Dear Everyone,
I've figured out a way to find Addison. I'll be back as soon as I can. It was all thanks to Hugo. Aunt Hermione, he's just as brilliant as you and Rose (you too of course Uncle Ron). He showed me something that I could use. Something you two mentioned in his bedtime stories. Don't get upset with him. He was only trying to help. I'm safe. I'll send word periodically. But I can't just sit in that chair anymore, especially since I now have a fighting chance. Tell her father I'm going to bring her home safe.

Don't Worry,

Fred

I was fortunate to leave in the middle of the night so nobody was there to stop me. Leaving the letter simply on the table I fisted Hugo's gift to me and wandered out to the middle of the apple orchard where I'll have some privacy. Hoisting my pack higher on my shoulders I forced my heart to stop pounding so I could recall what Hugo told me.

He said it helps true love find each other. All I had to do was click it, let the ball of light absorb me, and apparate. Seemed easy enough. Just the thought that I could be seeing her any second made me feel like I could cast a Patronus without second thought. I just hopped I wasn't too late. I held the small lighter in front of me and gave it a hearty click. Nothing. I tried it again. Nothing.

"Hugo! I thought you said this would work," I moaned, jamming the contraption in my pocket and taking out my wand. I'll just apparate and try again. I made sure I had a clear location in mind and turned on my heel, sucking myself into an airless void. I landed easily on my feet. The random town I picked was empty—but it was still early. Light was barely touching the trees. I looked around myself, settling on a small pub tucked in between the shops. I'll just get something hot in me and then try again. It just needs some time. Hugo said it brought Uncle Ron back to Aunt Hermione and Uncle Harry. That's two people—all I needed to find was Addison.

The door gave a friendly jangle as I pushed it open. There were all of two people sitting at the bar, their work boxes ready to go when they finish up their breakfast. The barkeep nodded to me as I sat down and hefted my pack on the stool next to me.

"Rather odd time of year to be travelling, eh?" he questioned, laying out a menu.

"I'm actually looking for someone," I found myself replying after ordering a cup of tea.

"Lookin' for someone? Aren't you rather young to be lookin' for anyone?"

"I'm of age," I shrugged numbly. Sipping my tea I thought of my options. I could send her another Patronus? I don't know how she was getting food. Nothing in that endless bag of hers could last longer than a day and we were on day three. At least she could get herself water. "Perhaps you've seen her? A girl, little bit shorter than me? Fire red hair, ice blue eyes?"

"Yeah—saw her," the one of patrons replied automatically. "Seemed frantic. Crying an awful lot. She was only here for a minute though and that was about three days ago. She ran down an alley and I didn't see her come out. I had to be off to work—figured she came out after I left."

The small soaring of my heart plummeted. That was the day she ran off. The trail would be cold from here.

"Thanks so much, that's really a help," I found myself mumbling, depositing some change on the bar and making my way out. So she was here. That was something. She came here at some point. Maybe she was sticking to towns?

The tiny part of me that hoped that was true knew in my gut that that wasn't her style. She'd want to be secluded. I slipped into the alley next to the pub and withdrew my wand. Thinking only of how I would feel when I found her I was able to conjure my monkey.

"Tell her I'm looking and I'm going to find her. Tell her to hold on. Tell her I lov—just tell her I'm on my way."

Adder

I was out of thoughts. I'd done what I said I'd do. I felt. I felt it all. I saw it from every angle. Every expression. It was ripping me to shreds and I couldn't handle it anymore. I just couldn't do it. I can't sit here and know that my own parents don't want me around. I fisted my hair in my hands and bowed my head between my knees. The thoughts that were going through my head made me dry heave. There was nothing but water in my stomach so all that came up was bile. As sick as it made me I was ready.

I saw it all. I did what Fred told me. I felt. And I felt things that tore me so much that I was never going to be able to be sewn back together. I started rocking again, gathering speed and pressing out all the noise with my hands. I'm ready for this. It's time. I'm empty enough to fly.

And I stopped. I was on auto-pilot now. Frantically I stuffed everything into my bag. It was few. A blanket. The sweater I screamed into to try and make everything stop. Finally I grabbed my wand. I needed a way to get to the top of this cliff. I needed a way to fly. I was just rushing out the mouth of the cave that I've called home for Merlin knows how many days when the white monkey greeted me again.

