HomestuckFFChap1 04/29/2012

Well, here I am, writing another Homestuck fanfiction. And this time it's so cliché it's silly. |D I'm going to go a bit mainstream (pffft, and my patron is conveniently eridan PFFFT) and write the cliché "trolls turn human and live on earth with kids" and all that nonsense. I just really like those stories, the ones where the trolls come to earth in any size, shape, or form. IDUNNOWHYYYY. Oh well, let's just feed this love with more writing! Whee!

In this story, the trolls have become human (more is elaborated on this later) and mysteriously come with the kids to John's hometown. Yeah, I really went super-cliché with that one but oh well just bear with me. It'll get interesting, I promise you that.

Disclaimer: Homestuck belongs to Andrew Hussie, and so does my soul. I sold it to him for the ability to read his webcomic. 8D

Author's POV

The checkered landscape was ravaged, torn apart and splattered with dull colors in a varying 12 pigments. If the sight hadn't been so grotesque, it would have been almost beautiful. Disturbing, quite. Especially if you knew what the splatters of color were.

Dull groaning sounds could be heard over the occasional crack of sharp lightning. 11 bodies lay on the ground while 5 were still standing, but just barely. One was limping, one was already halfway down. Only 2 were actually standing somewhat straight.

The silhouette of a dark creature could be made out every time the bitter landscape was lit up with the harsh flash of light and a smacking sound very similar to the cracking of a whip, only magnified so many times it's ridiculous.

"S-stri-i-d..." The limping figure managed to spit out. One of the still-standing figures whipped around, spattering a tiny amount of blood on the already flecked-landscape.

"John, we'll never make it...we have to use it..." The figure said weakly, just above a whisper. The figure halfway down looked up, but fell down to the ground, from the obvious, immense pain the sudden movement caused.

The other standing body looked down to the just fallen figure with the deepest look of regret and sadness. "Quickly, I don't think that Karkat can hold out much longer, he just collapsed." They said.

"Ii never thought Ii'd ever have to do thiith..." A quiet voice said from on the other side of the fallen. "Thiith wathn't thuppothed to happen liike thith...Ii had prediicted doom to come much later..." A sob was barely audible in the cracking, lisped voice.

"It's now or never." The last figure muttered, red blood gushing from a wound on her shoulder. "Let's get this done. Even though the side effects of this method of escape are unknown, it's the best we got." She doubled over slightly from the loss of blood as it blossomed onto the ground to make a puddle. "Sollux, get ready to take off your glasses on cue and aim it at crystal Dave has while he gets ready to screw up the timeline a bit. Jade, you work your space magic."

"W-wh...bout...m..." The limping figure spoke in broken speech, almost sounding on the verge of passing out.

"You just sit tight. You could go unconscious at any second." The bleeding figure tried to smile, but instead grimaced at the growing pain in her left arm.

"Bu...Ro..." The limping figure fell over instantly, having lost consciousness and fallen right into a puddle a mix of red, mustard, jade, and teal.

"Quickly, we can't afford to lose any more of you. Okay, Sollux, Dave, Jade, you ready to really screw the whole universe over?" That was the last thing said before a sweep of a bleeding arm, a blast of red and blue, a spark of green, a flash of red, and the faintest glow of almost every color in the rainbow as the dark and horrific scene melted away into black.

John's POV

My head hurts...what happened? Where am I?

My eyes slid open and my vision was extremely blurry. Everything was coming into focus, I realized I didn't have my glasses on.

The next thing I realized was my head hurt, really badly. I had no idea why though, I didn't even know where the flip I was.

I sat up and reached around, my hand finally closing around something that felt like my glasses. I slid them onto my face and was momentarily dazed by the sudden clearing of my vision and how bright the room was. Seriously, someone really needs to turn those lamps off or down.

I finally, after 5 minutes or so, realized where I was. I was in my bedroom. In my house. On Earth. But wait, why would I not be on Earth? Why would this be a surprise to me?

Suddenly every single memory from the who-knows-how-long period of time I was gone flooded back to me all at the same time, only worsening my headache, making me double over back into my bed in pain. I really needed to slow up on epiphanies for now.

That brought up my next train of thought. Where were Dave, Rose, Jade, and the rest of the trolls? How did I get here anyway? Isn't Earth supposed to be destroyed? What the flip HAPPENED last night? And why was I here anyway, the last thing I remember was when we made it to the battlefield, oh the battlefield, never mind I remember now...or at least I think I remember, I still don't know why I'm here...and what even was so bad, I'm drawing a blank on what caused me to even have been on the battlefield...

Just thinking like that made me groan, so I decided to give my brain a bit of a rest and look around to see what's going on around here. Everything seemed normal, all the posters in tact, computer in place, everything exactly how I remember it, before sburb that is. The only thing different was on my original slime ghost shirt, the ghost is flipped. And, as I examined my arm, I saw there was a Breath symbol on it in vivid blue color. Exactly how it looked on my God Tier, except on my arm. Seriously, what happened last night.

I walked over to the door and jiggled the knob until it finally opened, it felt sticky. Before walking downstairs, I knocked myself in the head a couple times to confirm this is real. If my headache intensing like crazy is a sign it's real, than dang, something really screwy must have happened last night, to answer my own question.

