Facebook (scrolling backward through status updates):

Paul-Henri Saens is now married.

Piotr Levkova: Congratulations. You are braver man than I.

Kit Carson: Way to put pressure on the rest of us, stud.

Paul-Henri Saens: Trying to get used to going in the front door at this new job.

Kit Carson: Heard your boss is a real piece of work.

Paul-Henri Saens: She's not so bad.

Kit Carson: She's got no sense of humor. I cracked a joke during a meeting and she looked at me like I'd grown another head.

Paul-Henri Saens: It's called "tact". Get some.

Kit Carson: Oh, like you don't think Noah and his "ark" are finding a port there… He was in a grey shirt! I couldn't resist.

Paul-Henri Saens: That's beside the point. He's a slimy dick; she hates his guts.

Kit Carson: My point exactly.

Paul-Henri Saens: My doctor has the worst bedside manner ever. I'd get better service from a vet trying to euthanize me.

Piotr Levkova: You are not that easy to kill.

Kit Carson: Try some charm. I never have a problem with my doc. She thinks I'm cute.

Piotr Levkova: Besides, I thought you just grow a new piece now, like starfish.

Paul-Henri Saens: There's nothing wrong with my piece, perv.

Paul-Henri Saens and Kit Carson are now friends.

Piotr Levkova just checked in at Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial.

Paul-Henri Saens just checked in at Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial.

Paul-Henri Saens just checked in at Women in Military Service for America Memorial.

Paul-Henri Saens just checked in at Arlington National Cemetery.

Paul-Henri Saens: Bad. Near Arlington National Cemetery.

Piotr Levkova: Almost there. Near Fort Myer, Virginia.

Paul-Henri Saens: Why can't people do their fucking job?

Piotr Levkova: Lazy, greedy, incompetent, corrupt, stupid…and that's just one co-worker!

Paul-Henri Saens: Really bad day in work. Work accident, co-worker injured. Could use a friend.

Piotr Levkova: Wish I could be there, buddy.

Paul-Henri Saens: Me too.

Paul-Henri Saens: Yay! New phone!

Piotr Levkova: Need all the bells and whistles, eh?

Paul-Henri Saens: You should get one too. Very useful.

Piotr Levkova: I'll think about it.

Paul-Henri Saens: Just got the surprise of a lifetime. Damn. Near Zurich, Switzerland.

Piotr Levkova: Do tell.

Paul-Henri Saens: Let's just say my travel plans got a lot more complicated.

Piotr Levkova: The ex?

Paul-Henri Saens: Yep.

Piotr Levkova: Good or bad?

Paul-Henri Saens: Good. Very, very good…trying to wrap my head around it.

Piotr Levkova: Casanova.

Paul-Henri Saens: Actually, more like Zeus and Semele.

Piotr Levkova: ¡Scheisse!

Paul-Henri Saens just checked in at Sheremetyevo Airport, Moscow, Russia.

Piotr Levkova: Fucking black eye. Puts off the girls.

Paul-Henri Saens: You still owe me.

Piotr Levkova: Ya, I do.

Paul-Henri Saens and Piotr Levkova are now friends.