Chapter 4 Where is your head?

(Hey guys! Sorry it took me so long to update this! College is really kicking my butt. Anyways, I don't want to make you guys cry again like I did in the Capricorn & Scorpio story so uhh…I promise this one will have a happier ending)

"Skipping rehearsals! Not bothering to finish the new comic that you are supposedly writing! Coming home late! What the hell is wrong with you Vriska? What's going on?"

Your boyfriend paced back and forth at the foot of your bed, only stopping to look at you when you didn't give him an answer right away. You sighed softly and hung your head in defeat.

"I'm sorry, I really am trying.."

You plopped back onto your bed and glared up at the ceiling, you were tired of having these stupid arguments, they were pointless, and the time you spent arguing was the time that could have been spent being with John, and that made you more upset than anything else. Who cares if you miss a few rehearsals? And who cares if your book is released a little late? A life is on the line here.

"No, No you're not trying. That's just it. I'm your manager Vriska I-"

"I don't want a manager! I want my boyfriend! I'm tired of having these stupid arguments Karkat! I have better things to do!"

You quickly sat up and glared at him coldly. You were an adult now, karkat wasn't your parent, you had a right to do what you wanted, or at least that's what you thought.

Karkat sighed softly and rubbed his temples slowly.

"I know, I'm sorry, but you realize that this is a job…for both of us. If you don't do the work, then it looks like I'm not doing my job. It's not my job to babysit you, but if an extra push now and then is going to help you get the job done, then you better fucking believe that's what I'm going to have to do"

He took a seat next you and grabbed your hand. You stayed quiet and tried to look at anything else in the room besides him.

"I know what this is about. This is about that John kid isn't it?"

Your attention was on him now.

"You obviously care a lot about him. Vriska, I'm not asking you to stop caring for him, but you need to start caring about yourself to. You can't just stop living your life because-"

"Because someone else is losing there's?"

He nodded slowly and looked at you sadly.

"You think I don't care. You think I'm some heartless bastard who doesn't feel for the kid. Well I do care, but I won't let you just…give up"

He kissed your head and stood up stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I'm going back to the studio. Your next film is going to start soon, and I need to go over the script and decide whether or not I want to change some things. Vriska just…try to figure out where your head is"

"My head is in the same place it is every day. Above my shoulders"

You answer smartly.

Karkat rolls his eyes and pulls on his shoes, he runs his fingers through his hair frustrated and looks at your warningly.

"You know what I mean"

You watch as he leaves and let out a long sigh. Where was your head? That was a pretty good question, and you had no idea how to answer it. You looked over at the clock which read 7:45pm. You should probably start working on that new comic book of yours, but you did kind of owe John a visit. Though you did visit him this morning; and yesterday as well. You looked over at the clock again before kicking your legs off of the bed and getting up. 'Work first & play later'. You didn't actually agree with that saying, but you would have to live by it tonight, or just until you got a good portion of your book written and out of the way.

About an hour and a half had gone by and the sheet of paper in front of you was still empty. You just couldn't figure out how you wanted to start this book. You just weren't inspired. You were tired, and bored, and just plain annoyed. Working on this book was extremely important, but wasn't John as well? Heck yes! John was super important. If it wasn't for fans like him you probably would have stopped writing a long time ago. The kid was your inspiration, and you wouldn't be able to finish that damn book unless inspiration was given.

You managed to sneak past the body guards again; apparently it was poker night in the body guard room. The whole place smelt like cigarettes, you weren't even in the room, but even as you walked past it, it seemed like you were. You covered your mouth and tried not to breathe in the horrible smoke followed by its horrible odor. You didn't understand how those guys could keep up with you since they smoked so much, you would have thought that they would have gotten tired or ran out of breath easily, but apparently not. Whatever, as long as that disgusting smell didn't get in your hair you didn't care, all you cared about was getting to the children's hospital and doing whatever was in your power to help John.

"Back again Ms. Serket"

The old lady at the front desk spoke with what sounded like disappointment in her voice as you walked through the doors.

You smiled at her and gave your best double pistol and wink impression. She ended up just scoffing and going back to working on whatever she was doing when you walked in.

You had been to this hospital so many times that it wasn't nearly as hard to get around as it had been before. You use to think it was kind of creepy, but now this place was like a second home, and it helped that Egbert kept the place from seeming so gloomy. That kid could brighten anyone's day, it was amazing. You made your way into pre-teen's room and smiled seeing him in his usual sitting position watching the new show he was hooked on. Supernatural.

You credited yourself with getting him hooked on it. It was a really good show, and it certainly helped that the two main characters were total babes.

