AN: I OWN NOTHING! THANK YOU TO MY BETA READER~ 3

"Date, November 15th

My name is Karkat Vantas, and this, well this is the start of a really stupid journal. However, on the advice of a friend, I am to use this thing to keep track of my hectic life and rant about my life in general when I am feeling extra 'Crabby' as she likes to describe my moods. So let's see how I can go about this.

I am 19 years of age, well, as far as the human world goes. You see, I have this very twisted sense of perception, and sometimes, I see the world differently, and well, I'm not really sure which is the real one. There is the 'Human world' and than the 'Troll World'. I think it has something to do with my childhood. When I was much younger, I watched most of my family be taken away from me, and to no one's surprise, they all died in the custody of the military of a foreign country… Wow, this is depressing as shit. Well, anyways, point being is they are dead, and I am the last of my family name. Or so, my memory tells me. I was in a hospital most of my life, taking heavy medication to be kept 'calm'. What they didn't know is I stopped taking them after a certain age; fooled the bastards outright.

I, however, attended school like most kids, made friends, or somewhat good friends, and behaved to the best of my abilities until I was finally let out of their custody. But that was only 2 years ago, and since then I have kept going to school. My family's inheritance left to me and the government paid grievance checks putting me through high school and I'm now in my second year of college.

I think often my lapse in memories and flashbacks are because of the medication from the hospital. I think that is also why my perception is twisted, but I'm still not totally sure on this, and really, I just try to take this shit day by day. I never inquired about what really happened to my parents or brother for fear of it triggering my memories, or shattering the two perceptions I can peacefully move through now. It was hard at first, yes, but not so much anymore.'

Karkat's red-hued eyes read over the writing and scrunched his nose hard at it, groaning to himself before sighing. "Why did I ever agree to write this shit down? I just want to sleeeeeeeep!" He whined to himself in his off-campus apartment.

'Anyways, getting off that depressing shit I have a very interesting 'love life' if it can be called that. I'm shared between a few boys whom seem to be fine with sharing me, to an extent; and well, I suppose you want to know a bit about my Matesprits. Or would they be boyfriends? Well, either way, they are like my lovers I suppose. Oh and just a side note, I'm far, far away from my hometown and I'm here to get a fresh start, so no, you won't get to hear about that dreadful place much.

Anyways, first up will be Gamzee, Kurloz, and Lator Makara. These three brothers seem to love to share me and tug me around everywhere. I think perhaps it is because of my relationship with Gamzee, whom I met before the others to follow this story. Gamzee is… odd to say the least, but he is my best friend and I'd give my life for him. Gamzee had a really rough childhood. Well, that's also an understatement, but him and his brothers, they are survivors. They currently reside in my apartment, and we manage just fine together even if the three of them really love to torment me.

I found out recently that Lator and Kurloz knew my older brother, though they agree not to say much because they were also victims to a war I will not delve into details over. They like to joke and pick fun at me, saying I have his same temper, but I use more 'triggers' than him. It's nice to know I'm not too far from my brother. I do miss him, what little I remember, but this section is about me.

Gamzee and I met just by chance on my first day to this large campus. I was lost and despite being higher than a kite, this human jerk decided to help me find my way around after much teasing and many inappropriate comments to me just to see my 'pretty red cheeks'. I swear I could just punch him sometimes. We were not all that close either when we first met, that is. I was always telling him to quit the drugs and he would just laugh and say 'you don't understand', and he was right, I didn't. Gamzee is 22, Kurloz 24, and Lator is 27 just so you know their ages.

Gamzee's lover had committed suicide a little over 3 years ago, now anyways. Apparently, after a tragedy of an accident, the boy became a paraplegic and he fell into a deep depression. Apparently, that caused a lot of bullying in secret to happen, and before Gamzee could really help and find out what happened, the boy just ended his own life. I still hold Gamzee through some of his darker nights, and it's alright because I'm here for him whenever he needs me. However, I think in our intimate moments, well, I think sometimes it is just another way for him to forget about Tavros, and not because he actually loves me.

Kurloz is a bit similar, however, his ex is still alive and she is well, but she has moved on with her life. They were once on civil terms, but his odd hobbies and whacky obsessions apparently ran her off for good. He is sweet, mute, and probably the biggest cuddle freak I know. I think he is just needy and just needs someone who is willing to sit and love him, and I know, odd as it is, I do, just like the rest of the Makara boys in my house. It is an odd love, but it is not bad, and I'm glad I can make him happy, and his brothers and he seem to enjoy calming me down from my tantrums.

Lator, well, he is just tall, muscular, and scary, but a great artist. He, however, tends to be shy with letting people see his artwork, and while a lot of it is dark in theme, the multitude of colors really stands out. Like his brothers, he has a bit of a temper, and we often get into really violent arguments that can lead to other things, but really, he is just my big lion. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world and, slowly but surely, I'm convincing him to be more confidant in his art. He graduated college some time ago, and I'm trying to convince him to go back for art because I think he would really do well. That is, if he would stop using me as a 'canvas' occasionally.

