Sorry for taking so long. I graduated from high school, had family issues, blah blah lame-author excuses.

Here's the second-longest chapter yet to make up for my lameness. I apologize if it sucks.

Sollux woke up alone the next morning. He could hear the shower running, and his bed was still warm, so Karkat must have just woken up. He glanced at the clock. Why the hell was KK up so early?

The shower shut off, and a moment later there was a scowling, slightly dripping, and almost-completely naked Karkat glaring down at him from in front of the closet.

"Get up, you lazy fuck. Go shower. And made sure you put actual clothes on afterwards, not pajamas."

Sollux groaned, stretched, and sat up. "Why can't I jutht lie in bed all day? Ith that too much to athk?"

"Because my parents are coming today, and I get the feeling that your stunning personality alone will not win them over. I have to leave for the airport in twenty minutes, and I'm calling your happy ass when I get there. If you're still in bed, I will verbally beat the shit out of you. Am I clear?"

Sollux just snickers and pulls himself out of bed. He gathers clothes and heads into the bathroom.

An uneventful shower later, he dresses, checks his phone, and, upon seeing that Karkat had yet to call, strolls into the kitchen.

He is sitting on the counter, eating bologna straight out of the package when he hears keys in the lock.

"Shit fuck they're early!"

He catapults off of the counter, throws the lunch meat back into the fridge, and rapidly washes his hands to get rid of the smell of meat. He is drying his hands on a dishcloth when Kanaya steps into the kitchen. He almost breathes a sigh of relief, but realizes, last-minute, that having Kanaya in his home could be just as scary as the prospect of meeting KK's parents.

"Fuck, KN, you thcared me. What are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure that you were, as Karkat so eloquently put it, 'Not dressed like a bumfuck idiot.' I can see that his worries were unfounded. Do you need anything else while I am here?"

"I don't think tho, but thankth."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, the houthe ith clean, we bought food for lunch, and I'm not drethed like a moron."

"No, I meant between yourself and Karkat?"

"Oh, yeah, I gueth tho. He told me that we have to act like not-boyfriendth while hith parentth are here though. Tho I'm not thure if it'th a temporary thing or if he doethn't want to be boyfriendth at all."

Kanaya hums thoughtfully, but does nothing to alleviate Sollux's concern. He scowls at her briefly, but she merely smirks and shrugs.

She leaves, and Karkat calls. It's a short, "I'm here. You're up? Good," phone call, and Sollux spends the rest of his wait reading over the calculus homework he's been neglecting.

KK texts him, saying that his parents' flight just got in. He's taking them to the hotel to drop off their bags, then home for lunch, and could Sollux please put a pot of water on the stove to boil?

Sollux shuts his book and stands up from his slumped position on the couch to go start the water. When he judges it to be ready, he opens the package of rotini noodles he retrieved from the pantry and dumps it into the pot. Karkat had cooked the chicken last night, so all that was left to do was make the sauce for the pasta. Sollux looks over the index card with the careful, detailed instructions that KK had left him, and pulls another pot out of the cupboard. He throws butter, cream cheese, and all the other shit into it, and turns on the burner.

Karkat walks in as Sollux is draining the noodles. The steam burns his hand, but he holds back his furious shout, finishes dumping the pasta into the colander, and runs his hand under cold water.

He dries his hands carefully and heads into the living room, where KK has corralled his parents. His father, dressed in a business suit and fancy (stupid) fedora, shakes Sollux's hand, and Sollux tries not to wince when his fingers press into the now-tender spot on his palm. KK's mother, who Sollux can only describe as bright, rejects the proffered hand in favor of viciously pulling Sollux into a hug and saying, "Oh, Sollux, it's so good to meet you! Karkat has told us all about you."

Over her head, KK shoots him an "I told you so," look, then tries to gently remove his mother from Sollux's waist. She holds on just a bit longer, then lets go, only to latch onto Sollux's wrist. "Karkat said you were making lunch. Need any help?"

"No, thank you, Mrth. Vantath. Everything'th all ready to go." When he feels Karkat glaring at him, he reconsiders. "On thecond thought, maybe you could help me thet the table?"

