About: So far, so good. This fanfic is based on the aftermath of the Durarara anime, (at least until new sources— translated light novels or new seasons—come into my hands...) However, the Skip Beat! part of the fanfic is based on the entire manga, not just the anime, at least until shortly after the Valentine's Day arc.

Disclaimer: I'm only stating this once. I do not profit from this work of fan fiction. I do not own the characters who I am borrowing from Durarara and Skip Beat!. I do not write canon, I derive my work from canon. Questions? No? Didn't think so.

Durarara + Skip Beat! Crossover Fanfic: Someday, You'll Learn to LoveMe

In which Izaya gets a bright idea to lie low in Ikebukuro and build his information brokerage by joining L.M.E., dragging an unwilling Shizuo with him straight into the LoveMe section. Too late to get out now, there are life lessons to be learned!

Characters: Izaya Orihara, Simon Brezhnev, Shizuo Heiwajima, Saki Mikajima, Masaomi Kida, Kasuka Heiwajima (Yuuhei Hanejima), Celty Sturluson, Dr. Namie Yagiri

Prologue

If anyone had suggested six months prior that Izaya would spend any time in showbiz while he was still information broker, Shadow Lord of Ikebukuro, he would have laughed in their faces. Very loudly. And likely, soundly insulted them for their idiocy. And they would have been idiots, to say it to his face, or to think that he would willingly leave the business. However, this unlikely situation would never come about naturally, so the hypotheticals are amusing but mean little.

Izaya had never been the most predictable of individuals, and time can change a person. A month or so after the Yellow Scarves gang collapsed, Izaya suddenly announced that he was going back underground. He commemorated the move by provoking a satisfying fight with Shizuo Heiwajima, which was, to date, the greatest fight Izaya had ever had with Shizuo. The proof was that it trashed most of Ikebukuro's sidewalks, vending machines, and traffic signs, and the damage was too severe to be immediately fixed by the city. Shortly after, Izaya disappeared, as good as his word.

This move was perhaps precipitated by the black eye he had gotten from Simon, the sushi-restaurant bouncer, a week or two prior. Simon apparently decided that pacifistic words did not work with Izaya and that he probably deserved a little rough handling for playing half the gangs in the city willy-nilly. If it wasn't that, Simon probably felt it was fair to do it on the behalf of Izaya's ward, Saki Mikajima, who had been willingly manipulated by him for the good part of two years, gotten hospitalized for her trouble, and had finally broken free. She ran off with the kid who used to lead Yellow Scarves gang, Masaomi Kida, who had also been Izaya's personal pet project. They had last been seen at Simon's restaurant. The loss was entirely Izaya's fault; he hadn't calculated the odds right.

Whatever the reason, if you got punched by Simon, your days in Ikebukuro were close to being over: Simon was strong—next to Shizuo himself, the second-strongest man in Ikebukuro—and well-liked by everyone, and he knew a little about everyone, although he got by with being thought eccentric and not terribly bright. This was not actually the case. Izaya knew that Simon was a law unto himself, and that in the future, Izaya would have to be more subtle.

In any case, he couldn't stay in Ikebukuro with both the strongest men as his enemies.

But that wasn't the point. When Simon had punched Izaya, thereby indicating that he had better disappear soon, Izaya had landed near the LME business sign. Fittingly or not, the sign spelled, "LOVE." It was a matter of inspiration for Izaya.

While he lay on his back in the dirt, feeling the blood pounding in his head, he tried not to hate Simon for spoiling his already-rotten victory. I love humans. I love the human race. I love humanity, he thought in his head, as if it were a mantra. Izaya pulled himself together and staggered home, and ordered Namie to fetch the ice. He spent the next few hours wondering what new thing in his life could possibly bring as much fun as his "information broker" position.

Ultimately, he had failed to waken Celty's head. So what, perhaps his theories were wrong. Or maybe it wasn't a real war that he had created. Nevertheless, Izaya was bored by it. Dead end. He could send it to some war-torn country and test his theory that way, but he felt a curious reluctance to leave—no, lose it. Perhaps a lingering affection for Celty made him wish not to send it out of his sight? No matter. It was staying in this room, Izaya decided.

What next, then?

