Domestic Chores and Murder
Sara Pezzini and her former surfer rookie partner walked through Central Park on their lunch hour. Turning to the blonde, Sara again asked why they were there.
Jake shrugged. "Just felt like getting out." He stopped again, noticing Sara's glare as he knelt to pet a dog. "Don't you like dogs?
"They're ok."
"How can you not like dogs?"
"Did I say I didn't?"
"You said. Wow, look at those!" He stood up and pointed ahead of them.
Sara looked to where Ian Nottingham was walking towards them with two large long-haired dogs.
"Hey, Sara, isn't that your stalker?"
Sara just looked at him.
Ian, having reached them, answered for her. "I am not a stalker, Detective McCartey."
"Oh." Jake knelt to pet the dogs. "What type are they?"
Ian answered with pride obvious in his voice. "Irish Wolfhounds."
Jake looked at Ian. "Wolfhounds? As in wolves?"
Gabriel came up to the small group, looked at the kneeling man, and laughed. "Comfortable?"
Jake jumped to his feet. "I am not gay!"
Gabriel laughed again. "Did I say you were?"
"Sara and I went to Badlands for a case. Nothing more!" Jake emphasized.
Gabriel looked over at Nottingham. "We believe you."
Jake continued, "it's not my fault that the bartender recognized me."
Gabriel, now looking curious, asking "where did he recognize you from?"
Jake opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and closed it.
Sara spoke up. "You know, Jake, if you had just said you'd be recognized at Badlands instead of acting like a homophobic jerk, I would have understood."
Ian held up one finger to make a point. "You would have asked who would recognize him, Sara. Acting homophobic was an easy cover."
Jake finally managed to force another "I'm not gay!" from his throat to the talking trio.
Gabriel shook his head. "The queen doth protest too much."
"I'M NOT GAY!" Jake shouted.
Sara, Ian, and Gabriel looked at each other before chorusing "we believe you!"
"Good." Jake nodded. "What are their names?" He gestured towards the dogs in an obvious attempt at changing the subject.
"Grendel and Charon."
Gabriel whistled. "Cool names."
Jake nodded, obviously unfamiliar with them.
Sara took pity on him and explained. "Grendel was a monster in a classic Norse story. He killed Norse warriors at night until Beowulf killed him. Charon is the boatman in Greek mythology who escorted the dead into Hades."
Ian half-smiled at Sara. "Nice."
Sara shrugged. "My dad enjoyed all types of reading. I inherited his taste."
Jake continued nodding until a thought occurred to him. "I thought you said you weren't dangerous."
Ian looked at Jake with pity in his bearded face. "I never said I wasn't dangerous, Detective. Just that I'm not a stalker."
"Oh."
"A subtle difference that a detective should have caught," Ian stated.
Jake looked Ian over, taking in the coat covered man. "I don't think you're dangerous."
Ian raised an eyebrow in imitation of Sara. "I believe you've seen my file."
Jake shrugged. "I still don't believe you're dangerous."
Gabriel turned to Sara. "Isn't there a minimum intelligence rating that New York police officers have to pass?"
Sara shrugged. "Apparently not."
Gabriel sighed. "Well, I feel safe now!"
Jake turned to the two. "Will you be quiet?" The talking subsided and Jake turned back to Ian. "I bet you named your dogs after things associated with death just to compensate. To help your macho image."
Ian shrugged. "If you want to believe that, believe it, Detective McCartey."
Jake nodded. "I do."
"Does this mean you won't consider me a suspect in any crime you wish?"
Jake shook his head. "Nah, you're still a good suspect."
"You just said I wasn't dangerous, Detective."
Jake nodded. "Right."
Gabriel laughed at the illogic Jake just showed. "Man, Sara, are all rookies like him?"
Sara shrugged. "I hope not."
Jake smiled a smug self-assured smile and nodded, obviously pleased with himself. "And to prove that you aren't dangerous, I'm gonna take you out right here."
Ian left a small chuckle escape. "Really?
Jake nodded again. "Yeah."
