Mwahahahaha! I have finally created a story that I will put up chapter by chapter over the course of weeks (which I have never done before) because I have found my inner ebilness and shall make my readers SUFFER! Bask in my power... or read the story. You'll have to wait for the next chapters, though! Mwahahahaha... hahahha... haha... ugh... anyway, I have a certain soft spot for reviews, so please don't hesitate to leave a little 'Kilroy Was Here!' Constructive criticism welcome as well!

Rain pitter-pattered on the cobblestone street. The prince was frozen on his knees where he had fallen, his eyes wide. He saw the arrow make contact with her flesh, he saw the blood drip from her mouth, and he saw her fall in slow motion to the ground. His mind was blank. He could no longer fathom what happened in front of him. It has to be a dream, he thought. There's no way it can be real. He fell to his knees, into the water, as though following her descent.

She hit the ground with a splash, and the prince felt the cold ripples from the puddle reach his knees. His eyes stayed locked on his best friend who lay broken on the ground, her eyes vacant. Her mouth was open in a silent scream, and the feathered shaft of the arrow was just level with the ground. Her arm dangled limply at her side, her hand still tightly closed around her katana as her fingers trembled slightly, whether because of the pain or because of postmortem muscle spasms, the prince could not tell.

The prince was numb. He could feel nothing, could think nothing. All he could do was watch, standing frozen. She had given her life for him, for the person who had made her life miserable. How could he forget that? How could he ever forgive himself, now that she was gone because of him? Feeling returned to his limbs, and he paid no mind to the tears that coursed down his face as he crawled on his hands and knees, trembling, to her side.

You look lost. Are you lost? It's your entire fault for jumping in at the end of a story. A good narrator always relates the story how it happens from beginning to end, so you'll have to bear with me. What? What? Stop asking me questions! What do you mean, 'what do you mean by 'prince'?' If you had been listening, you would know, but no, you had to jump right in when I was already at the end. You're a poor listener, you know that?

All right, fine. To spare your merciless questioning, I'll start all the way back at the beginning. Are you happy now? I'm going out of my way for you, a complete stranger who's also very rude. Did you know that? You're rude. I'm calling you rude. What do you mean, get on with the story? How rude, you know that? Why, I should just up and leave without telling you my favorite story. To be quite honest, you don't deserve it. What's the magic word? Say it or I'm not starting back at the beginning. Come on, say it. Say it…

That's better. *sigh* All right, here I go. Ready? You'd better pay attention this time. Such a witty and eloquent narrator has never been known, so I hope you can appreciate this. Even rude and vulgar 'Twilight' readers such as yourself should be able to see a good romance when you see one, although, on second thought, seeing as you probably enjoyed 'Twilight,' maybe not. All right, here I go. What do you mean, I said that already? Just be silent and listen, will you? Once upon a time…

Once upon a time, in a brilliant prosperous land called Konoha, there lived the royal Uchiha family. This royal family consisted of the king, the queen, and two sons. Now, as you can probably imagine, having two heirs caused a bit of strife among the family, which was stupid because everybody knows the firstborn gets the throne, end of story. The firstborn and heir to the throne, Itachi Uchiha, wanted the throne quite badly, and he was impatient.

Now, he was a sociopath and insane, so you really couldn't trust a word he said. He would also do anything to get the throne sooner than his father's death, which was the law. Therefore, he came up with a simple way to get the throne, and all he had to do was kill his father. It was simple enough, and that way his worthless little brother would be left in the cold. To Itachi, this idea seemed perfect.

Oddly enough, some people disagreed. I know; weird, right? Apparently some of the villagers didn't want Itachi Uchiha to be king, or at least not by killing his father to assume the throne. Anyway, somehow the news of his plot leaked out, and King Fugaku heard of it. As you can imagine, he was heartbroken that his firstborn would attempt something like this.

Due to the laws of the country, Itachi Uchiha was banished and the younger son, Sasuke Uchiha, was named the new heir to the throne. Now, if only Sasuke wasn't also a sociopath, we might actually be getting somewhere here. Sadly, it runs in the family. Anyway, to continue the story, this scowling egotistical overemotional world-hating prince was now the heir to the throne.

That didn't mean that Itachi was about to give up, though. Though it was kept a desperate secret from the prince, numerous attempts on his life were committed. Itachi was probably working under the assumption that it there was no heir besides the original firstborn, then he'd have to become king regardless of cousins or nephews, even if he was technically eternally shamed and doomed to die outside of the country.

It was all very technical, though, so he assumed he still had a chance.

