Chapter 6

Andy finished applying one more coat of mascara, screwing the wand back on and dropping it back into her small cosmetic bag and narrowed her eyes at her reflection in the mirror – If the ice was supposed to have helped than god knows what she would be looking like now without it, because there was a large ugly red/purplish hue stretching from the corner of her eye all the way along her cheek bone to the edge of her nose and half way down the side of her face. She had tried to cover most of its ugliness with her make-up, but she only had the bare essentials and it would have taken a clown like level of face paint to take the angriness out of it anyway. She jabbed her finger at it gently, and grimaced as she felt it connect with the tenderness.

"That's quite the war wound..."

Gail's words pulled her attention away from the mirror, and she glanced over her shoulder at her sat crossed legged on the bench behind her – shrugging her shoulders in response. "What can I say – I'm hardcore." Andy turned away from her friend and peered at her reflection once more in the mirror, before pulling her pressed powder out of her bag of tricks and gently padded the sponge from the compact at the offending area.

"It's not going to work...you couldn't cover it up with clay..."

Gail caught the tail end of an eye roll, before Andy's sarcastic "That's helpful...thank you."

"Hey...I say wear it with pride." Gail stretched out her legs along the bench, and angled her toes before swivelling and pulling herself onto her feet. "I'm heading out...going to take Mr. Afghanistan up on a ride home..."

"Yep...ok." Andy met Gail's eyes in the mirror and raised a cheeky eyebrow and a small smile. "You kids have fun..."

Gail hoisted her bag up onto her shoulder and waved distractedly as she walked past, issuing a response of "I'm always fun..." as she disappeared from view.

Andy huffed out a sigh, and finally gave up on trying to orchestrate some damage control. Gail was right, there was no way she was going to be able to make it look any better. She zipped up the little bag, shoving it into her holdall and sank down onto the bench – burying her face in her hands and issuing a groan of frustration at the world.

"Rough day?" Her heart skipped a beat at the sound of Sam's voice – still not completely reacquainted with the effect he always had on her, and a small smile pushed its way into place despite the protest it pulled from her swollen cheek.

"Something like that..." She peered up at him with a wry smile, and the warm smile that had been on his face fell instantly – eyes widening in shock first, followed very closely by concern as he took several large steps towards her – stopping just short of the edge of the bench when she looked away from him and back down at the floor.

"Jesus...McNally? Andy...what...?"

"It's not as bad as it looks..."

"What happened...?"

"It's what happens when you turn up for work hung over, after drinking half of Mexico dry." She parroted Marlo's words in a bitter tone, hunching her shoulders and studying the edge of her shoe for a short second before peering back up at him. "My reactions were slower – impaired and sloppy..."

Sam eyed her sceptically, studied her expression for a few seconds before offering her a questioning eyebrow and tried again. "What happened...?"

"Domestic disturbance – guy was handsy...fists were flying everywhere, and one of his strikes got lucky. "

"...And Cruz was where when this was going down?"

"Trying to stop the girlfriend from coming at us both with a frying pan...Sam, I'm fine...it's not a big deal." Andy forced herself to stand up, hoisting her bag on to her shoulder but couldn't make herself move past him.

"You don't look fine." He returned her stare, shoving his hands into his pockets and let the silence linger between them for a couple of long seconds before Andy dropped her head...studying the floor tiles and scuffing her boot along the floor.

"I'm just tired...I'm going home." She forced her feet to walk forwards, and Sam refused to move out of the way – her arm tingling all the way to her finger tips as she brushed passed him on the way to the door.

"You need a ride?" She almost didn't hear him, his tone quiet and soft and she stumbled over her feet a little bit when she stopped – turning and eyeing him apprehensively from the doorway.

"You don't have to do that..."

She got a small shrug of his shoulders, and a shy smile before he acknowledged her in words. "I know...you need one?"

She nodded her head at him, small smile flashing as she shuffled on her feet. "If you're not busy..."

"Here..." He pulled one of his hands out of his pocket and tossed his keys at her, which she caught in one fluid motion. "I'll meet you at the truck – there's just something I need to do first...give me five minutes."

"Here you go...home sweet home." Sam glanced over at her on the passenger side with the barest of smiles, but she didn't acknowledge him – didn't even seem to register that the truck had stopped moving, was completely caught up in her own head. "Andy...?"

