((**AN: Sorry that doesn't let me put different colors for this beginning chatlog. It'll make it harder to read and keep track of who's who.))

PART I.

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

uu: HEH.

CG: WHAT?

uu: LOOK AT THIS. BIG-HEADED, POMPOuS TROLL WHO THINKS HE'S LEADER AND COMMANDER OF EVERYTHING. BuT YOu'RE NOT.

CG: WHO IS THIS?

uu: I AM GOING TO BRING YOu DOWN. YOu'RE GOING TO WRITHE IN MY HANDS LIKE THE SLIME THAT YOu ARE. AND I WILL DEVOuR YOu.

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW? LOOK, IF YOU KNOW ME YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I'M THE MASTER OF THE ARTFORM CALLED TROLLING. I RUN THIS TIGHT SHIP OF JEERING BANTER AND PRANKING WORDS LIKE A SORDID PIRATE ON HIS BIG NIGHT OUT ON THE HIGH SEAS. I DEVELOPED AND PERFECTED THE ACTIONS THAT LED TO THE TERM. I CAN'T BE TROLLED. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

uu: YOu ASSuME THAT TROLLING IS THE THING THAT IS HAPPENING HERE. I ASSuRE YOu THAT THIS IS MuCH MORE OF A THING THAN TROLLING. IT'S MuCH MORE INTENSE. AND MuCH MORE PAINFuL... IN THE END. HEH.

CG: THE ONLY THING PAINFUL RIGHT NOW IS YOUR INABILITY TO SPEAK WITH SENSE-MAKING "U"S THAT DON'T MAKE ME WANT TO RIP MY EYES OUT.

uu: OH. I SEE YOu'RE TRYING TO BE THE FuNNY GuY. TOO BAD IT'S NOT WORKING BECAuSE YOu'RE NOT WITTY OR FuNNY AT ALL.

CG: LOOK, TELL THE PERSON WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS THAT HA HA THIS WAS A FUNNY JOKE. THOUGH ACTUALLY IT'S NOT REALLY THAT FUNNY OR VERY INTERESTING OR CREATIVE EITHER AND NOW IT'S OVER. BUT I HAVE THINGS TO DO AND PEOPLE TO SEE. I'M RUNNING A REALLY TIGHT SCHEDULE RIGHT NOW. TIGHTER THAN THE MOTHERFUCKING GRAND HIGHBLOOD TRYING TO SQUEEZE HIMSELF INTO LEIJON'S CLOTHES. SO WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO CUT THIS SHORT.

uu: YOu CANNOT CuT SHORT THE WORDS OF LIFE. THE TRuTH. AND THE TRuTH IS. I'M GOING TO BREAK YOu. YOu WILL BE CRuSHED BENEATH MY HANDS LIKE A SQuIRMING LITTLE INSECT. ALL DELICATE AND FEEBLE AND EASILY SMuSHED. THEN I WILL LAuGH. BECAuSE IT WILL BE FuNNY. HA HA. HA HA HA.

uu: HELLO?

uu: ARE YOu THERE?

uu: OH I SEE. YOu GOT SCARED AND RAN AWAY ALREADY.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] went offline

uu: uGH.

uu: THIS WILL BE CONTINuED.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

uu: SO YOu HAVE RETuRNED.

CG: YOU AGAIN?

uu: DO NOT SPEAK IN THAT TONE WITH ME. NOW THAT YOu HAVE RETuRNED FROM YOuR FRIENDLY EXPEDITION WITH YOuR "PALS" WE CAN TALK ONCE MORE.

CG: YOU WANT TO CONTINUE WITH YOUR ABYSMAL MYRIAD OF INSULTS AND DEGRADATIONS THAT EVEN THE FRESHEST OF WIGGLERS WOULD WINCE AT?

uu: YOu ARE BLIND TO THE ACTuAL REALITY OF THE SITuATION. AND BY THE TIME YOu FIGuRE IT OuT IT WILL BE TOO LATE.