Anyhow, after a while, some of the attempts on the young prince's life got pretty close until his parents couldn't stand it anymore. They decided to hire a personal bodyguard, hoping that a personal bodyguard would not fall to suicidal tendencies or murderous intents like the prince's past personal maids had. The only person they could think of was if they applied to the Guild of Warriors to send over a member to serve as a bodyguard for a top-secret mission.

This is how he got a new attendant.

"Who the heck are you?" Sasuke demanded upon entering the room as he slammed the door behind him. He glowered at the girl who stood hunched over the fireplace. She looked up suddenly, the poker in her hands. Her face broke out in a smile and she dropped the poker immediately and bowed deeply at the waist.

"Excuse me, my lord. I had assumed you would not return from riding until later today. I was hired by your parents as your new maid, so it will be my job from here on to attend to your every need and whim. My name is Aoko, at your service," the maid said cheerfully.

"Okay," the prince said slowly. "Where did my last maid go?"

"I'm afraid she had to leave quite suddenly after she was found attempting to poison your tea and was caught by the cook," Aoko said woefully. The truth was, unusually enough, that the maid had not been hired to do it by the jealous older brother as you might think (see above). She'd had enough of the spoiled little prince and was quite willing to do away with him herself.

"I see." Sasuke's frown deepened.

"Is there anything you'd like at the moment, milord?" Aoko continued.

"No," the prince said quickly.

"You seem to have slipped in the mud," Aoko noted. "Would you like me to help you change into something dry, and I will take your clothes down to the laundress to have them scrubbed, washed, and dried?"

"No," the prince said quickly, aghast. No maid had ever helped him undress before – that, at least, he could do by himself.

"No, thank you, if you please, sir," Aoko said reproachfully. The prince blinked. Had he actually just been corrected by a mere chambermaid?

"Out," the prince ordered, walking stiffly back to the door and opening it wide for her. The maid smiled and nodded and nodded and smiled, but she made no move to leave.

"Did you not hear me?" The prince demanded.

"I heard you, milord, but I am not finished attending to the fire," Aoko explained. She bobbed a quick curtsy. Her dark hair framed her face down to her shoulders, but in the back her hair was much longer and separated into two long braids that trailed down her back. She wore very little makeup, just some purple dust over the lash-line of her eyelids, thick black lashes framing brilliant blue eyes, and white powder brushed very lightly over her tanned face, as was the custom.

She wore the usual maid's garb, a black dress with complements of white lace and a high rounded neckline. The bodice was fitted with long tight sleeves, and a white apron ran around her waist, the ends trailing down over the back of her mid-calf-length skirt. On her feet she wore white socks and flat black shoes. The prince realized that she was tall, about his height if not taller, and if she wore heels she would easily be taller than he was.

"You can do that later," Sasuke said, scowling. He nodded to the door. "Get out."

"Oh, but if you were to catch a cold, my lord, I would be punished terribly for causing it by allowing the fire to go out," Aoko said as she hastily piled three more logs into the generous fireplace. She snatched the poker from the ground and put it back in its place, and then hitched up her skirts and raced across the room to the door in a hurry.

She paused momentarily to bow to the young prince, and then disappeared out the door. Still scowling, the prince began to undress. He would leave his mud-covered clothes at the foot of his bed, and not allow the maids in until the mud was nicely caked onto both the clothes and the bed. Extra work would keep them busy and give them something to do, after all.

It was this kind of thinking that made the prince rather unpopular among the maidservants, cooks, and gardeners, although the stable boy had taken a liking to the young prince. The horses were another story – he had been thrown from his newly appointed least favorite stallion just today, which would account for the muddy garments.

The prince wrapped the fluffy white dressing gown around himself and headed into the bathroom to take a bath, as he was feeling dirty. As he entered the room, he was nearly blinded by the sparkling brilliance. The mold in the corner of the tub was gone, the streaks even at the tippy top of the mirror had been rubbed off, and even worse, the white towels were gone, replaced by a hand-folded towel tortoise, grinning up at him most malevolently. The prince was shocked.

He whipped around and raced back to his bed to yank the bell-pull near the head of the bed. Almost as soon as he let go of the rope, the door opened and Aoko was standing there, head bowed, as sickeningly cheerfully as ever.

"You called, milord?" She asked smoothly.

"What did you do to my bathroom?" The prince demanded. Aoko looked up to meet his eyes, a brave feat.

"I cleaned it, sir," she murmured. "Should I not have done my job? I changed the sheets and made the bed, beat the carpet, dusted the ceilings, gave the bathroom a thorough cleaning, and even fluffed your pillows. Is it not to your liking?"