He liked tipping people over the edge. He couldn't help himself. It was such a rush, making them mad, and when they were mad, they could be pushed in whichever direction he wanted. If anger didn't work, flattery usually did. It was simply a matter of judging the person.

But Izaya didn't think that he could get away with just that. He was too noticeable, too infamous in Ikebukuro; the half-truths would quickly start to pile up, and before long, Izaya would punch out one more spot on the globe where he would be definitely Not Welcome. And it hurt too much to have to find a new home all the time...

He would have to settle for second-best.

What about acting? Izaya often acted like a different person to get people on his side. Eventually, yes, the façade went away—it was too boring not to be himself with the people he really liked, enemies or not—but he had the talent to do it.

Acting. For a while he would be unknown, perfectly hidden underground. If he went high enough, it was likely that no one would be able to connect him with wrong. Perhaps if he became famous enough, he could return to Ikebukuro and the unpleasant scandals would be covered up with the young city's blind idol-worship. He could become a permanent fixture in every household...he always wanted to become something like that...a prized member of humanity. Like a demigod! Sounded good. He wasn't sure, but Simon would probably cool off after a couple of months of relative peace once Izaya's meddling absented the city. And then he could come back.

Izaya twirled around in his favorite office chair, whizzing around like a kid. Suddenly, a brightly-colored something caught his eye, and he put his feet down sharply, leaping out of the chair so fast that it bucked backwards.

He crouched, and saw it. The magazine, on the coffee table. Probably Namie's. Ah. It was an ad for some new movie. He scanned it; yes. There was Kasuka Heiwajima, brother of Heiwajima Shizuo (they looked nothing alike), currently one of showbiz's more popular stars.

Izaya began to smile.

After a couple of phone calls, a couple internet searches, a quick trip to LME's company website, and an in-depth comparison of all of his available options, Izaya had all the information he needed to make his decision. It hadn't taken Izaya long to realize that LME was the best and brightest of all the agencies that guided new stars towards breakout into showbiz. Even if it was a little kooky. Perfect.

His grin grew wider.

Namie took one look at Izaya and crept upstairs to the kitchen to make him dinner. She decided she would a vengeful pot of chili-curry so spicy that he couldn't eat it. Izaya probably shouldn't have let on that he liked bland food best. Maybe then he would finally fire her.

... Even after she had ruined the TV with the soda the other day! She still didn't trust him. He really should have gotten angry about that. It was utterly unlike him. Izaya got home, he ordered an ice-pack, and then he went to bed early. He hadn't questioned her or anything, and when he found out about it, he stared at her a moment and simply ordered a new one, with the latest in 3D holographic capability this time.

As if she needed reminding that the man was filthy rich. And here she was, acting petulantly like a child, because her own schemes ended in failure. No, she didn't care about that. She clutched her wooden spoon and fired up the stove. Actually, she knew just the thing: Korean black bean sauce. Thick and full of flavor, gummy, shiny and dark as chocolate, leaving an oddly satisfying taste in your mouth that was as hard to erase as oil from white office paper. Oh, Izaya would just hate it...

"Namie-san, are you in love with me?" Izaya's voice floated up from his lair. "Your tender loving care sends chills down my spine."

Namie put down her spoon on the counter and shuddered. The man was almost telepathic. Then she raised her head, and rushed to make both dishes, cursing the black fate that led her to this place. It was the least she could do to give him a taste of her grief. And, she knew, the only thing Izaya hated more than spicy food was cold leftovers. The poor sod couldn't cook anything for himself, except maybe rice and TV dinners.

Izaya would suspect nothing coming. Namie knew better than to cackle like a witch when she brewed poison.

Author's note: You know that LOVE sculpture/sign featured prominently in the first Skip Beat! anime opening? It fit so perfectly, I assumed it went with the LME business, although it looked rather too familiar and iconic for that. Actually, there are a bunch of copies of Robert Indiana's original sculpture all over the world: wiki/List_of_Love_sculptures. For the purposes of this fanfic, we'll pretend that LOVE in front of Shinjuku I-LAND Tower doesn't exist (look it up on Google Earth, there's a 3D sphere of it), and that Lory Takarada was rich and vain enough to commission one for his business first. Yes, he was. Got it? That's LME's logo now.

OK, besides that, feel free to review and tell me what you think. Always. Always.