I was beginning to think I hallucinated it, the magical monkey that spoke in Fred's voice.

"I'm coming for you. I'm going to find you."

That's all it said. It's a message! It's a message. It's showing me where to go. I rushed out of the cave and looked all around for the streak of white. There was a path to the left of the face of the cliff. It wound upwards.

"That's where you want me to go? Up? But I'm just going to be coming back down again. Surely there must be a simpler method to dying."

My ankle only seemed to balloon out more since I've hurt it so it was a slow go. I limped and climbed my way to the top of the cliff. I don't know how long it took me. I was beyond time now. I do know that I left perfect little crescents in my palm with my fingernails. They were sort of pretty. When I'm done flying I should draw them. Now where'd that monkey go?

I could feel the tears pooling in my eyes again. I began to rake my hands through my hair, yanking at the roots as hard as I could. I couldn't find the monkey. It was so nice, speaking in Fred's voice. Telling me that he was coming. That it was okay to fly, now.

"Adder, hold on. I'm trying to find you. Hold on, love."

Oh, there it is. I tentatively reached out a hand to grab the monkey. Touch Fred's voice. But it dissipated. I just need to climb higher. Climb higher and it'll all be over. Nobody will have to deal with you ever again. The sobs were getting heavier with every step I took. My head was growing heavier. I could hardly hold it up. I was so tired. But everyone will be happy soon. I just need to keep climbing so I can fly.

Fred

The third random place I landed was a field. It was completely blanketed in snow, save for the tops of grain peeking out from under the white mounds. I was completely alone. Unpocketing my device I gave it a click. Nothing! Bloody nothing! I wanted to chuck it into the field. It's a waste of time and I'm not going to find her!

I forced myself to calm down and conjured another Patronus, telling her that I was going to find her and to hold on. These Patronuses were all I had to hold onto at the moment. Just the thought that she could be getting them was pushing me forward. I grabbed my wand and flipped around myself, holding my breath for a few seconds before landing on a random beach, much like Dominique's home. I took out my wand again and thought as hard as I could. This time before I try the device I was going to tell her I'm coming.

"Tell her I'm nearly there. Tell her I'm sorry."

I watched it take off before removing the device from my pocket. If it doesn't work this time I just might chuck it into the ocean. I palmed it a bit. If I threw it into the ocean I don't think Uncle Ron would be too happy with me. But I was so frustrated. Here was an object, a promise, that I was going to find her and bring her back and it doesn't even work. My thumb hovered over the switch—I should just go home. Leave this to the Aurors. I'm doing nothing but wasting my time, it's almost dark. I can't just keep aimlessly apparating because it wasn't going to do her any good and it wasn't getting me closer to finding her.

"Fred…"

I froze, whipping around to look at my surroundings.

"Fred…"

No! No! It was coming from the device. Oh Hugo, I could kiss you! This time when I gave it a click the tiny ball of light emerged. It floated in front of me, inviting me to step into it. With an almighty leap I turned on my heel as the ball of light flew into my chest.

Where I landed was windy, so windy I couldn't hear a thing. I strained to hear anything. And then I heard it, drifting down from the top of the cliff above me, aided by the wind. My name and sobbing. Why was she up there? She can't, no. No! I've come too far! I can't lose her now!

"Adder! No!" I bellowed, throwing myself hands first towards the rocks and beginning my climb towards the top. "ADDER! STOP!"

I wasn't climbing fast enough. I needed a broom. I needed something. I needed to climb faster.

"ADDER! I'm here, STOP! Come down!" I shouted, my breath hitching as I pushed all my energy into reaching the plateau at the top. The sobbing only grew louder, punctuated by words that I could yet understand.

"Adder! Adder, love, come down to me!" I nearly sobbed, reaching the last couple of feet and pushing myself forward. The wind was picking up and flurries of snow were beginning to pick up from off the ground, stinging my eyes and blurring my vision. Then I surfaced.

