Disclaimer: Nope, just a fanfiction writer. I would be a man, if I owned it, wouldn't I? So nope.
Story: Jesse St. James tells Shelby Corcoran to fuck off. He was no one's pawn and he could get on by his own damn talent. With Rachel Berry by his side, of course. St. Berry
Set from "Hello" and guesses towards future episodes.
Spoilers: Definite spoilers for the back nine, and definitely for the first thirteen episodes. Spoilers for S1.14 "Hello" and maybe S1.15 "The Power of Madonna."
Warnings: Language, implied sex…
Pairings: Rachel/Jesse
A/n: Re-uploaded because the site decided it was just great to delete the story after two years, because of ONE cuss word on the summary. A warning would have been nice, so I could have corrected it…
Like An Angel Sighing
Okay, the first time he met Rachel Berry was on the aisle of her performance of "Don't Rain on My Parade" at her Sectionals. He had aisle seat, and he watched her perform intently.
She was good. Real good.
No wonder Shelby was worried. The others were just background noise compared to her, but she –she was amazing. Rachel Berry could potentially be a threat; she could bring that upstart Glee club all the way to the finals on her voice alone. If she was anything like him, she could whip the others into shape and make them at least good enough to compete with his lesser associates in Vocal Adrenaline.
He wanted to know this girl. He wanted to speak to her. No, he wanted to sing with her. He could imagine it now.
He smiled and clapped with the rest of the audience at the end of the performance.
Looking at his playbill, his smile grew and her name ran through his head again and again.
No wonder Shelby was worried, indeed.
When he looked back, his awe for her diminished slightly. He's still in love with the idea of her and of one day singing with her, but his more practical side woke up and he realized the performance could have been better. It was good, but it could have been great. Rachel didn't have the powerful force Barbara had, but the girl was still a star in the making.
He wanted to see her reach the skies with him.
Jesse admitted it's not really cool of him, a bit stalkerish actually, but he looked her up and found her myspace page. Desperate, almost as if he was starving, he watched all of her videos and played them again and again. He never gets sick of watching them.
They're good, amateur shots that they were, and he kind of liked them better than her performance at Sectionals. That hint of force, the one that was lacking at Sectionals, is stronger in these amateur videos, even though her singing was definitely more skilled and controlled during "Don't Rain on My Parade."
Of course, they were prior to Sectionals so no wonder they weren't as good, but the presence was there.
He actually met met her at that music store he loved going to. That bright smile of hers was lit on her face as she found a Lionel Richie music book, and he smoothly made his entrance.
Then they sang together.
It was better than anything he could dream up, better than any of his dreams he conjured trying to envision them singing together in perfect harmony. And her…she sung in a way he wished she could have at Sectionals. It was so powerful and beautiful. It moved him more than anything had ever had in his life.
"Hello" was definitely their song.
This…this performance wasn't flawed. She was perfect. And what made this performance even better was that the two of them were singing it. Together. Jesse's heart fluttered in a way he never expected it to.
He went home and found what he expected. An irritated Shelby Corcoran.
"Oh, come on, Aunt Shelby. I just got home. Do you have to be so uptight all the time?" he smirked.
She scowled, "Shut it. We have work to do if we want to be in Regionals."
"I got it," Jesse replied in just as much irritation. "This Friday, I might be out a little late."
She looked at him blankly.
"We have to practice."
He wanted to snap at her that he didn't want to practice all the damn time and he wanted to have a life too.
"I know. It's just…I have a date that night," Jesse reluctantly admitted.
She raised an eyebrow at him, "Jesse, you don't have the time to be out playing with girls. If you want to be a star, then you have to work hard."
"It's Rachel Berry," he didn't know why he blurted that out, but he knew that with Shelby's fixation on the female lead of New Directions that maybe just maybe he could use it to his advantage and be able to go out with the girl.
Shelby froze and a smile crossed her face. But Jesse knew that smile. It was the smile that had him working late in the night to memorize a certain composition. It was the smile that had him awkwardly and ashamedly jerking off their male competing Glee club directors when Shelby couldn't make them submit by making out with them or whatever else she tried. It was the smile that had him going down on another competing female lead and then tossing her cruelly to the side, making them quit and destroy their club from within.
"No, Aunt Shelby. Not this girl," Jesse pleaded in dread. "I really like this girl."
"Sure you do, honey. Now…I want you to date this girl. I want you to lose your virginity to her, like I know she probably will be doing to you. And then you're going to make her cry as you break her and leave her behind. Do you understand?"
Jesse quietly nodded, resentfully glaring at her.
"Oh, don't be that way. You wanted to be a star, didn't you? There's a price to pay for stardom, honey. Now go to bed. You deserve an early rest for coming up with such a brilliant plan."
He stomped all the way to his room and slammed the door.
"It's not a plan," he muttered to his door, glaring at it and his chest heaving angrily. "I really do like her."
His dreams of singing duets forever and forever with this girl are shattered.
The next day, after practice, he was surprised to see Rachel awkwardly come onto the stage, looking for him. Deciding it would be nice to imagine her on his stage, he provided the light to make the illusion a little more real and he found that she really looked good there. Like she belonged. On his stage, Rachel fit like she was already a star.
