"Karbro, man, I miss you. I'm sorry." There sits a man alone at an empty desk. Along with a bottle of Jack drier than the hottest desert. A couple of glasses overturned, and crumpled papers askew. Only moments before he erupted from his quite drunken stupor, to have a blast of rage. Oh, this poor soul is not what he used to be. No, if anything he has turned into his exact opposite. Once, a loveable young adult, living his life to the fullest with his love. Then, a simple mistake, and this poor drunk lost it all. His lover, his friends, the life that he once adored. Now, he sits alone in a study, with a gun held to his head and a letter written, sealed, and with a name written on the outside in the form of "KARKAT VANTAS." Before we go any further, let us find out this poor man's name. What shall it be?

GAMZEE MAKARA

Good job! You guessed his name exactly on the dot! Gamzee Makara, a young man within his late twenties. Oh, look, he's starting to move again. Let's see what he is doing now.

"Karkat, man, I'm sorry! Can you understand that?! I motherfucking fucked up, and I don't know if you can get that…" He stumbles from his seat and lands, oh so gracefully, on the floor. "I didn't know that this would happen, or that I would lose you of all people. Please, please, come back!" He stutters, and slurs out empty words to an empty room. As if the words he could speak could travel to the ears that so desperately need to hear them. But, they can't, for it's too late to apologize. He stands again walking back to the desk to grab his gun. "I'm sorry, so, so, sorry. But, I-I can't do this anymore!" He grabs the cold, metallic, problem solver, and heads to the nearest window. The sky is dark, as a cloud covers the moon. "Oh, so now you want to hide from me?!" He spits out towards the sky "I'll up and show you, motherfucker!" What, oh what, could he mean? This is quite confusing to anyone walking on this scene, now isn't it? Let us go back a few months, almost three years to the day, to see what would lead us on this chaotic scene.

APRIL 13, 2009

Oh, look, there's that young man now, Gamzee that is, and he's out in front of his house. Taking a drag from a cigarrete and stomping it out on the porch, he heads back inside to his home.

"Karkat?! You still in here?" He stops and looks about the room confirming that this "Karkat" is not in this area whatsoever.

"In the kitchen!" Calls a voice from another room. Gamzee follows the call to the kitchen. There's another young man, looks to be in his twenties as well. And he's bending over into the refrigerator, picking out ingredients for a sandwich. "Want one, too?" He calls over his shoulder. Closing the fridge, and walking back to the counter, he smiles at his boyfriend. The happiness is overwhelming; I bet you can almost feel it. They have finally moved in together after so many long years of dating, and trying to talk one another into why it would be a good idea, Karkat finally agreed to Gamzee's pleas.

"No, I'm not hungry right now, well, not for a sandwich." Gamzee walks behind him, and wraps him into a hug, and leans in and blows his breath into Karkat's ear. There's a shudder from the smaller man, and he rolls his neck and kisses Gamzee.

"Oh? What then? I could probably help make it." He turns around and wraps his arms around his love's neck. Smirking some and they stare into each other's eyes. Then, with a sudden rush of movement, Karkat's sitting on the counter, legs wrapped around Gamzee's waist and his hands rubbing and tugging in the taller man's hair. Gamzee kisses Karkat's neck, hearing a gasp, and works his way back to his mouth. He grabs his lips, kissing them harder, and delicately. Karkat snakes his tongue past Gamzee's own and warps his around Gamzee's tongue. There's a growl of satisfaction from one of the two. But, as they draw closer to removing some article of clothing, the phone rings.

"Motherfuck, I'll get it…" Gamzee lets go of the clingy boyfriend, who now has a hatred of any electronics, and heads to the phone ringing.

"Yes? I'm kinda motherfucking busy….Yeah, this is Gamzee…"

"Who is it?" Karkat mouths towards him, but he just shakes his head and starts to whisper into the phone more.