"There's a turtle!" Sasuke exclaimed, aghast.

"If you're referring to the towel animal I folded in the bathroom, it's actually a tortoise, but yes, milord," Aoko said, looking slightly puzzled. "Would you like me to draw your bath for you or perhaps fetch your tea?"

The prince had never met such a devilishly innocent one as this. This maid defied all laws of maid physics. She cleaned things! And worse, she made cute animals out of the hand towels! Surely that was against the laws of the land? If not, the prince made a mental note to change that as soon as he became king.

"Never mind," he said, turning abruptly. "You may go."

"Yes, milord," Aoko said, bowing deeply. Rather than backing out of the door, she walked into the room to fetch the muddy clothes that the prince had left at the foot of his bed.

"You can leave those," the prince said coolly. Aoko bowed and turned to go. The prince turned back to the bathroom and, when he had looked back, both Aoko and the muddy clothes had disappeared.

The prince marched into the bathroom, and the door slammed behind him.

Dirty clothes in hand, Aoko headed down the hall slowly, her eyes peeled for any suspicious behavior. That was her job, after all. As she passed by a room, she paused momentarily and her eyes darted down to the threshold. Shadows moved slightly from inside the room. Aoko carefully moved the clothes to one arm and reached forward for the doorknob with her other hand.

The door quietly swung open, and Aoko entered the room. It was dark inside except for the light coming from the window on the opposite side of the room, and rather eerily silent. Aoko crossed the room to the mantle of the empty fireplace in this room and took the large ceramic vase that sat there. Then she smoothly made her way to the bed and got on it without making a sound.

She waited for a moment in silence, standing as still as a statue. Then a dark head appeared from under the bed. Aoko reached both arms out. She let the vase fall.

There was a smashing sound, and it was a job well done. Aoko hopped off the bed and leaned over to drag the unconscious would-be assassin out from underneath the bed. For an exiled prince, she thought, Itachi Uchiha sure is cheap.

She yanked him by the shoulders and backed up until she had pulled him all the way out. She leaned over and grasped his arm, then hauled him over her shoulder and half-carried half-dragged him to the window. She peered over the edge and noticed immediately the well-positioned bushes. She looked around and finally spotted the gardener's apprentice, whom she had been introduced to only that morning along with the other servants.

"Ino!" She called. The young girl looked up from tending to the rose bushes, and Aoko hefted the unconscious man over the windowsill. "Catch," Aoko called, and let him fall. He landed in the bushes with a loud rustling sound, and the blond girl below looked surprised.

"Please get the guards to take care of him for me," Aoko called, still leaning over. "Thank you, Ino!"

Ino waved back and headed towards the bushes to get the man. Satisfied, Aoko turned away from the window, closed it so that no one else could get in and, clothes still in hand, left the room humming, a skip in her step.

"Another one?" Kakashi Hatake, a member of the Royal Guard, murmured as the blond gardener's apprentice, Ino Yamanaka, dropped the man at his feet. The apprentice wiped her hand across her brow and grinned.

"Aoko-san tossed him down from the window and said I should bring him to you to take care of him," she explained. "I leave it in your capable hands." She turned to go.

"Now just a minute," Kakashi said, stopping her. "Why is it that as soon as we bring in the exterminator, suddenly all the termites are popping up everywhere?"

"What?" Ino asked, frowning.

"Never mind," Kakashi said with a sigh. "You can tell Aoko-san that I'll bring him to the dungeons soon enough. Hopefully we'll be able to get something out of him before Guy sends him back to sweet dreams like the last assassin Aoko-san rooted out."

"Why are you still wearing that helmet?" Ino asked curiously, cocking her head. "I mean, it's all rusty. Shouldn't you get it polished?"

"I have bad helmet hair," Kakashi replied indignantly, reaching up to push his helmet more firmly onto his head. Ino shrugged and turned to go. She headed back towards the rose bushes she had been tending to earlier, before she had been so rudely interrupted by the falling assassin in her holly. Being a gardener is such a hazardous job, she thought, shaking her head as she headed down the path towards the back of the castle.

"Is it time for the prince's tea?" Aoko asked the cook curiously. She noted that the blond stable boy was eagerly slurping a bowlful of ramen from the long table in the kitchen. She looked back up towards the cook.

"Yes," Mr. Ichiraku replied. His daughter as well as cook's assistant, Ayame, smiled up at Aoko.

"It's almost ready," she promised. "If you'd like to wait for it, feel free to sit over there by Naruto and enjoy some hot ramen while you wait."

