AN: I Don't own The Winchester's or Billy Joel's Lullaby. They have owners who are a lot smarterer and richer then me I promises you.

AU, yes I know this song wasn't released until 1993, but this an AU fanfiction and we are going to PRETEND that was released a long time before that, like at least 4 years before Dean was born.

IMPORTANT BACKGROUND INFROMATION:

John didn't decide to hunt the Demon that killed Mary until a couple of years after the fire, because he had the boys to look after. He started hunting it for Dean's sake because Dean saw Mary on the ceiling before running out carrying Sammy and he's too scared to sleep or be away from John or Sammy. So John promises him that he will find the thing that hurt his momma and make sure that it won't hurt anyone else again. BTW John and Mary took Dean to Ireland to visit Mary's aunt when he was two almost three. This story is set about 8 months after the fire.

It was around 10 PM when Sammy woke up crying with a dirty diaper.

Dean was still awake, silently following John around the small apartment they had been staying in for the past six months.

As much as he wanted Dean to go to sleep, he knew that Dean wouldn't even stay in the in his bed if John wasn't there too let alone sleep.

He'd tried it, He had also tried to get Dean to sleep on the couch where he could still see him working if he woke up and got scared.

It hadn't worked; Dean hadn't stayed on the couch long enough for John to get two feet away.

He had squeaked and jumped up and ran to and grab a hold of the leg of John's pants.

And honestly that squeak was the only noise he'd heard from Dean in days, the fact that the only sounds he heard from his almost 5 year old son, who used to talk Mary and his ears of all day, broke his heart.

Some people seemed to think that hearing him make any kind of noise should make John happy or even relieved, it didn't.

He wanted Dean to be happy again, wanted to hear him talk, and sing and laugh like he used to, not squeak with fear, not the sounds of horror or sadness that slipped out sometimes, not the outright screams that woke all of them, and sometimes even the neighbors in the middle of the night.

But John knows that it will probably be a long time before he hears Dean laugh again, before he sees him smile.

He knows that his little boy is too scared and heart broken to even think of being happy yet.

So he lets Dean follow him, lets him climb into his lap when he's sitting down, lets him stay up with him, because he knows that it's the only time his sweet little boy feels even just a little bit safe anymore.

They had been curled up in on the couch that had come with the apartment, when Sammy had started to cry, John touched Dean on the shoulder gently and the five years slid slowly out of his lap, letting john stand up before taking his hand.

That was another thing, Dean had always been a tactile kid, but his need to touch had become even stronger since Mary died.

John held Dean's hand and smiled down at him gentle "come on kiddo, lets go get your brother into a clean diaper"

Dean just looked up at his Dad as they walked to the room the three of them shared.

"Sammy" John crooned as he walked over to Sam's new crib, Dean let go of his hand and climbed up on the king sized bed watching John the whole time.

John lifted Sammy out of the crib and got his diaper changed, he threw the dirty diaper in the garbage can in the corner then sat down on the edge of the bed holding Sam and rocking him gently to sleep, he looked over at Dean, at his eyes, that showed more tiredness, pain, and fear then a five year old should have to endure.

He would wish to God that Dean could at the very least be able to get some sleep, but god never seemed to be on his side these days.

He looked down at Sammy, who was very stubbornly refusing to go back to sleep, choosing instead to watch his big brother and make goofy noises.

John thought about what Mary would do in this kind of situation, and he realized that she would probably sing Hey Jude to them and rock them gently like he was already doing with Sam, but for her, they'd fall asleep, for Mary it'd work and she'd tuck them into bed, reassure them they were safe, and everything would be alright.

He looked at Dean's tired eyes again, and he sighed and thought that it couldn't hurt to try, not with Dean bordering on complete exhaustion.

Just not Hey Jude, he definitely couldn't/wouldn't sing that one, Dean would probably start screaming on the spot he looked down at Sammy who was now trying to reach his hair to pull on it, while yawning hugely.

He thought for a minute and then decided on the perfect song.

John moved to a better spot on the bed, sitting Indian style he touched Dean's arm, "come here, De" he said softly "Daddy's got an idea that might help you sleep" Dean crawled up on bed next to his dad, and John pulled him half into his lap and cradled both Dean and Sammy in his arms.

"Goodnight, my angel, Time to close your eyes, And save these questions for another day, I think I know what you've been asking me, I think you know what I've been trying to say" He started singing gazing at his boys rocking them gently.

"I promised I would never leave you, and you should always know, wherever you may go, no matter where you are, I never will be far away" he looked at Dean as he reassured him that he would be there no matter what.

"Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to sleep, and still so many things I want to say, remember all the songs you sang for me, when we went sailing on an emerald bay" He lulled Dean with the memories of the happy time that Mary and Dean and him had gone to Ireland.

"And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep, the water's dark, and deep inside this ancient heart, you'll always be a part of me" he gently stroked the side of Dean's face.

"Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream, and dream how wonderful your life will be, someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby then in your heart, there will always be a part of me"

John stopped singing for a moment. "When ever you feel scared or lost, just think of how much your momma and I love you kiddo" he whispered to Dean "She's here, you know, she still here, even though you can't see her or hear her, she's here and she always will be"

Dean looked up at John surprised then looked around the room. "where" he whispered turning to look back at his dad "where, daddy, where's momma" he begged to know. John inhaled sharply surprised so surprised that Dean was talking, he smiled gently and lovingly. "right here kiddo" he pointed to Dean's heart, "right here, and right here" he said pointing to tapping his finger over a sleeping Sammy's heart "and right here" pointing to his own heart.

"As long as we think about her and remember her, she'll always be with us" he told Dean. "Even when it seems like she not, she is, your momma loved us very much and we loved her, so she'll always be in our heart, watching over us, so as long as you remember her, and remember when she took care of you and Sammy, how she'd play with you both, and sing lullabies to you , she'll always be there" Dean smiled, put his hand over his heart and snuggled into John's side

"Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on, they never die, that's how you, and I, will be" John finished the song softly, choking over the word die, as Dean finally slowly drifted into a light sleep

AN: BTW Reveiws would be like Ghirardelli Dark & Truffles = AMAZING,

Unless they are mean and uncalled for then they'd be like that other brown stuff.