This is just something silly that will not leave me alone. If I continue this, it'll be a one shot series. Many thanks to MistressOfRobins and all the others like her who have written wee!YJ fics as well as the relaunch of Tiny Titans at ComicCon '12 that inspired this random piece of insanity. It isn't YJ compliant in the least and exists as its own 'verse.

I own nothing but OC's and the plot. If I did, this would be it's own show and Superman wouldn't be such a jerk to Conner.

Onward!

Why Does No One Read the Manual?

When one is called upon by their superiors and handed a dossier with top secret information, they don't expect to be told the assignment is to be a nanny for the summer.

Maxwell Pross expected there to be some guys from his unit jumping out from god knows where with a camera. Telling him he should have seen his face, laughing about it for a good while and then all of them to go out for drinks. After 10 whole minutes of uncomfortable silence, he started to doubt the idea and stared at his commanding officer as if she'd had grown another head.

"Err...Ma'am?"

"Pross, you are aware of the Justice League correct?" Commander Hofte asked.

"Yes." Who wasn't?

"What many are not aware of is that despite their skills, at the end of the day they are people too. People with families that they want to but cannot protect all the time. As a gesture of goodwill between the League and the US Government, a solution to this issue was decided upon; on a trial basis. That file contains the details of your assignment." She gestured to the thick red folder.

The file contained very sensitive information about America's All-Stars...that they had children. Very young children that were supposedly almost as deadly as their parents. Children he was being assigned to watch for 8 hours of each day and some 24 hour periods over the summer. Right. The oldest was 10 years old. Letting anyone of them remotely near the crap their folks dealt with on a daily basis was cause for a full CPS investigation. There were 8 listed for whom he would assume responsibility. He read the reports growing more disbelieving with each head shot.

The first was shocking to say the least; Robin, Batman's son. The first thing written was "appearances are deceiving". Raising a brow and reading further along he saw why. He was utterly adorable but the 7 year old had just as many skills listed as a trained operative from his division. Acrobatics, gymnastics, martial arts (hand to hand as well as various weapons), skill with engineering and hacking. The boy could barely handle the english language and he could already run circles around new recruits (and some of his co-workers). This had to be a joke. Everyone knew that the guy who ran around dressed like a giant bat was borderline psychotic. Just ask the routine returnees to Arkham. No way he had a child.

Next was the freckled ginger known as Kid Flash. Super speed, healing,the metabolism of a humming bird and supercharged brain activity. At only 8, this also meant the kid showed abilities beyond his age too. A regular junior chemist, the same way Madame Curie only dabbled in radioactive element research. There were attached notes in messy second grade scrawl that he'd bet only their lab-rats would understand. While he supposed the metagene that gave Flash his abilities could be inherited, that level of intelligence at his age wasn't. If it were, why wasn't CalTech beating down his door with scholarship offers?

The third picture was of another red head, though this one had more native american the others, the 10 year old looked harmless. Speedy, Green Arrow and Black Canary's son, had the same trademarks as his father; superior archery skills, hand to hand combat, gymnastics, and a degree of stealth. The expression on the child's face was a little off putting if you believed what this file claimed he was capable of.

A 9 year old African American boy with gills and blonde hair was next. Pross knew straight away this was Aqualad. Atlanteans did come in more than one color apparently. The water mojo, super strength and electrical abilities were possible, considering he didn't know much about our neighbors in the deep but no way this kid could break down a metal door with his bare foot. This was getting ridiculous.

Yet another red head. As a change of pace this one was green and female. Her age had two numbers. Mars: 8. Earth:15. He'd never given much thought to the fact that Mars revolved around the sun at a slower rate. Martian Manhunter's niece had psychic and shapeshifting powers like her guardian but it was noted that when her mind wandered so did her abilities. Instruction not to scream if she became a totally different child or things levitated was in bold. Out of all the kids, she seemed the most likely to be exactly what her file claimed.

