A/N: So, without further ado, we are back to Fox's weird and bizarre assignments. This particular one is entitled "Seven Signs It's Time to Take A Shower." Perhaps Fox thought that the hygiene of his seventh grade class was lacking. Or perhaps Writer With Sprite wanted to gift NightmareWorld with an awesome birthday present that involved no Alex whump. See, Sekai? I can write without torture. Thank you much to SamayouTamashi & Torn Apart Paper Dinosaur for their help!

Disclaimer: I do not own Alex Rider. I do not even own the prompt, that comes from creativewritingprompts (dot) com. Just playing in Anthony Horwitz's sandbox.

Thanks for reading and don't forget to review. Don't forget to check out my co-authored story with Torn Apart Paper Dinosaur, published on Writers4all.

Seven Signs It's Time to Take A Bath
By Alex Rider

Alex Rider groaned as he opened the word document. Fox gave out the weirdest assignments ever. Where did he come up with these, really? Did he just Google creative writing prompts, and not filter them at all?

At least this one was easy. Alex could do it. Everyone in his grade could do it. Mildly, Alex wondered if Fox was worried about some of their hygiene habits. But it wasn't Alex's fault that he took Fox's English class right after gym. Nor was it his fault that the others did.

Groaning, he hit his head against his desk. He must have accidentally hit CHAT, because the next thing he knew, an instant message popped up on the screen.

HARRISTOM: "AFK? What's that?"
SPYBOY9: Me hitting my head against the keyboard. Have you seen Fox's latest writing assignment?
HARRISTOM: You mean about the seven sins it's time to take a bath?
SPYBOY9: If by "sins" you mean "signs," the answer is yes.
HARRISTOM: Oh crap. I thought he meant sins.
SPYBOY9: Do you have any sanity? Why the hell would Fox be asking about what sins – that doesn't even make sense!
HARRISTOM: Now that I think about it...

Alex sighed as he clicked back over to his Word document and carefully typed.

He grinned. He knew exactly how he could do this. He just hoped that Fox wouldn't leave this at school for some pesky person to find. He scowled, thinking of the last sub who thought Fox was abusing him and dating Eagle. He snorted on that thought and started typing.

REASON SEVEN: Because if you don't take a bath, you'll be smelled from a long ways away, and that can give you away on missions. And as we all should know, that is never a good thing.

REASON SIX: If you do not take a bath and you have anything stuck to you, it'll be that much harder to take off the next day. Remember that time Eagle spilled chocolate milk in his hair, didn't realize it, and slept with it in his hair? Not. Good.

REASON FIVE: Because if you don't take a shower for more then a week at a time, your hair will be oily. Or at least that's what my friend Dinosaur says... Maybe I should listen to her.

A message popped up on the screen and Alex groaned. He really needed to learn not to talk to Tom during these assignments.

HARRISTOM: What do you have for reason number five?
SPYBOY9: What do you have for reason number five?
HARRISTOM: Because you'll stink.
SPYBOY9: …. What do you have for reasons six and seven?
HARRISTOM: Do they have to all be different?
SPYBOY9: TOM! Use common sense!

REASON FOUR: When your shower has spider webs. Either you clearly aren't home very often or you don't bathe enough.

REASON THREE: When the spiders in the shower are cleaner than you are.

REASON TWO: When a room full of teenage boys stinks less than you do

Alex drummed his fingers thoughtfully, trying to think of yet another reason. A message from Tom popped up on the screen.

HARRISTOM: Three reasons. Do you think Fox will notice if four of them are the same?
SPYBOY9: He was SAS and is MI6. Do you think he'd notice?
HARRISTOM: There is that...

An idea finally occurred to him, and he smiled, writing it down.

REASON NUMBER ONE: You might know it's time to take a shower when your English teacher randomly assigns you an assignment that deals with taking a shower and accompanies it by a lesson plan on hygiene. Fox, did I bust your plan?

Alex grinned, saved the document, and printed it out. Fox was going to so hate reading that last answer... especially if Alex was right. He groaned, checking the last PM from Tom.

HARRISTOM: I think I figured out why he's having us do this assignment!

SPYBOY9: Why?

HARRISTOM: Because he wants us to take more showers! Hey, can I put that down as a reason?

SPYBOY9: Can you put what down as a reason?

HARRISTOM: "Reason number one: When your English teacher assigns you to write seven ways to tell when it's time to shower, it's really time to take a bath!"

Spyboy9: "..."

With that, he logged off, relived that at least Tom hadn't totally stolen his last idea. With that, the former spy shrugged off his sweater, and ironically... went to go take a shower.

A/N: Hope you all enjoyed the read. Do not forget to review!