Disclaimer: I own nothing but the ideas that comes from the books...

A/N: For those of you reading my "Fifty Shades Abandoned", do not fret! That will remain with its mainly daily updates, but this story is my angsty outlet! It will be updated every MONDAY and THURSDAY and will just be my break from that first story to keep my muse alive =)

Enjoy, and don't kill me for worst case scenario ;)

My Own Fifty Shades – Chapter One

The helicopter has gone missing. The helicopter has gone missing. The helicopter has gone missing.

It was mantra circling Ana's head like none other. It was a tortuous sentence of five words that issued more fear that humanly possible. It was like a condemned sentence. Those words sealed the fate of Christian Grey. He had been missing for eight hours. The helicopter went missing eight hours ago, stealing Christian with it.

And Ana was so cold. Through her skin, through her pulsing veins, penetrating through her bones and into her core she was stone cold. She was frozen in the moment, scared to move, to think, even breathing was becoming a painful task.

He had asked her to marry him and she had kept him waiting and now he was gone.

Her shaking became too much at that moment and she had to put the cup down that Mrs. Jones had brought in. She didn't know if it was the memories pulsating blood around her veins and arteries at high velocity, or her coldness, or even her terror of reality, but whatever she was scared to shatter the china if she dropped it.

Feeling Kate drop down in the seat next to her, her hand slipping onto Ana's, she tried to pull Ana's gaze away from the dancing flames and get her to interact with the situation. "Ana," She started, but Ana quickly cut in and spoke up. Considering she had barely spoken since getting the call, Kate was taking this as a promising sign.

"He has to come back to me," Ana whispered at Kate and looked at the pity filling her irises. "He said he never wanted me to leave him. He can't leave me either."

"He's coming back to you," Kate fought with Ana's disbelief.

"I can't function without him," Ana fretted as images of her future came into her mind. "What's happened to me that I've become this dependent on a man, Kate? What is wrong with me?"

"Nothing," Kate soothed back, bashing a tear from Ana's cheek. "You fell in love with him, Steele. Like I did with Elliot," Kate gave her a sad smile. "If anything were to happen to him, I would be devastated." Taking Ana's hand in a small grasp, Kate tried to be optimistic, but her heart was breaking at seeing her best friend reduced to this. "Christian is probably fighting his way home now and he will be with you before you know it. He will have you wrapped in his arms and you won't know what to do with yourself. You'll see."

Ana looked up, wide eyed and fearful, "He proposed." Ana's lip trembled harder on and she was aware of people looking at her, "He proposed and I told him I didn't have an answer at that time." Looking at Kate, Ana saw her friend not judging her, but understanding, "I just want to tell him yes." Ana couldn't hold it together any longer. She just gave into the wave of sobs that took her over. She was ignorant to everything and everyone now, even as Jose came and sat behind her, running a soothing hand over her back. None of it worked, she was terrified to feel the loss if he didn't come home. "I was going to say yes to him, Kate."

"Well then he has every reason to come home," Kate wrapped her arms around Ana's neck and held her close, rocking her friends sobbing form. "He has to come home to you so you can tell him yes. You're his reason."

She's right, Ana. You're his reason for smiling, for loving life. You're his sole reason for changing – he lets you touch him now remember. He has you to come home to.

She just couldn't give up hope this early into the crash happening.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- My Own Fifty Shades -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

"After a three week man hunt for the body recovery of Christian Grey the search has been called off and authorities have announced the billionaire CEO dead."

Ana felt like the room was suddenly shrinking in around her as the news spat out hell. As everyone stood in their own little worlds, she had never felt so alone. The Grey's had just lost a child and Grace was being soothed lovingly by Carrick. Mia was engulfed by Ethan's loving arms and Kate wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck as he stood in shock. Even Taylor had take to Mrs. Jones' side to console her. Ana was left to soothe herself the best she could.

She hadn't felt at home, in place, warm, alive since the night of Elliot's call to tell her the helicopter had gone missing and she knew only Christian coming home would do that. She was left to look after and comfort herself.

They were all lost in the comfort of one another and she felt forgotten in the mess of what was happening. This couldn't be happening. Not her Christian! Her Christian couldn't be dead! He wouldn't leave her, would he? He's gone, Ana, her subconscious snapped at her, viciously making Ana face reality. He's dead, and you need to face up to that.

Disappearing to the bedroom, Ana closed the door, sunk to the floor and covered her face as she let out a heart breaking scream before her sobs took over. The man that had whipped into her life with a heavy whirl wind and changed her world view and loved her was now presumed dead. No one was going to look for him now because there was nothing to look for. A three week search had verified that and now Christian Grey was lost from the world.

As if three weeks without him wasn't enough, it was now documented that Christian Grey was officially dead. He was gone and there was no point of return for Ana as she felt the world consume her. The man who held her heart was now gone and she had to live with that.

Three weeks was nothing, Ana, what about the rest of your life?

Ana needed out. She needed to flee this place, flee her memories, flee her loss and grief. Ana couldn't cope with be here now knowing that Christian was never going to come back to her.

Packing up, she realised she barely had anything she classed as hers and left most of her clothes behind in the drawers and wardrobe with his. She had fairly few clothes and toiletries, but took what she knew were hers. When she was done, she looked around the master bedroom, and her eyes narrows on his side of the wardrobe. Walking in she greedily took a shirt of his and her favourite grey tie of his and stuffed it into the bag as a keepsake so she could hold him close.

Taking one last look at the bed that her and Christian had made sweet love in, had slept nights with and discovered one another, she swallowed her tears and left the room. Walking through, she found herself confronted with Taylor as he left a crying Mrs. Jones in the kitchen. He looked distraught, but he looked more horrified at her.

"Miss. Steele?" He questioned and looked down at her hand. "Do you need taking somewhere?" He asked and noticed the Grey family coming to see what was happening.

"No it's fine," Ana stopped Taylor in his tracks. "You've done more for me than was necessary. I've taken advantage of you all hoping he would come back. Now it's my time to go."

"Ana," Grace stepped in and stopped Ana from leaving. "Where are you going?"

"Back to my life," Ana said sadly. "He's not coming back so I have no right being here any longer. Christian's dead and this isn't my home. I can't afford this life so it's best I cut myself from it now."

"This is your grief talking, Ana; you can't leave when you're like this. You need to process what's happened," Grace cut in, taking a slow step forward.

Shaking her head, Ana's lip quivered as her vision swam into one. She was more than grieving, she was more than heart breaking, she was terrified of the prospect of her future. "What's there to process? He's gone and there is nothing here for me anymore. He was it. It's time I realise that he isn't coming back to make this okay."

"Steele," Kate said as she came over to her best friend. "Please don't do anything this rash."

"It's not rash," Ana told Kate with a small voice. "This is your family now; you have Elliot keeping you here. I had Christian, but he's dead. I knew this couldn't possibly last forever and I was fool to believe I had found it all so easily."

"Ana, you're a part of our family too now," Carrick stepped in, everyone came towards. "You changed Christian and made him a much better man, so please do not leave. We're a family now; we'll get through this together."

"I'm not anymore," Ana began to sob and fled the apartment entirely. She didn't stop when her name was called, when Christian's security went after her. She just ran from her sanctuary, from a place she loved and called home. She just left with her shattered heart and undying grief.

Leaving the apartment, Ana didn't find rest, or liberation. She was confronted with harsh reality and a changed world view. Everything reminded her of Christian – how he made her feel, how he treated her, where they had been. Everything was a constant stimulus for Christian Grey.

Anastasia Steele was once again single, moneyless and breaking down inside.

Life just didn't seem to have a purpose anymore.