CG: NOT INTERESTED, ASSHOLE. I CURRENTLY HAVE MORE TO WORRY ABOUT THAN AN ASH-SKINNED IDIOT WHO WANTS TO SERENADE ME WITH FLOWERY BLACK CONDEMNATION AND DETEST. IF YOU HAVE NOTHING TO SAY TO ME, THEN FUCK OFF.

uu: YOu CAN NOT TELL ME TO FuCK OFF. I WILL NOT FuCK OFF ANYWHERE. I WILL KINDLY STAY HERE AND REMAIN uN-FuCKED OFF uNTIL THE NOTION OF FuCKING OFF IS FIRMLY ABOLISHED.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked undyingUmbrage [uu]

uu: NO MATTER HOW HARD YOu TRY MY MESSAGES ARE STILL GOING TO GO THROuGH.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked undyingUmbrage [uu] again

uu: I AM uNBLOCKABLE, YOu ANNOYING PIECE OF SHIT.

CG: DAMN.

uu: DO YOu HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?

CG: NO. BECAUSE YOU BLATANTLY REFUSED TO TELL ME AND GUESS WHAT? I BLATANTLY REFUSE TO CARE.

uu: I WILL TELL YOu.

CG: I DON'T CARE.

uu: WELL I WILL TELL YOu ANYWAY.

uu: I.

uu: AM.

uu: ...

CG: ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO TRY AND MAKE ME SIT HERE ALL DAY AND WAIT FOR THIS MAGNIFICENT REVEAL? OR MAYBE GET ON MY WORTHLESS BONY LEG-JOINTS AND BEG FOR YOUR WISE WORDS OF KNOWLEDGE TO BE REVEALED TO ME?

uu: ...

uu: I.

uu: AM.

uu: ...

CG: WHY AM I EVEN SPEAKING TO SUCH AN IDIOT? I COULD BE DOING A MILLION OTHER MORE IMPORTANT THINGS RIGHT NOW.

CG: LIKE SLEEPING. OR TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT.

CG: OR THAT FAMED "LEADER SHIT" WHICH I ACTUALLY DO HAVE AND WHICH I ACTUALLY COULD BE DOING.

CG: BUT NO. INSTEAD I'M STUCK HERE TALKING TO YOU. LIKE THE PANLESS IDIOT I AM. OR RATHER THAT I'VE DECIDED TO BE.

CG: THIS IS STUPID.

uu: YOuR WORST NIGHTMARE.

CG: OH MY GOD.

uu: DOES THAT MAKE YOu QuAKE IN YOuR BONES?

CG: CAN I JUST BANG MY CRANIAL HEADPLATE AGAINST THE WALL HERE?

uu: YOu CRAVE FOR THE DAY WHEN YOu'RE FREE OF ME.

uu: YOu WISH TO CuRL uP INTO A PATHETIC LITTLE BALL uNTIL NIGHTBREAK JuST THINKING OF WAYS TO GET ME OuT OF YOuR HEAD.

CG: I'M LEAVING.

uu: NO. YOu MAY THINK THAT YOuR BuSINESS IS IMPORTANT. BuT I ASSuRE YOu IT IS NOT. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE FuTuRE AND WHAT YOu'RE PREPARING FOR WILL NOT TAKE PLACE. SOMETHING VERY DIFFERENT WILL.

CG: I'M NOT THE GULLIBLE TWIT WHO'S GONNA BELIEVE THAT. EVERYONE KNOWS FUTURE-TELLING ISN'T REAL. JUST LIKE MAGIC.

uu: I NEVER SAID I WAS A FUTURE-TELLER. OR FORTUNE-TELLER. WHATEVER THE PROPER TERM IS. I KNOW BECAuSE. I AM PLANNING IT. IT WILL TAKE PLACE EXACTLY AS I HAVE PLANNED. EXACTLY WHEN I HAVE PLANNED. AND YOuR PLANS WILL BE MOOT. YOu WILL SEE.

uu: HOW EXACTLY DO YOu THINK I KNEW ABOuT YOuR EXPEDITION TO SEE YOuR "FRIENDS"? THAT WAS NOT SOMETHING YOu MENTIONED. OR SOMETHING I SAW BECAuSE OF "MAGIC". A THING WHICH TOTALLY DOESN'T EXIST.

CG: I'M LEAVING NOW.

CG: FOR REAL THIS TIME.

