Ok! My first Durarara fic! and an Izuo at that! so, i hope you all enjoy!

disclaimer: I do not own durarara...cuz if i did, it wouldnt be TV appropriate. XD

Chapter 1

Raira Academy was, for lack of better word, a normal, boring, plain old high school. The stuents there, however, well most of them were boring and normal too, save for one Heiwajima Shizuo. This boy was currently sitting in his classroom, his brown eyes lazily gazing out the window to his left. Class wasn't supposed to star for another ten minutes, but Shizuo wouldn't dare go out and socialize, especially since everyone would simply run away from him anyways.

He heard the chair to his right screech as it was pulled back and the blonde looked over, spotting his friend sitting down as well. Kishitani Shinra smiled at Shizuo, pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Morning, Shizuo."

"Morning," Shizuo grunted, looking towards the front of the class. Shinra frowned a bit as he yanked his books out of his bag and set them on his desk. He glanced at Shizuo, head tilted. "How are you?"

Shizuo sighed a bit, rolling his eyes. "Fine, now don't ask again or you'll piss me off."

Shinra nodded a bit before sighing. "You know, you should come over after school."

"Can't," Shizuo muttered, leaning back in his chair with a small scowl. "I'm grounded for yesterday."

Shinra sat up in a flash, eyes filled with disbelief. "What?! That's not fair!"

"I sent the guy to the hospital, Shinra," Shizuo snapped, glaring at the brunet.

"In self-defense," Shinra reminded, crossing his arms over his blue school uniform jacket. "The guy attacked you."

"Yeah," Shizuo nodded. "But according to my parents, I shouldn't have done anything because I'm supposed to "be aware of what my super strength does to people", or some crap like that. So, I'm grounded."

Shinra sighed, shaking his head. "That's not cool at all...not like you have control over it."

"Shut up." Shizuo sighed, running through his hair. He looked back towards the window, his expression blank.

Shinra frowned but stayed silent. It wasn't too long after that the bell rang and students piled in, taking their seats as the teacher walked in. Shizuo stared at the front of the class, not really paying attention, but trying to.

He didn't need to bring home anymore bad grades, not now. His parents were mad enough; he didn't need a reason to make them any angrier. So, he tried to listen, scribbled down what little notes he was able to catch; he'd copy from Shinra later, anyways.

It wasn't that Shizuo was stupid, of course not. His mind was just somewhere else. He had too many thoughts about his brother, his parents, himself, his house, his strength...too much to think about...too much to deal with.

The bell for lunch rang after a few hours and Shizuo stood quickly, his hands shoved in his pockets as he walked out. Shinra ran after him, two wrapped bentos in his hands. "Wait, Shizuo!"

Shizuo sighed and slowed down a bit, allowing the other boy to walk beside him. The two made their way to the roof, Shizuo sitting on the floor and leaning against the chain link fence behind him. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lighting one and taking a puff.

"Not at school, dude," Shinra laughed, handing one of the wrapped bentos to his friend. "Here."

Shizuo took it and sighed a bit. "Thanks, Shinra."

"No problem," Shinra said with smile, unwrapping his lunch. "So, when are you not grounded? Celty wants you to come over soon and my dad wants to see you and what not."

Shizuo shrugged a bit, unwrapping his bento. "I don't know...a few days, maybe."

Shinra sighed, breaking apart a pair of chopsticks and pointing one at Shizuo. "I should have a talk with your parents."

Shizuo glared a bit. "I don't think so; you'll get me into even more trouble, you twit."

Shinra pouted, shaking his head. "I was just saying..."

Shizuo stayed silent, finishing his cigarette and then eating from the food Shinra has given him. A comfortable silenced settled over the two teens, Shinra looking at the sky as he ate. Shizuo didn't mind days like this, the days when Shinra decided not to probe, not to ask him to lift his sleeves for him to check.

They were good days.

Lunch passed by rather quickly for such a silent time and, soon, both teens were back in class. Shinra was busily scribbling down notes and Shizuo...well, he was trying. Like earlier, his mind just wasn't in it. After a good half hour of trying to keep up, he gave up with a sigh and set his pencil down and leaned back in his chair. He gazed out the window, eyes locked on the blue sky outside. It was a calm day, no clouds in the sky. He almost sighed; it would have been a great day to spend with Shinra and Celty, after all.

Grounded, he reminded himself, surpressing a sigh. You're grounded damn it...!

Shinra, looking up from his notes, saw Shizuo's frustrated expression and he looked back at his notes. Truthfully, he had honestly been looking forward to hanging out with Shizuo after school. Shizuo hadn't bene over in quite a while, and Shinra suspected it was because his parents didn't want him to be out.

