I bet you motherfuckers never saw this coming.

"You know what I don't understand?" Roxas mused, his words a tad broken up as he crashed into Axel's side; as was the general effect of the scrambler.

As Axel's response was blown away by the wind long before it'd reached Roxas' ears, he wasn't quite sure if he'd been heard or not. What he thought he heard, though, was a muffled grunt of some sort, so he continued.

"What's the point of it all? What's the point of living? I mean, most people, all they'll do with their lifetime is reproduce, work, and die. And pollute."

Axel didn't answer right away. Whether it was because the answer was unsuitable to shout onto a ride, the answer was still in contemplation, or because the question was not heard at all, Roxas didn't know. It wasn't until after they were well off the ride and heading toward the exit that Axel finally replied, "Y'know that's not a very original way of thinking."

"I'm eighteen," Roxas pointed out.

"Point taken," Axel agreed. "My dad used to tell me that, scientifically, the Earth is trying to make itself a perfect sphere. He said that humans are only here to help make that happen. And if you think about it, we're kind of succeeding. We knock down mountains, burn forests, and level land for farming and housing. As a human race, I guess you could say we're trying to work towards perfection, but the world will never be perfect. It might, however, be flat one day."

"So why should be even be alive?" Roxas pressed.

Axel sighed, irritated. "Do you want to die?"

"No…"

"That's why."

Roxas scowled. Axel still wasn't getting his point. "You think that's it? You think the only reason that we should be alive is because we don't want to be dead? And that should sufficiently get us through life?"

"Holy shit, no. No offense, but that's so morbid, Rox," said Axel. "I was just stating the fundamental reason to not commit suicide. Jesus, there's so much more to live for! Why can't you live for soothing cups of hot chocolate in the winter? For the smell of rain on a hot sidewalk? For snow days? Or for that awesome feeling you get when you get through all the lights on Queen Street in one go, or when you beat a boss in a video game that you've been fighting for hours. Fuck, live for love, if that's what gets you to sleep at night. What if death is just sitting in a black room without feeling, forever and ever? Kind of puts taking a shit into perspective, doesn't it?"

Shrugging, Roxas stared at his feet. "Yeah, I guess."

"Perk up, asshole, or I'll make you go on the Ferris Wheel," Axel threatened.

"Kay, sounds good," Roxas agreed without argument. He didn't want to fight today, but he didn't want to be cheerful either. He found himself for the umpteenth time missing home, and missing Demyx too. He came out to the Lake for habit's sake, and for Axel's, but there was no real enjoyment in it. He wondered a bit if he could ever find enjoyment in going to Lake Compounce again.

How could he ever laugh in the cafeteria again, with Demyx's empty chair visible from all corners? How could he carelessly ride the lazy river again, without Demyx sniggering at him from his lifeguard's perch? How could he go on the Merry-Go-Round without Aqua making rude gestures at him from her operating booth? The park was filled with so many memories, the memory of his last summer. Would the time ever come to heal from that?

Axel, clearly disappointed in the lack of retaliation, took Roxas' hand as they walked and intertwined their fingers. "We don't have to. I just wanted to cheer you up some. Come on, I'll buy you a churro."

"I don't want a churro," Roxas grumbled.

The color all but drained from Axel's face. "You really really don't want a churro? Or are you just being defiant for the sake of being defiant? Because if not, I think we need to find you some Prozac."

"I'm being defiant," Roxas said. "But if you shoved one in front of me, I'd probably eat it while you're not looking."

"Good. Now come on. You haven't let me go on the Ferris Wheel one damn time this summer, and since you make me go on the stupid pirate ship almost every day, you owe me," Axel responded.

"Oh no. You cashed that one in the day you forced us on the Wildcat, buddy," Roxas replied sassily.

Axel paused, thinking. "I'll fetch our sodas for the next two days…and I'll suck your dick when we get home."

"Call it three days and you have a deal," said Roxas, interest piqued.

"Fine. Three days' soda duty and a blow for one Ferris Wheel ride without any bitching, whining, and/or any other complaints on your part. That work for you?" Axel said cheerfully.

"Peachy," Roxas replied.

With a shout of glee, Axel spun on the spot, towing both of them in the direction of said attraction. It was the only moment, that day, in which the interested observer might receive any sign that the red-haired wonder and his boyfriend were okay. Unbeknownst to Axel and Roxas, they'd been the topic of conversation amongst the staff all day long, much as they had been for the duration of the season.