A picture of a miniature Superman was next. Superboy was literally a clone of his father. To the Lieutenant's relief he only had a handful of the Man of Steel's abilities. The super human strength, sight, hearing and being pretty much indestructable were all the 8 year old had in under his skills. Considering his father could fly, cause tornadoes with a sneeze and shoot heat rays out of his eyes, that wasn't so bad. He snorted. They could do wonders with photoshop these days. No moron would even attempt to clone the League powerhouse; it was bad enough the only way to weaken the adult version was in such short supply. One guy being that powerful was sure to end badly, why make another? Besides how do you get a sample from a guy whose skin was harder than steel? Next.

Number five was also another archer. Artemis was Speedy's little sister, a few months older than Kid Flash. Blonde hair, asian features and deep brown eyes. She seemed tiny but he'd never been around many little girls so she could have been average sized for her age. Same skills as her brother and father; except her file also had a bold type tag. Do not make her cry, Speedy will hurt you. Pross doubted any of these supposed superkids were much of a threat so he wrote it off. Their mentors abilities were the result of training and years they'd yet to see; powers or not.

The next was another little girl most likely from the mediterranean sea area. Her black hair done up in pigtails and her costume a tuxedo with a skirt instead of pants. Zatanna, age 8, was an apprentice magician who's tricks weren't an illusion. Her father proved that on a regular basis. Not much else was listed in her skill set. Lost their imagination had they? He was so going to get Bleis and Hofte (the commander's nephew) for this stupid ass stunt.

The last one in the main folder was an african american girl. Rocket, Icon's adopted daughter, had a special belt that allowed her to fly and use Newton's three laws to her advantage. Most notably was the force field she generated. It took the energy exerted on it and used it to make itself stronger. The harder something hit it, the harder it resisted. She didn't have any other abilities listed. So he stopped reading. Something he'd done for each child and would come back to bite him in the ass later. At the time it didn't matter. He was still waiting for someone to yell "You just got Punk'd!".

"Ma'am, with all due respect, why are trained military operatives being scouted as babysitters? Couldn't other superheroes do the job?" Pross found the reading interesting but still didn't see why the ultra secretive league was even considering the military. Something had to be up.

"...Someone did something less than professional and even further from intelligent and that is all I am at liberty to say." She sighed.

Bingo. Translation: Someone in the government pissed off the world's most powerful group of people and this was some sort of repayment. "This is the salary you will be paid for the 3 month test run."

"..." Pross stared at the contract. The bottom portion was a check. "I think there's an error ma'am. There are only supposed to be two places after the decimal."

"That's not a decimal lieutenant, it's a comma." The corner of her lip tugged into a smirk when he made an interesting noise. "This job requires diplomacy, patience, an extensive and decorated military background and at least some experience dealing with children. You were recommended because you have all these qualifications. It also comes with full health benefits-you could become radioactive 7 years from now and they'll buy you a lead lined suit so long as you could prove the it originated from this assignment."

This had gone on long enough. Com. Hofte was known for her sense of humor but really? He had drills to run in the morning-

Ping!

Hofte motioned that it was alright and Pross took out his cellphone. He then checked the email that had been sent. It was from his bank kindly notifying him of the recent deposit the size of a JPL scientist's yearly pay into his account. Okay, maybe there was something to this.

So, that's how he found himself in Happy Harbor New Jersey with 120 days worth of personal effects. He was told to arrive at the main entrance of this base at 07:00 that Saturday, enter his access code and wait until his liaison arrived. Simple right?

Not hardly.

He punched in the temporary access code given to him presumably by Batman. The corridor was short before opening into a large area decorated like a play room: bright and full of toys. There were several monitors connected to multiple game consoles in the center. Next to it was a computer station with several units. He could see the kitchen a little ways away and more hallways on the other side if the play area. Setting his duffel down, he leaned his rollaway suitcase against the wall and looked about for a bit. He spotted the little blonde girl from his list sitting at a table playing with a doll. She was in a green costume with a mask that covered the upper part of her face. They even let them play dress up, this was going to be a piece of cake , he thought to himself. Until she looked over at him and screamed bloody murder.

