Cammie sat staring out the window, even though it was all the way across the room. Her thoughts were as turbulent as the sea, though the tide always brought her mind back to the same thing.

"There's no need to worry about him, Cam. He's been trained for this," Liz reasoned, ever practical.

The almighty Him. Zach. They were going down the list, slowly eliminating people from the Circle's pool of leaders, and her mother and the rest of the adults had let Zach go on a solo mission to kill one of the more difficult targets. And in a word, Cammie was worried.

She sighed, trying to let her worries out with her breath. "I know, Liz." And she did know. She just also knew how difficult the target was and what was at stake, and the more she thought about it, the more stressed she got.

"Cam, this is Zach we're talking about. When have you ever seen him make a mistake in the field?" Macey had a point.

Cammie had a better one. "I'm worried about him because we all know he'd kill himself in a second if he thought it'd benefit the mission. Remember the tombs? He thought he was going to die. I just… I don't want…" She couldn't finish, but she didn't have to. Her friends knew how to fill in the blanks by then.

Cammie curled up on her bed, but told herself she wouldn't sleep. But weeks of people hunting had a way of exhausting her body, so it didn't take long for a fitful sleep to take hold of her.

She flew around the corner, trying to get to the hotel room as fast as she could. She reached the door and dashed inside. He looked up at her from his bag, and the look in his eyes was enough to confirm her fears.

"No." She tried to sound strong and authoritative, as if her voice could convince him to stay.

He ran his fingers through his hair and slowly started walking towards her. "Cammie…" he whispered, "Cammie, Cammie, Cammie." He reached her and wrapped his arms around her waist. "My Gallagher Girl…"

That sounded suspiciously like a goodbye, so she tried to pull away. His arms never loosened their grip, though, and she remained engulfed in his scent.

"I'm leaving." He looked into her eyes for her reaction, and she looked back at him trying to decide if he was serious.

She hoped like hell he wasn't.

"I don't want you to go. I want you here, where I can see you and touch you and know you're safe." He had to understand.

"You want to touch me?" His face was all mischief, and she wanted to smack him then kiss him so badly it hurt.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. And don't you think that's where I wanted you last summer?" She cringed.

"And you ran away. I'm going on an authorized mission."

"Authorized by who Zach? The only people who know that we are here are the people who are actually here."

He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean, Cam." His eyes softened and he drew her in as close as was possible. "Please Gallagher Girl, I don't want to leave with you mad at me." Cammie relaxed into his hold, which she knew was like giving him permission to go, but she didn't want to be mad at him. She just wanted to be with him.

As they lay down on his bed, Cammie couldn't help but think that this might be their last time together. Zach pulled her impossibly closer and buried his face in her hair, almost as if he'd been thinking the same thing. She tried to get closer, closer, closer and just be with him.

"You need to come back." She was desperate, but she knew there were simply too many things that could go wrong on missions. She actually knew that firsthand.

"I'll come back. I'll come back because I know that I'll coming back to you." His hands were behind her head, buried in her hair, and he was staring at her intensely.

She felt tears pool in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. This would not be the last time she saw him.

They lay together like that for a few hours, just taking each other in and both trying not to cry. When Zach got up to leave in the middle of the night, Cammie could almost feel herself tear in half as he hugged her and gave her the saddest look she'd ever seen on him.

He kissed her forehead tenderly and Cammie wanted more but she didn't want to make it harder to let him go. "You'll always be mine, right?" he whispered.

She nodded and looked at him longingly.

He gave her one last loving look before he turned around, walked out, and closed the door behind him.

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. She repeated in her head like a song.

She laid back down in his bed and decided to sleep there instead of her room with the girls. She crawled under the covers still stifling her tears, but it was only when she inhaled and the sheets smelled like him that she started crying.

Cammie woke up to sunlight streaming into the big window across the room. Macey beside her and Bex and Liz in the other bed were all asleep. She leaned up to check the time. 6:34. She flopped back down and thought about her dream.

It was the last time she'd seen Zach. And she hated to think it, but it might be the actual last time she'd see him. She turned over and felt that her pillow was damp and she realized that she'd been crying in her sleep. The dream was so vivid, and the emotions so poignant; it was hard enough to have to live through it the first time.

Cammie lay there until seven o'clock which was when they were scheduled to leave the hotel. She went through each motion of getting ready for the day, the routine getting dull and repetitive. They actually hadn't gotten rid of any victims recently, having spent the last week or so covering up any left tracks and tying loose ends. It was for this reason that they sent Zach away, so that they would still be eliminating targets.

