I wrote this on the train ride to school a few weeks ago. This is my first time writing for the Homestuck fandom, so I'm a little nervous, especially because I have all the noncanon otps. All of them. :c

This isn't very good, I know. I'll just leave it here and ollie out.

Your name is Aradia Megido, and this is the worst hangover you've ever had. You've been drunk before (Eating sopor pie with Gamzee wasn't one of your better ideas, in retrospect) but never anything like this. You have no idea where you are or how you got there, and your head hurts like hell. The texture of the sheets is different from what you're used to. Sitting up is a mistake, which you realize too late as your head feels as if it is splitting in two. Your fingers massage your temples in a fruitless attempt at relief. You notice the locks of hair tangled in the spiral in your horns with a frown. It always takes ages to brush out the knots. On more than one occasion you've just taken scissors to it and cut free the snarls.

You hear a sleepy mumble from next to you, and your mind finally works its way through the haze of your hangover. You realize you're in someone else's bed, and you groan inwardly about the awkward talk you and whoever's on the other side of the bed (Jesus, you were so drunk you didn't even remember who you slept with) will have to get through before you can both leave with a (somewhat) clean conscience. You turn, opening your mouth to wake whoever it is (You hope to god it isn't Equius; this is bad enough of a situation as it is), then freeze and stare openmouthed in shock and a bit of horror at the person you last expected to end up in bed with.

Eridan.

Fucking.

Ampora.

Eridan "Kill all the landwellers" Ampora.

Eridan "Unable to fill a single fucking quadrant" Ampora.

Eridan "Insufferable Hipster" Ampora.

You swallow, mouth suddenly very dry, and turn to scan the room. Maybe you just cuddled or something, just being in bed together doesn't necessarily mean you pailed. Your eyes stop on a silver bucket on the floor a few feet away, full of deep red and purple genetic material.

...Fuck.

Forget Equius. This is the most awkward situation you've ever been in, and Eridan hasn't even woken up yet.

The genocidal hipster turns over onto his back, sheet slipping away to reveal more than you thought you would want to see. At least he has a nice ass, you think, then immediately shake your head (you learn this is a bad idea with a hangover) for entertaining such a stupid notion. Just don't wake up, you think desperately. As if on cue, Eridan's eyes open for a second, then close just as fast at the light difference in the room. "Hey, Ara," he mumbles into his pillow. You count 2.514 human seconds before his eyes fly open, hands grabbing at the sheet and pulling it up to cover himself, flushing purple all he way down to his neck. He stares at you, completely flabbergasted and horrified. It would look amusing if it wasn't directed at you.

"We need to talk," you say, pointing to the bucket. Eridan makes a small squeaking noise. Figures. He would have an even harder time dealing with this, you being a lowblood and all. No need to sugarcoat things. Finger still pointing at the bucket, you continue. "About what happened last night. Unless you've got a better explanation, I think we pailed."

The sentence hangs between you, suffocated by the ensuing silence. Finally, Eridan breaks the silence by clearing his throat. "Yes, wwell, it certainly wwould appear that wway," He notes, and you can tell he is just stalling for time until he can think of something more intelligent to say. He nervously stutters on his w's, which you might have even thought cute in any situation but this one. "Sorry," he mumbles, not meeting your eyes, and you laugh and shake your head.

"Wwhat?" He adds defensively.

"There's no need to act sorry, especially to someone like me. It was an accident. It's not like we could ever be a serious thing, anyway." Does his face fall just a little at these words? It's hard to say.

You know it's true, though. He wouldn't want a lowblood like you in his flushed quadrant. And he still pined after Feferi from time to time. Truthfully, there's a long list of reasons you two wouldn't work out. So why bother trying? "So what happened?" You ask, standing up and grabbing your shirt from the floor. His eyes watch as you slip it over your head.

"Wwell, wwe wwere drunk," Eridan points out.

"Obviously."

His cheeks flush purple again. You look around for your skirt. Through your pounding headache, memories are starting to come back: his lips and teeth bruising your neck, a moan as you drag your fingers across his sides. Swallowing, you ignore the tiny thrill that shivers down your spine at the memory. Your skirt lies in a wrinkled heap on the floor, and you pick it up and shake it out before stepping into it. At least your drunken self had the foresight to put your underwear back on. Having absolutely nothing on would have made confronting Eridan and searching for clothes ten times worse.

You turn back around and are greeted by the sight of Eridan's backside again. While you were focused on finding your clothes, it seems he took the opportunity to get out of bed and find his own. You close your eyes and clear your throat. He makes another squeaking sound. "Sorry."

It's the second time he's said that, in a very different tone each time, but something makes you think the meaning is the same. Sorry for subjecting you to this. Sorry I'm not good enough.

Or, and this is far more likely, you're just trying to justify what you've done with him by convincing yourself a muttered apology equals a reformed Eridan.