He reached out, wrapping his fingers around her wrist in a bid to get her attention – letting go as soon as she flinched from the contact and her head whipped around to face him. "It'll get easier. Everything always feels a little off when you get back from being away for that long...it takes a while to get you're groove back – everything's different, but the same...feel like you're missing something...but you're not...it'll slot back in eventually – you just have to give it time. You're a good cop..."

She curled up on the seat, turning her whole body towards him and eyed him curiously for a few seconds – she shouldn't be surprised, not really – he had a habit of nearly always knowing exactly what to say when she was wigging out over something. The warmth in his eyes caused a heavy thud, thud rhythm against her ribcage and she was suddenly very aware of the fact that she didn't want him to leave. "Do you want to come up...?"

She saw his grip on the steering wheel tighten in her peripheral vision, and she clenched her hands into tight fists – fingernails digging into her palms to try and quell the overwhelming urge she had to reach out for him, his slightly wide-eyed look of...surprise/apprehension/nervousness...she couldn't quite figure out what it was pulled more words out of her mouth...the butterflies breeding in her stomach. "We can have that drink you...We could talk...Sam...I..."

"Ok...yeah - lets...sure." He smiled at her...small, real and shy – a shy Swarek smile was something that she was in no way accustomed to seeing – but was developing a super fast, strong adoration of and she tried to pull her own smile into check before unbuckling her belt and reaching for the handle and pushing open the door.

She met him on the sidewalk, and he fell into step with her - walking side by side to the entrance of her building. One of Andy's neighbours was leaving with their dog at same time as they arrived and held the door open for them with an acknowledging nod. Andy smiled brightly at the lady, a cheery hello offered in exchange as she leant against the propped door and the women walked past them both and down the pathway. Sam took a couple of steps back to make room for her to get past them, and Andy had to shove her hands down into her pockets to stop herself from holding out her hand, and yanking him impatiently through the doorway...slowly coming to the realisation that her self induced Sam-fast had only served to increase how greedy she was for him. The vulnerability she felt sink down into her from that realisation made her suck in a harsh gulp of air, and earned her a curious look from Sam as he stepped passed her into the hallway – a quirked eyebrow raised her direction.

"You ok McNally?"

The only response she offered was a small nod of her head, as she attempted to batten down her self –preservation flight gene – turning and walking towards the flight of stairs behind her, knowing that he would follow.

Andy whirled around her kitchen, flitting between finishing off her chores and playing the hostess – offering a beer and shoving a pizza in the oven in a mess of nervous energy. Now that she actually had him here she had no idea where she wanted to start, talk about...ask him – tried telling herself to cut it out – calm it down, that it was just Sam...Which of course was just the problem...there was no just involved...it was Sam. He watched her scurry around for a good ten minutes before reaching out a hand, wrapping his fingers around her wrist and holding her in one spot when she flitted past him for the fifteenth time – forcing a bottle of beer into her hand with a bemused smile and strolling over to her couch – pulling her along behind him. He turned back to face her when they reached the edge of the seating area, waving his hand in the general direction of her couch in a motion for her to sit down and she just stared at him with wide eyes.

Sam eyed her curiously for a few seconds before clearing his throat and offering her "I thought you wanted to talk..."

"Don't you?"

"I'm here aren't I?" He raised an eyebrow at her in a challenge, and shook his head slightly in exasperation when she didn't move, didn't say anything and dropped her eyes to the beer bottle he had thrust at her a few seconds ago, swirling it between her fingers. "Andy..."

"She wants you...you know that right?" She scrutinised the label on her beer bottle for a few seconds, before peering up to be met with another one of his expressions that she couldn't get a reading on.

"What...? Andy..."

She narrowed her eyes at him, increased her grip on her bottle and tried to calm the twisty knotting of her stomach. "You ever tempted...?"

"McNally..." There was a warning edge in his tone, and at one time – perhaps before he broke her heart she would have let it drop, but she needed to hear him say it.

"What? I know she's pretty...made it blatantly obvious that she thinks your sex on a stick...6 months is a long time to wait for someone who wasn't even a factor when they left..." She eyed him pointedly, arching an eyebrow and pulled her wrist out of his grasp – crossing her arm across her waist in a defensive move.

