Disclaimer: I do not own Ed, Edd n Eddy and thus, whatever goes on in here or any of my work based on Ed, Edd n Eddy are non-canon. I am a fan of the series, nothing more and nothing less. Thank you, Cartoon Network and Danny Antonucci for creating this wonderful work. I also like to credit VampireMeerkats, avid fan and creator of the upcoming fan series, Ed, Edd n Eddy Highschool, for the Ed's hat theory and the character design decisions that I wholly support.

The scorching, summer sun shone high, towering over the long high road that stretched on, seemingly never-ending. There was nary a building in sight, only a cactus positioned unnaturally on the side of the road. That cactus caught the attention a young man, one of three inside a retro, demode van. The same van that was shown at an earlier point in the young men's life. The life of the three Eds.

In the flame-skinned leather driver's seat of the retrofitted van was the tallest of the Eds. Once the shortest of the three Eds, Eddy's genes from his father's side kicked in at the age of fifteen and granted him a tremendous growth spurt. He had also grown in weight, and was now slightly chubby, even under his baggiest yellow sleeve top.

Next to Eddy was Ed. The messiest of the Eds, he wore small, rectangular reading glasses due to a lazy eye that caused his parents some concern. His intelligence was certainly no different to around five years ago, even though Ed clearly believed the glasses make him smarter.

Lastly, sat in the back of the van is Edd, though his friends call him 'Double D'. No longer did he hide his hair inside the hat, but had let it grow below his shoulders. He had hidden his hair not because it was long, but because his parents attempted to cut it on short notice when he was a young child. Instead, it has resulted in a mess of tangled hair which had only grown worse the more Edd tried to fix it. He had hidden it from his parents for years, using hair pins and keeping it all in his hat. It wasn't until Nazz fixed his hair up, not out of love or friendship, but rather out of an OCD for messy hair.

The Eds had always stood by each other. Even when the Eds have been accepted by the kids from the Cul De Sac, when the truth of his brother was revealed, they had always gotten on better with each other than anyone else. To this day, their friendship is still as strong as it ever was.

But uneasiness reeks from the Eds. Eddy is violently twisting the ignition key, hoping to start up the car's engine, yet to no avail. Ed impatiently explored the entirety of his green coat, the same coat that he had when he was younger, but always come out disappointed. And Edd's attention is occupied by the green cactus just outside of the van, as if it cannot escape from its mind.

"Come on, you stupid heap of junk!" yelled Eddy, growing more impatient with the van as he repeatedly twist the ignition key. It has just stopped in the middle of the road, which hampered the plans for the young men's summer road trip. No matter how firm his hands were in twisting the ignition key, the engine would not even make a little noise. Aghast, Eddy has given up, "Double D, it's broken".

There was no reply from Edd, his eyes fixated on the cactus. Eddy groaned and turned his head to Double D, then to the direction of what he was looking at. "Sockhead, can you quit having a crush on that Cactus! It's creeping me out" said Eddy.

Edd snapped out of his 'trance', his face grew red with embarrassment. "Good lord, Eddy" shouted Edd. "Just because I was quietly observing the anomaly that is a genuinely healthy, unusual cactus, does not mean I have a hormonal attraction to this...".

"Yeah, yeah." Eddy interrupted Edd, not caring about the cactus. "We'll get to that problem later on. Right now, the van won't start"

"I can see that, Eddy" replied Edd. "Did you rotate the ignition key 90 degrees counter-clockwise, then hold it in a stationary position and repeated the process?"

"..." Eddy had nothing to say, not without clouting Edd's head. With the swift of his hands, bam, collided into Edd's head. He yelped as a result and his vision blurred seconds after. He soon recuperated after and compose himself, becoming annoyed at Eddy's assault on his head. "Good lord, Eddy! You didn't have to hit me"

Eddy gritted his teeth "I already did that, Rapunzel!". Rapunzel was another addition to his nicknames alongside 'sockhead', referencing Edd's long, silky black hair. To Eddy, it felt more fitting to use 'Rapunzel', though habits dictate that 'sockhead' would escape from his mouth in the heat of moment. But it makes it all the more disappointing for Edd, as his face changed emotion to represent a more unfavorable disapproval.