"You can look. I, um, havve my pants on." Your eyelids open a crack, and then fully when you see he's telling the truth. He picks up his stupid hipster glasses from he bedside table and puts them on. Still, he seems oddly naked to you without his trademark scarf and cape. "So...wwhat do wwe do wwith...that?" You both stare in embarrassment and slight horror at the bucket just feet away.

You suddenly understand why he hasn't made fun of you yet, or just plain kicked you out. He's never done this before. He needs you for this, because he's nervous and confused. You took his virginity, and now he's hoping and praying to whatever gods exist that you won't leave him alone.

You feel sick inside, and oddly sad. Eridan hated you for where you came from and scorned you for what ran through your veins. And now he's dependent on you. You look at him, and his eyes are wide and vulnerable. He looks so pathetic and pitiful, you can't help but cross the room and put your arms around him. Slowly, he relaxes and leans into you, pulling you into his chest. The fabric of his shirt is soft against your cheek, and as you breathe in, you catch the smell of sea salt.

"How did we even get here," you wonder aloud. Turning to look at Eridan, you freeze when he presses his lips to yours.

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and catching Feferi making out with Sollux has put you in a bad mood. He isn't good enough for her, but what can you do? You aren't even moirails anymore, so any romantic advice from you would be unwanted and weird. Plus, your quadrants are a joke and almost everyone knows you're a virgin.

You wander around the meteor for a while, glaring at everyone who crosses your path, until Rose and Kanaya pull you over and demand to know what's wrong. Rose looks eager to psychoanalyze you, but Kanaya shoots her a warning look. You think, not for the first time, how eerie it is that they can read each other like that. After you explain, they roll their eyes simultaneously. You are vaguely disturbed.

"Have you ever had alcohol before?" Rose asks, and you are relieved that you're not the only one who's clueless. Rose sees your and Kanaya's confusion and smirks. "Apparently not. It's an Earth drink that dulls the senses and slows your brain. It might make you feel better. For a few hours, at least. My mom used to drink it all the time. I think I might even have some here." With that, she takes a large glass bottle from her sylladex and hands it to you. The label is in some Earth language you can't read. Reluctantly, you take it from her. She then grabs Kanaya's arm and pulls her away for cod knows what.

Opening the bottle, you sniff at its contents before tilting it back and taking a sip. It tastes rich and burns just a little as it flows down your throat. Already, you feel a little lighter on your feet. Taking another swig, you begin the walk back to your room. By the time you're there, your brain is sluggish, but you certainly feel better than you did a few minutes ago.

The only thing wrong, you realize with a frown, is that drinking alone is lonely. You look to the door and realize you left it open when you came in. Sitting up, you gingerly place the bottle on your bedside table and stagger towards the doorway. You get there just as Aradia is passing by in the hall. "Heeeyyy, Ara," You say with a smile, and she stops to look at you curiously.

You know you hate her, but for the life of you, you can't figure out why. She looks beautiful in the hallway's lighting, and she was always nice enough to you. "Wwanna come in?" You ask, dimly aware that you're slurring and stuttering your w's at the same time but not really caring. "Rose gavve me this reeaally cool human drink. But I'm kinda lonely, just sittin' an' drinkin' it all by myself." Aradia looks at you suspiciously for a second, then at the room behind you. Then she nods and flashes you a quick smile, which makes your heart soar for a reason you can't explain.

"All right," She agrees, following as you clumsily walk into the room. "I'll try some."

Trying quickly becomes enjoying, which leads to finishing the whole bottle. Soon enough you're nearly delirious with alcohol. You wonder if this is how Gamzee feels when he eats his slime pies and lies dazed afterwards. You and Aradia lie on the floor on your backs next to each other, occasionally poking or prodding the other to get his or her attention. You talk about the strangest things and laugh at every bad joke you each make. At one point a thought crosses your mind and you turn your head to face Aradia.

"Hey, Ara. Ara, Ara, Aradiaaaaa..."

"What is it, Eridaaaan?" She giggles and you can't help but beam.

"You knoww wwhat wwe should do sometime?" You ask, tugging on her sleeve.

"What?" Aradia answers lazily, playing with the tassels at the end of your scarf. There is a long pause as you watch her fingers and formulate your thoughts.

"Wwe should fuck, or somefin," you finally finish, the idea making perfect sense to you, even though a small corner of your mind not completely overridden with alcohol thinks this is a revolting idea. Aradia's head turns toward yours, and you're confused when she isn't laughing anymore.

"Why?" She asks, and you frown, trying to explain why fucking Aradia Megido seemed like such a good idea a minute ago.

"Cause...cause you're pretty an' I like you," You say. "Does there havve to be another reason?"

She mulls that over for a second, nodding to herself. "I guess not," she agrees, and then grins at you.