"You can't motherfucking handle it yourself?...No, I'm not chickening out of shit….But….Well, no….Motherfucker, LET ME TALK!" At the raise of voice the whole ambiance of the room changed. "YES I'M MOTHERFUCKING YELLING! I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL THROUGH MY HOME PHONE!...NO, I'M NOT SCARED OF JACK-SHIT, MOTHERFUCKER!...YOU KNOW WHAT?! I QUIT!...OH YES I CAN! WATCH!... YOU COME NEAR HERE AND I BLOW YOUR MOTHERFUCKING HEADS OFF! …TRY ME!" Gamzee slams down his phone, walking away towards the front door. Before he could open it, there's a hand holding on his shoulder, leading to a pair of very concerned eyes.

"What was that about?" Karkat sighs to him.

"Nothing, don't worry about it, Karbro."

"Gamzee…"

"What!?" He snarls, and the hand cowers back to its position on the side.

"I don't think that was nothing…"

"Well, it was! You know, I don't want to talk about this right now, I'll be back." He starts to walk out the door, but once again, his name is called, but not as calming as it was before.

"Gamzee! Get your ass back here! We are going to talk about this right now!" He stops, and turns back to see Karkat yelling his head off towards him. "I don't know what the fucks been going on, but you're going to help explain that right fucking now! The fucking phone calls and you yelling at whoever it is on the other end, then you fucking leave and comeback completely silent, or you get in the shower first and sleep on the couch! What the fucks going on with you!?"

"Nothing, ok?! It's not important! It's not going to happen all the fucking time and—"

"Save it! I'm fucking done with your bullshit excuses! "It's just work," or "A friend needs some help," you know I called Tavros the other day, when you said he needed help with his ramp. He said he hadn't seen you since Thursday! Where do you fucking go, Gammy?!" The silence feels the air as we wait for our hero's extraordinary answer. He just stops, walks over and kisses Karkat, and runs out the door before there's a crash of some clay appliance against the door.

"He shouldn't have to worry like this anymore," He thinks. "I've done this enough, it's time I leave, I can't stay in here anymore." He walks down the sidewalk, into a dark alleyway. There sits a car, not his for his is still in front of his home, and jumps in through the passenger's side.

"What the fuck was that over the phone, just now!?" As Gamzee tosses on his seat belt and looks to his side, there's another man with a bandana, and a tattoo on his lips in the form of stitches.

"I said I quit, I can't do it anymore. I have a family now, well, almost a full family. I can't risk it anymore.

"He's not going to be happy…." The man beside him just shakes his head and throws the car into reverse. They back up, and head in the opposite direction of Gamzee's house. They continue to drive, past the beating of the city traffic, to the veins of the suburb streets to an empty lot on the outskirts.

"He's not going to be happy…" The man repeats

"I KNOW…STOP SAYING THAT KURLOZ!" Gamzee shouts through clenched teeth.

"Sorry…" They head out of the car, and walk out to what looks to be an empty house. The man, now deemed to be Kurloz, knocks on it in a quick repletion and then one solemn knock. It opens to a lavish hallway. There are paintings hung on green and yellow walls. And the floors are a mix of orange, yellow, blue, red, purple, green, and brown titles. The two walk into the well-designed house, and are ushered down the hall to the biggest room in the house. They are told to sit down and that "L.E." will be there shortly.

"He probably already knows, he always knows."

"Motherfucker, SHUT. IT. NOW. I know this! I don't need to be reminded…"

"Sorry…" They stay in the room, for a few minutes when the door opens again with a figures shadow spreading on the floor, trying to grab at their feet. As the man walks in to the seat, more like a throne, to sit down in. He's dressed in a green jacket, and has his head shaved with his face tattooed in the form of a skull. He passes the two. Gamzee, keeping a poker face, and Kurloz, tapping his foot from nervousness, nod at him. The man sits down, behind a custom made cherry wood desk.

"HELLO, GAMZEE…"

"Hello, Lord English…"

"Kurloz…"

"Hello sir! I'm—"

"DID I SAY SPPEAK?! I WANTED YOU TO LEAVE US ALONE TO TALK…"

"Ok, sir. Sorry, sir, I'll leave now, sir." Kurloz hastily gets up from his seat and heads toward the door. Giving one last look at his soon to be ex-partner in crime, he leaves.

"I know why you're here…and you know the rules….you pay to leave with a life…"

"Yes, I know, I'll do anything to get out…please…" The quiet sets in again, the creak of the building settling is the only conversation in the room.