CG: BASTARD.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] went offline

uu: THERE WILL BE A TIME WHEN YOu WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RuN AWAY FROM ME, BOY. THAT TIME WILL COME SOON.

uu: VERY SOON.

uu: HA.

uu: HA HA HA.

uu: HA HA HA HA.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

undyingUmbrage [uu] began jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] blocked undyingUmbrage [uu]

undyingUmbrage [uu] unblocked undyingUmbrage [uu]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] RE-blocked undyingUmbrage [uu]

uu: HEY.

uu: YOu.

uu: I KNOW YOu'RE GETTING THIS.

uu: JuST A WARNING.

uu: BE.

uu: READY.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

xXxXxXxXxXx

The door squeaked as Karkat pushed it open. He really had to fix that thing. Maybe one day when he wasn't working on his highly important mountain of projects that had piled up on his desk (mainly broken computers and a few codes he wanted to finish writing) he would. Not that he was any good at any of it. But he wasn't going to just give them to Sollux in defeat like a spineless grub and get teased mercilessly for it. Fuck that. These things were his projects and they would be completed by him.

The door wasn't really a big deal; he could technically just abandon it since there wouldn't be any reason to fix it pretty soon. The Conscription was coming up, ready to round up all the adult trolls and siphon them away into that huge battleship in outerspace, patrolling Alternia. They'd all have to leave and their hives would be destroyed right along with it, the spots they once stood on vacant until some other wretched tot of a grub pointed to the construction drolls and ordered their own hive to be built there. But it would feel kind of wrong to just NOT do it. It was like payment for all the years he'd lived there. A final gift before departure.

Assuming he didn't just get culled on the onset, of course. But no. He wasn't even gonna think about that very probable shitty alternative.

Karkat turned to face the friend who'd walked him home, Terezi. Her nostrils were flaring in a way that suggested she was sniffing his interior. She was probably sniffing him too and could catch a whiff of all the worries that had been pressing on him lately. He shoved his thoughts away before she got a little too nosy and turned it into an uncomfortable conversation.

"Will you be fine walking home?" He asked, looking her over. They were almost adults. And Terezi had grown into a fine one. Sharp and wise, with a smile like daggers and the cane she wielded like a whip. Not to mention her body, curvy as hell. She would make a very good Legislacerator one day. Not because of the body but because of the other, intellectual, stuff. He shoved his idiot train of thought into a dark corner where it rightfully belonged.

Terezi grinned at his question and swung her cane around, spearing its sharp end in the dirt at his foot. She leaned forward. "Is this what I think it is? Mr. Vantas is worrying about me?" Her grin widened. Karkat scowled. She continued, "I'll be fine. Some girls can take care of themselves, even if they're blind."

"Who was worrying? I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't get lost and fall into a ditch on your way there. No dragons to pick you up."

Terezi's lips pursed. Of all the kids, her lusus was the only one that never actually awoke in all the years she'd had it. It communicated to her in dreams, apparently, and through whatever special language of the blind prophets she claimed to know. But it was never there to physically fight for her or fend off threats… Karkat really didn't know how she'd survived when she was younger.

"Stop wondering about me and take care of yourself first. You've been working pretty hard lately, Karkat. I don't want to have to pick both you and Sollux up before we even get drafted. You know what happens if you look too weak."

Automatic culling. For any ill, any too mentally disturbed, past Vriska's murderous caliber—the kind that made you unable to function in daily life or effective in killing battles—and any that looked like they'd kick the bucket if someone shouted at them too loudly. Tavros had something to worry about there. But maybe he'd call on his inner Rufio and survive the initial inspection.

"I know my limits," Karkat replied back.

Terezi's finger brushed over his jaw for a brief moment. The sun was coming up on the horizon. They had to retreat to dreamland soon. "See you tomorrow."

"Don't wander off and get lost."

She snorted and whacked him with her cane.

"OW. Was that really necessary? You could hurt someone with that. I could be down for days and then you'd have to sit around and try and choose a new leader, which, good luck with that. Between the power-hungry genocidal sea trolls, slightly off-the-rocker homicidal freaks, and pathetically average bunch of oats that are off in a corner of their brains fantasizing on their own interests and adventures you'd be pretty hard pressed to find someone even moderately—are you seriously laughing?"

Terezi finished her snickering, giving him a conciliatory lick on the cheek. He scowled but quieted as she waved. Then she hurried away into the pre-dawn air, trying to make it back to her hive before daylight. Karkat went inside and shut the door.

xXxXxXxXxXx

He made use of the nutritional block, whistling a short, cheery tune that he'd red-facedly deny he even knew if anyone approached him about it, and prepped himself a late snack of a sandwich. He crunched into it, juice spilling down his face. Licking it off, he retreated upstairs.

