Chapter 1 – New Year's Resolutions

...

I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,

The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,

When people run in circles it's a very, very,

Mad world, mad world.

Gary Jules – Mad world

I do not own Harry Potter ... unfortunately :/

Today was our first day back at Hogwarts after Christmas and I have already broken my New Year's Resolution of not getting into fights. Twice.

I'm not a violent person, I don't think, I just get fired up easily. I blow off at the smallest things. I can't help it.

So today, within the space of about 7 hours – or however long the train journey to here is – I managed to fall out with Rose, and start another fight with Malfoy.

I can't help myself. Not where Malfoy is concerned anyway. We've hated each other since the second we laid eyes on one another. It's in our blood I suppose, my dad hated his dad; I hate him. Simples.

He's a prefect, unlike me, and decided it would be fun to dock some house points from Gryffindor because I was talking too loudly. Of course I was talking loudly; I have about a million cousins to talk over. I'm very opinionated about things, and when I want to get my opinion across, I talk loudly.

I was telling Al and Rose and Roxy my opinions on house elf rights – Aunt Hermione has lectured us all about this over and over – when Malfoy came in and took 10 points for aggressive behaviour.

So, of course, instead of being the better person and acting as if I didn't care, I yelled at him and tried to hex him.

But Malfoy is amazing at Defence Against the Dark Arts and managed to block it before it could do any damage. And then he took another 10 points.

I hate him so much. He's so incredibly infuriating. When he does stuff like that my anger just bubbles over. I'm absolutely shit at containing anger. Seriously.

So I just go mental and get myself into trouble.

Rose is much calmer about these things. When Malfoy irritates her, she takes it, smirks, acts like she doesn't care, and gets revenge later in a discrete way that couldn't possibly get her into any trouble.

She started lecturing me about how I need to control my anger and not blow off at people. As if I don't hear it enough at home.

My dad says I get it from my mum. He says she was fierce and protective like me, but I don't think she was as easily pissed off as I am. I don't know where I get that from.

So Rose was going on and on about how to control myself and that Malfoy wants that reaction from me so I shouldn't give him the satisfaction, and that he isn't worth it. She was trying to help, I know, but as I was already incredibly pissed off and completely not in the mood for a lecture, I yelled at her to shut up and I knew I needed to control myself and that Malfoy wasn't worth it but I just can't help myself.

So now she's not talking to me.

I really don't blame her.

I re-make my resolution to myself about not getting into fights. I'm sure I can do it. If I really try. If I just try to be more like Rose.

Which reminds me, I ought to go and apologise to her.

ϟ O-O¬

It feels good being back in the castle where I have spent the majority of my childhood. Everywhere is so familiar to me. In my first year here I was so good at getting lost I promised myself I'd memorise as much of it as possible.

I'm not saying I know everywhere, nobody does. But I know everywhere I have been. The main corridors of the castle have been memorised to me by heart. Every portrait, every suit of armour, every statue. One day, I would like to know every inch of it. But even James doesn't and he's got the marauder's map.

I head to Gryffindor tower to find Rose. I take a safe route where I know the ridiculous staircases won't move and send me somewhere I'm not supposed to be.

I love being surrounded by magic. I mean, there's always magic at home, and at the burrow. Little things like the washing up and the knitting doing themselves, but here, everything is magical. I feel more at home here than anywhere else. It makes it even better that half my family are here.

Yes, being part of the Potter-Weasley clan can get frustrating at times, but I love them all, so it doesn't matter.

I am walking down a long, familiar corridor that leads to Gryffindor tower. The sun is streaking through the windows and I am about to smile at this perfection when I remember Rose is mad at me and I have to apologise. And then, to my utter annoyance and frustration, I bump into Malfoy.

'Hello, Potty. Calmed down yet?'

'Shut up, Malfoy.' I say through gritted teeth. If I hadn't made that resolution…

He smirks. 'You should learn to control yourself. I'm sure I could persuade Professor Heath to start anger management classes with you.'

I glare at him furiously and bite down hard on my tongue to stop myself retorting.

What would Rose do?

Rose would walk away. But Lily doesn't just give in like that. Nope, walking away would be admitting defeat, just as yelling at him would be showing him he's got to me. Say something clever, Lily…

I can think of nothing. I hiss at him and whisper threateningly, 'stay away from me, Malfoy, or someone is going to get hurt.'

'And it sure as hell isn't going to be me.' Malfoy says back leaning in so his face is right by mine. 'I always win, Potter. Don't start a war with me if you want to get out of here alive.'