"Ok…"

"Ok? Just like that? I'm out?"

"Yes, you may leave now, Makara…You know, you are like a son to me. I known you since you were 9, so young, but so willing. And my best worker too... The house I gave you and you paid me back in 4 months! Now, you have a loving boyfriend, and you have already bought him a ring….You even plan on adopting some kid soon. You've grown up to be a great young man, I'm so proud…"

"Thanks…I'll miss you and my idiot brother…Dad…" Gamzee starts to head out the room back to the car.

"See you soon, Son…" Lord English shouts to him on the way out the door so, so, coldly. Gamzee shivers at the way he drags out his words. Past his one gold tooth, over his tattooed lips. Gamzee was the only member of the gang not to have any tats. He didn't want anyone he knew to know about his second life. It took years of practice to keep quiet about it, and even harder not to admit to Karkat. As he finally gets back into the car, dodging the questions from Kurloz, they head back to his house. Ready now to tell Karkat where he has been going, it's going to hurt and surprise him, but he deserves to know. Gamzee digs around in his pockets and pulls out a ring. "He deserves to know everything if I'm going to ask." Gamzee stares at the ring, feeling the pulse of power the simple metal object can have on a person. It shins from some of the glow of light outside the vehicle.

"Oh my God…" whispers his brother.

"Wha—" Gamzee sees him point to a familiar house, turned ablaze and smoking as if it were hell its self.

"FUCK! KARKAT!" The car's barely at a full stop when he dives out and tries to run inside. The flames bark at him to back away, and they continue to burn the once proud home.

"KURLOZ! CALL SOMEBODY QUICK! HE STILL MIGHT BE IN THERE!" Gamzee tries once again to venture inside, but is still refused entry. A banister from the ceiling has blocked the front.

The next few minutes for the poor man are a blur. The Fire Department arrived, escorting him to the back of an ambulance for shock. They then proceeded to put out the fire. The police arrived along with a corner. With the flames out and them being allowed entry, they find a barely recognizable corpse, with some burnt bread and lettuce in the kitchen. They put it on the carrier, and past the newly made Bachelor. It took a hell of a lot of drugs to silence his screams and cries. He was then taken to the hospital for severe shock; Kurloz rode with him, not speaking a single word. By the time Gamzee awoken from his comatose state, Kurloz handed him a green envelope, with a yellow stamp, his initials on the front, along with L.E. they had to call in the nurses again to put him back to sleep.

Like I told you… you pay to leave with a life…I paid this for you…I Now, I know you are probably a little upset…But I couldn't lose such a great worker as yourself…And I love you like a son, Gamzee… You are still welcome to leave, now since it's been paid…But I wouldn't want you too…See you soon, Son…

-L.E.

The autopsy came in a declared it a suicide, a self-inflicted gunshot to the head, and the stove being left on caused the fire to happen. Tsk, tsk, such a shame what money can do, isn't it? Gamzee paid for the funeral, he didn't show, but he spared no cost. Karkat's friends and family arrived, all wondering where his boyfriend could be. The whispers spread around, and the rumors, with the truth well hidden. Some of them choose not to message him after, on the grounds that he had something to do with it. I think that's what worsened the pain. Knowing the truth but not being able to tell everyone. Kurloz stopped speaking to everyone, all except Gamzee, and Lord English. You just don't ignore him when he is speaking to him. Gamzee's house was rebuilt, he refused to leave the last place he saw, spoke, and loved him. The tugging at his heart that he belonged in that house was unresistable. He lost weight from avoiding the kitchen, though. At night he sat awake lying in his bed. He'd pull out a charred piece of cloth, and hold it ever so gently to his face. Closing his eyes and imagining that Karkat was still there, holding him, kissing his cheek, just being there. When tears weren't enough, the drinks sure were. The same routine, over, and over. The months past and it would seem that he just wasted away into a shell of his former self, he rarely left the house and when he did it was only to visit his Heart's grave. Yes, he stopped all communication. The friends that actually stayed true through everything tried their best to keep him talking but he rarely message back, or blow up on them to leave them be. They cared, yes that much is true, but they had not a single notion on how to fix him. But, you can't fix a broken mirror. You can glue all the pieces back, but the imagine is still changed.