"Stranger!" She hollered reaching for the green bow propped up against the table.

Then he heard the sound of something clicking followed by five red blurs assaulting his field of vision. Next thing he knew, he was literally stuck to the wall by arrows pinned through his civvies. He didn't even have time to grab his side arm.

"Don't move." How the hell was he gonna like this? The officer blinked realizing it was a young voice that was so demanding. A little boy in a yellow feathered cap, domino mask and red vest was about ten feet away, an arrow notched in his bow and leveled at the man. The same kid listed as the blonde's big brother. The clicking noise must have been his own collapsible bow unfolding."Who are you and how did you get in here?"

"Speedy, sweetheart. I've told you before to ask questions first, let them answer then shoot afterwards if they're bad people." A woman sighed. Turning his head as much as the shaft sticking out of his collar and the one a millimeter from his face would allow, he could see Black Canary walking toward him.

"...sorry Mommy." He looked down and muttered. "But he scared Artie!"

"That's not a valid excuse. It's Lt. Pross you should apologize to."

Another sorry was murmured and the child looked everywhere but at him. Clearly only humoring his mother as children tend to do when they don't see what they did wrong.

WTF? Who lets a kid actually run around with a collapsible bow and real frickin arrows? Just as disturbing: how'd he fire off so many so accurately in like ten seconds? They were in there deep too, the heads weren't visible at all. The heroine acted as if it were nothing serious to be yanking bits of rock and occasionally only half the projectile out of the stone wall.

"I apologize for this sir." The blonde helped Pross dislodge himself from the wall. "He's a bit over zealous when defending the cave. I'm Black Canary, this is my son Speedy. You're a little early, we just arrived ourselves. Artemis, come meet Lt. Pross."

"He's not a stranger?" The little girl had a bit of a lisp. It was explained whens he grinned at him as she bound up to them. One of her front teeth was missing. Not one of the center ones, it was one right next to them. "Hi my name is Artemis. Are you a police man? If you are you're not dressed right."

"No I'm Marine Lieutenant Maxwell Pross Artemis. Right now, I'm not on duty so I don't wear my uniform." Pross tried not to look wary of the 10 year old boy pointedly glaring at him. He wasn't going to let a half pint intimidate him no matter how much of a lucky shot he was.

Recognized Batman 01. Robin B01.

"But dad-dy!"

"Robin, you are not getting a dog. Maybe when you're older." The Dark Knight's tone was neutral, not belaying the irritation any parent would feel after constant pestering. A startling contrast of colors was following him with a pout. "You're early Pross. Robin, say hello to the lieutenant."

"Hmph!" The boy folded his green gloved hands across his chest. Boy those masks were good at showing scowls without showing their eyes. "Hi."

"He's upset about wanting a puppy. He might do his ninja impression so that he can sulk for a while until Kid Flash arrives I hope you read the manual we sent you, it lists his favorite hiding spots." Gotham's hero began. He paused and sighed. "You didn't, did you?"

"Well, to be honest I thought this was a gag for the most part until I got paid in advance. I didn't doubt you all were parents (LIE LIE LIE LIE LIE) I just wasn't sure of why so much was listed about each kid. How much trouble could they be?" Was his semi-honest and least likely to get him killed answer.

"You do at least know 3 of the kids aren't exactly human though?" Canary sounded hopeful. It quickly faded at his expression. "Batman we can't leave him with the kids unprepared."

"Canary I doubt they'll do any permanent damage to him on the first 's what the kevlar body suit in his room he could put on under his clothes is for."