As he put a foot on the stairs, he paused. Something he hadn't noticed before, but that should have sent off warning bells as soon as he stepped inside the door. Even if it was this close to daytime it shouldn't be this… silent. Usually his Lusus came bounding up to meet him when he got in, even if the crab had been in a deepest sleep before. And he'd haunt him around the nutritional block while he fixed his food, making sure that Karkat wasn't skimping on daily substance values.

But this… this wasn't right.

Just as he turned to go back, a shadow caught his eye. It came from upstairs, his respite block.

He slowly turned. No movement. But he'd still seen something. His sickles came out on reflex, dropping from his sylladex with a thought, and he crept up the stairs silently. He came to the doorway of his room, pressing himself against it, listening. Nothing. He peeked inside. It was dark. Which was sort of expected. No movement was anywhere. And nothing looked out of place… except… As his eyes quickly scanned over his room, he saw a big dark shape hanging from the ceiling. Limp.

His Lusus!

Karkat ran inside. The crab had been tied up from his head to bottom feet and knocked unconscious. Karkat examined the knots in quick succession, trying to figure out the best way to free him. He figured his Lusus probably wouldn't blame him if he cut him a bit in the process of freeing him, and then they could search for the perpetrator later. He raised his sickle.

The unconscious body turned slightly with a breeze, a note in the middle of the web of ropes saying: "ARE YOu READY?"

And before that could really penetrate his brain, a sack was dropped over his head and the sickle was knocked out of his grip. He struggled, waving wildly with the other one, trying to attack a piece of the person behind him as well as free himself. But he could already feel the chemical taking hold as it entered his nostrils. Fuck. He held his breath, but it'd already melted into his brain, made him see dancing colors, and a thought flashed on exactly how much he had to get done and that he didn't have any time for this, as he went limp.

Everything blacked out.

xXxXxXxXxXx

Karkat came to slowly. Vaguely the room filled in, a hazy outline of bare steel walls, a table stretched out on the other side, a chair in the corner of the room. He couldn't turn around, he noticed. But his brain was still too fuzzy to really make out what that meant.

Footsteps approached. A door closed. A shadow fell over Karkat and then circled around until it was in front of him. And someone in a grinning mask, double-sided, though Karkat couldn't see the other side yet, peered down on him.

"Hello, Karkat. Do you want to play a game?"

xXxXxXxXxXx

Karkat's vision shifted as it tried to piece together bits of information in its still fragmented state. The masked man swam in front of him as images of his tied up Lusus and other images—that note, the weird trolling conversations—rose in his mind. And then a final perception hit him as his brain finally snapped back into effect. He was bound.

From head to toe, caught in some sort of contraption of a chair that tied his hands behind his back and bolted his legs to the floor. He couldn't even move his neck. There was some sort of a guard or collar around it, holding it entirely still. And a length of steel extended all the way down from the nape of his neck to the bottom of his tailbone. He bared his teeth at his captor in irritation.

The grinning mask looked at him appraisingly. It was painted grey, the same grey as their skin color, with coal-black orbs for eye-sockets and bright red spirals on the cheeks. And that black grin stared at him throughout.

"What the hell is this?" Karkat spit out. Glad to know he could talk, even if he couldn't move yet.

"You're just as annoying in person."

"Who in Alternia's name are you?"

"Sadly we haven't been as acquainted as I've wanted to be. But that will be rectified. In the game that we shall play very soon." The grinning mask came closer. A hand reached out, as a finger slowly stroked the side of Karkat's face. He tensed. If he could move, he'd probably try to bite it off, but he was totally paralyzed. The finger ran to his jaw and flipped over, scraping a sharp nail against him. Shit. He couldn't move away, so he squeezed his eyes shut, silently hoping that it wouldn't cut it wouldn't cut it wouldn't cut… The last thing he needed was this bastard knowing his blood color.

A laugh as the finger was pulled away. Karkat opened his eyes again. "Not so bad and frightening without your shield of capital letters are you? I at least expected some shouting. I'm kind of disappointed at the real thing."

He couldn't feel any sticky wetness or any stinging pain, so he must not have been cut. Relief flooded into his brain. Then he realized what his captor had just said. Conversations flashed into his mind. Grey trollian text, just like his, almost identical except for those obnoxious u's. That guy.

"Ding. Ding. You've finally realized who I am. You're much slower than I thought too."

"Where am I?"

"Wrong question." The hand backhanded him, banging the back of his head against the metal of the chair and echoing down to his spine. That fucking hurt.

