Ch. 11- An Unexpected Attitude Adjustment

The ride home is completed in silence. I switch between exasperation and worry for my two boys, while McGee just stares out of the window in a sad, resigned sort of way. This makes me just want to smack the kid, but he has had enough on the head, the rest can wait until we get home.

I muse about what to do tonight, and what to wait until tomorrow.

He isn't ready for the full punishment tonight, not after what he had already received earlier today. I may be tough as nails, but I would never hurt any of the people under my command. That said, there is no way I am going to let him into the field tomorrow in his current state. With his guilt like it is, he could do all manner of things to try and compensate and end up getting himself injured… or worse.

It wouldn't be the first time.

The work part was over, everything else was between me and him on a personal level. But this isn't even really about his upcoming consequences, about the lie of omission he told me, this is about his guilt. And that I am determined to nip right in the bud. He has nothing to prove to me, nothing to make up for. Yes, we still had the personal part of the punishment to take care of, and we would- tomorrow. But he seems to have forgotten that I had already forgiven him. That, I decide, is what I would deal with tonight.

He knows better than this. We have gone over it before.

I come to my decision just as we are pulling into my driveway. I unbuckle and briskly move towards the house, more than ready to get this over with. Tim follows behind reluctantly.

Walking in the door I toss my keys onto the table, and before Tim has fully entered I point to the next room, my voice no-nonsense and firm.

"Living room."

"But boss…! We just got here! Can't I bring my stuff up to my room first?" His voice is a little confused, and I am glad to have him unbalanced. Maybe this time it would sink in!

I level a glare at him, which causes him to freeze.

"After. We have a bit of an attitude problem to address, one I'm not going to wait on. Get going."

His eyes widen in horrified realization of what those words, and that tone, means, and he scurries into the living room to his normal spot.

Even without seeing his face I can tell he is desperately searching for what he did wrong, for anything that I might see as attitude from him, and most likely coming up blank.

Other than a few, confusion-based outbursts, he has been compliant. But that is not the attitude I was talking about.

Taking a deep breath, and steeling myself for the upcoming conversation, I force myself to be stern. I will not stand for his acceptance of excessive guilt.

Confident I am in the right mindset, I enter the room and sit down at my usual perch. Clearing my throat meaningfully, I look straight at him, expecting an explanation that I know he does not have the answer to. He is looking down, but it only takes a few seconds before his slightly panicked, yet guilty, face is meeting mine. He knows better than to avoid eye contact.

"Care to explain the attitude, Tim?"

His eyes dart around in panic, as if searching for the answer in the room, before he tries to answer me.

"Boss, I- I'm not… I don't mean-"

I nod once, sharply, accepting his answer, slightly self-satisfied in my accuracy to his thoughts. Then I level him with a stern gaze, and continue.

"Tim. What is the reason I discipline you guys like I do?"

My voice, while still stern, had lost its hard edge and entered what Abby once called my 'teaching tone'. I could tell that he was not expecting the question as he blinks, loosing his guilty expression before turning confused.

"I… I don't know boss. I guess it is because you want to keep us safe? Like, paper punishments would hurt our careers, and you want us to be able to move up when it becomes time."

I nod, although my eyes narrow slightly. I had seen the warmth growing in his eyes as he spoke, the relaxation of his body, which was my point of the question. I wanted him to acknowledge out loud that I cared about him, to remember that. But he was missing the most important piece.

I raise an eyebrow.

"And?"

Tim looks even more confused.

"And what boss?"

I give him an unimpressed look. "Do you think it is only about the job, McGee?"

He blushes and looks down, trying to hide his embarrassed smile.

"No boss," he says quietly embarrassed, "its to keep us safe too."

I give a quick nod.

"Exactly. Eyes on me, Tim."

He shoots his head up to meet mine once again. I hold his gaze a moment, studying him, drawing out the silence a bit before abruptly challenging.

"So why would that be different today Tim?"

His once again confused face looks up at mine. "Wha- What do you mean, boss?"

My voice goes hard. It was time to make my point.

"What is my number one rule of discipline."

He looks at me a moment before he realizes what I am talking about, and he looks away wincing, guilt once again heavy on his tone.

"Once it is over, it's over. We move on, and it is not brought up again."

"Right." I reach out and put my finger under his chin to get his eyes back on mine, and I leave them there to make sure I keep his attention. My voice hardens even more as I give him a smaller version of the glare.

"So why would you think today would be different!?"