"Hey Vriska"

John spoke not turning his attention away from the TV. It was kind of creepy how he knew you were in the room even if it didn't look like he was paying attention. It's like he could sense your presence or something.

"Hey Dork, I see you're watching this show again. What season are you on?"

"Season 8"

"Holy shit already?"

"Yea"

He mumbled still staring at the television and smiling a bit when Dean showed on the screen.

"It took me like…a month to just finish two seasons"

You stared at him in bewilderment.

"Hmm, I can't stop watching it. I haven't been sleeping.."

You sat down on the bed and moved your face close to his so that you were blocking the TV.

"Nooo, what are you doing! Jensen Ackles is about to kick butt!"

He whined softly.

You took the controller and paused the show.

"John, you really need to be getting some sleep. It's not healthy for you to keep staying up like this all the time"

John sighed softly and leaned back against the body pillow behind him.

"I know, I just need something to take my mind off the...well you know"

He grumbled.

How could you argue with that?

"Well, have you at least been eating?"

John nodded and gave a small smile.

"Yep, Veggies and all. My friend Dave dropped off some apple sauce for me. It was pretty good"

You smiled and ran your fingers through his hair looking over his face. He didn't look as pale as he usually looked. You figured that was a good thing"

"I start Chemotherapy tomorrow"

You pulled him into your lap and leaned your chin against his head.

"Are you scared?"

He slowly shook his head and smiled.

"Nah, I mean…what have I got to lose? It's not like I can get any worse then I already am, and it would be nice to be able to breathe regularly, and not feel like crap all the time"

You kissed his head and hugged him a bit tighter.

"I feel like you're more scared for me than I am"

He looked up at you and tilted his head curiously.

You stayed quiet and grabbed the remote hitting play. You turned your attention back to the Television, but you couldn't help but think of what John would have to go through tomorrow. You wanted to be there for him, but there was no way Karkat was going to let you out of the house until you sat your ass down and finished that stupid book. You looked down at John who was now fixated on the TV. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to write when you got back home, you kind of had…an idea of what to write about now.

"Where's your head?"

"Hm?"

You looked down at John and shook your head slowly snapping out of your thoughts.

"Where's your head? Or I guess what I mean is what are you thinking about?"

"Oh uhh, my new book"

"You're going to continue it!"

He squealed, apparently all of a sudden Jensen Ackles wasn't that important anymore, but he was! He was!

"Yea, I think I'm going to add a new character"

His eyes widened and seemed to sparkle at that, apparently this was a better idea than you thought it would be.

"Will the character have super powers are something awesome like that?!"

"Hmm, I don't know yet. I was thinking maybe the character could be the princess's helper or something. You know, guide her long in times of trouble"

"Like a royal body guard?"

You shook your head slowly.

"I don't know the word for it. More like a friend, like a…Side kick"

"That sounds awesome! They would totally kick butt together!"

You couldn't help to laugh at that.

"I'm gonna kick your butt if you don't get to sleep. Just look at the time"

You pulled away from john and tucked him back into bed.

"Aww come on, just let me stay up a little longer?"

"No John, You have a big day tomorrow. You need your rest. Maybe if you're feeling well enough I can swing by and read you the new chapter to my story"

He literally looked like he was going to faint, or pass out. It was kind of scary, but amusing none the less.

"You would do that?"

He gasped, his eyes widening a bit.

"Yes Yes. Now get some shut eye"

"But Misha Collins is about to-"

"John!"

You groaned warningly.

"Goodnight!"

He spoke quickly before closing his eyes and rolling onto his side so that his back was facing you. You paused the TV again before turning it off. You were about to place the remote back on the bed, but thought against it figuring John might turn the TV back on once you had left so you placed it on one of the cabinets in the room.

Usually you would take the long way home, but tonight was different. Tonight you actually wanted to head home and get something done for a change, mostly to please Karkat and John, and maybe yourself.

When you got home you noticed the body guards at the front of your door looking around frantically, they stopped when they saw you and let out a sigh of relief.

"Chill out guys, I'm fine"

You held your hands up in the air and turned around slowly as if proving to them that there was nothing physically wrong with you, now mentally…that was another story. After explaining to the guards about where you had been you headed inside and got started on your book. You would make this one extra special for both Karkat and John. You owed them both so much it was unbelievable. Even though you hated when Karkat pushed you, you knew it was because he only wanted the best for you. He wanted you to succeed, and lets face it, if it wasn't for him, you probably wouldn't get anything done. You needed the extra push, and John, Well, John taught you to see things differently.

He taught you that life shouldn't be taken for granted. He taught you how to laugh again and to just let go and just relax, all that cliché shit. Those two boys were your life, and you needed to do something to show them that.