April 13, 2012

Now, back to present time. Where the devil is he now? It's not like he would, oh wait, there he is! Leaning over the side of the window, puking the false bravery back out.

"Oh God! Motherfuck let me get this over with soon. I just don't think I could take it much longer!" He stumbles back into the room, trying to find his weapon. He sprawls out on the floor crying, shouting, cursing, and whispering to himself. Dear me, he's fucking loony! Can't seem to stand on his two feet!

"Karbro! Hey, hey! Can you see me now!? Cause I can't see you!" There's a hollow laugh and then he continues. "I'll see you soon enough, Baby Boy! You and your fucking mutant eyes! That's what you use to all them! Hahah! Remember?! I motherfucking do! How could I forget!? The fire that they showed every time you were mad at me! Ironic, that's the same look you gave me the day you left! Hahah! And I guess you forgot to turn the back off, huh Baby Boy?! Hahah! Motherfuck it all, Baby Boy! I'm sorry! I really am! I should have never said I loved you! And, and, let you kiss me that day! D-do you remember!? Back in middle school! You couldn't talk to me for a couple of days after. That is until I kissed you back! You were my motherfucking Baby Boy, and I screwed it all the motherfuck up!"

My God, when drunks ramble on it irks me, wish I could speed this up some. Hmmm, I could flash back that moment he's speaking of. No, no, then this will probably never end this poor man's misery. What's that? Well, yes, it's when they first started dating. The age? Let me see, 11. How old are they now? Exactly? Gamzee's 25 and Karkat would be 25 today. Well, Gamzee's older, actually. Hmm? I'm sorry you'll have to speak up some, I have terrible hearing. Why I won't explain the time they first met? Because, it's completely irrelevant to the current events! He's trying to kill himself and you want to know when he first met his boyfriend. Oh, look, he's still mumbling to himself. Ugh, you know, I think I'll explain the story.

March 30, 2001

"Bye Gamzee…I'll see you afterschool…" Once again there's Lord English. He's out dropping a younger Gamzee off to school. Such a good father, always there for his little son.

"Bye L.E.!" Gamzee runs from the green limonene and jogs toward the front of the school. A couple of days before, he was caught off guard by one of his friends. After-school, Gamzee was waiting for his dad, erm I mean, Lord English to pick him up for "work" when he got called back to the big tree.

"H-hey, uh, G-gamzee. C-could you come o-over h-here for a second?"

"Yeah, sure Karbro." He trots over to the younger boy, who keeps looking around and kicking up little dust clouds. He looks up when Gamzee stands in front of him. "What is it?" Gamzee stares at the shorter of the two boys. Now, these two are best-friends, since they met at the begging of last year and over the summer. Not only because they lived next to each other, and liked almost all the same things, but because of Karkat's deformities. He was an albino, he's hair was snow white, and his eyes a vibrant red. Normally people would be put off by it. They would be scared of him, call him a devil child, demonic, the other kids completely hated him. They tossed rocks at him for games, and draw 666 on his desk and homework, his Dad and older brother moved him out to a new town almost every school year to help with his bullying, but it never changed. That is, until he came to Gamzee's town. Apparently Gamzee had no clue what it meant to be seen with him, and he didn't care. He was the first one to think it was cool. He even got Karkat to take out his contacts and look at his hair without a hat or any spray on hair dye. And he actually saw him as equal, nothing more special than an average human. And that got to Karbro. Yes, he even called him a special name, Karbro. Now he's standing in front of Gamzee, with a look of worry and excitement at the same time.

"Karbro? Are you ok? You seem worried." Gamzee inquires.

"I-I just wanted to say I-I l-like you…"

"Aw, Karbro, you didn't need to tell me that! I like you too!"

"N-no I mean I-I REALLY like you…" Karkat stutter out, Gamzee just stands there a moment looking at him. Then, Karkat reaches up and quickly kisses his cheek. Before Gamzee could get out hiis next sentence, Karkat's already running towards the sidewalk heading towards his house.