He grimaces and starts to pull away, trying to avoid the uncomfortable path this line of questioning is leading him. He immediately stops, recalling my fingers still gently holding his chin, as they tighten at his brief movement.

His face is a mixture of guilt and pleading now, trying to avoid the inevitable, voice almost a whine.

"I… I don't know boss."

I narrow my eyes and harden my gaze, even as I hide a snort of amusement at his childish response. I let him face my displeasure for a moment before I grind out.

"Try again."

He flinches at the tone, eyes darting away for a second, before he returns his gaze to mine, and answers, resignedly, full of guilt.

"I was the agent in charge."

I firmly hold his gaze for a moment, before nodding briefly and moving back. I tap his chin twice first though, a reminder to keep eye contact, before I cross my arms and continue my heavy gaze.

"Your point?"

He winces again and then looks away, rubbing a hand through his hair. I let him, as his eyes come back to mine after just a moment.

"It's just… today was the first time with another agent, boss. A younger agent. I was in charge, and I could have gotten us hurt."

I hold his gaze, just looking at him, face firm and arms crossed, making him squirm.

"And that changes things?"

"Yes! I mean no, but…"

"Tim." I lean forward, my voice serious. "Just because you have more responsibility now does not mean I care about you any less. Yes, your actions affect others more now than they used to, but that does NOT mean you are more responsible for those screw ups. I may be harder on you because of it, but when it's over, it's over." I pause for a moment, and knowingly hold his gaze.

"Same as Tony."

He looks up at me in shock when he hears Tony's name, and I snort.

"What, did you think I was harder on him just because I felt like it? He does have the responsibility of Senior Field Agent, but he is still only responsible for his actions, no one else's. I never discipline him for your mistakes, only his. Same as you."

"Boss, I…"

I shake my head and hold up a hand, stopping him.

"Who chooses the consequences, Tim?"

"You do boss, but…"

"Were you punishing yourself beyond what I had determined sufficient?"

His eyes widen in panic as he hears the familiar question, and he looks away, eyes darting in panic as if trying to find an escape.

My voice hardens.

"Timothy McGee. Did you take on more guilt."

He winces, and then goes to protest. "Yes, but… I just forgot boss! Things were a little messed up there for a bit, but I get it now!"

"Mm-hmm. And I'm going to remind you." I stand up and take a step towards him. "Up."

He complies, but tries to talk me out of it the whole time.

"Boss, really, I'm good now! Please, you don't have to do this, I'm sorry I forgot, but I'll remember this time!"

"I know you will," I say evenly as I move around him to sit down at the couch. "Especially after this." I level him with a look and say firmly, "Now come here."

His eyes widen as he sees my position, and he takes a step back with his hands up, as if warding me off.

"Boss, no, please, not like that! I'm sorry, I really am, I promise I won't hang onto extra guilt anymore, please, you really don't have to do this!"

"We've been here before, Timothy. I will not allow you to do something dangerous because you are feeling excessively guilty, and I never will. This is not up for debate. Now, for the last time. Loose the pants. And Come. Here."

His face is set in a permanent wince, tears already building in his eyes as he goes to loosen the buckle of his slacks. My heart clenches at the sight, but I force myself to stay firm.

I know my boys, know all of my team well, and none of them do well with inconsistency. They each have their own reasons for it, but the result is the same- if I let them get away with something once, they would end up doing the same thing again… or worse.

And this was a repeated issue with Tim. By addressing it as soon as I noticed it, I discouraged the behavior even further because I didn't allow it to take root. It is especially important this time because it is the first time he got in trouble with another agent, one he was responsible for. I need to make sure he gets this lesson, and the fact that it never changed. He was still only responsible for his own actions.

Tim finally gets his belt and pants undone, and slowly approaches me. He hesitates just out of reach, and I give him a glare, albeit one with some measure of sympathy. I know my agents, my boys in particular, hate it when I use this form of punishment; it is too personal, too close. But as always, they know I choose the consequences, and that I did what I thought was best for them. When it involves an important issue between the two of us, such as trust or taking on too much guilt, consequences always involved this position, and they knew it. Didn't mean they had to like it, though.

My glare is enough to get him moving, and he finally takes the final step and bends over my lap. I adjust him, pulling him closer, making sure he is well secured and balanced. While I am doing this, Tim grabs one of the pillows from the couch and buries his face into it.

Satisfied that he is secure, I reach under him and quickly pull down both his shorts and pants, and he gives a muffled groan.

Seeing his backside reminds me that his last punishment was less than three hours ago, and that I would need to make this sharp but quick. He doesn't need much, just a reminder of the discipline variation of Rule 10- when it's over, walk away.