Adder was perched at the edge of the cliff. Her hair was ragged and tangled, her dress nearly in tatters. She wasn't wearing her coat and only had one boot on. Her empty foot was swelled to the size of a bludger.

"Monkey Fred! I'm ready to fly now! Why aren't you here?"

"I'm here Adder, I'm here! Turn around!" I shouted, scrambling to get closer to her. She stopped her shouting then, her shoulders still shaking in sobs.

"I knew you would be here to fly with me," she laughed, her voice thick with tears. "I'm ready to make everyone happy now. I had to feel. You told me to feel. I don't like the feeling! But I know now! I know that if I fly that everyone will be happy."

"NO! DO NOT FLY ADDISON!" I bellowed, stopping a few feet behind her. She cocked her head to the side.

"But I have to. I have to. Nobody wants me," she declared, letting her arms fall limply at her sides.

"Adder, turn around. Please, love turn around," I begged, wanting to snatch her and pull her away but afraid she would jump from the shock of it. I could feel the tears pooling, my eyes stinging from the cold. She listened though. Slowly she turned to face me, the tears streaming down her face and confusion coating every feature.

"Where'd the monkey go? Where'd you come from?" she questioned, her heels rocking against the edge. I could hear a jumble of large rocks tumbled down the face and hit the ground with a sickening thud.

"Does it matter? I'm here, love. Now step away from the cliff," I ordered, holding out a hand to her.

"Why'd you change your mind? I haven't. I know nobody cares. I know everything would be better," she shrugged, all the life that she had possessed while shouting gone.

"Addison. I care," I declared.

"No you don't. You said it yourself—nobody wants me around. Nobody wants me around and it'd be much easier if I flew," she argued, her bottom lip jutting out in a very uncharacteristic pout.

"I was wrong Adder, I care! I care so much about you it hurts!"

"No!"

"Yes! I'm never going to stop caring. No matter how hard you try to push me away, I'm not going anywhere!"

"Why?! I'm worthless! Why would you want to care? My own parents don't care."

"Because I love you, you big fat idiot!" I screamed, my voice going slightly hoarse. "I don't know why because you infuriate me but I do. And if you jump off that cliff you might as well kill me now. Because I'll never stop caring, Adder, I'll never stop caring. Please just come here. One step. Please, one step! I know that you've been destined to implode for like ever but we can fix that! We can fix it together!" I begged, falling to my knees.

The way she looked at me was like she couldn't exactly comprehend what I was saying. The tears were still coursing down her cheeks, the wind causing her hair to stick to them, blocking her features from me. My heart was pounding so hard I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn't stun her cause she'd fall backwards. I couldn't body-bind her because the wind would send her over. She had to make the steps. I couldn't just sit here and let her choose me and everything in the world or death but it was my only choice.

"You care?"

"Yes. I care. Your father cares. He's got half of Wizarding Britain on a manhunt for you. We care. Please, love. Come here. Please step away," I begged.

"You're crying," she stated simply.

"I just want you here. Right with me. I just want to hold you," I replied earnestly.

"I've been doing a lot of that lately. It hurts," she sighed, looking up at the sky. The snow was coming down faster and harder. She rocked slightly again making another set of large rocks plummet down.

"Addison—please. Please come to me," I pleaded for what felt like could be the last time. My voice was barely heard above the wind. I bent my head forward and really let the tears fall. I couldn't watch her jump. I couldn't do it. It was clear now she was beyond coming to me. What was I going to do without her? How can you decide you love someone so much it hurts and then lose them? But then I felt pressure, the pressure of arms wrapping around my torso. I let out a sob of relief and latched my arms around her waist, pulling her to me. Pulling her to safety.

"Please don't cry—it hurts," she shouted, wiping her full palms against my cheeks.

"You idiot! You big fat git! How could you scare me like that?!" I choked out, burying my face in her hair.

"I scared you?" she questioned innocently. It was like she was a small child.

"Nearly to death," I declared, leaning back and giving her a hard kiss on the mouth. She didn't respond and when I pulled away she looked confused, raising one hand to her lips and touching them gently. "Now let's get out of this storm. There's no going home tonight."