"Shit…He didn't let me finish…"

Now, it's a few days after it, and Gamzee hasn't seen Karkat since. He wonders if he'll ever see him again. It's lunch and he still hasn't shown up to the regular spot they hang out with one another. Gamzee worries and frets over the small chance Karkat would never want to see him again. And he swears his heart would stop if that did happen. Bye the end of school, he still hasn't seen him, that is until he sees Karkat standing by that tree again, alone like always. Gamzee runs like the wind was propelling him its self to get bye him.

"HEY! Karbro! Motherfuck, I haven't seen you in, like, forever!"

"Yeah, I know, I wasn't sure if you would still want to be my friend…" Karkat pouts out, still not looking towards Gamzee.

"Why would you ever think that?! You're my best-motherfucking-friend!"

"I know, but I don't think you would still like me as much…" Karkat still hasn't looked up at him, and Gamzee turns his head to look him in the face.

"I have a surprise for you!"

"What?" Karkat finally lifts his head towards Gamzee to be surprised by a pair of lips kissing his cheek.

"I like you too! You didn't give me the chance to say that!"

"Do you mean as a friend?" Karkat's still caught off guard by you're my best-motherfucking-friend!

"No, motherfucker! I like LIKE you! Do you think you want to go out with me?" The only answer from Karkat is a huge ass smile, and a tackle-hug and kiss.

They dated all through middle and high school. They had their one-day break-ups, from disagreeing and arguments, but they would always be quick to reconcile. You would almost never see each other apart. And when you did the other would be sick, or they just weren't allowed to see each other. From being grounded was almost always a constant thing with Gamzee. Not by his parents, for his dad was never there from the start, a rolling stone, he only came up when he had no money to borrow from Gamzee or his twin brother Kurloz. No, Lord English would ground him whenever there was a bad call home or his grades sunk. Someone has to show this boy life's not easy…You can't just go on with easy money and no brains… He would always say. Yet, they saw each other on a daily basis. Gamzee would sneak out, and they would manage to meet each other in that same place, underneath that tree. The first time they asked one another out. So loving, and caring they were for one another. Gamzee, the ever-loving protector of his White Knight, and Karkat, the savior of his Crazed Clown. Too bad it ended so tragic.

April 13, 2012

There now. You know how these two love birds met. Happy? What? Oh dear, it seems as if you're still full of questions. I'll try to answer them the best I can. But before you ask let me check up on this poor fool, ok?

"Hahaha! I bet you didn't know that's how I was going to propose! I was going to take you on a walk, blind fold you, and take you up to that tree. And surprise you! Hahah! The perfect plan! Oh God, I miss you, Baby Boy! I'll see you so—" His long drawn out sentences are cut off by a flow of stomach acidic booze leaving his nose and mouth. Geez, I'll answer some questions to save Gamzee's last thread of dignity. How long have they been dating one another? Hmm, 14 years. It's been awhile. What? Who the hell am I and why aren't I stopping him instead of explaining stories? Well, that's very rude of you, if you wanted to know you should have asked me sooner instead of dilly-dallying around asking other questions. No need to be so shrewd! I'm —Oh geez, he's finally getting up from his puddle. Let's zoom in some.

"Ha, haha, HAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAA! I'M DONE WITH ALL THIS BULL SHITTING!" Gamzee stands, for once, on to stable feet and shakes a balled fist up sat an empty ceiling. He grabs the gun that's been lying around waiting for some attention. He walks back to the window and stares up at the full moon no longer being hidden from the clouds.

"YOU GOT A GOOD MOTHERFUCKING VIEW!? WATCH THIS!" He drops down to his knees, and lets the breeze from the outside cool brush against his cheeks.

"Don't…don't talk me out of this, again….I've waited long enough…." He whispers out. "Please…..just let me….." There is not movement, from anyone or anything, as if time has paused. It's eerily silent when the breeze brushes back his hair once more. "Thanks, Karbro. I'm so sorry." The gun quickly rushes to the bottom of his chin. And with a deep breath, and a quick breath, it takes its fatal flash of light. The bullet shoots past his skull, and out through the top into the ceiling of the room. Blood, paints an eloquent picture on the walls. One of love, regret, hatred for one's self, relief, pain, all tossed in the wall. The now lifeless body falls, hanging out the window. The breeze blows, and swirls, blocking out what is left of the moon. The letter with a dead man's name flutters besides the lifeless man. And this is the end of a tragic Act, but no good play ever ends so quickly.