What was wrong with them? Why weren't they fighting? Why weren't they holding hands? Why weren't they terrorizing the kiddie park? All of the ride operators had noticed, but none dared ask personally. Neither Aqua nor Demyx were working, so they couldn't ask them, either. It wouldn't be until late that evening that the senior staff would announce Demyx's death to the rest of the crew, and neither Axel nor Roxas would've had the heart to tell them anyway, if they'd bothered to ask.

When the boys reached the Ferris Wheel, the operator smiled kindly at them and allowed them to sit side-by-side, even though technically they were supposed to be seated at opposite ends to distribute the weight evenly.

Somewhere near the top, Roxas was struck by an obscenely sappy thought. It was much sappier than anybody would have thought possible of him, and just may have been the sappiest thought he'd thunk in his young life. As soon as it wormed its way into his mind, he wished it gone, because it would be on his mind a while otherwise.

Alas, before he could bid it goodbye, his face gave it away, and Axel, with an uncontained laugh, said, "You look constipated. What are you thinking?"

"Horrible, gross, un-Roxas-like things," Roxas responded, hoping it would save him from having to say it out loud. It wasn't like he hadn't said them before, but the location was a problem.

"Well now you have to tell me. I'm curious now," Axel pressed.

With as much dignity as he could muster, Roxas looked him dead in the face and said, "I was thinking that, contrary to my abusive tendencies, I really do love you. And then I thought, you probably don't really know that, because the only time I bothered telling you was right after we heard that Demyx died, so it really seemed more like a defense mechanism and didn't count. So I was trying to think of a good way to come out with it, and then I realized where we were." With an awkward laugh, he added, "…and now I've ruined it anyway by explaining my whole thought process to you. So, uh, sorry."

Axel blinked a couple of times and stared. Just as Roxas was going to hide himself from the gaze, Axel laughed gleefully. "The hell are you apologizing for? That's awesome! I don't care how prickly and Roxas-like you make it, there ain't no way to take away how happy that makes me! Even if it was hella corny. You know… it's an old saying that if you confess your love to someone on top of a Ferris Wheel, it's supposed to last forever."

"Well I mean, we were more or less at two o'clock," said Roxas, his heart thumping noisily in his chest. He felt lame, but it didn't matter. Love is good. Love is natural. Sometimes it made things difficult, and sometimes it complicated things, but it was worth it for moments like this.

The car jolted to a stop, sitting right at the very top. The downtime dropped nearby, and people screamed. There was a bird's nest resting on one of the structure's many beams, and the mother had just come back with some fries for the little ones. A plane zoomed by overhead, leaving a trail in the sky. A cloud passed over the sun, darkening the world by just a little bit, then lightening it again as it peeked out. It was ninety four degrees outside, but the breeze made it feel more like ninety. There was a world of things happening out there, but in that moment, nobody had an experience quite akin to theirs.

"Guess we'll have to try again, then," said Axel. "I love you, Roxas."

Roxas could have joked, he could have decorated it. He could have laughed and said he didn't believe in superstition like that, or he could have just kissed the lips right off that face without replying at all. Part of him wanted to do all of those things, but he didn't. He cracked a smile and said, "I love you too."

Without hesitation, their lips met again. No outside sources to influence. No alcohol, no emotional turmoil, no people to watch. Just the two of them. Hanging out and being in love.

"Are you glad that you love me?" Axel asked, slipping his arm around Roxas' shoulders. "And be honest. When it's all said and done, are we worth it?"

Roxas hmmed to himself, smiling. "Yeah, Axel. We're worth it."

~o~

First the first time in a long time, Roxas was having a really good day. Granted, there were some things that were wrong that couldn't be righted, like the empty seats at lunchtime or that damn gravity with his glass of milk, but generally, things were looking pretty good.

Reno came home early with the first good pizza Roxas'd had all summer. Carnival pizza was all right, but it was like a transition from Florida to New Jersey. You just can't take it after a while.

They didn't bother eating at the kitchen table. They never did anyway, since, of the many affairs that went on in Axel's house, family dinners were generally not among them. However, they did the next best thing. All three of them gathered round the coffee table and ate together, laughing and joking and talking freely. There was nothing graceful about it, but Roxas felt more of a sense of family with Reno and Axel than he ever had with his own family.

Reno was babbling with his mouth full, Roxas was moving on to his third piece, and Axel his forth. They were busy and happy and yet, with everything that had happened over the summer, hearing a ring from the doorbell was almost anticipated.

The room fell into utter silence, so much so that the rings could be heard vibrating through the back hallway and into the bedrooms. Both redheads stared at Roxas.

"Don't look at me, I ain't getting that shit," he mumbled gruffly, crossing his arms and leaning into the cushions to emphasize his point. "Last time I answered the door, it was because our best friend died."