The adults, (Cammie's mother, Mr. Solomon, Townsend, and Abby), came in from their room next door and looked at the girls. They all had the same glassy-eyed look in their eyes, just from the constant hotel-jumping and staying in the rooms all day.

Mr. Solomon was the first to speak. "Alright ladies; another day, another cover. I expect you back here in fifteen minutes your cover from yesterday. We'll change to these covers in the plane." He handed them the Evapopaper with their covers.

"And another day, another boring hotel," Macey said under her breath.

Mr. Solomon gave her a quick look before saying, "Actually, there will be field work today. We are splitting into two groups and eliminating two of the targets. We're also expecting contact from Zach," he said, glancing at Cammie. "It's been one week."

Cammie swallowed. She knew.

Cammie got into her cover from yesterday, and gathered the things she'd need to change into her new one once they left the hotel.

All of them filed down the room and got onto the elevator. The way down to the lobby was silent; there seemed to be nothing to say. By the end of the day, they would have either killed someone or be killed and neither option was all that appealing.

The city they were in was Verona, but somehow the entire time they'd been there no one had made any sort of reference to Romeo and Juliet or even a Shakespeare joke. She guessed the time for jokes was over, but no one was ever in a very playful mood anyway.

They checked out and were soon on "the fair streets of Verona," and although they looked like they were wandering, they executed perfectly several basic and a few advanced counter-surveillance moves, because that's what you did on missions. You double-checked and triple-checked and micro-analyzed and were thorough. Cammie was starting to doubt she could handle her career path. It seemed a lot more glamorous in the movies where the spies were constantly up to something and one-upping the enemy in battles of strength, wit, and clever remarks. It seemed a lot cooler when you heard stories of your parents saving the world using their pocket litter. And it seemed better during CoveOps tests when after they won, they'd find out that nothing was real and no one was actually a traitor or hurt.

Cammie sighed and glanced around the street, taking in the sights one last time. She was surrounded by couples of all ages, and she couldn't help but think about Zach, who had to, just had to, contact them that day. She was tired of her mind wandering down dark trains of thought that she would prefer not to have. She was tired of not knowing. She just wanted Zach safe.

But there was no guarantee in the spy business. I should have kissed him when I had the chance, she thought miserably.

They arrived at the takeoff place for one of the McHenry private jets and they started boarding when Cammie realized she didn't know where they were going. A second later she realized that she didn't really care. All she knew was that it was taking her closer to danger and farther from Zach.

She didn't actually know where he was, just that today was a call-in and tomorrow he would come back to them if all went well. He would come back to her if all went well.

The plane ride was silent and after becoming her latest cover, it didn't take long for her to fall asleep with thoughts of Zach's return.

She woke up to a popping feeling in her ears; they were descending. No one was saying a word, and she wondered if the entire ride had been like that or if they had ceased conversation once she was awake. She wondered what they could have been talking about.

They exited the airport and Cammie saw that they were in Berlin. What were two of the Circle's leaders doing in this city?

She suddenly noticed all of the stares she was getting from the male population, and she tried to contain her blush as she remembered that her cover was a twenty two year old aspiring entrepreneur, as gorgeous and confident as Macey. The stares were unnerving but not as unnerving as when she thought that she'd want Zach to see her looking like that, with the fitted blazer, low blouse, pencil skirt, and all the confidence of a young, inexperienced businesswoman.

They got outside the airport and walked down the sidewalk, and she exchanged a look with her roommates. Every place they'd gone, even when they were there for field work, they had been constantly transported, whether it be by plane, train, or "friends" of Townsend's, who seemed to all have cars but not know how to drive them properly. And this from someone who had been in a car with Rebecca Baxter at the wheel.

Anyhow, the walking was new, but none of the girls complained, because a break from the routine was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Suddenly Mr. Solomon sped up, veering down an ally, and they all soon followed, the girls, whose covers were separate from the adults, going down thirty seconds later. They reached the end and stepped out to a whole different side to Berlin. It was not a neighborhood you'd find some like Cammie's cover in, nor any of their covers.

More looks were exchanged between the girls, but they kept on following the adults. They entered an abandoned building that looked almost third-world, with ivy crawling up the outside and probably asbestos in the walls.

The adults were waiting silently. "This is where we split up." Mr. Solomon's face was illuminated eerily in the shadows. He didn't look like someone who had been comatose three months before. He looked like someone who would put you in a coma without giving it a second thought. "Rachel and I will take Cammie and Macey. Townsend and Abby will take Bex and Liz." He turned to Townsend, trying to give him the folder of information, but Abby went to reach for it.

"I'll be leading this mission, Joe. There's no need to give it to him." She reached for it again.