Adder

Death is warm and comforting. Like someone holding you. It's also slightly smelly. I should open my eyes and see what it looks like. I'm kinda scared. I don't know if I'm ready—but I guess I don't really have a choice. It's done now, isn't it? Flying was frightening. The wind was so strong. But I landed. And now Death is ready to greet me.

Slowly I allowed my eyes to flutter open. Fuck! Death was this stupid cave! I did all that to wind up back here. It's warmer than in real life. I slowly swiveled my neck around. I thought you weren't supposed to feel any pain after Death because I feel like I've been hit by a million bludgers. But there's one good thing about Death. I'm being held.

Gently I eased myself up and looked at my holder. It knocked everything out of me and I could feel the hysteria bubbling up. I began to grab at my hair, trying to keep my breathing from reaching hyperventilation state. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be home at The Burrow. Death wasn't allowed to take him too. As suddenly as I began to cry, he was awake.

"Pet, calm down," he declared, holding me tighter and cradling my head against his chest. "I'm here."

"You're not supposed to be!" I managed to get out, choking on my own saliva so much that I began to gag.

"I told you! I'm not going anywhere! I thought we covered this last night?" he replied, utterly bewildered. "You can't make me go anywhere. I'm staying right here with you and I'm not going away no matter how hard you push."

"No! If you're here then you're dead like me! You can't be. Death wasn't supposed to have you, just me," I explained, my sobs causing my words to hiccup drastically. This is too much. This is what Death was supposed to help me escape.

"You think you're? Oh no! Adder, love, you're not dead," Fred sighed, squeezing me tighter to him. "You're alive. You're alive and you're with me and nothing, not even yourself, is going to hurt you ever again."

"But—but—the cliff. I climbed and I was ready and…" I broke off, my sobs taking over me. I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't face pain this raw. Fred didn't say anything, he just held me to his chest, massaging his fingers against my scalp and resting his cheek on my forehead.

"She left," I managed to get out. "She left and didn't want me."

"I know," he replied, burying his face in my hair.

"She didn't want me," I repeated. "She cheated on my Dad. She has a new family that she wants more than me."

"She's crazy. Who could want anyone but you," Fred whispered so low that I don't think I was meant to hear.

"How am I supposed to live knowing my own mother doesn't want me?"

"You don't live like that," Fred shrugged. "You live knowing that your father wants you. That your sister wants you. That Mrs. Stevens wants you. That I want you."

"You want me? Still?" I questioned hesitantly. "I'm not good for you."

"I don't care."

"I'm evil to you," I tried again.

"Again, don't care."

"I'm not right for you," I tried finally.

"Wrong answer. It's completely mental but Adder, you're the only one right for me. I don't get it either so don't try thinking about it too hard," he replied, lifting my chin to look at him.

"I'm broken," I finally admitted. "And I feel like my insides are raw."

"Well this time we'll set you right," he shrugged. I furrowed my brow into his chest and gave a grunt of confusion, wishing he would explain that. I have the world's largest headache. "See you're like a bone. You can break but that doesn't necessarily mean you get healed right. You could be crooked or weak. So then what you do is re-break the bone and set it right so it heals properly. You're broken but this time we're going to heal you straight and right. Trust me, I've broken enough bones to know about this metaphor."

"One more question. Then I want to sleep," I sighed, nuzzling under the blanket that was covering us both. "Why are we still in this fucking cave?"

Fred gave a rather loud laugh, making my head throb more. I attempted to smack him but gave a low yelp of pain. That hand hurt really badly. I could feel the brush of his lips against those knuckles.

"Once this storm stops we'll get you home," he declared, planting another kiss on my head as I drifted back to sleep.

"I don't understand! She was awake thirty-three hours ago and talking to me! Why won't she wake up!"

Well isn't he testy?

"Fred! You heard the Healer! Sometimes someone that's gone through trauma will heal through sleep. She's perfectly healthy. They fixed her ankle and hand right up easy."

"Then why won't she just wake up and why does she have to be in St. Mungos?"

"Stop whining, it's really unbecoming and rather pathetic."

Yeah, Fred, Dom's right. You're acting like a pussy. A cute and caring pussy but a pussy none the less.

"Fine, but I'm not leaving until she does."