Oh, why couldn't she have been part of Vocal Adrenaline instead?
He made another grand entrance, though he fought off the snickers he'd gained from her threatening about a rape whistle. Then she started talking about her fears and he's not smiling anymore, at least inwardly, and he felt like crap about everything.
Goddamn it, he hates himself.
Jesse tried to be arrogant and full of himself, at least enough to reassure her, but all he wanted to do was cry.
So he made some comments about her being worse than him in the drama apartment and pulled her closer, kissing her.
Goddamn it, he hates himself but this feels like heaven.
A chill ran down his spine and he opened his eyes to see Shelby looking at him in approval and a smirk on her face.
Jesse finished the kiss quickly and dragged Rachel out of that damn place. He hated that stage now more than ever, and Rachel doesn't belong there anymore.
Friday night is much, much better in his opinion. It's just him and Rachel after all. And they're out bowling.
But she looked unhappy.
"What's up?" he frowned.
She turned red in embarrassment.
"Sorry, sorry. I just got lost in thought for a second there. Some memories here, that's all," she apologized.
He sat down next to her, replacing the bowling ball back.
"You wanna tell me about it?" he asked sincerely, grabbing her hand and taking a hold of it gently.
Rachel hesitated, but sighed and plunged on.
"I went out with a boy here…it was my first date and he was the first boy I ever really liked. Turns out he was using me because he was doing it for the Glee club. If I came back, because I'd left for a while, if I joined them again they would definitely win and he was sure that meant the club's wins would do his recommendations good and he could get out of Lima. Which meant he could provide better for his pregnant girlfriend, who he was still with at the time of the date with me. Mind, not that the baby was actually his…"
"Lots of drama, huh," Jesse commented, staring straight ahead at the pins, but still holding her hand. He was feeling a bit of turmoil too at the confession, but he pushed it aside to deal with it later. For now, he needed to be there for Rachel.
She gazed at him gratefully. He didn't start going crazy with questions, didn't judge her or give her pity, or didn't freak out about the whole thing. Just an offhand understatement meant more for her than anything.
She got up and grabbed a bowling ball, making 9 pins go down easily.
Slowly but surely, memories in that place were gradually being replaced with happier ones of the boy next to her.
A month went by and he's already ready to crack. Rachel has him in her room at 1 in the morning and he was terrified he was going to get caught by her dads and tossed into jail or something equally bad, and Shelby's pressuring him to move up the pace already.
But he wasn't ready, not for that, and definitely not to go into that deception just yet for Rachel.
But they didn't do anything, other than Rachel holding his head to her bosom and he hearing her heart beat strongly. It's a beautiful thing to hear, and Jesse thought it had a musical quality all on its own. Fitting for the girl holding him.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face into her chest, focusing on the telltale thump of her heart that his heart began to echo and match easily.
In tune.
Just like when they sing together. Just like when they're on the same page all the time. Just like when they were like this, quiet and just together.
"I love you," he whispered in her dark room, and it's much more sincere than the desperate cocky one he'd uttered on stage a month ago when she was spilling out her heart to him and they had a silent intruder in the wings watching them.
Her breathing sped up and her hold around him tightened.
"I love you too," it made him relaxed and contented.
Another week went by and Rachel patiently waited for him outside his school. She's nervous, but she didn't say anything so he didn't either. But then she did.
"Jesse, take a left and then a right into that motel," she quietly instructed.
Confused, he did so and then he parked. She swallowed nervously, but turned in her seat to face him. She leaned over and kissed him gently, slowly moving her lips over his, and now he had some idea about what's going on.
He doesn't know whether to be excited or terrified.
"M-my dads are at home. And I know you don't like yours, for some reason you haven't told me," Rachel began. "So I have enough money with me for a quick stay. If you wanted to, that is…you know…do that…"
His gulp might have been audible.
She took one of his hands and slid it under the hem of her argyle sweater, under her shirt, and he could feel her bare skin. His hand was guided up and moved until he felt the edge of her bra.
"Wait, Rachel."
She looked confused and down, and he realized his mistake. The auditorium incident. The one she told him about, what almost happened with Finn Hudson but he ran away.
'Backtrack, backtrack, backtrack, you idiot!'
So Jesse backtracked.
"That's not what I meant," Jesse rebuked with a smirk, feeling much more comfortable with it on. "Come on, Rachel. You know I want you. It's just…"
It's now or never. He could never have sex with her, not when the circumstances were like this. He didn't want to keep lying to her, not when she was offering herself like this.
"Rachel, we need to talk."
"Those words are always the end all to any relationship," Rachel said dryly, trying to hide her tremble.
Jesse winced, "No. I don't want to end it. But you might after I'm done. So just listen first, okay? I need you to hear me out, because I can't sleep with you while I'm lying to you."
She nodded, more than a little apprehensive.
"I'm going to tell you the truth first, so you don't think I told you the other stuff to gain your pity and sway you towards me. So I'll say the truth and let you make your biases and hate me from the start, if you need to," Jesse wanted to throw up. "I'm under orders to do more than I had before, to sleep with you and then break up with you."
