Title: Gentle, Murderous Meg
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Meg/Castiel friendship, mentions of Cas/Dean
Spoilers: Season 7
Warnings: Strong language, nudity, inappropriate bedside manners.
Summary: Snippets of Meg and Castiel's lives at the mental hospital.

Taking care of Castiel was the easiest job Meg had taken in centuries. She didn't have to live with the threat of torture if she didn't do this or that. To be sure, she was being hunted by demons, but at least her job of sustaining Castiel meant that she would also likely be safe. They had an interesting, symbiotic relationship. He would smite demons for her and she would try her best to keep him sane.

Castiel was the cactus of mental patients. He never yelled at her and was never violent. Meg thought he was a docile dummy and that was just fine. She could get away with forgetting his pills or forgetting to feed him because he was an angel that didn't need human medication or sustenance. Meg didn't even need to entertain him all the time because he spent so much time in his mind. She didn't know how, but her presence alone managed to help him.

To put up a show and consequently build her nurse cred, Meg would force kindness. She would speak to Cas softly, shower him with smiles, and bring him treats. Immediately, Cas came to prefer her to any other being in the hospital although that had never been her intention.

"Oh, Clarence!" She sang. "Guess who brought you something special." She pulled his rolling tray table in front of him and set a hot bag on it. Meg had left the door to his room open so the humans of their prison could observe her generosity. "Hamburgers and French fries! We're gonna have lunch together, buddy."

Meg sat down in front of him and shared some food with him. Castiel didn't usually eat, but he made an exception for the burger. When she was done eating and buttering Cas up, she waved to Cas with a shiny smile on her face. "Take care, kiddo. You be good now."

"Thank you, Meg," The angel replied, but his expression was barely less sullen than before. The sound of his voice was a miracle to the ears of most of the nurses.

"Meg, you're really great with Cas," Another nurse told Meg on her way down the hall, "It's amazing. He won't talk to anyone else."

"Yeah, I do what I can," Meg answered smugly.

"What's your secret?"

"You know, all that school and such."

"Well, be careful," The other nurse smiled. "He might get a crush on you."

"Wouldn't surprise me. I am a maneater," Meg winked.

A few days later, Meg was administering Castiel's pills and she did so with an unnecessary amount of physical contact. She let her fingers brush over his lips softly and then slid them in his mouth when his lips fell apart. He caressed his tongue over her digits and sweetly sucked her flesh. "You ready for your pills, angel?"

He nodded and Meg removed her fingers to retrieve his meds. She placed them in his mouth and he swallowed. "You're such a good boy," She praised him and considered touching Castiel in ways he wasn't ready for yet. Meg struck down her thoughts, as she always did, and cleaned the tray upon which she had put the medicine. "I'm gonna go now, 'kay?"

Right as she turned, Castiel gripped her by her wrist. He set a worried gaze on her face. "Please don't go."

Castiel could never tell Meg, but he imagined the Winchesters leaving him every time she left the room. In place of her petite nurse shoes and legs, he saw Dean's bow-legged strut and Sam's giant boots walking away from him like he was nothing. He was nothing. Still, being left alone was something Cas had trouble handling no matter how much it was deserved.

Cas had no one other than Meg now.

"I have to go, you idiot," She snarled. "I've gotta pretend to do actual nursing now and then."

"Can I go with you?"

"No!"

"Will you promise to come back?" Castiel asked her, like he wished he had asked the Winchesters.

"You know I will," Meg answered and Castiel was satisfied.

Meg's job as a nurse had become her life because Castiel was her protector. She made a habit of staying near Cas as much as possible, not because she liked him, but because he was her greatest weapon. Early on, she had taken to invading his room at night after her shift ended and the hospital was closed. Meg rigged the security cameras so she could slip in without being recorded.

For the sake of comfort, sometimes she slipped into his bed and rested with him during the long night hours. Much of the time he was catatonic, but other times he would stay up with her and talk. The angel liked to cuddle, and Meg let him because she couldn't think of a good reason not to.

She set up her spot on his bed, propping up several pillows for her use. When Meg lied down on her back, Cas curled his body over her, resting his face against her bosom like a child. Her arms wrapped around him for lack of having anything better to do. The demon closed her eyes and began to initiate a calm meditation. Meg's serene reverie was disturbed by Castiel's rough, deep voice.

"Dear minion of Satan," Castiel breathed to Meg's chest. Meg blinked her eyes open and tilted her head down to observe the face of the tranquil angel.

"Former minion, thank you very much," She said. "Good riddance to him."

"Vulture to humans. Black hole of pain," Cas murmured and Meg stilled when she realized Castiel was describing her.

"Excuse me?"

"Soft to the touch," Castiel sighed and brushed his fingers over her arm delicately. "…with a core like a lusterless diamond."

"I will beat you."

"Your embrace is an enigma."

"This – " Meg faltered before responding, "This isn't an 'embrace.' I'm just holding you – wearing you, like a demon-proof vest."

"Your modesty a marvel."