"Yes, Mr. Weasley, you've made that point very evident."

Dad?

"All in the day of a hero, Minister Ryan. I just wish I got to her before that storm then we wouldn't be going through this."

Oh well that's modest.

"Son, you talked her off a cliff. I don't care if you got her home a week from now. You got her home alive."

Oh—that's right. I'm broken. I nearly forgot.

"Barely—I was almost afraid I wouldn't at one point…"

"The main thing is you did, Freddy."

Ooh, I've had enough of their babbling. Can't they see the injured party is trying to sleep?!

"CAN YOU ALL STOP TALKING?! MY HEAD HURTS!"

"Addison!"

"Lights?" I countered, attempting to open my eyes but almost crying at the attempt. For the record, I never want to cry again. I've done enough of it for—well I still don't know how many days it was—but I've done enough of it for a lifetime. Though there was a good reason behind it. I felt my throat constrict again and struggled to get breath in and out. Everything was settling in again. I couldn't breathe.

"Adder! Adder, breathe!" Fred exclaimed by my left ear. My eyes flew open and my hand when to my throat. Wasn't happening. World was spinning.

"Addison, pumpkin, breathe. We're here. Just breathe," Dad soothed, taking one of my hands and holding it against his cheek. I gave him an alarmed look. He hasn't called me pumpkin since I was little. "Sorry, Adder. Breathe, Adder."

"She didn't want us," I managed out.

"I know," Dad sighed, brushing some of my hair out of my eyes.

"She cheated on you."

"I know," Dad snorted rather bitterly.

"What kind of name is Atticus?" I spat out.

"I know, right?! Like honestly, mother dearest, pick a more pretentious name!"

I flipped my head so fast that I almost cricked my neck.

"Audrey?"

"Present!" She cheered, shoving past Fred and crawling into bed with me. "I'm so sorry I didn't send my letters out."

Oh! Hogwarts! I nearly forgot I had spent a full term there and that my family abandoned me during it all. There was a slight pressure in my hand and I knew by the calloused touch that it was Fred. I could feel the tears pool in my eyes again. So much for not crying.

"You guys abandoned me," I choked out.

"Addison, I thought I was helping," Dad stated primly.

"Right—that really felt great. That really helped!" I snapped, yanking my hand out of his and using it to wipe some tears away. Audrey seemed lost—merely taking my hair and piling it on top of my head instead.

"We'll leave you to talk with your family," Dominique declared from the doorway.

"But! I said I wouldn't leave!" Fred demanded.

"Oh please. We'll get a cup of tea and come right back. Don't be such a baby," she snorted, stalking in and yanking him out of his chair. I heard him call her a few choice names as the door closed.

"Addie," Audrey stated, breaking the silence. "I really think he loves you. Has he told you yet?"

"He just told me no matter how hard I pushed him away he wasn't going anywhere," I shrugged, turning my face away from my father.

"I should've taken that advice during those five years, dear," he sighed.

"He talked to me already. It's a good reason," Audrey whispered over-dramatically.

"Shut it Aud. I don't want to hear anything from either of you. I can't handle it anymore. My insides feel like they've been run over by a pack of hippogriffs and then charred by a dragon. I can't take any more excuses. I get it. You just didn't want me. I was the black sheep—it was easier," I announced, reaching up a free hand and entangling it in my hair so I could give it a large yank.

"Don't," Dad pleaded, pulling my hand away. "The Healer said you had a severely bruised scalp from doing that."

"Don't act like you suddenly care," I spat, trying to look anywhere but him or Audrey.

"Pumpkin, I've always cared. When you were younger I was so busy building a career so you two would have everything you ever needed. Your mother was the one that did all the rearing. Then she left. Along with losing the love of my life I also had to gain sudden knowledge on how to raise a thirteen and a ten year old. I had no idea what I was doing. When you started lashing out I thought all you needed was tough love.

"It was why I forbid anyone of contacting you at school. I thought it would drive the point home more. I was wrong. I should've been there for you. I should've tried to talk to you about your mother. I was wrong Addison. All this—all your pain is all my fault and that is something I will never forgive myself for."