All in all, I do love the Makara trio and we get along despite our occasional fights. I'm still learning sign language for the sake of Kurloz, and he is very patient with me, but otherwise we all really get along well; minus their constant molestation of my person in either perception of reality. However, something tells me none of this will last very long, and eventually, they will move on and I will have only be a side thing for them. I'll make the most of my time while I can.'

Karkat sighed he turned a page, sipping on some coffee he had by his bedside. He rubbed at red eyes, looking out the window at the darkening sky and watching as light snowfall began to build in layers on the ground, causing the snow to rise gradually. "I better dress warm tomorrow…." He murmured to himself before looking at the journal and beginning to write more.

"Next are the Captor twins. I seem to attract brothers. Anyways, Sollux and Mituna Captor, age 20. Both of them are very intelligent and smart-ass jerks whom drive me nuts in class, but at the same time, I'm grateful to have them. Sometimes I just need to get away from the Makaras and their antics, and Zahhak is great, but he and I butt heads a little too often when I really need someone to listen. Mituna, I think, however, just puts up with me for Kurloz, and I think if anything, out of all this crazy boy loving gayness, those two will end up together and happy. Sollux, I met after a fight with Gamzee one day. I was really upset and I just needed to have someone listen to me and let me cry, and Sollux-he let me be weak in front of him. He didn't judge me and he never holds it against me. He just listened and let me cry and have my moment. In return, I and he do this and we have promised to never use it in a fight against each other.

Our first experience together was… odd. We were in a classroom and well, I hadn't expected him and his twin to double-team me. I wasn't unhappy with the results, though the Makara brothers were. Anyways, Mituna eventually got to talking to Kurloz more on the internet and being the quick learner he is, he signs much better than I, and sometimes I swear they have dirty or rude conversations about me and the others in sign just so we all can't keep up. I think Sollux might leave me soon as well as his eyes have been stuck on Eridan Ampora and his best friend Feferi Piexes. They have History class with us, and well, I can tell by the dual-eye colored boy's looks, he really loves them. I hope it all works out for him well and hopefully he'll keep his damn hands to himself. Though that fuckin' Eridan kid relentlessly flirts with Feferi, Sollux, and me, and I have enough sex to be more than good on that subject and in no need of his sexual company."

The tired boy smirked to the paper and he yawned before running a hand through black locks. Turning another page after covering several more with that he was going to make his final entry for the night.

'Lastly is Equius Zahhak, and out of all of my lovely boys, I think his ass will be the only one to really love me in the end, and even he is a big maybe, especially with his father not liking me or my gender really. I have constant threats of arrows impaling me if I leave his son instead of the other way around. Because I am Eqiuis' 'woman' and I must be good to him. I swear his father is insane.

Still, he is my muscular, sexy, and a bit of a clumsy lover. We met in P.E. last quarter and he plays for the football team as well as boxing outside of school. He is really smart despite being so strong, which definitely rules him out of the usual jock stereotype. However, he is cocky and a bit awkward at times. He was really cute when asking me out, though I explained to him my currently awkward and very unorthodox relationships with the Captor twins and Makara trio. He growled much like a protective alpha wolf of its mate. He than stated he didn't care about any of that and if he had to he'd fight for me, which he than proclaimed for those five publicly, which had me red as a crab and them all giving him a death glare, and while a bit off set by those reactions, he held his ground. Somehow they worked out this very odd agreement to share me to which, by the way, I still have no say in and have given up hope on having an opinion about.

Equius, he is my rock. Even if we bump heads and get mad at each other, he always pursues me and assures me that no matter what he isn't leaving me. He is a big teddy bear in the end, but he is mine and so it is okay. However, I really wish he'd stop 'Attacking' me in the showers. It is really embarrassing at the thought of getting caught. Okay, and a bit kinky, but mostly embarrassing. Oh and his age! He is 21, just a bit younger than Gamzee, and his birthday is pretty soon, so hopefully my plans for that will go well.

Alright, I'm too tired to keep writing. Goodnight journal, and whatever creeper ends up reading this.

- Karkat Vantas'

Karkat let out a breath of relief and put his journal on the bedside table. Sipping on the coffee once more he got up to dump the rest out and brush his teeth. Changing into his pajamas the male 'human' crawled into his oversized bed, bought in the unusual size for good reason, and lay down upon it. Getting under the blankets and turning his lights off, he waited ten minutes before he felt two forms crawl into his bed, the missing one at work still, but he was sure would join them eventually. A frail-like, thin form clung against the younger male and he felt himself nuzzled by the messy haired boy whom was mute. A chuckle in a low and hushed voice came from another male figure, much leaner though he smelt of his addiction, clung to the boy as well. Karkat sighed and let his arms wrap around two of his lovers. "What am I going to do with you two…." Kurloz wanted to ask a question and Karkat knew what it was. "No, you didn't wake me up. I'm just used to it…. Now, let's get some sleep…." He felt his neck being nipped and chills went down his spine as a stronger and slightly calloused hand caressed his leg. "You sure ya wanna sleep muthafucka?" That left Karkat to smack Gamzee with a pillow and than back around to the mute who was happy just cuddling. "Yes, now goodnight Gamzee, and Kurloz."