Reno nodded in understanding and went to go answer it himself. "Things were quieter before you showed up, kid," he said fondly. He gave Roxas a warm smile and disappeared from sight.

Axel and Roxas listened without a word to muffled footsteps over carpet, to the sound of the door being opened, and to the tired, creaking whine of the screen door swinging open as well.

The intruder spoke inaudibly, but clearly they were not welcome, because half a moment later, "What are you doing here?" echoed distinctly into the living room.

The boys were so quiet one could hear a pin drop, but despite it all Roxas couldn't for the life of him identify a second voice. Either the visitor spoke so softly he could not be heard, or he couldn't speak at all.

"Rox."

The syllable rang through the room like the bell, amplified by the boys' strained efforts to hear what was going on. After exchanging looks with Axel and wondering why the hell nobody would simply text him, Roxas got off the couch with resign. His teenaged slouch evaporated on the spot when he looked to the doorway and right into the eyes of his own mother. Reno was leaned against the open door with his arms crossed, looking disdainfully at Suzanna, but she had her eyes fixed on her son.

Roxas had trained himself long ago not to make eye contact with his mother. This was because, generally speaking, whenever she was talking to him, she really more or less was yelling at him. And if he looked anywhere but his feet, she would shout, 'look at me when I'm talking to you!' but when he looked her in the eyes, she'd disgustedly demand him not to give her 'that cheeky stare.' So his eyes stayed on his feet. He supposed in her eyes, that was a position of guilt and submission, the only position she deemed satisfactory.

But he did not look at his feet now, he looked at her full on. Years of fear-conditioning and self-training screamed for him not to, made him more uncomfortable by the second. Still, he held his stare. She had dark, grayish blue eyes, her gaze narrow but sharp. Even as she looked at him akin to the way she would a ghost, he felt the urge to flinch away from it.

"Mom," he said flatly, wishing she would say what she came to say and leave him.

There was a small commotion in the living room, presumably of Axel's doing, but by this time Roxas was detecting a power struggle here. He couldn't drop his gaze now. Half a second later, a short stirring of air behind him let him know that Axel had arrived and was standing right behind up, ready to back him up if necessary.

"Are you here because Dad and Sora asked you to be?" Roxas asked stonily. In truth, his pulse was going crazy, but he wouldn't let himself betray that to her. Not until he knew what she wanted.

Suzanna finally looked to the floor in submission, shaking her head slowly. "No…" she trailed. "I'm here of my own accord. I don't—" she paused, clearing her throat. "I don't want to be the enemy. I don't want you to grow up and talk about the mother who hurt you so much you left home. I want—" she burst into tears. "I want to see you graduate, and I want to help you move out when you're ready, and I want to dance with you at your wedding. No matter who you're marrying," she finished, looking at Axel briefly.

Roxas stared her down, his gaze unwavering. "Okay, yeah, you feel bad. But why should I think things are going to be any different? You think you can suddenly pull a 180 and be number one mom? People don't just change."

"I can," she insisted. She reached over to try and touch him, but he stepped back. "Please, Roxy, just let me try. I know I was always hard on you, but that was because I didn't want you to grow up like me… nobody ever expected anything of me… nobody supported me or tried to help me succeed. I wanted more than that for you… but I didn't mean to take it so far."

"You kicked me out for kissing my boyfriend," Roxas pointed out. "I hardly think that has anything to do with your righteous goal to help me succeed."

She pursed her lips. "I overreacted. I admit it. But it was so surprising, honey! Especially since you two have been so close for so long, who knows what you could have been getting up to!"

Roxas started to retaliate, but sarcastically remarking about just what a dangerous sexual minx Axel could be wouldn't exactly help fix the situation. "Well we weren't," he said calmly. "If telling you earlier would've kept you from blowing up, then I'm sorry I didn't."

"No no no sweetie you didn't do anything wrong," Suzanna insisted. "I made myself unapproachable to you. Of course you didn't want to tell me. I wouldn't have told me. We'll make it work, though. I promise we'll make it work. I want you to come home."

Roxas frowned, thinking. He didn't want to forgive her so easily, especially since she hadn't even properly apologized to him. But he didn't want this feud to go on forever, and he especially didn't want to live off Axel and his father longer than he had to.

"What led you to this, anyway?" Roxas asked skeptically. "I've been gone for almost a month, and… this," he said vaguely, referring to Suzanna's all around abuse, "has been going on for years. It's not like kicking me out brought you to your senses. So what did?"

