderous. He glares at Fili across the fire, and Fili does not dare approach him. Well does he know that expression. When Dwalin tells him of their run-in with the Orcs, Thorin's expression darkens further. He speaks with his old friend for a while, and Fili huddles near the fire with Kili, who is looking somewhat amused at his predicament, having been in this situation himself many, many times before. Thorin heads toward him a moment later, like a huge bear through the shadows.

"Did I not instruct you to not join that scouting party, Fili?" His voice is low and displeased.

"Yes Thorin." Fili lowers his head, avoiding his uncle's cold blue eyes.

"And yet you chose to go anyway."

Fili doesn't answer.

"Are you hurt?" Thorin does not sound as if he cares much.

Fili shakes his head. Thorin moves on without another word.

It isn't until an hour or so later, when adrenaline has faded and night has fallen, that his arm starts to really throb. He glances at Kili – his brother is slouched half asleep by the fire, exhausted from the fight, everyone else is either sleeping or smoking, including Thorin – and then he heads quietly to the nearby stream they'd scouted out earlier.

The wound is impossible to see through the many layers of his clothing, and so he's forced to take some of them off. When he gets to the last layer, the material is stuck to the wound underneath.

Fili tugs at it experimentally, and gasps in shock as blinding pain shoots straight down his arm. Black spots dance in front of his eyes, he's too surprised to even blink them away.

He uses some water to loosen the dried blood, gritting his teeth as he slowly pulls the material from the wound, then takes his shirt off the rest of the way. Even trying to get his arm out of his shirt hurts, and he's breathing hard by the time it's off. The night is cold, and he shivers as the chill breeze hits his bare skin, turning his head to the right and gingerly lifting his shoulder.

He draws in a sharp breath – the wound is much, much worse than he'd thought – it appears deep, if the dark blood is any indication, and spans the width of his arm. It's bleeding sluggishly, re-opened by his fussing.

How did I not know it was that bad?

In his memory, the hit from the Orc barely hurt. This hurts. And it looks bad. Fili glances back toward camp. No one seems to have noticed his absence.

I cannot tell Thorin. He will be furious. He's already angry.

He washes the wound himself with shaking hands, and the pain is so great he feels slightly sick afterward. It is bleeding steadily down his arm now, and he stares at it helplessly for a moment.

Think, Fili, think.

There are no bandages that he knows of, other than the ones Oin carries, and that is out of the question. Oin will definitely tell his uncle.

In desperation he tears a strip from his already slashed tunic and ties it as best he can around his arm, using his teeth to pull it tight. It hurts so bad he ends up on his hands and knees on the ground, his teeth clenched hard against any wayward whimpers.

Breathe, Fili. It's not that bad.

When the pain has lessened somewhat, he leans back on his heels, struggling to control his breathing and pounding heart. He gingerly puts back on his tunic, followed by his jacket, takes a moment to compose himself, and returns to camp.

Kili is completely asleep now, wrapped up so tight in his blanket that only his eyes and dark hair are visible. Thorin is lying like a great bear under his furs, apparently asleep. Gandalf is sitting with Bilbo near the fire, a thin trail of smoke rising from his pipe.

Fili avoids the wizard's watchful eyes and lies beside Kili – on his left side, which he hardly ever lays on – and shuts his eyes. His arms throbs dully, but he grits his teeth and ignores it.

It will heal. There is no need to tell Thorin. Or Oin. He will only go back and tell Thorin. I can deal with this myself.

He shivers, pressing against Kili's back for warmth. His brother is always warm.

X

Fili wakes the next morning stiff and uncomfortable, a cold wind on his face. When he goes to sit up, he puts down his right arm to help lift and almost cries out. The wound feels as if it is on fire, and he's glad that Kili is still asleep to not notice his shuddering breath and tearing eyes.

He escapes to the riverside, shrugging out of his jacket and tunic despite the biting cold, and stares hopelessly at the blood-soaked bandage around his arm. It looks worse today – blue and purple tinged, as though bruised, and considerably more inflamed. He washes the wound in the river again, teeth chattering with cold, and replaces the bandage with another strip from his tunic.

Please stop bleeding.