"I'm worried about my babies! The others too! If he didn't know that, he has no idea Aqualad's allergic to peanuts. That Speedy won't let him near Artemis until he's sure the man's not a mole. That Zatanna's hiccups fire off random hexes. Or letting Robin nap with his utility belt is not an option for god sakes. Things that could get any one of them hurt!"

Hold it. They were about to leave him with 8 kids that could kill him and they weren't concerned about his welfare in the least. Either this really was a joke, it wasn't but the kids really weren't that bad, or they were worse and the woman's maternal instincts cancelled out caring about any danger he could possibly be in. He really hoped it wasn't the last one.

Recognized Icon 20. Rocket B09.

The large black man entered the cave. His sleeping daughter rested against his chest in one arm and a Hello Kitty backpack was in the other. Pross could see the light glint off of her belt.

"It is rather early for Rocket to be up and alert. I do believe I was fortunate to at least get her dressed before she dozed off again. She did not eat breakfast though. You must be the new summer caretaker, it is nice to meet you."

"Hello." This guy is huge! TV cameras lie in more ways than one, Rocket looked like a pixy compared to him. Icon looked at his co workers, Speedy's expression and the one Pross had.

"He did not review the manual did he? Just like Srgt. Melrose." He shook his head.

Melrose? He's that guy from Alpha 3 squad that recently got disability discharge. No one knew for sure what happened to mess him up so bad.

Uh-oh...

Recognized Martian Manhunter 07. Miss Martian B05. Zatanna B08. Kid Flash B03.

WHOOSH! Green and blue, black and white and red and yellow blurs exited the transporter.

"Whee!"

"I win!"

"Nuh-uh! I got her first!"

Two little girls (one of which was green) and a boy were arguing about who got to where Speedy was first. Immediately they demanded he declare a winner.

"It's a draw." Speedy shrugged. It wasn't the answer any of them wanted. The girls were easily distracted by Artemis holding up a doll and they followed her across the room. Well two did. Rocket continued snoring slightly and drooling in her father's chest oblivious to the commotion. Robin and Kid Flash ran over to the entertainment center, leaving the adults and a still glaring Speedy with the military man.

"Hello. Flash and Zatara are still overseas on assignment. M'gann appreciates the company despite their entrance." Manhunter greeted everyone. He picked up on the thoughts of the others and closed his red eyes in exasperation. Tilting his head back, he pinched the bridge of his barely there nose. "Again? Did they learn nothing from the spring break incident?"

Things were starting to fit together. Melrose vanished for a week in April only to come back in a full body cast. No special ops missions were scheduled during that time so his buddies went to check on him. The most anyone got out of him before the lawyers and doctors shooed his team away from his hospital bed was "those little devils!" before he slipped into incoherent French.

Recognized Superman 01. Superboy B04. Aquaman 06. Aqualad B03.

"Father, must I stay here? I would rather play with Garth and Tula" Aqualad looked up at the older blond man. He was holding a black backpack under his chin.

"They are visiting relatives in the North and Eastern waters Kaldur'um. I thought you enjoyed spending time with your surface world friends."

"Not in the summer. It is too hot on land."

"We can go to the beach. The cave has a pool too." Superboy said. It was eerie how much he looked like the man standing behind him. And even more so when both boys went silent then turned his way. The boy of steel frowned. "They sent another idiot."

"Kon-El..."

"It's not polite to say everything I'm thinking, I know Dad. But look at him. He hasn't got a clue!" He protested.

Suddenly, surviving multiple deployments in Iraq and classified stealth missions to several need to know locales seemed like not nearly enough experience and more like sheer dumb luck. Melrose had been a transplant from Aquitaine that got into the SEALs before getting selected for their special Ops Marine division for crying out loud! He'd only been with them for a week and nearly died.

He'd signed a contract for 3 whole months.

He really should have read the manual. His life probably depended on it.

End

Whatcha think? Let me know. I'd appreciate ideas for future chapters. No my other story isn't dead but this plot bunny wasn't gonna leave me be. Sirensoundwave out.