I mentally brace myself, and then bring my hand down in the first sharp swat.

The pillow next to me gives a muffled gasp, and I wince, but force myself to continue, setting up a fast pace to quickly get his attention.

This is for his own good. I will not allow him to put himself in danger over misplaced guilt.

I continue briskly, not wanting to drag it out any longer than I have to, knowing that he didn't need this lesson to be long- just enough to fully reignite the lesson earned earlier, and reinforce my point. It doesn't take long before he is squirming and giving small cries at each swat, and I know tears aren't far off.

I close my eyes for a brief second, trying to force out the pain I knew he was feeling, before opening them and reapplying myself to my task. Thankfully, we were almost done, and he is ready to listen.

"Tim. Who decides the consequences?"

"Y-you do, boss!"

"And are you allowed to punish yourself, or try to make it up to me afterwards?"

"Nooooo!"

"Right." I focus on the backside in front of me for a few seconds, increasing my force and paddling at it with my heavy hand, anxious to get it over with.

"Why Tim? Why aren't you allowed to do that?"

"Because it can put me in da-daaaanger!"

"Good," I grunt, and I raise my left knee a bit to a corresponding wail, and focus my attention on his sit spots for a minute, before continuing gruffly.

"Why else?"

He is silent for a minute, then bursts into tears, going limp over my knee and gasping out, "Because on-once it's ov-er, it's o…over. You f-for-give us."

"That's right Tim," I give a relieved smile as I slow, and then finally come to a stop, lowering my knee back down. "Once I punish you, it's over. I know when I made my point, the lesson is learned, and you are forgiven."

He starts to sob even harder over my knee, and I smile gently, although my eyes hold grief at his pain.

I rub his back for a moment, before I, even more gently, ask him-

"So, is there something you would like to say to me, Tim?"

He lets out a wail, and then cries out, "I- I'm so-so- sorreeeee boss!"

I give another smile, and let out the final breath of tension.

"You are forgiven, Tim. Shh. It's alright, I'm here. You're just fine now." He starts to sob again, but that is fine. I am happy to wait.

I know we still need to face the consequences of his lie to me personally, but for this part at least, we were finally done. The rest can be dealt with tomorrow. I murmur soothing words of comfort to him as I rub his back and wait for him to calm down. He can take his time. Whenever the boys earn a trip over my knee it is particularly emotional for them, so I will wait as long as he needs me to. I am in no rush.

"Shh, good job Tim, you're okay. You took that well. I'm proud of you. It's okay now, deep breaths…"

Slowly he starts to calm, until he is just sniffling. I look down at him in fondness, still rubbing his back. Per usual for Tim, he likes to stay over my knee a bit after a punishment. Soong enough I ask him,

"How you doing, Tim?"

He sniffles, and then mumbles out, "Sore."

I smile sympathetically.

"I'd bet. Come on, up you get."

I slowly start to help him up, and then discretely turn around to straighten some pillows while he rights his clothing. A second or so after the tell-tale hiss I turn around, ready to offer some more comfort.

I turn to see him looking up to me, his eyes red and swollen, but peaceful for the first time in the last few days.

That look is worth all of the guilt I feel for the temporary pain I just gave him. I smile and open my arms, and give a small oomph as he rushes into the hug. He must have been taking lessons from Abby.

Eventually, he starts to pull away. I let him go and look at him with affection. I know Tim sees it, because he looks away, embarrassed. I chuckle, and clap him on the back.

"Alright Tim, why don't you head upstairs and take a nap. I'll order some takeout, and wake you up for dinner. Sound good?"

At the mention of a nap, Tim yawns, then looks a bit sheepish.

"Yeah boss, that sounds like a plan." He grins, a tired look in his eye, before grabbing his bag and heading towards the stairs.

I watch him go with a smile, and then head to the phone. I will check on him in a few minutes, but first I need to get some food… and then check in with my eldest.

Tbc…

A/N

Uh, hey y'all! *Waves shyly*. Sorry for the delay! It's a bit longer than normal, so I hope that makes up for it. :) It was thanks to your continued reviews that it showed up, so especial thanks to AlexJoSkyler! Their stories are amazing, so take a look!

Hope you all like this new chapter! It took a different direction than I expected, and I know Gibbs might seem a little OC, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Thank you to all who reviewed, your continuous comments and support helped me to keep going. I write because I enjoy it, I post if I think you will enjoy it! So, keep the input coming! I am planning on only a few more chapters left of this one, so stay tuned!