That's not fair, Shinra thought absently, resting his chin in his palm. Yes, it wasn't fair at all.

If you were to ask Shinra, he'd tell you that Shizuo's parents were, without a doubt, too hard on him. They were sometimes so strict that it was crazy, banning Shizuo from any out door activites for weeks, with no computers, cell phone or video games. Sometimes they were cruel, scolding Shizuo for the strength he had no control over...

And then Shizuo's dad...

It made Shinra mad to the point where his blood would boil, but he quickly calmed himself. He glanced at Shizuo again only to find that the blonde was gazing outside again. Shinra cocked his head to the side.

Just what in the world was it that Shizuo thought about all the time? Sure, Shinra could guess, but still...

Shizuo felt eyes on him and his eye twitched as he turned to meet Shinra's gaze. Shinra smiled a little, making Shizuo roll his eyes and look away again.

The class seemed to drag on after that and after an eternity, which was only two hours, the final bell rang. Shizuo stood up and pulled his bag over his shoulder, not bothering to wait for Shinra as he walked out. Shinra let him go, knowing better than to disturb Shizuo more than twice in the same day.

Not that Shizuo would dare hurt him, definatly not that. No, Shinra just knew not to bother the blonde right now. Later, maybe.

Shizuo made his way out of Raira and onto the streets of the large city known as Ikkebukuro. Already, he was lost in a crowd of people as he made his way down the sidewalk. It was a huge town, one with way too many people for Shizuo's liking. The very thought seemed to raise his annoyance but he took a deep breath, reminding himself that the last thing he needed was another rampage for his parents to hate him for.

At that moment, the thought of going home made him freeze in his spot. He didn't want to go home, didn't want to face the lectures and scolding and dissapointed looks he knew he would receive. He hated that, hated how they looked at him like he was a freak. He was their son for god's sake...!

Shizuo sighed, clenching his fists and continuing on his way. The walk to his house wasn't that long and, soon, he found himself standing in front of his front door. He sighed, opening the door and stepping in. "I'm home..."

He kicked off his shoes and walked towards the kitchen, pausing in the doorway. His mother was at the sink, washing dishes. She looked over her shoulder and nodded a bit at him. "Room, now. I don't want to see you until dinner."

Shizuo rolled his eyes, looking away. "Yeah, nice to see you too. Look, how long am I grounded? Shinra's dad kinda wants me to come over so..."

"You're grounded until Friday," Mrs. Heiwajima snapped, a bit rudely at that. "Now go."

Shizuo sighed and turned on his heel, making his way down the hall. He paused, peeking into his younger brother's open door. Kasuka looked up from a text book, staring up at his older brother lazily with his light brown eyes. "Welcome home."

Shizuo nodded a bit. "Yeah...thanks."

Kasuka yawned a bit, tilting his head. "How was school?"

Shizuo shrugged a bit. "It was fine...hey, don't you have an audition coming up?"

Kasuka shrugged. "Friday."

Shizuo nodded to himself. That's why I'm off the hook Friday...figures.

Kasuka yawned again and looked back at his text book. "Anyways, better get to your room before dad gets home and see's you out...unless you plan on getting smacked around a bit tonight."

Shizuo shivered a bit and glanced at the ground before sighing. "Yeah...be in my room."

Once he was in his room he tossed his school bag aside and promptly flopped on his bed. For a few minutes he did nothing until he turned on his side. He blinked when he saw that his computer and cell phone were sitting on his desk; so they had left them those, at least?

He snatched up his cell phone and sighed in releife, quickly texting Shinra.

Hey, I still got my cell.

He waited a few minutes, staring at the wall across from him until his cell buzzed again from Shinra's reply.

Sweet! So, how long u grounded for?

Even then, Shizuo felt himself roll his eyes as he texted his response.

Till Friday, Kasuka has an audition then, thats why. Lucky me -_-

He wound up pulling up his school bag and taking out a few school books; might as well get homework done. He brought out his mathbook and a peice of paper and was half way through writing down a math problem when his phone buzzed again.

Friday?! Ur kidding! ugh...fine, but Celty is bummed out. U gotta come over Friday night then, dad's buggin about it.

Shizuo raised an eyebrow at his phone, but the sound of the front door opening alerted him. "Shit..."

I'll see what I can do. Talk to you later, Dad's home.

Shizuo got to work on his math, more concentrated than ever. He could hear his dad speaking, felt his own hands shake in slight fear.