"Actually, there's no need to give it to someone who is incapable of leading people into situations other than their death, so…" Townsend held his hand out expectantly to Mr. Solomon. Cammie wondered how he would handle this.

Mr. Solomon just rolled his eyes and said, "Bex, you lead this mission." Her eyes lit up and she took the folder with a mixture of awe and apprehension. "You seem to be most suited to do it." Even though he directed it as a compliment to Bex, it was more of a jab at Abby and Townsend. "Good luck," he said with meaning, and the four of them walked out.

Cammie watched them go, and she knew she'd see them again. Bex knew what was at stake. Good luck, she thought anyway.

She turned her attention back to Mr. Solomon. His face was grim. She knew that he didn't like splitting up, but the Circle's leaders were on edge due to the recent deaths, and they simply couldn't waste time. And each of them knew the value that time held.

"Most of this stuff is eyes only. We really shouldn't risk being heard." Cammie felt them all shift into super-spy mode, and she knew that this target would have to be seriously good to defeat any of them. The energy was palpable and electric, both with anticipation and adrenaline. She took the paper from her mother, who looked solemn, or maybe it was just the lighting.

But Cammie realized it wasn't the lighting when she read the paper. She froze. The name was Samuel Winters. Their next victim was Preston's father. She didn't need to read any more, it was just useless background information that she already knew.

Cammie looked at Macey and handed her the sheet. The three of them held their breath and watched her as she looked at it. After all, it wasn't everyday you find out that you will be involved in the killing of your boyfriend's father.

She read the name and remained emotionless. She turned around and started to walk out. When they didn't follow, she turned around and demanded, "Well come on. We're not going to get anything done by standing here." They started following, and Cammie marveled at strong she was acting. Would she ever be able to do the same?

Samuel Winters had gotten smart since last winter. Though he used to be one of the easier targets, he had whipped his security up into shape and had left Rome and remained pretty anonymous. He owned the entire apartment building he lived in, and he lived in the penthouse and every single person who lived in the apartment below him were top security people and other spies he paid to protect him. The building itself had the top security technology-wise, so just getting in without being noticed would be a challenge. He was certainly a far more difficult target now. That, and the fact that Preston was the scared, lonely boy who was still having trouble accepting the fact that his father was with the people on the roof, and who also happened to be dating Macey made him hard to kill.

So, yeah, hard target.

Getting in unnoticed without Liz's hacking skills would be near impossible, the group had reasoned when they discussed the plan briefly. Getting to the top floor would be difficult, so Macey and Cammie would scale the building to create a distraction. No one would bother them until they were inside, and they would get off at the second to last floor so that Cammie's mom and Joe could get to the top floor and finish the job.

They walked toward the building, the girls ahead of the adults, and Cammie let herself think about Zach. Had he called in today, or would he? She had the sudden, overwhelming feeling of wanting him there, with her, and it was almost enough to stop where she was and hunt him down so she could be with him.

But she kept walking, not losing the feeling of a misplaced limb or something of equal importance.

Scaling the building, she felt numb. It was a glorious view, Berlin was a beautiful city, but she couldn't let herself enjoy it. She felt the same numbness coming off of Macey in waves, and she wondered if this was what being a spy was about, or if it was because they were both going through emotional times. Cammie without Zach, Macey killing her boyfriend's father and not knowing if he would ever forgive her.

They entered the building, prepared for whatever terrifying amount of security protocols they would come across. What they weren't prepared for was nothing. Absolute, eerie nothingness.

They looked at each other. There was something wrong.

The wrongness was confirmed when they heard the gunshot from the top floor. A frantic, wild look passed between them. How were Cammie's mom and Joe already in? And who could they have shot in this silent building?

"You go up. I'm going down." Macey nodded and rushed up the stairs. Cammie turned around and descended.

She had a feeling that even though Samuel Winters lived on the top floor, there was something going on downstairs where her mother and Joe were supposed to enter. She didn't know what it was, an instinct or gut feeling, but she was channeling her inner Zach and following the same instincts that he followed when his random decisions to do something different saved the day for everyone. She'd witnessed it several times this semester, and it never ceased to amaze. She hoped that he being gone meant that she was now the one with the spot-on gut.

She reached the lobby of the building, and there was still no one around. She noticed next to the elevator there was a down arrow, which was peculiar because the stairs didn't lead down any farther. She went behind the empty front desk and saw a door. She used the bell on the desk to bust the alarm, and opened the door. It was a staircase that only led down. Bingo.