The slap was expected, but not that early. Well, he should've known better.
Her eyes were already starting to tear up and her chest was starting to heave in anger, her breaths coming out in short gasps.
"More than you had before?" she asked quietly instead.
He closed his eyes, "I'll get into that."
"Then go. I'll listen patiently now. I had to get that out of my system," her voice is stoic and worried him.
"Do you know Shelby Corcoran?" he started out hesitantly.
"Your coach."
He sighed, "Rachel, she's my aunt too."
Rachel froze and stared at him.
"She's also a freakin' bitch. I hate her," and then it just all spilled out of Jesse and Rachel listened.
He didn't know how to take it when her hand crept over and took his during his confession, but he tried to feel hopeful about it.
"You were more tense when we were on that stage than when we were together at the music store," Rachel told him. "Sometime between then and the time we met is when things changed and she told you to sleep with me. And hurt me."
Jesse looked away. "Yes."
She was silent, but still holding his hand, so he chanced a look at her. She looked thoughtful, but her mouth was creased in a frown.
"I really was interested in you from the beginning," he pleaded. "That wasn't a lie."
Instead of responding, she got out of the car and he thought she was going to leave him. Unexpectedly, she moved to his side of the car and opened his door, leaning towards him.
"I know what I want," her voice trembled. "You're what I want, no matter what. As long as you keep honest with me, then I don't want anyone else."
She took his hand and led him out, heading straight for the motel.
They booked a room.
Afterwards, she had him tell everything to her dads, who listened without a word and he easily saw the resemblance between them and their daughter, especially attitude and personality-wise.
They let him sleepover on the couch that night, and the next day both he and Rachel skip school as the four of them drove over to his house and collected his things.
"What happened to your parents?" Rachel asked him, helping him with his room.
He shrugged, "Dead. Car crash when I was younger."
"Sure you don't want to call the police on her?"
"Very. I don't want anything to do with her."
His aunt on his mother side wasn't his aunt, and he never and would never acknowledge her as one.
"I refuse to call her aunt from this moment on," Jesse scowled. "I call her Shelby in my head anyway."
Rachel leaned over and pecked his lips, and he immediately felt much better after.
After they were done there, they drove him to his school. By then school was over and Vocal Adrenaline should be practicing. Hiram and Leroy Berry stood back as Rachel walked with Jesse onto the stage, where Shelby was busy scolding the others.
"You're here finally," Shelby snapped. "Where the hell have you been anyway?"
Jesse squared himself, his confidence boosted up even more by feeling the heat of Rachel's body comfortingly behind him.
"Fuck you," well, that wasn't what he'd meant to say, though he wanted to for a long time.
He just didn't think he'd actually literally say it aloud now.
The slap, this time, was very expected. Shelby stood there fuming as his former teammates watched uncertainly from behind her.
But his head had snapped to the side and he saw Rachel's encouraging face. And then he remembered yesterday, and the way sweat gathered at the bow of her lips as she gasped, the way her sinuous legs wrapped around him, and most of all the way she sighed angelically in bliss underneath him. He wasn't going to forget that image any time soon.
This was his Angel and she had saved him.
Turning back to face Shelby, he sneered.
"I said to fuck off. You don't own me and I don't care anymore. I quit."
He quit Vocal Adrenaline, left her house, and left Carmel High. He walked away, leaving behind a gaping group of teenagers and a pissed off relative, and walked with his hand holding on tightly to Rachel's and her dads walking in support beside them.
When things got settled, he transferred from Carmel to McKinley to be away from Shelby and to be closer to Rachel, and he joined New Directions and had to get used to not being in the star lead every time (but he was smug enough to know he had it most of the time, and that he stole it form Finn Hudson, and got to sing alongside Rachel). And lastly, he lived at the Berry residence, all three who had welcomed him into their home, especially his angel who smiled brightly at him and kissed him with soft promises and beautiful moments.
Of course, her dads had set him aside and gave him some rules –especially since they were letting him sleep in their daughter's room.
"No funny business."
"Touch her without her permission, we'll cut your hand off. Both of them, probably."
"If you must have sex, use the condoms we hid in her drawer."
"But try not to. Really."
"Other than that, welcome home!"
They both smiled at him.
Later, in Rachel's room, he shook his head.
"I don't know whether to grin at your dads or hide my face."
"In embarrassment or shame?"
"Probably hide my face in both."
"I know. I do it too."
They kissed and shut off the lights, cuddling under the covers.
Jesse contemplated opening the drawer and searching for those condoms.
Started 4/17/10 –Completed 4/18/10
A/n: This was done like two years ago, so yeah I realized there are details here different from canon. 'Cause this was written and posted before those episodes, and this site basically decided to screw me (still kind of agitated about it). To all my reviewers of this fic, to prove I love you and I actually do cherish you and your words (and yes, I know your names), I thankfully have a backup of all your reviews and will take time to repost them somehow, to show you all and your reviews meant something and I won't forget them or you.