"I would have preferred that you would at least utilise the preceding moniker, but I have mentioned this repeatedly and..." Edd suddenly stopped in mid-sentence as he heard a whimper. A genuinely, doleful whimper. The whimper of Ed; his eyes swelling up with tears. "Ed? Pray tell, what is wrong?"

"DOUBLE D" shouted Ed, as his tears began to pour out like a rapid waterfall, filling the inside of the van. Edd began to panic for Ed. He wasn't one to watch people be upset, especially if it is one of his best friends. Edd always want to help others in the best way possible and even take it out of his times to reach a satisfiable conclusion. There is also another reason why Edd wants to desperately help. He does not want to drown in a van full of tears.

"Ed, it's not like you to be suddenly upset?" asked Edd, a concerned look on his face.

"I CAN'T FIND MY GRAVY. I HAD IT IN MY POCKET. NOW IT'S NOT HERE." cried Ed, his stream of tears accelerating.

"Monobrow! Rapunzel! We have a problem here. The van will not start. This is not the time to talk about Rapunzel's second girlfriend or about Ed's stinky, mouldy..."

Before Eddy could finish his sentence, a large, mouldy pan collided on top of Eddy's head. The pan look to be very antique, very cauldron-like out of some b-horror witch movie. It also has two, large, black letters, though it wasn't as straight, but very wobbly as if it was a pre-school child's first attempt at writing it.

"Ed, I think we found your... gravy" said Edd, squeezing his nose with a pair of pegs that he pulled out of his hat. Despite his hair length, the hat made a great storage place. "Good heavens. That stench."

"GRAAAAAVY!" shouted Ed in his happy and dopeful manner, as he grabbed Eddy with his two, grubby hands and his mouth grew wide, ear to ear, bigger than the Cheshire Cat's smile. Edd shouted to Ed to snap him out of his hunger phase "Ed, don't eat Eddy!"

Ed snapped out of his hunger phase and looked at what he has grasped onto: a disgruntled Eddy who seems to be at the tipping point that could make him explode. Explode into wrathful anger. "What are you doing with my gravy? If you wanted some, just ask. My gravy is for all" said Ed with a happy expression on his face, oblivious to the anger of Ed.

"THAT'S IT." shouted Eddy as his hands grasped onto the stainless steel handle of the driver's seat door, opening it and the sea of Ed's tears drained out the door along with other things. Ed's gravy pot. The abacus that Edd carries around. Magazines of women in luscious positions. And finally, Edd, who is not strong enough to combat the waves of the tears, trying to grab onto the door of the van. Over in a few seconds, the van is almost free of tears, aside from wet patches on the floor, wind-shield and the seats. Eddy proceeded to continue his sentence.

"Double D, the van would not work. Ed, I don't want your stinkin gravy! Now, back to you, Double D. Can you fix the van?" asked Eddy, desperately wanting the situation to be addressed and to continue the road trip that they have all been planning.

"Eddy, I... uh, don't know how to... repair this vehicle" Edd admitted, his eyes shifted left and not wanting to make direct eye contact, still latching onto the door.

"What? How can you not know how to fix this vehicle when you got it working in the first place! It was a heap of junk before I asked you to fix it up!" said Eddy.

"Well, you see...". Edd did not want to admit the truth. He cannot bear that someone else did a much better job than him and he did promise Eddy that he would get the van working once again. Instead, he tried to throw off Eddy with a long-winded, but never-ending explanation. "Well, I require the knowledge to repair these vehicles, but I need to reinvigorate my limited knowledge, which requires learning materials that I have left at home, but you see, I can a moment... and calling it a moment would be a misuse of its correct terminology, because the word 'moment' derived from mathematics, discussing about quantatitiv..."

"RAPUNZEL" Eddy interrupted Edd.

"NO, I DON'T" Edd admitted, screeching the truth at the top of his lung. Silence consumed the young men as they heard those words escaped from Edd's mouth.

