Twilight: Hello, everypony! I'm here to tell you that DiscordantPrincess has written another story. How wonderful!

Thanks, Twi! (hugs her) Here we have my next installment of the "Ratti in Ponyville" series. Just a heads up, this is my most adult story of the series thus far, so if you're not into adult stuff you may want to skip this one.

This story is dedicated to ShiningShadow1965, who gave me the idea, and FairyTales And Pixie Dust, who has always supported me and my crazy stories...thanks, you two! Hope you all enjoy my story!

It was a sunny Saturday in the town of Ponyville. At Carousel Boutique, Rarity, a white unicorn with a perfectly coiffed purple mane and tail, blue eyes and a cutie mark of diamonds was working on finishing a line of dresses.

"Et voila, c'est fini," she announced. She looked at the clock. Eleven o'clock. "Oh, my. I finished MUCH earlier than I thought I would. What should I do now?" Then, she smiled as she got an idea. "I know. I think I'll make a picnic lunch, then go over to Padraic's house and surprise him with it." Padraic Ratigan was Rarity's coltfriend. He was a gray earth pony with a black mane and tail, gold eyes and a cutie mark of a pi symbol.

Rarity turned to her cat, who was playing with a ball of yarn. "How about you, Opalescence? Would you like to come along?" Opal shook her head. "Oh, come now, Opal. I know how much you LOVE playing with Padraic's cat Felicia." Opal hissed. She hated Felicia. Every time the two cats were forced to spend time with one another, they ended up fighting, and often times Felicia would win because she was the bigger of the two. Opal ran into the other room to avoid Rarity. "Fine, your loss."

So Rarity went into the kitchen to fix a picnic lunch for two. First, she made cucumber sandwiches on croissants. Then, she fixed a green salad with balsamic vinegarette dressing. Next, she cut up fresh fruit into a fruit salad. Last, she put in two fresh chocolate eclairs. "Oh, I do hope Padraic likes this." She put all the food into a white wicker basket. Then, she put on a white straw hat with a blue ribbon and a blue print sundress and headed out.

After a bit, she arrived at Ratigan's house. As she approached, however, she heard strange noises coming from inside. It sounded like two ponies grunting and moaning. She recognized both voices as Ratigan and Derpy Hooves, a local pegasus who acted as mailpony and who had a reputation of being a ditz and a klutz.

"What in Equestria are they doing in there?" Rarity asked. She stood by the open window, but it was too high for her to peek into, so she just listened. From there, Ratigan and Derpy's conversation got very interesting.

"Dammit, Derpy, would you hold still?"

"It's too big! I don't think it's gonna fit."

"Well, we've got to TRY, now don't we?"

"I can't! It's too painful!"

"Just turn sideways, it'll slide in. There you go, just ease it in there."

Rarity could hardly believe what she was hearing. That bastard was cheating on her! And with DERPY! She felt her whole body heat up with anger. "I'LL DESTROY THEM!" She ran up to the front door, practically breaking it down. "JUST WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!" she demanded, her face and eyes red with fury.

Then, she got a good look at the situation. There was Ratigan, and there was Derpy...and a cast iron stove stuck in the basement door. "Hi, Rarity!" Derpy greeted the puzzled unicorn.

"Just...what ARE you two doing?" Rarity repeated her question, this time with confusion rather than anger.

"Oh, I was donating my spare stove to Derpy here," Ratigan explained.

"Mine just died," Derpy continued. "And I wanted to bake muffins for the foals at the Canterlot orphanage. Poor kids, you know they have a really rough life, I thought some yummy homemade muffins might make them smile. I was gonna go to Sugar Cube Corner to ask the Cakes if I could borrow theirs, but I ran into Padraic and he offered to give me his spare. You've got a really nice coltfriend, Rarity."

"But we were having some trouble bringing it up from the basement, and now I'm afraid that it's stuck in the doorway," Ratigan finished. "We'd be most appreciative if you would help us, my dear."

Rarity blushed, feeling more than a little foalish. "Of course. I would be happy to help in any way I could." She then looked out and saw a large red stallion with an orange mane and tail, green eyes, freckles, a cutie mark of a green apple with a bite out of it, and a harness. She ran out. "Oh, Big Macintosh! Would you be a dear and come help us, please?"

"Eeyup," Big Mac replied. "Lemme go get Snowflake. He can help, too."

"Thank you. Oh, and see if you can get Twilight, too, she'd be perfect!"

And so Big Mac brought in Snowflake, a muscular white pegasus with a dirty blonde mane and tail, red eyes, tiny wings and a cutie mark of a dumbbell, and Twilight Sparkle, a purple unicorn with a dark blue mane and tail with pink and purple streaks, purple eyes and a cutie mark of magic sparkles. Twilight cast a spell to make the doorway wider. Once it was movable, Ratigan and Big Mac moved it out of the doorway and outside, where Snowflake picked it up and carried it to Derpy's home, followed by Derpy. Big Mac and Twilight left together.

"Ta-ta! Thank you again for helping, darlings!" Rarity called after them. She turned to her coltfriend. "And now that we're alone, I really must apologize."

"Whatever for? You helped immensely, gathering everypony like that."

"No, not for that. Earlier, when I overheard you and Derpy, I...jumped to conclusions."

"Well, what in Heaven's name did you THINK we were doing?" Ratigan asked. It dawned on him. "OH."

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have let my jealous side get in the way of my logical side," Rarity apologized. "I should've known that a gentlecolt like you would NEVER do anything so heinous! I love you so much, Padraic, and I hope you can forgive me for being a stupid foal."

"Of course, darling, of course," Ratigan reassured her, nuzzling her. "We all jump to conclusions every once in a while. And you're right, I would NEVER cheat on you. I love you."

"I love you, too," Rarity replied. The two embraced and kissed.

Suddenly, Ratigan's stomach growled rather loudly. He grinned sheepishly. "Sorry. All that labor made me EXTREMELY hungry."

"You're in luck, then," Rarity responded. She used her magic to bring the basket in. "I packed us a picnic lunch for two. But before we go to eat it, I think you should take a shower."

"Good idea, I AM a bit sweaty." Ratigan headed into his bathroom, followed quickly by Rarity, who was smiling and giggling.

Oh, Rarity, who's a silly pony? Who is? You is!

You read correctly, folks; Ratigan, who in the movie DROWNED widows and orphans, donated his stove to help FEED the orphans. That's the power of pony love for you!

I hope I got a laugh or two out of you guys! Thanks for reading!

All my best, DiscordantPrincess.