He flashed his teeth at her in a hard smile, bit on his bottom lip hard for a second before huffing out a loud sigh and scrunching his eyes closed. Sam studied the spot behind her ear for a long moment when he opened his eyes again, "There is nothing going on between Marlo Cruz and me...never was...never will be. She knows Sarah...they're friends...and you have always been a factor."

"Then why did you do it?"

A small humourless laugh was forced from his lungs that pulled on her insides, and he sank down onto the couch and scrubbed at his face. "Geez...McNally...you really go for the jugular huh?"

His eyes followed her as she sank down onto the couch to mirror his position, peeling at the label on the beer bottle as if it would somehow peel away the layers inside of him, and leave him open for her to swim around in. She shut her eyes and shrugged her shoulders, aware that he was waiting for her to say something – but unsure what, eventually forcing a whispered "You broke my heart..." out into the open.

"I made a mistake. I'm sorry..." His voice was heavy with emotion, and when she forced her eyes open again the intensity and the pain in his own took her by surprise.

"So why did you do it?"

"I don't know...I still don't...I...It's not like I woke up that morning with a plan to...hurting you wasn't my intention – I never wanted to do that...ever. I was all over the place, my head was all over the place...I didn't know which way was up, and I needed some space to get my head back on straight."

"And our relationship was a casualty of your voyage for re-discovering yourself?" She pulled her legs up onto the couch, tucking them under herself and reached for a throw cushion – gripping onto it and hugging it tightly against her.

"I didn't mean for it to be...I – I didn't want..."

"I know you were grieving...that you lost your friend, and I would've..."

"It wasn't just about that...Jerry..." He swallowed thickly, and looked away from her – studying the edge of her coffee table. "Jerry dying...was just the...my head was already screwed...Jerry just amplified the mess..."

"I don't understand what you're...you're not making any sense..."

She picked up a small, wry smile making its way into his expression as he shook his head. "I love you..." He glanced sideways at her briefly, before focusing back on the edge of the coffee table and Andy's heart slipped sideways...rattled around a bit and hammered painfully in response. It was the first time he had actually said that to her without a bomb to force the sentiment out of him – and the fact that he said it so rarely made the emotion of it so much more powerful. "I still do...I did then, I just...I loved you for a long time before we even got close to being something more than work colleagues and when it happened...I thought I would be able to handle it better than I did..."

Andy opened her mouth to speak and he peered back at her, shook his head and held up a hand in a request for her to keep quiet for a second and she forced her mouth shut again. "Let me finish...I don't know how to explain it, but we were getting...I was happy – I was happy with you, us...I finally stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop and then everything hit the fan...that guy – the cab driver, could just as easily have taken you..."

"Sam, I..."

"I needed to keep you in sight – make sure you were ok, which wasn't your fault...I get that – it's totally on me, but I did. I let that...cloud my judgement, and I..."

"Sam – what happened to Jerry wasn't anyone's fault...yours...mine...Gail's..."

"I know...I know that, and I don't...I felt like being with you clouded my judgement, and I'm idiot...I know that – but it was just how I felt. It could have been anyone else...you, me...that ended up with a...my head was messed up, and I got freaked about it...about being with you – not being with you, something happening to one of us...it all got messed up in my head, and I needed some time to straighten everything out..."

"You could have told me that..."

"I tried to...you followed me outside, and I was at a point where I didn't know what else to say to make it any clearer..."

"So you broke up with me...?"

"I didn't mean for that to happen...I just...it did, and I couldn't take it back..."

"So why didn't you answer any of my calls...I tried to call you – talk to you...?"

"I...Andy...it wasn't...I needed some space...time to clear my head, and I kept telling myself it was for the best. I did honestly think – when my head was in that space I did honestly think I was doing the right thing. That we'd get over it – move on."

"So then what happened?"

"John Grey, a bomb and you left." He forced a smile at her, and she raised a pointed eyebrow in his direction.

"So it took a paedophile and a grenade to make you feel like you made a mistake?"

"No. It took the thought of losing you that made me face the fact that I had – I knew I had the second I left you at the Penny."

"So what do you want now?"

"Andy...C'mon ..." Sam forced his eyes back up to meet hers, a slightly wrecked expression loitering around his edges. "I can't..."