Aradia rolls over onto her front and on top of you. You notice that her shirt has ridden up quite a bit, and a part of you realizes with a panic that you've never done this before. Your instincts mixed with the influence of alcohol seem to know what to do, though, and you put a hand on the back of her head to press your lips together. Your other clumsily finds her back and traces her vertebrae, making her shiver. After a few minutes of gently kissing her and exploring her back, you both sit up. She unwinds your scarf and presses a kiss to your neck once it's visible. Next comes your cape, which you take extra drunken care with as you hang it.

When you turn back to her, Aradia's shirt is already discarded on the floor, and you try and fail to not stare at her in her bra. She stands up and wobbles a little before stalking toward you like a predator. There is a coy look in her eyes, and you gulp and adjust your glasses. Her hands slide nimbly up beneath your shirt before you can process what's happening. You shiver as she pulls it over your head and your chests brush for a moment. You are still reeling from that contact when you feel her unzip your pants and they fall to the floor. You swallow and feel something stir within you. She lets you do the honors with her skirt, and then you're both in nothing but your underwear. You stare at her openmouthed as she watches you, notes your expression, and grins. Then she leaps forward and crashes your lips together, a sloppier kiss than before, full of tongue and breath. You're pressed against a wall as you kiss, and soon you're gasping for breath.

Your name is Aradia Megido, and the highblood you accidentally slept with just kissed you. Very tenderly. In a way that suggests red feelings. The idea is laughable. Eridan feeling that for someone like you is impossible.

But he had just kissed you.

You stare at him, and he looks away, adjusting his stupid glasses while his cheeks turn purple. "You just kissed me," you say, too shocked to reply with something more intelligent.

"I thought you wwere smart," Eridan sneers, and you feel a flash of anger, and then surprised relief. He's snapping at you. You glare at him but cling to his hostility. It's the only thing that seems normal now.

What Eridan does next tears away the tiny bit of normalcy you have. He lowers his head, sighs, and hugs you again. "I'm sorry, Ara. Really, really sorry."

You push away his apologies and his embrace. "Stop it! Stop saying that. Why are you saying that?" Eridan stares at you, and he looks hurt. And sorry. You're not sure which makes you feel more sick inside.

"Because..." He falters, watching your face, but what for, you don't know. "I think I lovve you." He says it in no more than a hoarse whisper, but he might as well have screamed it.

"No," you murmur, voice trembling, shaking between tears and laughter. "We were drunk and we pailed one time. That's not how it works. Even if I was your first time." He flinches at that. You try to convince yourself that your hands aren't shaking (unsuccessfully).

"That's not wwhat I meant," Eridan finally replies. "I think-I mean-I'vve been in lovve wwith you for a wwhile."

This is exactly what you (do not) want to hear.

"No," you say, and don't even bother to hide your shakiness."No, you don't love me, you never have loved me, you never will love me, you can't love me because you're still fucking obsessed with Feferi!" He takes a step toward you, eyes wide, but you get to him first, punching him in the nose, knocking those stupid fucking glasses off his stupid fucking face. You're pounding on his chest with your fists, eyes swimming with tears. "You love Feferi, not me! She's a highblood, she's a seadweller, she's beautiful, and she's not me!" You stop hurting him and step away, wiping your tears away with your arm. You wish he hadn't seen you cry.

"You love me," Eridan realizes finally, staring at you in shock. "That's why you're so upset."

"I thought you wwere smart," You mimic him with a snarl. It comes out crueler than you intended, and you almost feel sorry as a hurt look crosses his face.

"So you do?" He asks, and you're not sure if it's hope you hear in his tone.

"Why else would I have agreed to get drunk with you?" You snap, but then all the spite suddenly drains out of you. You sigh.

"It was just after Feferi and Sollux got together. It hit me harder than I let on. And I didn't know who to talk to about it. Certainly not you; you'd just laugh and make fun of me. So I found an alternate timeline where things went differently and you became a pretty decent guy.

"I stayed there for a while, and we became really good friends. Maybe even moirails. And I guess I just...felt red for him after a while. But it was a doomed timeline, and I couldn't stay there forever. So I came back." You take a breath. "When I got back, you were the first person I saw. It was disconcerting, and for a second I thought I hadn't left. Then you said 'Back from your time bullshit, landwellin' scum?' and walked away."

A pained look crosses his face, and he opens his mouth, maybe to apologize, but you don't let him. "So I watched you be an asshole to everyone, and held onto some tiny hope that maybe, in time, you'd get better. Eventually my hoping and wishing turned into a pathetic sort of flushed feelings." You sit down on the edge of the bed, not looking at him.

Eridan clears his throat before he replies. "Ara, I..."

"Don't." You cut him off. "You're not doomed timeline Eridan. I don't expect you to act like him." There is a long silence, during which Eridan sits down next to you on the bed. You can see his pinstriped pants out of the corner of your eye.

"Wwould you be mad if I did?" He asks finally, and you turn to stare at him. His eyes are serious. "Why would you?" You ask, and you're almost afraid to hear the answer.

"I told you," Eridan says, leaning in to kiss your cheek. "I'vve been in lovve with you for a wwhile."