Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Gene Roddenberry. The new universe belongs to J.J. Abrams and Paramount.

The Rules of Pon Farr

Spock's first pon farr was fast approaching, and Jim had taken it upon himself to try and get his bondmate to stop dreading it. Every day that week, Spock had received a message on his PADD from Jim that had included a 'suggestive' pon farr joke. Spock did not see what was so humorous about the situation, as there had been recent reports from New Vulcan of males in pon farr that had killed their mates. Still, he read Jim's messages and commented appropriately.

Today's message was longer than usual.

Dear Spock,

1st RULE: You do not speak of Pon Farr.
2nd RULE: You DO NOT speak of Pon Farr.
3rd RULE: Even if one of the participants says "stop" or goes limp, pon farr is not over.
4th RULE: Only two beings are to share a pon farr.
5th RULE: One step at a time. (Preparation, intercourse, meld, sleep, repeat.)
6th RULE: No clothes will be worn during the duration of pon farr.
7th RULE: Pon farr will go on as long as the male Vulcan has the urge to mate.
8th RULE: If this is your first pon farr, you HAVE to engage in intercourse. (Meditation is not an option.)

Your eyebrow has probably hit the ceiling by now. You need to look up the movie 'Fight Club' to get the joke. I thought it would be funny if there were actual 'rules' for pon farr. You Vulcans take it too seriously. I mean really, a seven year cycle where you have to fuck or die? Objectively, that's some funny shit. I know what you're going to say, Spock, and you're not going to kill me, or hurt me. That's what the bond is for. Nature did this so that you guys would keep making little Vulcans, not so that you would kill each other and eventually die out. I know that there are rare instances of unbonded males killing their intended mates, but that really doesn't apply to us, does it?

I'm looking forward to it, Spock. And not just for the sex, although that will be awesome. I'm looking forward to being there for you. You don't have to go through it alone. I will be there, no matter what. You'll get all the lovin' and melds you need. If you need me to play the submissive mate, I will. Whatever you need, Spock. I just think if you can relax a little, it won't be quite as stressful for you.

If your mom survived it several times, I know I can too.

See you after my shift is over.

Yours,

-Jim

Spock looked up the Fight Club rules on the computer, then read over Jim's rules for pon farr. He had to admit, the comparison was a tiny bit amusing. Objectively, of course.