No, I don't.

Even Ed sat there, looking confused. Ed always lacked intelligence, but even he was shocked that Edd did not fix the vehicle. To him, Edd can fix and create anything. The truth did not catch his attention for long as he witnessed an object rolling near the unnatural cactus that Edd laid his eyes on before. That object was the rusty, antique gravy pan, leaving a trail of 'gravy residue' from the van.

"MY GRAVY!" Ed shouted as he jumped over the two young men acrobatically. Yes, acrobatically, doing a forward, triple flip. Edd's eyes locked onto Ed, amazed at the skill that he has portrayed. And so he has watched, until Ed successfully landed onto the ground, outside of the van.

"Oh my, Ed. Where did you..."

But Ed tripped over just before Edd could finish his question, instead uttering those two words instead "Never mind".

Eddy did not witness the extraordinary skill that Ed possessed as he is irked by the truth that Edd has said. "Double D. If you don't know how to fix our Ed mobile. Then HOW DID YOU FIX THIS VAN IN THE FIRST PLACE?"

"Well, you see. When I agreed to the promise, and I always try to live up to my promises, is that this vehicle would be repaired. And it has been repaired, filed under the necessary checks and is risk-free. But.. I didn't posses enough knowledge to do so... and seek outside help, as painful as it was." explained Edd, as he has let go of the car seat door and composed himself upright.

"So who... did fix it?" Eddy asked Edd.

"Well". Edd gulped as he began to sweat from his forehead. He knew the truth was going to come out sooner or later. "You see, I had to require the help of... Marie Kanker since she possess knowledge in mechanical engineering, greater than I when it come to automobiles"

"YOU GOT A KANKER TO TOUCH MY VAN!?" Eddy shouted, scratching himself apace with his nails, treating the truth like that the Kanker spread her disease onto the van.

"Oh come now, Eddy. Marie might portray herself as the ferocious, selfish and careless type. But I'm grateful that she has accomplished admirably the task that I failed to accomplish." Edd replied.

"Yeah. And that Kanker might as well 'accomplish' your soul!" Eddy snapped back.

"That sentence is not even correct, Eddy. You cannot use 'accomplish' as the definition clearly states..."

Eddy interrupted Edd with his hands grabbing onto his lips, stretching it outwards like an elastic band. "Yap, yap. Do you know what that means? We're stuck out here and you do not know how to fix the van!" shouted Eddy.

"Oh, do not be dramatic, Eddy" said Edd, albeit slurred with a hint of lisp. "We can contact the appropriate services to come and collect us"

"But that requires money!" Eddy spat back, distraught that the situation has forced him to consider spending his money on a van that he originally believed that it could be fixed by Edd.

The argument between Edd and Eddy carried on, that whilst Edd was trying to stand his grounds and apologise for his mistakes, Eddy doesn't want to partake his cash just to continue his trips as it would hamper the plans. Eddy have always been tight when it comes to money that is not luxurious, as large sums of money should be spent on something that he would enjoy, not on obligations. Both Eds cannot see the other side of the argument and the end is far from sight.

Ed followed his gravy pan all the way up to the unnatural cactus. He quickly picked it up, before proceeding to shake his fingers disapprovingly. "You are a bad gravy pan, mister" Ed belittled the gravy pan, treating the rusty pan as a young curious baby who goes out exploring despite being told not to go anywhere.

Haha, I say.

Ed heard that voice. Confused, he looked around, snapping back and forth to check out where the voice came from. The voice contained an accent, a Texan accent, but one that allude a more old man crazed prospector accent.

"Gravy Pan. Is that you speaking?" Ed asked, scanning his gravy pan.

Are you crazy? Everyone dan tootin knows pots can't say anythin.

"Haha, that is true, Mister!" Ed replied in his usual dopey manner, though it took him a few seconds to realise that he was talking to someone. "Is this... a... ghost?"

I ain't heard no ghost speaking either.

