Chapter 5: Freak Out

Traci and I decided to have a girl's night out, and I decided to tell her about my hook up with Sam and I thought about telling her about Luke's threat, but I couldn't bring myself to admit the shame that came with the pathetic weakness that I felt. So, I let her make assumptions and tell me how great Luke is - right. Then at the end of her speech she pulled out a mason jar and a post-it note.

By the time she left I had a jar with Sam Swarek's name in it in my freezer and a new aspiration to be girlfriend of the year. Her thinking is that he's good for me and won't hurt me; I didn't have the heart to tell her he already has. My thinking is that if I do pull off this girlfriend of the year routine Luke won't have a reason to hurt me again. So, after shift today I got Luke to promise to come over to my place for dinner. I told him I would cook dinner for him and we could forget all about the trip to his fishing cabin.

Luke got to my place a bit earlier than we had agreed on so I was still in the middle of cooking dinner. While I was putting the roast in the oven he was helping himself to a glass of scotch and helped himself into the freezer to get some ice. It only occurred to me after he shut the freezer and moved across the kitchen from me, what it was that he would find sitting front and center in a jar of frozen water. My hands started to tremble as I stood up to face him.

"What is Sam Swarek's name doing in your freezer?" I could tell by how tense he was that Luke was holding back a lot of anger, "Is he the reason you won't have sex with me? Are you fucking him?" He started walking towards me with jerky movements and controlled steps. I took a step backwards and hit the counter. When He finally reached me, he wrapped his arm around me turning off the oven then grabbing my arm with enough force to leave a large hand-shaped bruise.

"Luke, I don't know what you're talking about; Swarek is nothing to me." I tried to calm him down. But instead it only served to have him throw me into the refrigerator hard enough to stun me. Before I could gain my senses again he was on top of me on the floor, straddling my legs and gripping my wrists above my head.

"If you're willing to sleep with him, then you should be willing to sleep with me." I felt his hands grip my breast through my shirt and bra and I went rigged then I shut down.

*Flashback*

Anon Hills face is hovering over me he's just finished pulling his clothing off and ripping mine from my body. I try and fight him off but he's too strong and I can feel the bruises forming where ever he touches me forcing my legs apart, holding my hands down gripping my waist to keep me from twisting away from his grip. Next thing I feel is the tip of his shaft as it nudges my entrance and then the pain as he forces himself in me and breaks my virgin barrier.

*End Flashback*

I was still laying there on the ground an hour after Luke had finished with me, he was still here talking – well yelling actually - to me. I don't know what he said I couldn't focus on anything but what he just did to me. The fact that he forced himself on me – inside me – that he could violate my trust in him in such a way, this man before me is nothing of who I thought he was when we first met.

He's getting dressed now I see his lips form the words 'Goodbye, I love you,' as he walks out the door. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough; the moment the door shut behind him I began putting what clothing wasn't in shreds. I couldn't believe my life has come to this, I'm afraid of what Luke will do next.

So I passed my recertification – barely. Now, I get to go on a 10 hour round trip road trip with Swarek, who is barely looking at me, let alone speaking to me. Plus I have to be careful not to she how badly Luke hurt me last night, my abdomen still feels like it's on fire. I can only see disaster in the forecast today, if I don't screw up some how then I'll let on to how injured I am – though I doubt he would even notice, or Luke will find a reason to hurt me again.

Three hours into this thing and I'm still nervously babbling while I'm sure he's just praying for me to shut up. Honestly I can't help it, when I'm tense I just talk about anything. Finally he pulled into a diner, probably hoping I'd be quiet with food in my mouth.

It doesn't work and I think he's disappointed as I keep trying to make conversation with him throughout our lunch; until halfway through when I finally threw in the towel. Swarek chose then to try and put forth some effort. I couldn't help but laugh as he called over our waitress and made some ridiculously lame out-dated jokes to cut the tension between us. As my laughter died down I had to fight the urge to grip my stomach because of the radiating pain shooting through it from all the laughter, I really wish I could take a pain killer with out having to explain why I need it, but I'd rather not risk that he'll suddenly clue in. That's the last thing I need; to look weak in front of him because I couldn't fight off my own boyfriend.

The prisoner we're transporting is very… congenial. He keeps talking which makes me feel like I should talk back to him. Swarek keeps telling me I need to stop talking to him, but I've always had a hard time ignoring people, especially if they're being nice.

We're stopped on the side of the road and Swarek has left me alone with the prisoner in the car. The moment Sam was out of sight Ray Donald Swann went into a seizure; I panicked and opened the door, before I knew what hit me he disappeared into the woods. A few minutes later Swarek came back; to say he was angry would be a massive understatement.

After he calmed down enough to actually go and search for the guy, we split up to try and cover more ground as there were only a few more hours of daylight. With my luck I should have known better than to go off alone, Ray found me before I found him and I wound up with him straddling my waist choking me.

So, so so so very sorry for having let this sit so long. I hope this was worth the wait. Please review.