Andy discarded her throw cushion on the floor, abandoning beer on a coaster at the edge of her coffee table and wriggled closer to him along the couch – reaching for his hand, interlacing their fingers and giving it a gentle squeeze. "What do you want...?"

"Pizza...?" She stared...wide eyed and disbelieving for a long moment before yanking her hand out of his grip, and moving to get to her feet. She didn't get very far, Sam reaching out and wrapping his fingers tightly around her arm – tugging her back down onto the sofa next to him.

"I'm joking...McNally...Shit...you are..." He shook his head at her, and increased his hold on her arm – waiting until he was sure he had her full attention. "You. I want you. That's it...cards well and truly on the table. I want you – What do you want?"

"Sam...I..." She swallowed her words at the back of her throat, and suddenly found it very difficult to breathe with the way he was looking at her – all big brown eyes, and imploring expression.

"What? Work with me here...I'm trying to figure this thing out..."

"What thing...?"

"McNally..." The edge in the way he said her name actually cracked her heart a little bit. She knew she wasn't being fair – that she should meet him halfway, couldn't expect him to be the only one laying himself out there – but she just couldn't stop herself from making him. Couldn't quite let herself believe that he was there...wanting her. Andy pulled her arm out of his grip, and shrugged her shoulders – dropping her eyes from his in the hope that it would ease the churning inside of her to a manageable level.

"You left...Andy, I know my timing sucked ok – but I meant what I said. I meant it, and you still left...I don't know what's going on in that head of yours...where you're at...I can't read your mind."

Andy screwed her eyes shut, scrunched up her face in an effort to avoid the penetrating gaze he was leveling at her and a small involuntary hiss escaped her as her bruised cheek protested at the effort. "You need some Ice on that..."

Sam left her on the couch, fetched some frozen peas from her freezer and wrapped the bag in a cloth – collecting their pizza from the oven and a couple of plates for them both when he came back. She flinched when he pressed the homemade ice-pack against her cheek bone, reaching up and taking it from him and curled her legs back up under her again. "I didn't do it to hurt you...I asked Luke for a spot on the taskforce before you said anything to me...I couldn't then turn it down. I would have come...I would've met you but..."

"You didn't think you could call? I know how these things work Andy...I know...but you could've said something..."

"No...No I couldn't...Sam..." She dropped her eyes down to the stretch of couch that was between them with a small sigh. "If I had called you – talked to you, I wouldn't have gone...I wouldn't have been able to make myself go and I didn't want to be that girl..."

"What girl...?"

"The one who wakes up half a life from now and wondered what I did with my life...I spoke to my mom, she said I would regret letting some guy get in the way of what I want to achieve..."

"Andy...I would never want to get in your way – I'm not..."

She shook her head at him, stopped his words in their tracks and reached for his hand again. "I know...I know that. She was wrong anyway...you're not just some guy. I'm glad I went...I think the distance gave me a new perspective on some things...I know I'm not completely blameless for the way everything turned out...and I missed you...like a stupid amount missed you..."

"You did huh?"

A small smile twitched at the edge of her lips, and she nodded in agreement. "I did...Every day. I think I was only a week in when I realised that I didn't really want to be there...without you. Sam – I want...I want there to be an us again, I do...I just...I need some time...can we just...I know I have no right to ask you to wait for me, I just...can we ease back in...Please?"

She eyed him cautiously, squeezing his hand for good measure and sucked in a shaky breath to try and stop her heart from ricocheting around in her chest. She wanted to wrap herself around him, and up in him and never let go actually – which is nothing close to what came out of her mouth, but she couldn't bring herself to admit that to him yet, open herself up to be that vulnerable.

Sam dropped his head; his eyes studying her hand wrapped up in his and gave a gentle re-assuring squeeze back – glancing back up at her with a small, inviting smile. "I think we can do that...".He stared at her for a few more minutes – searching out something in her face, and she felt the heat of a rising blush fill her cheeks under his eyes but she stared right back. "Food...?"

Andy grinned at him, wide and bright. "Definitely...I'm starved..." She untangled their hands and tried not to think of how much she wanted to reach straight back and touch him again; making a dive for a plate and a first slice of pizza and chomping down eagerly.

A/N...voila...I miss McSwarek...I couldn't wait too long to get to a point where we might be able to consider getting them back to where they belong! There is more coming though...I hope you enjoyed... xxx