Ed caught on where the voice is, and he impossibly rotated his head around one-hundred-and-eighty degrees to the direction of the voice, locking his eyes on the first thing that he has witnessed. That cactus. Upon close view, the unnatural cactus shows more proof that it is 'unnatural'. The spines do not have the sharpness that it expected from a cactus, instead featuring more blunt spines. It has a more unnatural green and appear plastic. A label is attached to the bottom of the cactus, with 'washing instructions' labelled

"Yaaaaahoooo!" shouted the voice from the cactus enthusiastically. The cactus jumped up four feet in the air, throwing Ed into a frighten manner as he witnessed the cactus suddenly 'come to life'. Landing back down, the cactus initiated into a rather enthusiastic dance. "Oh I'm darn happy! People call me crazy. A waste of my social security. That no one would believe I can look like a cactus. But they wrong. THEY ARE ALL WRONG"

"AAAAH. DOUBLE D. EDDY. IT'S THE ALIEN CACTUS FROM THE MOVIE 'ALIEN CACTUS. VS. DRACULA'" shouted Edd, running away from the Cactus that sprung to life, as fast as he could. He even created a mini tornado with the velocity of his speed. As Edd and Eddy were still arguing over the van, Ed grabbed onto the two men ferociously and quickly throwing them into the van, all without Edd and Eddy realising what has just happened.

"MONOBROW!" Eddy shouted at Ed angrily, as he was pushed to the far right of the passenger's seat, with Edd in front of him. "What is goi..." Eddy's sentence stopped by a lock of Edd's hair exhaled into Eddy's mouth, choking and coughing. Instead of warning Edd, Eddy grabbed to the side a large pair of metal, scissor used for cutting paper, which were resting on the dashboard. With a snip, he cut off a lock of Edd's hair that was stuck in his mouth. Edd felt his hair was shorter than usual, so he turned his head around to find what Eddy has done.

"GOOD LORD, EDDY!" shouted Edd as he scuttled away from Eddy, horrified at the actions that Eddy wrought on him. "DID YOU HAVE TO ASSAULT MY HAIR WITH THOSE SCIZZORS?"

"Your hair was in my mouth, sockhead" retorted Eddy.

"My... hair. You have violated the sanctity of... Oh my, this is just... like the time 'Ma' and 'Pa' tried to cut my hair" wistfully said Edd, reminiscing back to the memories of that event. Edd's eyes swell up in tears, never truly getting over the events that he described as one of the biggest embarrassments he has endured.

"Double D, I'm..." As Eddy was about to finish his sentence, he turned to Ed who has entered the fetal position, sucking onto his thumb. "Ed, what did you see?"

"I saw..." Ed struggled to finish his sentence, but someone else finished the sentence.

"A convincing cactus!"

As the Edds all turn their heads to the direction of the voice, theirs eyes bolted onto the cactus. This time, the cactus' face was revealed. The face of an elderly, wrinkly man with a wavy, grey beard. His smile grew wide, revealing that three quarter of his teeth were silver and rusted. The man inside the cactus just smiled, though a little giggle escaped.

"So convincing that I should be called 'Cactus Man'!".

A/N: I did plan on having all of my one shots as separate submissions, but I think compiling them into one is preferable. They all work within the 'universe' I want to lay out. So my other one shots, whilst still experimental, work in conjunction with other one shots. They are set at undisclosed timelines, so the next shot could be set before this and the other could be set after. It still focus on the Eds as teens and nothing more.

Another thing is this particular chapter, "Highroad Ed", is suppose to be one chapter. But I think leaving it off here is ideal, so that I can continue it in Part 2. The next chapter I'm writing for this will be about something else. But I'm finishing it off with Part 2, which will show that I am ready to write out the whole thing.

Also, please R&R. I'd really appreciate it. It is my first fan fiction in a long time... like around seven years? I'm still rusty as hell. If this gets changed, it's just grammatical changes, sentence restructuring, the usual stuff. Right now, I'm bothered about whether I got the Eds right.

Thanks.

PS: Yes, my first 'OC' called Cactus Man. Oh yeah, he's actually a thing.