X

They move on, and Fili tries to forget about the wound, which ends up being nearly impossible. His arm seems to be getting heavier, and he has to keep checking to see if blood has soaked visibly through to his jacket.

Kili, bless him, seems barely aware of Fili's situation. He comments once that Fili is quite quiet today, but his attention is on their beautiful mountain surroundings and the fight the previous day.

"We brought down those filthy Orcs so easily," he grins, for what seems like the fiftieth time today. "I remember hearing them coming, and I had a moment of panic, but then my instincts just took over! They did not even land one blow on me. They never knew what hit them." He laughs carelessly, his head thrown back, grinning up at the blue sky. "We are truly warriors now, Fili."

Fili does his best to smile, even though his arm is throbbing so much he sort of wants to cry.

X

That afternoon when they stop, he waits until Kili is distracted by dinner, then makes up an excuse about needing to go fetch firewood and escapes into the woods. It seems impossible to even take off his jacket this time, his arm doesn't want to to move, having grown stiff from him holding it so still. Frustrated tears prick at his eyes, his hand is shaking so badly he can't touch the material without hurting himself.

"Fili?"

He nearly jumps half out of his skin - Kili is standing a few feet behind him, his eyes narrowed. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He struggles to keep his voice normal, thankful he hadn't managed to take off his jacket yet. "I just – just needed a moment."

Kili moves closer. "I thought you were getting firewood. You look funny." He crosses his arms.

"Thanks a lot." Fili tries to smile. Go away Kili. "I could say the same about you. And I am getting firewood, I just..."

"Needed a moment. Yeah, you said." Kili doesn't look convinced. "I'll help you gather wood."

Curses. How am I going to pick up anything with this arm?

He wanders off vaguely into the woods, hoping Kili will choose a different direction, but his brother follows him. "Here's some." He starts to pick up some loose branches, and Fili follows suit, using his left arm and trying not to move the right one.

"What are you doing?" Kili laughs. "Did you lose the use of your right arm?"

He reaches out and pokes Fili's arm. Any other time it wouldn't feel like anything, but this time Kili manages to hit exactly where the gash is and Fili yelps in agony, jerking back and clutching his arm close. Darkness clouds his vision, he barely realizes he's on his knees on the ground.

"Fili? Fili, what's wrong?" Kili sounds terrified, his voice very close.

"N-nothing, I'm fine." The words are spoken through clenched teeth, he wonders at himself even being able to speak when his arm feels like it's slowly being ripped apart piece by piece. Slowly his vision clears, Kili is kneeling in front of him, his young face white with fear. Fili's heart is pounding, his eyes watering.

"You are not fine. Fili, what ever is the matter? I barely touched you! What happened?" Kili doesn't let him look away, holding his gaze with desperate dark eyes.

"Nothing. Nothing happened, I just – hurt my arm. Just a scratch. You just surprised me, that's all." He looks away deliberately, trying to find the strength to stand, but Kili's hand grips his left shoulder firmly.

"Let me see."

"Why? It's nothing." Fili starts to get up, but his legs won't hold him. His muscles feel like jelly.

Kili helps him stand up, and he finds himself leaning heavily on his brother, his breath coming in short gasps. "Let me see it," Kili demands. "You're not going anywhere until you show me."

He'll tell Thorin, he'll tell Thorin.

"Stop being so nosy," Fili pushes him back, sorry an instant later when he almost loses his balance. "I'm the big brother remember? I'm fine."

"I don't see how our age matters." Kili is unmoved. "You look out for me, and I look out for you. Show me."

Fili sighs hard, through his nose. He knows his brother well enough to know he will not back off now. "Fine. I will show you, if you're going to insist on it."

Kili has to help him out of his jacket though, and to his horror there are tears in his eyes by the time his arm is free. Kili is looking more and more worried. When he sees Fili's tightly bound arm, his eyes widen. "Fili, that is much more than just a scratch. How did that happen? And when?"

Fili rubs his forehead, frustrated, and also annoyed at the concerned expression on his brother's face. If Kili is worried, there must be something to be worried about, and he doesn't want to think that way. "During... during that fight with the Orcs yesterday."

"An Orc blade did this?" Kili starts to reach for his arm, Fili moves back.