"With weapons or without?"
"How about you with whatever you can find, me with my gun? You're not dangerous anyhow."
Ian nodded. "Fair enough." He turned to Sara and held out the leashes for Grendel and Charon. "Would you mind?"
Sara shook her head. "Of course not."
Ian smiled his thanks and turned back to Jake. "How do we know to begin?"
Jake thought a minute. "How about on three?" Ian nodded his acceptance of the plan and Jake suddenly shouted "THREE!" and pulled his gun out of the holster.
Ian backed up a step and whirled, pulling two short swords out of the scabbards hidden under his coat. "Never know when I'm going to need to fillet some meat."
Jake nodded and took a step forward, unprepared for the flying kick that pushed him into the ever-present mud. He sat up and wiped the brown viscous liquid from his neck before flinging a handful at Ian.
"Now, Detective, haven't you ever been told about the dangers of libel?" Ian asked as he easily dodged the loosely packed dirt and water.
Jake stood up and rushed towards Ian only to scream when one of the swords sliced through his shirt and into his flesh. "You aren't supposed to hurt me!"
"But you can hurt me?"
"Right!"
"Because I'm not dangerous," Ian supplied.
"Right!"
Ian nodded. "Mind if I ask you a question, Detective?"
Jake nodded his answer right before he lunged at Ian for the second time, once again landing in the mud.
"If you're the dangerous one, why are you the one on your hands and knees in front of young Mr. Bowman?"
Jake looked up to see the smirking dotcom entrepreneur and quickly got to his feet. "I'm gonna get you, Nottingham!"
"I believe you'll try." Ian dodged a third lunge in his direction and raised a leg, his booted foot catching Jake in the stomach so the shorter man landed on his knees gasping for breath.
Jake got his breathing under control and stood. He squarely planted his feet on the ground and stood ready. "What, are you a wimp that can only defend?"
Ian accepted the challenge and strolled up to Jake, reaching out and backhanding him across the face.
Jake's head whipped around and he raised his hand to a cheek. "That's how you slap a woman, not a man!"
Ian shrugged.
"I am NOT a woman!"
Ian shrugged again.
Jake reached up to punch Ian, unprepared for the second blow to his stomach that caused him to bend over, his nose in prime position to connect with Ian's knee. "You broke my nose!" he howled through the hands cupping said nose.
Ian shook his head. "I doubt it's broken at the moment." He lifted Jake into a standing position with a gloved hand on the back of his collar and grasped hold of it, moving it sharply to one side and hearing the cartilage give a satisfying crunch. "Now it's broken, Detective."
Jake shook him off and backed up. Standing as tall as he could, he squared his shoulders and looked at Ian with disdain. "I still don't think you're dangerous," he said, the statement incongruous with how he was holding himself and the blood streaming down his face.
Ian shrugged.
"If you really are, why don't you prove it? Kill me!"
"If you're dead, Detective, how will you know that I'm dangerous?"
Jake sneered, "since you won't kill me, it's moot point."
Ian looked over at Sara who shrugged before turning back to Jake. "All right, Jake. Consider yourself dead."
"You don't have the guts to do it! You don't have the balls." Jake's tirade was shut off with the soft gurgle of Ian's blade slicing through his neck.
Ian shrugged and wiped the blood from his sword on a handkerchief he took out of his pocket. "You said kill you." He dropped the handkerchief onto Jake's prone form and turned to where Sara and Gabe stood.
Gabriel took a step closer to Ian and pointed to the body and then Ian himself. "Oh, my Gods, you killed Jakey, you gothic bastard!"
Sara raised an eyebrow at her young friend. "Gabriel, this is Jake. Aren't you overreacting?"
Gabriel shrugged. "I always wanted to say that."
Ian stepped forward and took the two leashes from Sara's hand. "Want to keep me company while I walk the dogs?"
Sara looked at her watch. "Sure, I still have some time. Come on, Gabriel."
And the trio walked away from the body of Jake McCartey, surfer, rookie detective, beach bum, and believer in the undead.