She slipped down quietly, and she came across a pair of doors. She bent down and listened, but she couldn't hear anything through the thick metal. She looked through the window and saw a living space. Samuel Winters lived down there. And he had out-smarted them.

She entered, and immediately heard shuffling. She let the door close soundlessly. The foyer seemed to go into a living space, and that's where she saw a sight that made her blood run cold. Her mother and Joe tied together back to back, and it looked like Joe was fading in and out of consciousness with each second, and her mother wasn't moving for fear of breaking him or because of some sort of injury she couldn't see. What she also saw was Winters standing there, loading a gun. He must have had his security team leave after tying them up, because they were alone in the room.

Only they weren't anymore.

Because as he finished loading it, Cammie sprung into action. Literally. She jumped so high and landed on his back, piggy-back style. She put her arms around his neck as he thrashed about, trying to get her off of him, but she was too strong in that moment. Cammie thought about a mechanical bull she had been on once, but she stopped thinking after he rammed backward against the wall, her head hitting it hard.

She went into a blind rage for everything he had done; hurting her mom and Joe, tricking them all, making them believe he was good at some point, for making Preston go through what no teenage boy should, and for joining the Circle. Her eyes were on fire with every bit of anger she had pent up for the Circle; they burned with fierce emotion for everything she'd had to change about her life because of them. Her eyes flashed as she thought of Zach, and how he should have been there, with her, and how the Circle was not going to be responsible for taking away another man in her life.

Her arms tightened around his neck, and she heard a snap. There was an awful moment where he didn't fall yet, and he was standing with Cammie on top of him, feeling the pain, and then he fell to the ground, dead.

Her mother and Joe stared wide-eyed at her, like she was some sort of stranger, and she stared back the same way. The moment didn't last long, but it was more terrifying than anything she had seen in her life.

Cammie rushed forward and untied them.

Her mother seemed to be fine, but she had tears in her eyes. Cammie hung her head shamefully and didn't meet her eyes.

"Cammie, look at me. Look." She took a deep breath. "I gave up. I wasn't injured, but Joe was, and I was thinking that I wouldn't want to live without him. And then I heard the gunshot, and I thought…" She looked down, and Cammie understood. "And there I was, about to be killed, and I wasn't fighting. But then you came in, and you were so fearless, like nothing could kill you, not even that gun. And… just… thank you." Cammie smiled a little bit, but her mind caught on something.

"Mom. Joe. The gunshot. They must have faked it, thinking we'd both go up and then…" They looked at each other.

"Macey."

Cammie and Rachel ran up the stairs, leaving Joe alone. They reached the top of the stairs, where they followed the voices and found Macey fighting a hopeless fight; bleeding and outnumbered but still going. They were still in disguises so no one attacked them until they started knocking out the agents. There were many of them, but the rush of adrenaline Cammie got from seeing Macey so hopeless-looking made her completely unstoppable.

She kicked, punched, flipped, and spun more quickly than she ever had before; faster than she would have thought possible. She took a spot in front of Macey, who was completely worn out and tending her wounds on the floor. Cammie protected her like a mother to her young. Her heart was so tired of losing people, and not knowing if her loved ones were even alive.

She fought for Zach, because her seeing him again did require her to be alive, and because of all of the awful things he felt toward himself for being what he was, for having the training he did. She fought to see him smile again after he realized that he was not bad, but the most amazing person Cammie would ever meet. She fought for everything they'd done together, from the innocent study date to the very, very not innocent missions. She fought for the way life used to be for her and Zach, pre-Circle, and for the life that her and Zach could still have.

She never hesitated to go for a harder than necessary blow, or for a particularly painful spot. She never even stopped to think if she would kill them or not.

She finally paused as she realized more attackers were having a hard time getting to her because of the maze of unconscious bodies. It was sick. Sick, sick, sick, but she didn't even feel it. Her mother ran over and quickly slipped Napotine patches on the rest of them.

She met Cammie's eyes and smiled a little sadly. It was hard for Rachel to see her daughter like this, an angry, vicious fighting machine, and she knew she was partly to blame for sending Zach away, but it saved hers, Joe's, and Macey's lives.

Later, after fixing up Macey and Joe, they walked out of the building, and Rachel put her hand on Cammie's lower back, and the gesture was comforting, and she smiled genuinely for the first time in days.

It was late at night, and the group had been reunited. Everyone was alive, and both missions were successful. If you'd call killing someone a success.

They had arrived at a safehouse in a town about an hour away from Berlin, and they were surrounded by gorgeous German country-side.

Cammie had been told by Liz how amazing Bex's leadership had been, everyone with clear instructions and a solid execution. She talked on and on as they entered the house.