"It wasn't all you," I allowed myself to admit. "Mom fucked me up pretty well too."

"I want to make it better. I'm going to make it better," Dad declared, taking my hand. "I'm going to take Fred's advice. No matter how hard you push—I'm not going anywhere. You won't get me to budge."

"This is precious," I gagged. "But really, quite disgusting."

"Addison," Dad sighed, before letting out a small laugh.

"I like you better like this anyways," Audrey announced suddenly. "That Mom-clone impression was scary."

"You were amazing. Who knew you had a set of balls that big," I laughed, allowing her to rest her head on my shoulder.

"Yeah well one of us had to be," she shrugged, aimlessly braiding my hair. "Fred's back. Doesn't give you much air does he?"

"Give him time—he just needs to get this out a bit," Dad replied. "You really sent him into a tailspin. He was practically catatonic for the first two days. Then by day three he left a note claiming that he was going to find you with something. His family seemed to get it though."

"God I hope it doesn't last long. It's annoying," I declared, looking at him hover by the window. I gave him a cocked eyebrow which he merely grinned at. "How long was I gone anyways?"

"Four days, fifteen hours and twenty one seconds," Audrey answered automatically. I gave her a blank stare. "What! Fred wasn't the only one worried about you!"

"C'mon Audrey, let's let him in. We can go get some tea and leave them be for a moment," Dad declared, hoisting Audrey over his shoulder like she weighed nothing. She burst out laughing and gave a small wave to Fred as he slid into the room.

"Finally!" he exclaimed, practically jumping into the bed with me and immediately winding his arms around me.

"I don't remember inviting you," I pointed out, causing him to stiffen all over.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere. That includes you trying to deny that you have feelings for me too!" he exclaimed, giving me a rather peeved look. "You can't deny that what happened that night before Christmas wasn't just sex. We made-"

"If you say 'made love' I might just vomit," I declared, slapping a hand over his mouth. "But rant heard. No, it wasn't just sex."

"Told you," he mumbled around my hand.

"Shut it I'm not done. Audrey thinks you're in love with me. Is that true?"

"Way to put a guy on the spot!" he exclaimed.

"Is it true?"I questioned again. Fred looked like he was going to pee his pants but finally let out a long breath.

"Yes, it's true. I'm very much in love with you," he finally answered, looking directly at me. Navy to ice.

"Well—if that's the case I think you should probably see the real me first," I stated, grabbing my bag from the table next to me and plunging my hand deep into its depths. I slowly unearthed the vial that had been lying in my bag for weeks. I nudged him aside and carefully massaged the potion into my hair. I could see my dark raven locks fall upon my shoulders. Back to normal. "Sorry—not a ginger for one."
"I think I can live with that. I'm related to half of the ginger population in Britain," he shrugged.

"I'm really fucked up in the head," I put in.

"I already told you that we were going to set that bone properly," he replied.

"I curse a lot."

"Already fell in love with that."

"Almost killed myself."

"For one, saved you. You're welcome. For two—right back to that bone," Fred announced. "You're running out of declarations. It's starting to sound in my favor, here."

I stared at this boy. This one boy that has put me through total hell for almost four months of my life. This boy that would not stop pestering no matter how much I dished out on him. This one boy who was able to talk my most deranged self off a cliff. This one boy that secretly makes me laugh. This one boy that I simply cannot walk away from no matter how hard I tried.

"Well then I guess I'm going to have to love you as well."

Fred beamed at me before practically tackling me with his lips.

I think I was always going to have to love him from the start no matter how hard I tried to fight it from the beginning.

A/A: That's it. That's the end. Funny how I take it down and when I reposted this story it literally took me two days to finish. I'm actually really proud of this fic, guys. The last three chapters absolutely killed me and my editor. I know you've spent twenty-plus chapters absolutely hating the protagonist but I hope after this you've gained a new appreciation for Adder Ryan. I sure did and I knew her fate all along. It was a difficult road but I made it. I sure hope you enjoy this one and expect updates to my other unfinished fic Pirouettes and Transfiguration. I think finishing this story has lifted my mental block on that one. Let me know if you want to see an epilogue—that's still up in the air.

Forever yours magically,

Emmie Rose