The End
Sara Pezzini and her former surfer rookie partner walked through Central Park on their lunch hour. Turning to the blonde, Sara again asked why they were there.
Jake shrugged. "Just felt like getting out." He stopped again, noticing Sara's glare as he knelt to pet a dog. "Don't you like dogs?
"They're ok."
"How can you not like dogs?"
"Did I say I didn't?"
"You said. Wow, look at those!" He stood up and pointed ahead of them.
Sara looked to where Ian Nottingham was walking towards them with two large long-haired dogs.
"Hey, Sara, isn't that your stalker?"
Sara just looked at him.
Ian, having reached them, answered for her. "I am not a stalker, Detective McCartey."
"Oh." Jake knelt to pet the dogs. "What type are they?"
Ian answered with pride obvious in his voice. "Irish Wolfhounds."
Jake looked at Ian. "Wolfhounds? As in wolves?"
Gabriel came up to the small group, looked at the kneeling man, and laughed. "Comfortable?"
Jake jumped to his feet. "I am not gay!"
Gabriel laughed again. "Did I say you were?"
"Sara and I went to Badlands for a case. Nothing more!" Jake emphasized.
Gabriel looked over at Nottingham. "We believe you."
Jake continued, "it's not my fault that the bartender recognized me."
Gabriel, now looking curious, asking "where did he recognize you from?"
Jake opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it, and closed it.
Sara spoke up. "You know, Jake, if you had just said you'd be recognized at Badlands instead of acting like a homophobic jerk, I would have understood."
Ian held up one finger to make a point. "You would have asked who would recognize him, Sara. Acting homophobic was an easy cover."
Jake finally managed to force another "I'm not gay!" from his throat to the talking trio.
Gabriel shook his head. "The queen doth protest too much."
"I'M NOT GAY!" Jake shouted.
Sara, Ian, and Gabriel looked at each other before chorusing "we believe you!"
"Good." Jake nodded. "What are their names?" He gestured towards the dogs in an obvious attempt at changing the subject.
"Grendel and Charon."
Gabriel whistled. "Cool names."
Jake nodded, obviously unfamiliar with them.
Sara took pity on him and explained. "Grendel was a monster in a classic Norse story. He killed Norse warriors at night until Beowulf killed him. Charon is the boatman in Greek mythology who escorted the dead into Hades."
Ian half-smiled at Sara. "Nice."
Sara shrugged. "My dad enjoyed all types of reading. I inherited his taste."
Jake continued nodding until a thought occurred to him. "I thought you said you weren't dangerous."
Ian looked at Jake with pity in his bearded face. "I never said I wasn't dangerous, Detective. Just that I'm not a stalker."
"Oh."
"A subtle difference that a detective should have caught," Ian stated.
Jake looked Ian over, taking in the coat covered man. "I don't think you're dangerous."
Ian raised an eyebrow in imitation of Sara. "I believe you've seen my file."
Jake shrugged. "I still don't believe you're dangerous."
Gabriel turned to Sara. "Isn't there a minimum intelligence rating that New York police officers have to pass?"
Sara shrugged. "Apparently not."
Gabriel sighed. "Well, I feel safe now!"
Jake turned to the two. "Will you be quiet?" The talking subsided and Jake turned back to Ian. "I bet you named your dogs after things associated with death just to compensate. To help your macho image."
Ian shrugged. "If you want to believe that, believe it, Detective McCartey."
Jake nodded. "I do."
"Does this mean you won't consider me a suspect in any crime you wish?"
Jake shook his head. "Nah, you're still a good suspect."
"You just said I wasn't dangerous, Detective."
Jake nodded. "Right."
Gabriel laughed at the illogic Jake just showed. "Man, Sara, are all rookies like him?"
Sara shrugged. "I hope not."
Jake smiled a smug self-assured smile and nodded, obviously pleased with himself. "And to prove that you aren't dangerous, I'm gonna take you out right here."
Ian left a small chuckle escape. "Really?
Jake nodded again. "Yeah."