Suzanna stared at the floor. "I heard about your friend yesterday…" she said quietly. "Sora told me. When I was sixteen, I lost my best friend. I never told you about her, or anyone else, really. Ever since we were little kids, we were like peas in a pod. Never without the other. There was a house fire… and she burned." A few more tears beaded up and slid down her nose. "I don't think I ever really got over it. I mean, you don't, do you? Well, I don't remember a lot of things from that time. Not the funeral, or her dad's name, but I can remember running and crying to my mom. I can't even imagine what that time would have been like had she not been there for me."

I can… Roxas thought bitterly. "So?"

"I used to have nightmares about burning," she continued, "and about trying to save her. Why, why could nobody save her? It kills me to wonder how much harder it would have been if she'd lit the fire herself. A-anyway, it just, it made me remember what it was like to be your age, how alone it felt, and if my mom had behaved as atrociously as I have…" she trailed off.

Suzanna shook her head and stepped forward. "I'm sorry for everything, Roxas. I'm going to hug you now."

When she took him in her arms, Roxas didn't push her away, but he didn't hug back, either. He stood stiff and waited for her to let him go and be done with it.

"I expect you to be packed up and moved back in by the beginning of the school year, you hear?" she said with a small smile.

When Roxas didn't answer, her smiled faded a little bit, but regardless, she nodded shortly to him and said, "I'll see you, then." A moment later she was gone.

Roxas Winters hated being put on the spot.

And at the moment, Axel and his father were doing just that. Roxas knew that they weren't trying to put any pressure on him, but when the uncirculating air was a thousand and one degrees, you could hear the neighbors mowing the lawn next door, and your surrogate family's gaze on you was unyielding, it was hard to think any other way.

"What do you think I should do, then?" he asked, feeling slightly irritated.

The others exchanged a look. Like, can you believe this motherfucker sort of look.

"Look kid, it's up to you," said Reno. "I was already prepared to let ya stay at least until you graduate, so don't feel like you're overstaying your welcome just because she's invited you back. I think of you like my own son, and I care more about what's best for you. And to be honest, I don't know if living with her is really what's best."

Roxas cracked a smile. "Thank you," he said, feeling rather touched. "I'll think on it. I don't really know what to do right now."

In truth, there was so much more complexity to it than just the matter of do I want to be home, or not? Regardless of Suzanna's intentions, things wouldn't be the same for Roxas, if he did choose to go home. The air had changed between them by now. For the first time, a confrontation between them had ended with Roxas on the offensive. Would she resent him for it, once the guilt ebbed away? Habits didn't just drop like that. And of habits, Roxas wasn't entirely sure he was in any kind of state to be sleeping alone again. Not that he'd admit that.

It was... messy. But when did that become news?

~o~

Roxas had substantial confidence that, no matter what age, background, or origin, that the human race could universally agree that two o' clock p.m. was the second worst time of day, following shortly after five a.m. It was an in-between time. Lunch hour was over, but it wasn't time for dinner. The work day was, honestly, over, but not quite time to go home yet.

For miserable teenagers such as Roxas, two o'clock was just shy of the end of the school day. At this point, the students had given up, the teachers, despite their feeble efforts to keep everyone engaged until the sweet, sonorous bell of freedom, had given up too. All eyes had eventually become glued to the clock by ten of.

For Roxas, the end of summer had come at last, and the glorious promise of senior year had cracked up to be just as shitty as any other year he'd had the misfortune of spending in public school.

He got the normal batch of teachers: No-Gum Gary, No-Bathroom Barbara, Work-to-the-Bell Bob, the whole works. It was only the first day, and he was itching the get out.

Finally, that blessed schoolbell sounded over the chatter of people; people who had probably had perfectly normal summers, free of sexuality crises and death and all the uncomfortable things Roxas'd had to experience.

He grabbed his backpack and bolted. If he and Axel left early enough, they could outrun tedious stalemate of cars and buses negotiating over the exit signs.

It didn't feel like summer was over yet. It never did, in the beginning. Not when the sun was still so hot, dragging the evenings much later into the night than they had right to be. Not when the heat was so unbearable, to those who didn't like that sort of thing.

Most annoyingly, though, Axel's metal seat buckle still seared painfully from being in the sun so damn long. Roxas left it unbuckled.

"Hey," Axel greeted cheerfully. "How was your day?"

"Sucked," Roxas commented dryly. "Xion's in my second block class."

Axel nodded, "Yeah, she's in my first. Didn't really talk to me much, though. I guess it's not really the same when we're here, you feel me?"