Mrs. Vantas nods cheerfully and follows Sollux into the kitchen.

Alone with his father, Karkat sighs heavily and drops down onto the couch. "How was your trip, Dad?"

"Flying is shit. I'd rather drive, but you know how your mother gets when she's cooped up for too long." Karkat grunts noncommittally. "Speaking of driving, kid, how's driving your friend's car going for you?"

Karkat eyes him warily. "What are you talking about?"

"Boy, we put that money into your account. You think we can't see what you did with it? And unless Best Buy sells cheap-ass junkers like the one you picked us up in, you spent my hard-earned cash on the boob tube over there on the wall."

Karkat knew better than to try to argue with his dad. The man wasn't really abusive, but his friends called him 'Slick' for a reason: He could stab anybody with anything and get away with it. Karkat glances nervously at the pencil on the desk behind his father and gulps. "I'm really sorry, old man. I just figured I wouldn't need a car. Sollux has one and I can walk pretty much anywhere I need to go."

"Just shut up, kid. I got over you wasting my money a long time ago. I just wanted to give you shit for it."

They spend a moment glaring half-heartedly at each other before Karkat's mother calls them for lunch. They rise simultaneously, give each other matching once-overs, and casually stroll into the kitchen.

The sight that greets Karkat is so ridiculously domestic that he can't decide if he loves it or wants to laugh at it. Sollux is bent over at the waist, trying to dig in the pantry for a package of seldom-used napkins, wearing the apron that his friend Dave got him for 'ironic purposes'. His mother is rearranging the plates on their shitty table with her own apron (she brought that with her?) covering her multi-colored dress, and there is a big steaming bowl of chicken alfredo placed in the middle, ready to be consumed.

His father seems unfazed by the cuteness in the room, and simply sits down on one side of the table. Karkat sighs inwardly and plops into the chair across from him. His mother picks up the forks from the counter, hip-checks Sollux as he is taking off his stupid (adorable) apron, and finishes distributing silverware. Sollux has a bewildered look on his face as he sets the napkins on the table and takes his seat.

Mr. Vantas takes one look at the food on the table, shoots a challenging glare at his son, and scoops an enormous serving into his own bowl. Before Karkat can react, his father is shoveling the pasta into his mouth like it was the first meal he'd had in weeks, while maintaining a level stare in Karkat's direction. Seeing the challenge for what it was, Karkat immediately heaps an equivalent share into his bowl and begins devouring his lunch.

Sollux watches in horror as the two men gobble their food. He had worked hard to make this shitty lunch, and they were eating so fast they wouldn't even taste it. He hastily shoots his foot out under the table, aiming for Karkat's shin. He jolts with terror when he sees Mr. Vantas jump as though he had been kicked, then realizes that Karkat had jumped as well. Confused, he looks up to see Mrs. Vantas giving him a knowing smile and a thumbs-up.

"Boys, really, can't you control yourselves? Sollux put a lot of work into this lunch, and you're eating too fast to taste it!"

Karkat and his father shoot equally distressed looks at Mrs. Vantas, but she holds firm. "I know you haven't seen each other in a while, and you have to do your whole father-son competition thing that you always do, but can't it wait until after we've eaten?"

The two men make eye contact, sigh, and resume eating at a better pace. Sollux sends Mrs. Vantas a grateful look and scoops his own serving of pasta. He motions for Mrs. Vantas to hand him her bowl, and dishes her serving as well.

The rest of lunch is uneventful, excluding the constant glaring between Karkat and his father. Karkat's mother suggests that he should drive his parents to their hotel, stating that "I'm exhausted, and your father probably is too. I think we could both go for a nap! Afterwards, you can show us around town before we head to dinner."

Sollux slumps onto the couch as soon as the door shuts behind them. His reprieve is killed, however, when the door shoots back open. He sits up just in time to see an exasperated Karkat storming towards him. Seconds later, he has a lap full of his boyfriend, and absolutely no protests.

"I told them I forgot my wallet. Wouldn't want me driving without my license, would they?"

Sollux has no time to respond, as his lips are quickly occupied with kissing Karkat until neither of them can breathe.