"I don't want to take off the bandage, I just put it on." Lie. If Kili sees how bad it looks, he'll tell Thorin for sure. "It looks a lot better than it did yesterday. I'm sure it's healing. It's just that you poked it," Fili tries for a smile.

Kili doesn't look convinced, although he does look a little bit chastised. "Sorry, Fili, I didn't know. But it might be poisoned. Don't you think you should tell Oin? He could at least take a look..."

"And tell Thorin," Fili finishes. "I don't want Thorin to know. He didn't want me in that fight at all, remember? Imagine how angry he'll be if he finds out I did get hurt in it. I'll never be able to do anything ever again. And besides, it is just a scratch. And it can't be poisoned, because it is healing. Please, Kili. Please don't tell Thorin. Or Oin. Or anyone. Please?" He gives his brother his best puppy-dog eyes, both of the brothers are rather talented at this particular expression.

Kili shifts uneasily, biting his bottom lip. "I don't know, Fili. What if it gets worse?"

"It's fine." Fili's getting frustrated now, he pushes his long golden hair from his face irritably. "Kili, give me your word you won't tell anyone."

Kili lowers his head, looking at Fili from under his eyelashes. "Okay. Fine. I give you my word. I won't say anything, even though I don't think it's a good idea. You have to tell me if it gets worse though."

"Of course I will," Fili grins, ruffles Kili's hair. "But it won't. It's healing fine."

X

He's too hot that night, and his arm feels on fire. He moves away from Kili, because his brother is like a furnace, and he's sweating already just laying on top of his blanket.

Thorin walks by quietly, pauses near him. "Are you not cold, Fili?"

Fili shakes his head, grits his teeth to hide a wince. Even moving his head hurts his arm. "No, Thorin."

Thorin doesn't move. His eyebrows lower. He looks quite menacing in the half-light. "It is cold tonight. Make sure you do not catch a chill."

"I will." Fili wishes he would leave, the pain is building and building in his arm and he feels sure that at any moment he's going to whimper, or cry, or something else that will give him away.

X

It's so hot. I can't breathe... I can't breathe!

"Fili. Fili, wake up!"

He snaps awake, his body drenched in sweat. Kili is crouching beside him, his dark eyes concerned. "We have to move on in a few minutes, Fili. I couldn't wake you up." He wrings his hands, leaning closer. "You look terrible Fili. Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine." His whole body aches, and he's exhausted, as if he hadn't slept a wink. But I went to sleep early last night. And I obviously slept late this morning.

"Is it worse?" Kili asks, but Fili ignores his brother's hovering and hauls himself to his feet. It's a slow and agonizing process. His arm is so heavy, heavier than his whole body. It's dragging him down, slowly but surely. He can feel the eyes of the rest of the Company on him, and he wants to cry.

As they start walking, he tries to gain momentum in order to keep going.

If I stop, I won't start again.

He's vaguely aware of Thorin watching him, but he can't bring himself to care anymore. Sweat trickles down his back, his thick golden hair is stuck to the back of his neck. And yet he shivers, the wind biting through his jacket even, he can feel it on every inch of his skin as though he is wearing nothing. Tears are constantly pressing at his eyes. He keeps looking at his arm, expecting it to be wreathed in flames.

The Company stops abruptly, and Fili doesn't even sit down. "Going – water," he mutters in Kili's direction, and stumbles into the woods. He doesn't make it far, but it doesn't seem to matter – he can't hear the rest of the Company anymore anyway. Maybe they're gone, maybe they've left. Maybe Thorin knows, and he's so angry he's decided to leave him behind.

Hot tears streak down his cheeks. I am alone, I am so alone. He pulls weakly at his jacket, his arm a dead weight in the sleeve. The wound is beyond swollen, flaming red streaks emanating from the edges. He touches the make-shift bandage and the flash of pain is so strong, so overwhelming, he leans over and vomits, his exhausted body shuddering uncontrollably.

He drags himself back up, forces himself to pull at the material again, and suddenly thick, yellow pus oozes from around the edge of the bandage. He gets sick again, a flush of panic filling his entire body with hot fear.

Infected. It's infected, or poisoned. I'm going to die. Fili, you fool. And you're all alone out here. Everyone's gone.