"With weapons or without?"
"How about you with whatever you can find, me with my gun? You're not dangerous anyhow."
Ian nodded. "Fair enough." He turned to Sara and held out the leashes for Grendel and Charon. "Would you mind?"
Sara shook her head. "Of course not."
Ian smiled his thanks and turned back to Jake. "How do we know to begin?"
Jake thought a minute. "How about on three?" Ian nodded his acceptance of the plan and Jake suddenly shouted "THREE!" and pulled his gun out of the holster.
Ian backed up a step and whirled, pulling two short swords out of the scabbards hidden under his coat. "Never know when I'm going to need to fillet some meat."
Jake nodded and took a step forward, unprepared for the flying kick that pushed him into the ever-present mud. He sat up and wiped the brown viscous liquid from his neck before flinging a handful at Ian.
"Now, Detective, haven't you ever been told about the dangers of libel?" Ian asked as he easily dodged the loosely packed dirt and water.
Jake stood up and rushed towards Ian only to scream when one of the swords sliced through his shirt and into his flesh. "You aren't supposed to hurt me!"
"But you can hurt me?"
"Right!"
"Because I'm not dangerous," Ian supplied.
"Right!"
Ian nodded. "Mind if I ask you a question, Detective?"
Jake nodded his answer right before he lunged at Ian for the second time, once again landing in the mud.
"If you're the dangerous one, why are you the one on your hands and knees in front of young Mr. Bowman?"
Jake looked up to see the smirking dotcom entrepreneur and quickly got to his feet. "I'm gonna get you, Nottingham!"
"I believe you'll try." Ian dodged a third lunge in his direction and raised a leg, his booted foot catching Jake in the stomach so the shorter man landed on his knees gasping for breath.
Jake got his breathing under control and stood. He squarely planted his feet on the ground and stood ready. "What, are you a wimp that can only defend?"
Ian accepted the challenge and strolled up to Jake, reaching out and backhanding him across the face.
Jake's head whipped around and he raised his hand to a cheek. "That's how you slap a woman, not a man!"
Ian shrugged.
"I am NOT a woman!"
Ian shrugged again.
Jake reached up to punch Ian, unprepared for the second blow to his stomach that caused him to bend over, his nose in prime position to connect with Ian's knee. "You broke my nose!" he howled through the hands cupping said nose.
Ian shook his head. "I doubt it's broken at the moment." He lifted Jake into a standing position with a gloved hand on the back of his collar and grasped hold of it, moving it sharply to one side and hearing the cartilage give a satisfying crunch. "Now it's broken, Detective."
Jake shook him off and backed up. Standing as tall as he could, he squared his shoulders and looked at Ian with disdain. "I still don't think you're dangerous," he said, the statement incongruous with how he was holding himself and the blood streaming down his face.
Ian shrugged.
"If you really are, why don't you prove it? Kill me!"
"If you're dead, Detective, how will you know that I'm dangerous?"
Jake sneered, "since you won't kill me, it's moot point."
Ian looked over at Sara who shrugged before turning back to Jake. "All right, Jake. Consider yourself dead."
"You don't have the guts to do it! You don't have the balls." Jake's tirade was shut off with the soft gurgle of Ian's blade slicing through his neck.
Ian shrugged and wiped the blood from his sword on a handkerchief he took out of his pocket. "You said kill you." He dropped the handkerchief onto Jake's prone form and turned to where Sara and Gabe stood.
Gabriel took a step closer to Ian and pointed to the body and then Ian himself. "Oh, my Gods, you killed Jakey, you gothic bastard!"
Sara raised an eyebrow at her young friend. "Gabriel, this is Jake. Aren't you overreacting?"
Gabriel shrugged. "I always wanted to say that."
Ian stepped forward and took the two leashes from Sara's hand. "Want to keep me company while I walk the dogs?"
Sara looked at her watch. "Sure, I still have some time. Come on, Gabriel."
And the trio walked away from the body of Jake McCartey, surfer, rookie detective, beach bum, and believer in the undead.
The End