"Who the fuck are you, you ignorant lump of musclebeast shit?"

Another backslap, harder this time. Looked like the more he kept asking the "wrong" questions the more punishment he'd get.

"Why am I here?"

The hand came up. Karkat braced himself for the blow, but it never came. Instead a finger slowly descended and tapped his nose with a long fingernail.

"Finally, the right question." A smile sounded from the guy's voice, although his lips, like the rest of his face, were hidden beneath the ever-grinning mask.

"So what's the answer? All your "My Little Troll" dolls got thrown away so you came to play with me? Couldn't find anyone else willing to stand you?"

"It's because you're a vile, disgusting thing that deserves to be exterminated. And I'm the benefactor who will carry that out. Unless you somehow, creatively manage to actually win. So far you're proving to grow dumber and dumber by the second."

"Fuck you. I'm not some huge hairy primate dancing on strings."

"No. You're a repulsive troll who's blinded to his own stench and deserves to sit and rot in it. You will dance to my strings because they are the only strings that you will be allowed to hang on in a few moments, and you will enjoy it. You'll be grateful to me and my generosity, actually. That I made such allotments instead of just dropping you in a kennel without any form of success."

"Like anyone would be grateful to a lowlife chump like you. I could count on my hands a million wrigglers with more creativity and skill and the ability to actually carve insults that make someone quake with fear rather than the tepid little snarks that you do. I could take you to a sweeps-long class on arrogant-bastard-ship and you wouldn't learn any of it. And with that mask on your face? What are you, a primadonna scared to let her audience see her ugly beauty marks? Do you have a scar from your Lusus smacking you across the face for being so inadequate that he couldn't even stand you? And speaking of Lususes, you dirtbag, you're going to pay for what you did to mine. I'm going to be the one who makes you quake in the end and you're going to be the little bug that got squashed under me. No one fucks with my Lusus and gets away with it."

"Big words for a tiny little turd tied to a metal chair. I'll be curious to hear what you say when you—sorry did I say when, I meant if. Because you're never coming out like the fool you are and you will collapse and rot in my game. With your huge, stupid looking mouth. And your crazy, angry gestures flopping around like you're the Empress herself. The first game begins now."

Karkat felt his chair shift. It flipped over on itself, turning upside down. He found himself going backwards, staring at the ceiling in a few short moments, stark white and plain, and his eyes scraped over the wall that had been to the back of him, as the chair took him through the tile that had been the floor, flipping him onto the other side.

He emerged hanging upside down, bolted to the chair on the ceiling of a very large cage. A key dangled in front of him, about three feet away on a string. He could reach it if he could manage to stretch, maybe even with his teeth if not with a hand. But of course, he couldn't move at all. He stared at the key, wondering what exactly it went to, a door, the locks that were holding him down? Maybe it could free him. 'Course it would help if he could move in the first place. Dammit. So there came the question of… how exactly to work himself out of this chair.

A shuffle made him aware of a presence, and then the smell finally rose up to his upside down nose, as he took in the foul scent of unwashed beast.

His eyes went from the key to further down, beneath him. On the floor of the cage, about sixty feet below, a group of furry beasts shuffled around. Huge. Four of them. Trucklebeasts. Four-legged creatures with arms the size of a miniature-boulder and just as strong, hooves on their bottom feet, and long, black snouts. These things were carnivorous, voracious, and pretty intelligent too. How uu had managed to capture them was beyond Karkat's understanding, but that wasn't really relevant now. Those snouts had jutted into the air as the beasts now paused, picking up in his scent. Shit.

They looked up and their eyes locked on to him. Karkat started to struggle, as if he could break out of his chair any easier than when he'd tried the first several times. With a howl, the biggest one—the leader, probably—leapt up and crashed onto the side of the cage, shaking the entire thing. It looked up to Karkat and bared its teeth, growling, then jumped onto the next rung and started to climb. The others followed behind.

He cursed, wanting to kick his past self, present self, and all selves in-between. So much for completing those projects and seeing Terezi and his friends again. So much for getting out of here. He was totally dead meat. Why the fuck didn't he just read the signs? Why did he answer all those conversations? Why didn't he realize something was off right when he went in his hive?

He bared his teeth and flexed his fingers, emitting a long growl of his own. Even if he was practically paralyzed, he'd get in a little bit of fight of his own before his head got taken off.