Poor, poor, lover boy. He had so much to die for. Instead of wind breezes, and precipitated water, he could have shot himself for using such a vintage bottle of Jack! Who could waste such a commodity?! Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk! 1897! A grand year! Must have been a gift from the boss, speaking of which…

"Hello? Lord English? Oh, no, Cans!? Ugh…No, I wanted to check in with the boss...Yes, he's dead…..How?...Well I didn't kill him….YES I'M SURE…..You know, just put Lord English on, please…Hello? Lord English?...Yes this is Scratch…..He's dead…How?...Yes, sorry, sir….Yes, I'll be mindful in the future…He died by a self-inflicted shot to the head…Through the bottom chin…He's hanging out the window…..Yes, sir….IMMEDIATELY…Yes, I'm on it!... Yes, goodbye, sir!..."

Ugh, dirty work has never been my favorite. It may stain my suit! Hmm? Oh, yes my name is Scratch. Doc Scratch. I'm what you would call a "Guardian" for the recently deceased down there. Hm? No, not all guardians have to watch out for the greater good. I just tend to watch. What transpires is not my fault, nor can I prevent it. What? Yes, I've been here following Gamzee down there for the longest, how else would I know his stories so well? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some cleaning up to do. I suggest you go find something else to preoccupy your time.

Now, you somehow find your way out the house, heading to anywhere but the scene you just watched. That story is so messed up, yet Doc Scratch, Lord English, and even you yourself treated it so nonchalantly. What the fucks wrong with you?! You somehow stumble into an abounded school yard. You hope the fence and head to a large tree. You can stop here for a break, until you find something more interesting to do. You sit below the branches and lay down in the grass letting the breeze roll off your face. Then, you hear it. A name being called, not yours, you know that much, but, a familiar one. One you have heard plenty enough of.

"Karbro! Hey Karbro! Are you here?!" THERE! Right there! You hear it! You close your eyes and listen for it to call again "Hey bro, I know you're here somewhere! Come on out motherfucker!" You reopen your eyes, and almost fall over in fear. There in front of you is the dead man you just saw hanging out the window in that random house you got stuck in.

"Over here, fucker! Maybe you should look harder?" Again, you are overcome with shock as another apparition appears behind the other one.

"KARBRO!" The ghost of Gamzee runs toward the smaller man in a bear hug and kiss. "I missed you, so, so, so much! I'm sorry, I really am I should have told you sooner and maybe neither of us would be here, and well I—" The smaller man, just presses his finger to the Gamzee lips, and wiping some of the tears away.

"You're an idiot, you know that? You could have waited a little longer, I wouldn't have gone anywhere. And it's not your fault, ok? You tried to stop it, and you did, in a way, just a little more complex."

Gamzee nods at Karkat and smiles. "Did you see my letter?"

"Yes, I did. Like I said it wasn't your fault…"

"No, the other one! Oh, wait, I didn't burn that one! Motherfuck!" Gamzee raises his hand to his face and smacks it repeatedly till Karkat has to stop him "Sorry, motherfucker but I have an idea of what I wanted to give you!"

"What?" Says Karkat looking at his newly reunited lover.

"Something like this," Gamzee gets down on one knee and reaches out to grab Karkat's hands, looking up into his sparking red eyes. "Karkat, I've waited since we were motherfucking little, and three of the longest years of my motherfucking life to say this shit to you. I had a ring but I up and left it, but I slept with that ring under my pillow till I could give it to you. So, without it this might seem a little less special, but Karkat Vantas, will you marry me? Or, since I'm not sure dead people can motherfucking marry, spend the rest of eternity with this motherfucker?"

You rub your eyes. Not from tears, pssh you don't cry. You're too tough for that shit. Haha, crying….But when your vision finally clears up from eye sweat, the two mirages of people are gone and you are left alone. Man, this evening has been trippy. You get up and decide to go back home. When the breeze whispers to you once again. This time, you'll admit you're crying, just this one.

"YES…"