Finally she took a break and said, "So how did your mission go?" She looked up at Cammie quite innocently, expecting a similar story of a clear-cut mission that didn't involve emotional turmoil or one of the best spies in the world giving up on life or killing ones of her best friend's boyfriend's father.

Cammie felt sick, and she could tell Macey felt the same way.

"Girls, how about I tell you about the mission," Cammie's mom said, noticing the girls' expressions. Cammie looked at her with a thank you clear on her face, and she turned in to bedroom that she would have all to herself.

She got into her pajamas slowly, wanting to enjoy doing something so mundane. When she went out of the room to wash up in the bathroom, she saw Bex and Liz looking at her with "sorry"s in their eyes.

Before they could say anything, Cammie threw her arms around Bex and then Liz. "Don't," she whispered. They understood, because they were her best friends, and she kissed them both on the forehead and kept walking to the bathroom.

As she brushed her teeth, she realized that she didn't even know if Zach had made the call-in. She quickly spit and rushed out to the adults, the question in her eyes.

They all shared a look, and Abby went to say something, but Cammie knew the answer.

"No."

She said it, determined and harsh, like she'd said it to Zach when she tried to get him to stay. But the word didn't change the fact. She ran into her room and cried and cried and even when she ran out of tears her misery kept her awake. She laid on her bed and didn't sleep.

In the middle of the night Cammie heard the window opening behind her, and then felt a cool breeze enter the room. She heard someone land gracefully on the floor and felt the soft vibrations through the room.

This was it. She was going to die. The safe house wasn't as safe as they thought it was and they were going to kill her like they thought they had last semester. Cammie didn't move a muscle. She already felt dead for living without Zach.

"Cammie?"

Her world slowed down around her. The air still blowing in the room seemed to stop and her thought process entirely ceased.

Zach.

She didn't know whether she had whispered it or not. All she knew was that in the next second she was in his arms and her face was buried deep in his neck that she was peppering with kisses.

Her eyes were filled with tears and when she pulled back she saw that his were, too.

She didn't spend too much time staring in his eyes because then she kissed him like she should have when he left. Her lips moved with his and their tongues seemed to embrace each other. Her legs were already around his waist from when she leapt into his arms, and his hands ran up and down her body, making her tingle and squirm when he got a little lower. She felt light-headed from seeing him and being touched by him this way. Her own hands were under his shirt, touching the muscles she'd seen when he was in the towel.

His lips left hers but never her body. He kissed down her neck, sucking on the sensitive skin. She threw her head back at the feeling and had to suppress a moan.

His hands went up her shirt and he rested them on the small of her back, supporting her. She kissed him one more time softly and pulled away to look at him.

"Why'd you miss the call-in? You… you made me think…" She couldn't finish.

"I finished the mission today. I didn't want to have to risk giving away your location with any sort of technology. I got here as fast as I could." His fingers were brushing the skin of her back softly, and it made her shiver uncontrollably. He pulled her closer, but she let her legs fall to the floor.

"I thought you were dead," she wanted him to understand just what she had gone through.

"Cammie-" she cut him off.

"I thought you were dead, Zach. You could have done something not to make me go cr-"

"Cammie!" he said, "Do you know who my target was?"

The question took her by surprise. "No, I wasn't allowed to know anything. Who…" She looked into his eyes and knew.

"Oh my goodness. Zach…" She stepped into him and wrapped her arms around his waist.

His mother. He had killed his mother.

"That's what you finished up today. And I was upset with you for…" She buried her face in his chest. "I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be." His hands tugged up her shirt and felt the warm skin of her stomach and back. His fingers played with the top of her shorts and she had the feeling that if he didn't stop then she wouldn't be able to. He leaned down to kiss her and his lips caressed hers softly. When he pulled away, she saw he was crying. "I'm sorry. I-" he started.

"Don't apologize. There's nothing to be sorry about." She kissed him one more time gently.

He stared into her eyes. Cammie had always known Zach was gorgeous, but in that moment he was even more. With the tears and sad smile and raw emotion in his eyes, he was beautiful.

They laid down and fell asleep; together and finally happy in each others' arms.

Longest thing I've ever written. By far.

Pink Floyd is an amazing band, and I used to have the lyrics posted, but some rule stickler threatened to report me. Geez. I post something about Pink Floyd and then I conform to the rules. Irony is a cruel mistress.

And to the person who I called a stickler; it's nothing personal. And your welcome.

I encourage you to look at the lyrics anyway; the plot still follows it.

I'm actually really looking forward to feedback on this one, it being my first song-fic and all, so care to contribute?

-Angel