"Thank you," Aoko said gratefully as she went to sit at the table. Ayame put a bowl of ramen in front of her and Aoko thanked her and took up her chopsticks. The stable boy paused momentarily to look her up and down.

"You're Sasuke's new maid?" He asked.

"I am the prince's new maid, yes," Aoko replied, daintily lifting a bunch of noodles into her mouth. She chewed and swallowed. "I'm not sure I met you this morning when I met the others. You must have been out. Naruto Uzumaki, am I right? I hear you hang out at the kitchen on a regular basis, rather than tending to the horses like a stable boy should."

"Well, excuse me," Naruto grumbled, and went back to his ramen.

"Oh, we really don't mind," Ayame said, laughing. "Besides, no one enjoys our humble ramen quite as much as a hungry stable boy. Anyhow, the horses don't need care 24/7. Aoko-san, here's the tea. Feel free to take the tray up to His Highness immediately."

"Thank you." Aoko took the tray in her hands and picked up the empty cup thoughtfully. She examined the inside and rubbed her finger all the way around, then licked her finger carefully. Ayame, Naruto, and Mr. Ichiraku all watched curiously as she then lifted the steaming hot kettle of tea and sniffed the steam.

"What are you doing?" Ayame said finally.

"Checking for poison," Aoko replied as she gathered the tray again and turned to go. "You can never be too careful these days. I'll be pouring the tea myself, and if the prince dies from this tea, I would be one of the ones held responsible. Thank you, I will take the tea up to the young lord now."

Ayame watched her go and exchanged a glance with her father, who shrugged.

"She's right," he said. "There's no such thing as being too careful."

There was a polite knock at the door. Sasuke waited a moment, wondering if it was that old busybody of a maid again, and then called for her to enter. The door opened silently and the maid entered with a tray of tea in her hands. What did she say her name was again? Oh, right – Aoko something-or-other.

"You can put it over there," the prince said carelessly, gesturing to the small table in the corner of the room. He expected her to leave the tray, bow, and leave, but instead she crossed the room to where he was at the writing desk.

She placed the tray on the corner of the large desk and then began to pour the tea, seemingly ignoring the prince completely.

"If you're going to ignore me, you should do it while bowing," the prince said crossly. Aoko glanced at him.

"If it seemed like I was ignoring you, I am terribly sorry, milord. That was not my intention," she said as she put the kettle down and offered the prince the cup of steaming hot tea with both hands. The prince took it casually with one, ready to scream and toss the tea all over the maid, when his hand closed around the cup and it didn't burn him at all.

It was the perfect temperature, just how he liked it. Hot enough to warm his belly, but not hot enough to burn his tongue. Huh. Perhaps this new maid wouldn't be too bad after all.

"You may go," the prince said, gesturing for her to leave.

"Actually, young master, the king requested specifically that I accompany you outside for some fresh air today," the maid said, not budging.

"I went riding just this morning," the prince replied, scowling. "And don't call me 'young master.' Address me as 'Your Highness' or 'My Lord.'"

"Yes, my lord," Aoko said, bowing deeply. "However, His Highness the king said that your riding time today had been cut short due to a terrible fall, and therefore he would like you to get a tad more fresh air. I would suggest a picnic in the garden; the gardeners have been attending to the plants most diligently."

"It wasn't a terrible fall," the prince said indignantly. He watched curiously as the maid reached into the folds of her gown and pulled out a very small jar. She deftly unscrewed the lid and rubbed some of the herb-scented salve inside on her fingers. She raised a hand towards the prince's face.

Sasuke leapt back.

"What are you doing?" He demanded.

"My job," Aoko replied as she reached forward, held him in place with one hand, and smeared the salve over his cheek with her fingers. The prince made a face as the oily substance entered the small scratch on the side of his face that he had gotten from that morning's fall. Aoko released him and straightened up, then screwed the lid back on and replaced the small jar in whatever hidden pocket she had.

The prince reached up a hand to his cheek, which stung slightly.

"Please bear the pain, my lord," Aoko said. "The salve will close the wound quickly and keep any bacteria from entering the cut."

"I'm not scared of bacteria," the prince said loftily. He got up abruptly from his desk and headed to the door, snatching the coat that hung on a peg on the wall. "Well?" He asked, turning back to the maid. "Are we going outside or not?"

Aoko bowed, beaming, and collected the tea tray again. She lifted the prince's cup of tea from his desk and put it on the tray before following after the young lord.

He turned and headed ahead of her down the hall towards the castle door. He was scared, and he cursed himself for being scared. Why was he scared? His stupid thoughts betrayed him like a dog betrays its master. How? By telling him she smelled nice. Stupid subconscious.