He stumbles back the way he came, dragging his fur jacket behind him, not really knowing why he's going, everyone's gone anyway. Abruptly he comes face to face with Thorin, and even through his feverish haze he sees the fury in his uncle's eyes and set jaw. Behind him are Gloin and Oin, silent, and Kili, hovering at the edge of his blurred vision.

Huh. They didn't all leave me.

"I told them Fili." Kili's voice is higher than usual, he sounds tearful. "I'm sorry."

Thorin is silent.

Oin steps forward. "Let me see it, laddie. How bad is it?"

Fili licks his dry lips. "Bad." He never even feels himself hit the ground.

X

Hot, searing, impossible pain. His arm is a torch, glowing like a lantern in the dark cave of his consciousness, burning, burning, burning...

He comes to on his back, unable to move – his arm is most definitely on fire. He twists his head around desperately – even this hurts – and Gloin is to his left, he's holding Fili's arm and shoulder down, hard.

"Fili, are you awake laddie?" To his right, Oin is kneeling. When Fili looks at him, he smiles weakly. "Fili, I have to clean the wound. It's infected."

They haven't even done anything and it hurts this bad?

He starts to cry, hot tears streaking down into his hair.

"Fili." Thorin's voice, somewhere above and behind him. "It's alright."

He twists his head around again, looking for his uncle, and then he appears, crouching down behind Fili and dismissing Gloin.

"Move. Let him go."

Thorin lifts his nephew into his lap, so the back of Fili's head is against Thorin's chest.

"I am here, Fili."

He smooths back the damp blond hair, his head right down next to Fili's. "This is going to hurt, Fili, but it must be done. Just hold onto me."

Fili clutches Thorin's arm with his left hand, he can't stop crying. "I c-can't... Unc-uncle..."

"Yes you can. Yes you can, Fili. Do you remember what I told you when you were a child?" Thorin's voice is a low, soothing rumble in his ear.

"I c-c-can't," Fili sobs, he pushes his head back hard against his uncle's chest, he can't think past the roaring pain. Vaguely, he can hear answering sobs from somewhere nearby. Kili.

"Yes you can. Do you remember, Fili? Kili got himself into trouble, as always."

A huff of laughter from his uncle.

"Bothering those wild dogs, the ones we always told him to leave alone. Trying to pat them for the hundredth time. And of course they chased him. And they caught him, and you ran out there, with your little hammer..."

Thorin's voice trails off, Fili can hear the smile in his voice. "And you kept hitting them and hitting them, even though they were snapping at you. And when I got there, you'd scared them all off and you were just sitting there, bleeding, holding onto Kili. I'd never been so scared in my life."

Fili is quiet despite his tears, all his attention focused on his uncle now.

"And I ran to you and you were crying, crying but thankfully not seriously hurt. And while I cleaned your wounds, do you remember what I told you?"

He takes Fili's left hand in his, squeezes it gently. "I told you you had the heart of a lion, Fili. To take on those dogs that were as big as you, maybe bigger. Protecting your little brother." He sighs softly. "You still have the heart of a lion, Fili, you always have."

"Thorin... everything is ready," Oin says to his right, and Fili's heart begins to pound. He clutches Thorin's hand, a whimper starting in his throat.

"I'm s-so sc-sc-scared..."

"It's alright to be scared," Thorin replies, shifting Fili to a more comfortable position against his chest. "It's alright to be scared. You have always kept going anyway, even when you are scared. That is what makes you lion-hearted. Fili Lionheart."

And then Oin starts cleaning the wound, and Fili grits his teeth and holds onto Thorin and cries, but he does not struggle or move away.

X

He does not know at what point he loses consciousness, but when he awakes he is warm – comfortably warm, not burning like the past few days – and he is still in his uncle's arms. His arm aches, but not like it did before. It's just a dull ache, easily bearable. Although he hates to leave this wonderfully warm and comfortable position, he shifts, looks up at his uncle. Thorin's crystal blue eyes meet his, he smiles.

"There's a face I am glad to see. How do you feel?"

Fili swallows, finding his throat suddenly impossibly dry, and a moment later a cup of water is lifted to his lips. He lifts his left hand to support it, even though his whole body is so weak and exhausted he can barely move. Thorin does not let go of it anyway, and when Fili has drank his fill he takes it away.