Fear? Yes, he was scared. His dad scared the shit out of him, but only Shinra and Celty knew that. No one could know that part of him, the part that was terrified of his dad, the part that still cried late at night when no one was around. His dad was the reason he himself was so easily angered; genetics, or whatever.

Still, the very sound of his dad's voice sent a shiver down his spine. He heard his da dlaugh before saying, "Shizuo home?"

Shizuo's hand froze as he gulped, clenching the pencil in his hand so tightly that it snapped. He tossed the pencil aside and sighed, reaching for another as his bedroom door opened. He didn't look up, but he felt his dad's dark eyes on him.

"Hey."

Shizuo looked up, forcing a smile. "Hey, welcome home."

His dad nodded a bit, leaning in the door way. He watched Shizuo write down equations and he frowned a bit. "...What are you doing?"

Shizuo paused before taking a deep breath. "Homework."

His dad tilted his head to the side. "Why? Trying to kiss up so you don't get your ass beat?"

Shizuo flinched slightly, frowning at his paper. "No...I don't want to fail."

"Cause I'll beat your ass," His dad reminded, a frown on his lips.

Shizuo stayed silent, continuing to write down equations on his paper. He couldn't look up; he was afraid to see his father's face. He knew what would be there: anger, resentment, and amusement and...disappointment.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you," His dad spat.

Shizuo jerked his head up, forcing a smile. "Sorry, I just really want to get this done."

"Save it," Mr. Heiwajima snapped, stepping in and slamming Shizuo's door shut behind him. "Wipe that stupid smile off your face; you have nothing to smile about! Oh wait, I forgot that you like making us broke!"

Shizuo blinked in slight surprise. "Where the hell did that come from?"

If anything, that made his dad a thousand times angrier. "We had to pay for that kid's hospital bill, damn it! Did you know that?! It's not like money just grows on trees, Shizuo! Not only that, but we had to pay for everything you broke while you broke him!"

Shizuo blinked, a bit stunned. "Dad i...it was self defense!"

"I don't give a fuck," His dad spat, making Shizuo hold his tongue. "you know how you are, damn it! We tell you all the time to watch out for others, to have a little self control! Damn it, what if you had killed him? What then? do you even consider your family when you do this?We aren't rich, Shizuo!"

"I fucking know that!" Shizuo snapped, jumping off his bed and glaring. "I can't fucking control this!"

"Don't you curse at me," His dad gripped the front of Shizuo's shirt, getting in his face with a glare cold enough to freeze Hell over. "If you know, why the hell does it keep happening? Hospital bills, broken cars, broken street lights, broken desks...it all costs me money!"

He shoved shizuo down to the foor, glaring daggers at him ."...You're a freaking monster."

The sentence made Shizuo close his eyes, all traces of anger gone and replaced with a cold, solitary saddness. The fact that even his parents thought of him this way...

He was lucky tonight; his dad hadn't hit him. He waited until his dad had left and then he shut his door, locking it quickly. He slid down to the floor, hands clutching his head as words replayed over and over in his head.

"Monster."

"Brute."

"Fucking freak."

"You're going to kill him!"

He was shaking; he hated that. He hated the tears more, though, the ones that were slowly making their way down his cheeks. He hated crying the most; it was weak, it made him look so...fragile. He was, obviously, but he hated showing it. But he wasn't as strong or irritable or...mean, as he pretended to be. In fact, he was quite the opposite.

He was only strong out there because he was weak in here. His anger, he got it from his dad, and it was fueld by everything else. Bad grades, low self esteem, abusive prick of a father, horrible mother, a perfect little brother...it was too much, he had the scars on his arms to prove it.

However, he would be fine when he went back to school tomorrow. He had to be. He Was Heiwajima Shizuo, the monster of Ikkebukuro; he had to be strong, right?

He stood up and took a deep breath, walking to his school bag and digging out his wallet. He opened it and removed his razor blade, the one Shinra didn't know about, and sat down. His heart beat just a little faster as he rolled up his sleeves; he felt light headed, but that was good. He placed the blade at his wrist, smiling a sad smile as more tears trailed down his cheeks.

There would be time to be strong tomorrow, he knew that. Now, however, was his time to cry. It was his time to be weak, because everyone needs their time to break down.

Right now, it was his time yet again, like almost every night. It was his bad habit, his sick life style that he couldn't escape.

Oooookay...uh, I actually found this alot better when I imagined it...i mean i like it but...it's not as great as it should have been...probably because it's lacking yaoi action -.- Yeah, Izaya comes in near the end of the next chapter, you can count on that. This was just an introduction to Shizuo's horrible life. Yes, it's kind of a stupid idea but...i like sad shizuo...don't know why :/ anyways...reviews please? I could really use your opinions...