"And my booty a beauty?" Meg groaned. "I get it, Cas. Now. Cut. It. Out."

"Your compassion a cure…" Castiel confessed, "Gentle, murderous Meg."

Meg waited for more, but Castiel remained silent. "That's it? That's how it ends?"

"That's the title," Castiel replied. Meg didn't hate it, but she couldn't tell Castiel that. She looked out of the window and smirked at the stars.

"Don't quit your day job," She said.

"You didn't like it."

"That garbage isn't going to get you laid, that's for sure."

"I'll think of another," Castiel mused. "Darling demon…"

"No, no, no!" Meg snarled and gave Cas a pinch on his arm. He squirmed with pain and looked up at her with a wounded set of dazzling blue eyes. She chided him like he was a disobedient animal, "No."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be. You know it's my turn," Meg gleamed. "You ready? Okay. Here we go. Pain in the ass angel…"

Castiel smiled and listened attentively.

"Your horrible poetry is lame and you're dead in the brain. Your vision is hazy and you're pretty damn lazy. Please…try to stop being so crazy," Meg groaned and poked his skull for emphasis. After a second of thought, she added, "We're not friends and I'm tired so shut the fuck up."

"That didn't rhyme."

"You missed the point of the poem, Shakespeare."

"Well, I can't control whether or not I'm crazy, is it the part about me shutting up?"

"One of these days... Castiel," Meg threatened, "Bang, zoom, straight to the moon."

Finding her words to be beautiful, Castiel all but swooned, "I'd like to go to the moon with you someday."

Meg growled loudly and rubbed his head roughly with her hand. She put a pillow over his face so she didn't have to look at him and he only responded by making a sound of delight.

Annoying and crazy as he was, he made Meg smile. Just being around Castiel was some of the greatest entertainment the demon had ever experienced. Cas was a comedy that only she could fully appreciate. He liked to play games so Meg spent a great deal of time with him in the common room playing and often cheating at Battleship, checkers, chess, Connect 4, Monopoly, Sorry!, and Scrabble. Castiel would get absorbed in their games some days, but other days he was distracted.

"I just sunk your battleship," Meg gloated, but Castiel made no move to stick the red pin of defeat into the ship at B-6.

"I had a dream," Castiel said absently and stared down at the game pieces without seeing them. For someone who didn't sleep, Castiel had a lot of dreams. Meg was convinced Cas thought everything was a dream. He probably thought the conversation they were having now was nothing more than an illusion.

"Okay," She said, "I guess I'm going to hear what it was about, aren't I?"

"You were a princess in a tower," Castiel explained. "You wore a pink dress and a golden crown."

Meg burst into laughter. Quite seriously, Castiel examined her and said, "I had to save you. It was very frightening. Everything was so colorful and bright, but there were hideous reptiles that wanted to hurt you. A nightmarish juxtaposition."

"That's amazing," Meg looked away for a moment and caught sight of another patient playing a Mario Bros. game on the TV in the room. She frowned at the video game and then looked back at Castiel.

After a moment of scheming, she pulled out one of her black markers from her pocket and moved over to him. Meg held Castiel's face in her hands and touched the felt tip to his upper tip. Castiel wriggled in her grasp and winced at the pungent scent. When she was done, Castiel's face was painted with a thick, black mustache.

"Clarence," Meg said. "Repeat after me: It's-a me, Mario!"

"Repeat after me: It's-a me, Mario," Castiel deadpanned.

"Aw, you ruined it."

The only thing Castiel enjoyed more than the company of the demon was the great outdoors. Meg preferred to stay inside because she thought it was easier to avoid being seen or attacked indoors. She liked the comfort and seclusion of Castiel's cell, but Castiel didn't.

Meg was reading a magazine while Cas sat in contemplation when, suddenly, he vanished.

"No, Cas!" Meg cried and dropped her salacious reading material. "Lucifer's nutsack! Get back here, you stupid angel! Cas! Come back! You idiot! I told you not to disappear anymore."

"Fuck!" She hissed and ran around the hospital to look for him. The last thing they needed was for somebody to see a magical, vanishing mental patient. In her distress, Meg looked around every corner of the hospital for him. When she didn't find him, she went outside.

"Cas!" She called. "Here, angel, angel. Here, Cas! C'mere!"

Everything in the open was too green for her taste. Meg didn't like pollen or animals or flowers. All of those things were outside and all of those things were loved by Castiel. Meg checked the garden where he sometimes enjoyed sitting, but he wasn't there. Around the late afternoon, she spotted a man in a tree and knew it could be no being other than the angel.

"Cas!" She cried up to the tree and squinted, "Are you naked?"

He was perched as comfortably in the tree as a bird, not minding the bark on his ass at all. "Hello, Meg," he said.

"Get out of the damn tree!" She seethed. "Where the hell did you put your clothes?"

"I don't remember."

"Get down here!" Meg asserted again, but he didn't move. Grumbling, she decided to climb up the tree. Her plan was to shove him out of the tree and see if a broken neck would motivate him not to vanish again.

"Mind the bees," Castiel warned her.

