The Tammy Show
By Lia of Hill Fort
Disclaimer: Three things I don't own: Alanna, who Tamora Pierce owns, the Tortall books, which Tamora Pierce also owns, and Les, who Owns herself. I don't own the IDEA either, which belongs to Hikaness!
Lia: Hello and welcome to the TAMMY SHOW! I'm Lia!
Les: I'm Les and I AM NOT a guy! I'm FEMALE!
Lia: Today's guest is Sir Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, formerly of Trebond and Olau!
(Alanna walks onto stage, brandishing her sword)
Lia: Oops, forgot the sword. ( Snaps fingers, and the sword disappears)
Alanna: What the CENSORED CENSORED?!!!
Les: (Grins evilly) Language, dearie.
Lia: We've kidnapped you to showcase for the enjoyment of strangers.
Les: Well, not exactly strangers.
Lia: Actually, all of them have read about you. A woman called Tamora Pierce has written four books about you.
Alanna: (Waves sword) I'll get this "Tamora Pierce"!
Lia: No, you won't. (Snaps fingers again. The chains from ITHOTG appear around Alanna) We're going to ask you questions.
Les: Our first question is .why does Coram have such a thing about dancing bears?
Alanna: (grimaces) You don't want to know the truth.
Lia: Tell us.
Alanna: It's because. he IS a dancing bear!
Les and Lia: (gasp)
Lia: That was strange. Question 2: Why did you EVER go with Liam?
Les: And don't tell us he was a dancing bear.
Alanna: Dancing bears have played a big role in my life. my mother was the Shang Dancing Bear.
Lia: Shang Bear, Shang Dancing Bear. I see a connection!
Les: Answer the question already!
Alanna: The reason was. I wanted his eyes!
Lia: You wanted his EYES?
Alanna: Who wouldn't want color-changing eyes?
Les: Who wouldn't want PURPLE eyes?
Alanna: Me.
Lia: Ooookay. question three. If I call you 'Lanna, will you turn me into mincemeat?
Alanna: (Grabs for non-existent sword) Nobody except Thom was EVER allowed to call me that!
Les: Answers our question very nicely. Question four: (pulls out a copy of ITHOTG) Would you EVER wear a skirt that short?
Alanna: I DON'T look like that. no.
Lia: Our last question. Maude is really, really, old now, so why are you making her work?
Alanna: Because the Goddess told me to.
Lia and Les: WHAT?
Alanna: (sighs) The Threefold Goddess (read Emperor Mage and find out) in Her aspect as the Great Mother, told me to keep Maude working. Do I need to spell it out any more?
Les: Did you look at her holding your ember-stone?
Alanna: Yes, and something really weird happened.
Lia: What?
Alanna: I saw, printed around her, the phrase "I am an old lady. I am a healer. I am not Mr. Rogers preincarnate. Actually, I am. This message was sponsored by The Color Red." Can I go now?
Lia: Sure. (Snaps fingers and the chains fall off and Alanna has her sword back.)
(Alanna runs off the stage)
Les: That was strange, and this is the end of our show!
Lia: Bye-bye!
Les and Lia: And don't forget to review!
Author's Note: That was odd. Our next guest is Kel, so send me questions, suggestions, and REVIEWS! Les is based on a real-life friend of mine, who does get mistaken for a guy a lot.
Goodbye, everybody, and don't forget to REVIEW!
By Lia of Hill Fort
Disclaimer: Three things I don't own: Alanna, who Tamora Pierce owns, the Tortall books, which Tamora Pierce also owns, and Les, who Owns herself. I don't own the IDEA either, which belongs to Hikaness!
Lia: Hello and welcome to the TAMMY SHOW! I'm Lia!
Les: I'm Les and I AM NOT a guy! I'm FEMALE!
Lia: Today's guest is Sir Alanna of Pirate's Swoop and Olau, formerly of Trebond and Olau!
(Alanna walks onto stage, brandishing her sword)
Lia: Oops, forgot the sword. ( Snaps fingers, and the sword disappears)
Alanna: What the CENSORED CENSORED?!!!
Les: (Grins evilly) Language, dearie.
Lia: We've kidnapped you to showcase for the enjoyment of strangers.
Les: Well, not exactly strangers.
Lia: Actually, all of them have read about you. A woman called Tamora Pierce has written four books about you.
Alanna: (Waves sword) I'll get this "Tamora Pierce"!
Lia: No, you won't. (Snaps fingers again. The chains from ITHOTG appear around Alanna) We're going to ask you questions.
Les: Our first question is .why does Coram have such a thing about dancing bears?
Alanna: (grimaces) You don't want to know the truth.
Lia: Tell us.
Alanna: It's because. he IS a dancing bear!
Les and Lia: (gasp)
Lia: That was strange. Question 2: Why did you EVER go with Liam?
Les: And don't tell us he was a dancing bear.
Alanna: Dancing bears have played a big role in my life. my mother was the Shang Dancing Bear.
Lia: Shang Bear, Shang Dancing Bear. I see a connection!
Les: Answer the question already!
Alanna: The reason was. I wanted his eyes!
Lia: You wanted his EYES?
Alanna: Who wouldn't want color-changing eyes?
Les: Who wouldn't want PURPLE eyes?
Alanna: Me.
Lia: Ooookay. question three. If I call you 'Lanna, will you turn me into mincemeat?
Alanna: (Grabs for non-existent sword) Nobody except Thom was EVER allowed to call me that!
Les: Answers our question very nicely. Question four: (pulls out a copy of ITHOTG) Would you EVER wear a skirt that short?
Alanna: I DON'T look like that. no.
Lia: Our last question. Maude is really, really, old now, so why are you making her work?
Alanna: Because the Goddess told me to.
Lia and Les: WHAT?
Alanna: (sighs) The Threefold Goddess (read Emperor Mage and find out) in Her aspect as the Great Mother, told me to keep Maude working. Do I need to spell it out any more?
Les: Did you look at her holding your ember-stone?
Alanna: Yes, and something really weird happened.
Lia: What?
Alanna: I saw, printed around her, the phrase "I am an old lady. I am a healer. I am not Mr. Rogers preincarnate. Actually, I am. This message was sponsored by The Color Red." Can I go now?
Lia: Sure. (Snaps fingers and the chains fall off and Alanna has her sword back.)
(Alanna runs off the stage)
Les: That was strange, and this is the end of our show!
Lia: Bye-bye!
Les and Lia: And don't forget to review!
Author's Note: That was odd. Our next guest is Kel, so send me questions, suggestions, and REVIEWS! Les is based on a real-life friend of mine, who does get mistaken for a guy a lot.
Goodbye, everybody, and don't forget to REVIEW!