He walks away and I stand feeling rather scared, and annoyed because I shouldn't be scared of Malfoy.

I give up on trying not to get into fights; I'm obviously just useless at it.

I try to ignore the fact that my heart is racing in unwanted exhilaration.

ϟ O-O¬

I get to the portrait of the Fat Lady, but there doesn't seem to be any Gryffindors around, so obviously I can't get in. I swear under my breath.

And then, thankfully, I see Ryan and Jack walking towards me. Jack is in my house and as he's Professor Longbottom's son, he's a good friend of ours. Ryan Macmillan is his best friend and a Gryffindor so hopefully I can persuade him to get Rose for me.

'Ryan, thank Merlin. Hi,' I say, 'please can you ask Rose to come out here for me? Please?' I beg, giving him my best puppy dog eyes. It's not so hard with big brown eyes like mine.

He grins. 'Sure Lily, I'll bring her out. Wait here a second, Jack?' He turns to his best friend, who nods, and then he whispers the password before entering the Gryffindor common room. It's not like it would really matter if Jack and I knew what the password was, but you're just not allowed to tell other people.

There's a moment of awkward silence. The Fat Lady observes us suspiciously before taking a sip of wine and humming to herself.

'Why do you need Rose?' Jack asks me while we wait.

The Fat Lady stops humming and turns to listen in to our conversation.

'Oh … I kind of fell out with her again …' I admit.

He laughs. 'Oh Lily, when will you learn.'

I shrug and look at the floor miserably. I know he is trying to make light of the situation, but I'm too pissed off with myself to laugh about it.

Then Ryan and Rose come out of the portrait hole, and Ryan walks off with Jack after giving me a nervous glance. He probably thinks there's going to be a fight.

'What do you want?' Rose asks, irritated.

'To say sorry. You know I get pissed off easily, it wasn't personal or anything.'

'I was trying to help! There was nothing to get pissed off about!'

The Fat Lady tuts at our swearing. Rose glares at her and drags me a few metres down the corridor where she won't be able to hear us.

'I know,' I say, 'I was just annoyed already because of Malfoy, and I was annoyed at myself for retaliating and getting myself into trouble. I'm sorry I took it out on you.'

'Whatever, Lily. I shouldn't be telling you what to do anyway.'

'What do you mean?' I ask.

She's never said that before. I love her and everything, but she's always enjoyed telling me what to do. She's older and wiser and likes to teach me life lessons. It's annoying, but it's just her thing.

I suppose it comes from being such a genius.

'I mean, you don't need my help. You're fine on your own. So what if you get angry? You're beautiful and smart and popular and crazy – in a good way – I only tell you what do to do make myself feel better. So I'm sorry, okay?' She still looks annoyed.

'Don't be stupid.' I say. She is far prettier than me. I'm small, with short, dark red hair that's almost brown, and I have freckles all over my nose. I'm not ugly; I just kind of look younger than I am. People say I'm cute – baby cute, not beautiful cute.

Rose looks older than she is, and her hair is a proper deep and beautiful red. It's long and curly, and her eyes are a beautiful bright blue. Boys are all over her.

And as for me being smart, I don't know who she thinks she's kidding. She's the brightest girl in her year, and probably the school, whereas the only thing I'm good at is Care of Magical Creatures. And that's not even considered a proper subject by most people.

I remind her of all of this, but she just rolls her eyes. 'It's not a competition Lily. Just … argh!' she rings her hands in despair. I'm not sure what I've done this time.

For once.

'Lily, do you know what? You need to get over yourself and appreciate everything you've got. And if you don't, I'll bloody well do it for you.'

She sounds really mad. I have no idea what to say.

It doesn't matter anyway as she stalks back into her common room without another word, her long hair flying behind her.

A/N: Couple of things I want to say ...:)

Professor Heath is the head teacher, I didn't want to use any of JK's characters because I thought there would probably be someone new...anyway, he's hardly in this story so don't worry about that too much ... ;)

I know where I'm going with this story so IF I get some reviews saying people want me to carry on with it, then I'll probably be able to update every day ... or near enough:)

If people want to know my character's ages and houses and the likes, I'll put them on my profile:)

This is my first PROPER fic (the others are a one-shot, a poem, and a shitty one I wrote ageeesss ago so I don't count it;) so please go easy on me and I would love love love some reviews!

Thank you for reading, you guys rock :')

~Mango