"Yeah," said Roxas. He hated two-faced people, if nothing else for not being able to tell which side of them was the truth, and which was the ruse. Roxas knew he was lacking in many fine qualities, but consistency was not one of them. He'd even held hands with Axel under the table during lunch.

There was a silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable. They had gotten stuck behind a line of buses, and a fatigued Roxas had all but fallen comatose in the front seat.

When they finally approached the boys' street, Axel awoke Roxas from his lazy, dreamlike state.

"Hey. Your place or mine?"

Roxas contemplated a minute. Technically, he'd moved back in at home. All his shoes and most of his clothes and one of his phone chargers were back in his parents' house. It had been that way for maybe two weeks. But two out of three nights, Roxas still preferred to sleep in Axel's bed. Sleeping in his empty twin after months with his own personal, breathing space heater felt… less secure. Axel seemed pretty happy with the arrangement, though, so no one really questioned it.

"…mine," Roxas concluded. "Come in with me. Sora says he has something planned for the three of us on Friday. I wanna see if he'll spill the beans to you."

Axel grinned. "Whatever you say, princess."

"If you weren't driving I'd maim you."

"Promises, promises.:

They pulled up to the curb and cut the ignition, but Axel didn't leave the car right away. For Roxas, a moment of silent brooding in the car was completely normal. For Axel, however, it kind of threw you for a loop. His explosive, everywhere-at-once personality didn't really go with brooding silences.

Roxas figured he was probably waiting to be polite. So he tried to leave first, but—

"Hey! Aren't you gonna give me a kiss first?" Axel cried, tapping his fingers on his lips expectantly. "I haven't had one all day!"

"Boohoo," said Roxas, feigning indifference. In truth, kissing Axel was another thing that Roxas liked to do considerably more than he was ready to admit. Like, the whole package of intimacy was nice, but a good half hour of making out on the couch could do wonders for Roxas' mood.

He gave Axel a sort of 'so go on and do it' look, and Axel leaned over the seat probably a little more eagerly than he should have. From the feel of it, he was ready for a good snogging session right now.

"Whoa, perv," Roxas laughed, pushing Axel away. "Later, okay? We're practically in public."

"You liked it," said Axel, wiggling his eyebrows. "Admit it, you'd like nothing more than for me to take you out into the moonlit wilderness behind a dazzling waterfall onto a bed of roses and—"

"Shut up," Roxas groaned, hiding a grin, "Can we just go inside, please?"

Axel did shut up, perhaps feeling that he'd annoyed Roxas enough for today. He whistled a merry tune as they walked hand in hand up the driveway. He hadn't been into the house since the incident on Roxas' birthday. Neither of them were too concerned about it.

Suzanna had, thus far, done as she said she would. She wasn't overly doting, like Roxas was worried she might be. She treated him more like Sora. Rather than telling him what he would or would not do, she asked him. She frequently asked about Axel, which Roxas wished she wouldn't. She was clearly still uncomfortable with the whole thing; trying so hard wouldn't just cancel it out.

But her car wasn't in the driveway at all, so Roxas deemed it perfectly safe to go inside unguarded. It still felt weird, letting himself into the house. It felt like he should be knocking or something, even though he'd grown up in that house.

"Need a snack?" Roxas asked as he let his bag drop to the floor. "I got sea salt ice cream in the freezer."

"Well, I'm not gonna say no to that," said Axel happily. "In a sec, though. I'm gonna have a word with Sora."

He left, and within moments, an exclamation of "buddy!" echoed from the stairway, and Roxas had yet another minute to himself. He kind of appreciated it, and he also kind of didn't. He'd had plenty of minutes to himself.

Sure, he'd been surrounded by kids all day, but he hadn't talked. Not to anybody, really. He thought that maybe, after Aqua and Demyx, people weren't so bad after all. That maybe humans were all right, if you quit judging them long enough to listen to what they had to say.

Roxas had listened. Honestly. He eavesdropped on strangers all day. It was all "he said," she said" "I think he's cheating on me" "did you read that really sophisticated book that I've actually just heard of myself but now they're making a movie for it so I had to read it to be pretentious?"

It was exhausting. Demyx, not even Xion made conversation that dull.

And so Roxas had come full circle. Perhaps his new friends from Lake Compounce had set the standards too high. Diamonds in the rough, like Axel. Or maybe Roxas hadn't really grown up as much as he thought he had.

The only difference now, was that Roxas Winters didn't want to be such a goddamn lonely person anymore.

Apologies for the drastic change in writing style. It's been three years. College was great. And by great I mean it sucked. It's been super enjoyable to write from a high school's perspective again, though. I'd say expect another update, but, heh.