"I – I feel better," Fili says slowly, blinking tiredly. "I'm not so hot."

"You were for a while." Thorin sighs, glancing to his right.

Fili's heart skips a beat. "Where is Kili? Is he alright? What..."

"He's fine." Thorin smiles. "He's asleep. It has been a long four days."

"Four?" Fili stares at his uncle. "But..."

"Yes, four. You have been in and out of consciousness since the night we found out. I don't suppose you remember."

A flash of agonizing pain and orange flame comes to him, and he shivers. "I'm not sure."

"Don't think of it now," Thorin instructs. "You have been through quite enough. Fili, I must ask you. Why did you choose to hide the fact that you were injured from me?"

Fili lowers his head, shame washing over him. "I –I thought you would be angry with me." Tears spring to his eyes, he can't look at his uncle. Thorin lifts his chin gently anyway, his blue eyes gentle but firm as he looks down at his nephew.

"I probably would have been, Fili. I did ask you not to get involved in that fight. But I would have you tell me that you have disobeyed me, and that you are wounded, over finding out this way, when you are drained to the point of near death. Would you not have preferred the same thing, Fili?"

Fili nods, tears still streaking unchecked down his cheeks. He feels like a child again, a burden to his uncle and nothing more.

"I am so sorry, Uncle."

"Do not be," Thorin replies. "It is over now, and my heart is glad to see you alive and well. Although I do believe a lesson has been learned, however painful it may have been."

Fili nods, leaning his head against his uncle's chest. Sleep is already trying to claim him again.

"Sleep, Fili. You have much strength to regain." Thorin strokes golden hair off his forehead, smiling as his nephew closes his eyes. "Dwalin told me you fought bravely, and slew many Orcs. I am proud of you, Fili."

Joy at those long-awaited words sparks a tiny flame in his heart as he drifts off into much-needed sleep.

X

He's strong enough to walk again by the next day. Balin praises his quick recovery, and Oin agrees that similar wounds have held up stronger dwarves – and men – than Fili for a much longer time. Thorin looks at him with proud blue eyes and says nothing. It is enough for Fili.

He falls into step beside his brother, and Kili looks at him sideways, his young face drawn.

"What?" Fili asks, smiling. "What is that look for?"

Kili bites his lip. "I'm sorry I told Thorin, Fili. I broke my word."

Fili laughs. "I am not angry, Kili. If you hadn't told Thorin, I would probably be dead right now, so I guess I should actually be thanking you." He slings his good arm around Kili's shoulders, bumps his forehead against his brother's.

Kili pushes him away gently. "You know, you and Thorin never told me that story before."

"What story?" Fili takes a deep breath, enjoying the mountain air. He came so close to never smelling it or tasting it again. I will be more honest with Thorin in the future.

"You saving me from the dogs." Kili casts him a glance. "Why?"

Fili's cheeks colour. "Oh. I thought you would remember. I guess we never thought it mattered - I had to save you a lot of times while we were growing up." He smiles a little, and Kili's cheeks flush now.

"I don't remember. And of course it matters. I want to know about all those times."

They are silent for a few moments as they walk, until Fili speaks again.

"You have your fair share of stories about saving me, too. But I am lucky enough to remember them all." He waits until Kili looks at him, his blue eyes serious. "Thank you for telling Thorin, Kili."

"You don't have to thank me for that," Kili replies immediately. "I did it because I knew you were sick and you're too stubborn to speak up yourself." He stops abruptly and pulls Fili into a tight hug, being wary of his still sore arm. "But please don't ever do that again."

Fili tucks his face against his brother's shoulder. "I won't. I promise."

Kili steps back, blinking. "You know, Fili Lionheart... it has a nice ring to it."

Fili shrugs. He had long forgotten about that name, although Thorin used to call him by it all the time when he was younger and he had loved it.

His brother smiles. "You even kind of look like a lion, brother. Well, maybe not a lion. Maybe more like a lion cub."

"Oh, shut up!" Fili goes to shove his brother, and Kili runs down the hill ahead of him, laughing. "You won't catch me, baby lion!"

"Watch me," Fili murmurs under his breath, and then takes off after his brother. Yes, his strength is returning.

X

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