"What – ouch! Ow! Bees!" She batted the air and almost had a nasty fall. "Cas, do something about this! Gross!"

"You disturbed them. I told you to be careful."

"I am actually really going to kill you."

Castiel turned his face to the sky and waited for Meg, unconcerned with the prospect that she might carry through her threat. By the time Meg reached the thick branch upon which he was settled, she had been stung several times. She was panting and covered in leaves and dirt. "I hate trees," She breathed. After collecting her breath, her eyes were drawn to Castiel's naked body. "Why exactly are you naked? Where did you go?"

"I went to contemplate the bees."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Meg scratched her forehead. "You don't even speak English anymore."

"And I went to see Dean," Castiel said.

Meg paused, "Did you get naked for the bees or for Dean?"

"He screamed when he saw me," Castiel looked down. "I just wanted to see him… I wanted…"

"Clarence, did you give Dean a bad touch?"

"I didn't touch him at all. I just waited for him with the bees. They were so perfect. Wonders of the universe… and I wanted him to see them too."

But why was the naked part necessary? Meg ran her hand over her face. "I told you not to bother Dean. He doesn't want to see you."

Castiel was arrested by a heavy inner turmoil. "Why would he scream at the sight of me?"

"'Cause he hates you. Duh," Meg spelled it out for Cas without a shred of tact. When Castiel's eyes went wide, she snickered, "Do I need to bring my Cosmo up here? Well, I think I can improvise. Ahem, '10 Ways to Tell if a Guy Hates You,' by yours truly."

She cleared her throat, "Number One: He leaves you in a mental hospital to live a miserable existence on antipsychotic meds and Jell-O."

"Number Two: He finds the sight of your naked body scream-worthy…but not in the sexy way." Meg wagged her eyebrows. She was having a little bit of fun with her list even if it caused Cas to suffer. "Number Three: He never calls. He never speaks to you willingly."

By this point, not even the bees were lifting his spirit.

"Number Four: Knowing you're an angel, he makes your caretaker a demon," Meg fought hard to suppress her laughter. "This is a supernatural issue of Cosmo, FYI."

"I don't like this list."

Meg went on anyway, "Number Five: He doesn't pray for you. You know why? He doesn't need your help. He wouldn't summon you if you were the last angel on Earth."

"That's not true."

"Face it, Dean thinks you're useless. Why else do you think you're here?" Meg asked.

"Because I'm the worst person imaginable."

"Now you're getting the idea," Meg answered. "So don't ever vanish again. Don't look for Dean. Your fluffy ass is lucky he isn't hunting you."

"He's too busy cleaning up my mess," Castiel replied in such a small, distressed voice that his words were barely audible.

"Fun girl talk!" Meg smiled and clapped her hands together. "If you want I can let you borrow this book I found. It's called He's Just Not That Into You. I haven't read it yet, but I think it'd be perfect for you."

Meg imagined that Castiel's heart was gradually deteriorating. She liked to help move it along so they could get it over and done with. The demon wasn't about false hope. She thought it was pointless. The angel's clinging thoughts of Dean were more pathetic than his mental breakdown.

Meg also thought if he could let go of Dean, maybe Cas could replace his thoughts of him with her. Dean didn't know how good he had it, having a remarkable tool like Cas. Meg was having a great time borrowing him even though he was broken. If Dean never came back for Cas, she thought she could apply some duck tape and have a great second-hand angel.

Meg crawled forward and brushed her fingertips on the underside of the angel's foot. He laughed against his will, to her surprise. "Well I'll be damned. That actually worked."

"What did you just do?"

"I tickled you, Cas," She grinned. "Did you like it?"

"No."

Because he said no, she did it again.

"Hey, angel. What say you we get out of this nasty tree?" Meg suggested, "We can paint each other's toenails, drink some white wine, and have ourselves a good cry over boys."

She had spoken a moment too late. Castiel was avoiding looking at her and flicking something out of the corner of his eye. Meg had never seen him cry before, so she wouldn't know how to recognize it. "Allergies, Cas? You're spending too much time with the bees and flowers."

"I want to stay here," He said. "Would you stay with me?"

"Sure, why not? I'll only get fired for – hey! W-Watch it!" Meg cried as she was pulled into Cas' naked form. She struggled in his grasp, but couldn't move much without risking falling out of the tree. Meg hadn't been flush against a naked man in a while, and she didn't mind it being Cas. "Hm. You comin' on to me?"

"No, you're coming on to me," Castiel replied, taking her words in the literal sense.

Meg sighed and stretched out on top of Cas like a large cat. She nuzzled her face into his bare chest and closed her eyes. Her sensitive demon nose twitched and she said, "You smell like the Impala."

"I appeared on Dean's car."

"Shut up!" Meg snorted, "Almighty Beelzebub, like a car show model?" She shook her head, unable to believe the weirdness that was Cas. She supposed she should count herself lucky. Not everyone had the opportunity to meet a heavenly pin-up model. "Don't listen to the haters, Clarence. You're not so bad…for an angel."