This is a one shot for Rookie Blue before we see the big episode tonight. For some reason the way that Andy ignored Sam broke my heart. Don't get me wrong, I am mad at Sam, but I just really want a blowout fight. So here it is...or my attempt at one. Also this is not betted so all mistakes are mine. Please read, review, and enjoy!
*This is a heavy dialogue story
Disclaimer* I do not own rookie blue...but I'll put it on my Christmas list
Not your job
Well, that's not your job anymore...
Her words played in an evil loop around his mind. It was like someone hit the repeat button to a terrible song and then hid the remote. He sat there alone at the bar, alternating between taking sips of his whiskey, and sneaking glances at Andy as she drank with her friends. It was almost funny, one activity burned his throat, as the other seemed to burn his chest. He knew she had to see him come into the bar; he was close enough to her to smell the perfume that still lingered in his senses, like some kind of painful memory. But like anytime he was near her, she didn't look up, did her best not to meet his eyes. She just walked away with nick like he didn't even exist.
'Not your job anymore' the mantra continued.
He was blindsided by the complete lack of emotion as she said it, not even bothering to look at him. What did she mean not his job? What? Because he wasn't her TO anymore, because he wasn't her boyfriend. To hell with that, she knew him better than that! Didn't she? He wondered to himself. She had to know that he still cared for her, that he wanted to protect her, that's why he walked away to begin with.
He wasn't sure if it was the fifth drink, or the way his mind kept playing her words over and over, but when he saw her get up and gather her jacket, ready to walk out and once again ignore his presence at the penny, he got pissed...royally. Not even bothering to see how much he pulled out of his jeans, Sam threw some money down and basically sprinted out the door after Andy.
"McNally!" He yelled into the dark night. He saw a small flinch but she continued on her walk home. "McNally! Damn it Andy stop!" He yelled in her direction, finally stopping her in her tracks. He watched as she kept her back to him, seemingly preparing herself for whatever he was getting ready to say. Slowly she turned around. The first thing he noticed was her eyes seemed a little glassed over, he told himself that it was from downing more than her usual amount of alcohol. It couldn't be un-ushered tears. The next was how tightly she held her lips closed, as if it was by pure will power she was staying calm. Definitely wasn't from trying to keep those imaginary tears at bay.
"Can I help you, office Swarek, sir?" She asked her voice was clipped and laced with sarcasm.
"Cute." He added with just as much sarcasm. "What the hell was that back there at the barn tonight?" Sam questioned as his eyes began to darken in anger.
"Excuse me?" Andy asked in shock, at not only his question but his tone. "What was what Sam? What do you mean? "
"You know what. That whole 'that's not your job anymore' crap" he held his hands tightly to stifle some of the anger that arose from remembering how that comment had felt like a slap in the face.
Andy let out a painful laugh before opening her mouth. "Are you kidding me right now?" When all she got in return was a stare from Sam she dropped her head back, looking at the heavens as if they may hold the answer before taking a deep breath and locking eyes with him once more. "Look, I've had a pretty shitty day. Gail is under investigation, nick has his crap to deal with, and Tracy...well let's just say I can't seem to truly be there for the people I want to be, so I don't know how many you've had, but trust me when I say I haven't had nearly enough to deal with this tonight."
She turned to resume her journey home when she felt a hand grab her arm and turn her back around. She quickly yanked her arm out of his grasp. "What is your problem Swarek!" She yelled
"I'll tell you what my problem is. I waited hours, worried about you, wanting to know if you were okay, to see how your interview with SIU went, and you blew me off. That, officer McNally, is my problem." Andy's eyes grew wide as she processed his answer.
"You lost that right after you quite on us and drove off leaving me alone crying in the rain." Andy steeped closer, shoving her finger in his chest as she continued. "You promised me that if things started to go south that you wouldn't just leave, told me I wasn't getting rid of you without a fight. That was some fight you put up Sammy...a halfhearted offer at friendship and an excuse about being a cop and being with me? So no, you don't get to ask me if I'm okay. Do you understand? You don't get to worry about me. I'm not your rookie anymore, I'm sure as hell am not your girlfriend." She added with a bitter laugh. "You didn't seem all broken up and worried when you asked me for your damn keys back in front of everyone at the Sally port, and that was basically the first time we had spoken in a month. You weren't worried then were you Sam? So I'm giving you the same answer that I gave you over three hours ago. Its. Not. Your. Job. Anymore. That was your choice Sam, not mine. Got it."
His nostrils flared in response to her outburst. Did she honestly think he just didn't care?
"No I don't 'got it', you think that ending things with you was easy for me? You honestly think that I don't lay in bed every night missing you, aching to hold you? I didn't even want the stupid keys back, I just wanted to talk to you and it was the only thing I could think of." Sam ran hands through his hair in frustration before continuing. "Damn it Andy, Jerry's dead! it could have been you! Next time it might be, every time I go against my gut to follow you around on the job I'm putting you in danger. That's why I can't be a cop and be with you, because I can't think straight when it comes to us. I can't bare to see you get hurt, I won't put on my dress blues to stand at your funeral. And that's what will happen if I stay. So I'm sorry if it pisses you off, but just because I ended things does not mean that I magically stop loving you, or worrying about you okay. So you're gonna have to deal with it."
When her face went from red with anger to pale with shock he tried to quickly go back over what he had just said.
"What?" His voice came out in an angry whisper
"You...you love me?" Her voice was so small that it took Sam a minute to understand what she said and when he did, his insides began to quake in a nervous fear.
"I...I," he took a cleansing breath and tried to backpedal. "Look that's not the point..."
"Not the point?" She asked interrupting. "How can you say that? After everything you've put me through. We were together for almost a year and you never told me how you feel, and now when you say it, it's followed with a 'it's not the point' it's the only point." Sam stood there taking in the pain in her eyes, he hated being the one to put it there, but he knew he was about to have to do it again.
"It doesn't change anything Andy." He walked over and framed her face with his hands, " I do love you but, that doesn't change my choice. I can't lose you." Andy slowly placed her hand atop of his.
"It doesn't matter if we are together or if you push me away Sam. We're cops, we signed up for this, Jerry signed up for this. No matter if you hold me close or push me away, something bad could happen to me...something bad could happen to you. The only difference is if you open up, if you let me in, at least I would know that you loved me."
His breath caught in his throat as he let her words sink in, he wiped a stray tear away and rested his forehead against hers. "Forgive me Andy, I can't promise that I will always be able to tell you how or what I'm feeling. And I swear I'll try harder, but I can promise you that if you let me I will always love you" with that Andy smiled a weak smile she shook her head and he wrapped her in his arms.
"Can you give me a ride home?" Sam laughed, but knew that they had to start some where
"Yea, Yea McNally, I think I can do that"