I walked down the stairs to see my house was perfectly normal and there was noise coming from the kitchen. Guess Dad's cooking something, and he's still alive at that. Better not be Betty Crocker though, he makes way too much of her stuff.

I sat on the couch for a second, trying to ignore the pounding of my brain. After a few minutes Dad peeked out of the kitchen and smiled at me. I smiled back weakly before noticing he had already disappeared behind the double doors of the kitchen, most likely going back to baking up a storm.

Suddenly, a knock on the door distracted me from my couch-sitting. Whoever is at the door, this better be good...

I got up and walked over to the door. I opened it up lazily to find myself standing in front of a short, ginger haired boy with red eyes, tons of freckles, and a big nose. He was wearing a long-sleeved black turtleneck with a flipped cancer symbol on it, grey jeans, and he had a tattoo that looked like blood dripping from a wound on his hand. Um...

"Uh, can I help you?" I asked, fixing the strange boy with a suspicious stare. He just sighed and rolled his eyes at me.

"It's Karkat, fuckass." He shouted. I didn't know what to say, this couldn't possibly be who he claimed, Karkat was a troll and this guy was, well, human. He was wearing the same shirt, except it was flipped. Since my shirt was flipped too, I guess that explains that, but it still doesn't explain why he's...human.

"How, what, when, why, who, uh, where-" I stuttered out, still gaping at the dude in front of me. He was as sure as heck Karkat, yet not really Karkat if you know what I mean. You don't? Well, alrighty then...

"Stop stuttering and let me in, Egderp." Karkat said, pushing me aside and walking through the threshold and into my house. Before I could figure out exactly what was happening, the doorbell rung even though the door was still open.

I ran back to the door to find none other than Dave on my doorstep, looking the same as always. The only thing different about him was them broken record on his shirt was flipped and he had a Time symbol on his forearm.

"Yo John." He said, ambling into my house as casual and cool as ever, just as always. Wait, what...?

"Uh, hello John." I heard from my doorstep and saw Rose standing there awkwardly. I kinda stress-spazzed and I guess she took that as a "come on in". I really have ill-mannered friends. Jade followed her in, smiling from ear to ear as always, commenting on the excessive amount of clowns-no, harlequins- in my living room.

By now, I was surprised Dad hadn't come out to see what was going on in here. I mean there were already like 4 other people in the room besides me, that's kinda hard to miss. I guess he's just in one of those hard-core Dad baking sessions or something silly like that. Do all dads do that...?

I guess I was getting a bit of a glazed-over look to my face because Rose waved her hand over it. Karkat pushed her out of the way and slapped me. That woke me up, but my headache returned. I winced in pain and held my head.

"Aggghhh..." I muttered, rubbing my temples.

"Uh, sorry Egbert...didn't mean to hit you that hard-I-I, I mean, man up, dipshit!" He stuttered. Dave, Rose, and Jade stared at him for a second, making him blush beet-red. I guess he was either trying to be nice to me for once or...

"Karkles likes Egderp." Dave said, pushing his glasses farther up his nose. I wasn't even thinking that, but alright. That's when things went...uh...interesting. Let's just put it that way.

"COMMERE STRIDER! COMMERE! LEMME AT EM!" Karkat shouted, diving onto Dave and pushing both of them onto me, causing me to stumble back and run into Rose and Jade, leaving us all in a huge squirming pile of crazy people. Dave managed to slide out of the heap, leaving Karkat to just pull on the strings in the carpet, Jade's hair, and Rose's skirt. I somehow ended up not getting pulled on by curling into a ball and rolling out of the mess.

After about 10 minutes of girl shrieks, the former-troll finally realized that Dave had crawled out and he had just made 2 girls very, very mad. He looked between Harley and Lalonde, red eyes huge.

"Shit." He muttered. Almost instantly Harley was all over him while Rose snuck off to pick up a pencil. When Lalonde rejoined the fray, all you could hear was the sound of their scuffling and a couple distant yelps coming from Karkat getting a pencil jabbed into him. Finally the war subsided, Karkat having obviously surrendered while Dave said from the side "shout uncle bro, shout uncle". It's still a wonder to me how my dad didn't hear any other that.

I still couldn't comprehend all that just happened in the last...it wasn't even a half hour, was it. I mean what the heck guys. Really.

My headache was getting the better of my so I collapsed on the couch, clutching my head. Karkat looked over from his wallowing in pain on the floor and tilted his head while frowning.

"It can't of hurt that bad, John." He scowled, looking to the spot he slapped me. I shook my head.

"No, I've just had a headache as far back as I can remember. I just sorta woke up on my bed upstairs and...well, here we are." I said sheepishly. Rose looked at me funny.

"What do you mean by as far back as you can remember?" She queried, scanning me with her eyes. The purple irises snapped right to my right upper arm. "And what's that on your arm...?"

"Well my memory has some huge holes in it, and I'm not that sure. I think it's the Breath symbol from my God Tier. That's what it looks like anyway..." I looked closer at the sign on my arm, squinting slightly. It didn't seem like a tattoo, the color was too vibrant. I tried touching it and the second my flesh came in contact with it, I felt a chill go down my spine. It was almost as if someone was breathing down the back of my neck.

"Well, your God Tier assumption would most likely be correct, since mine is the sun that represents Light." Rose acknowledged the symbol on her left shoulder.

"I have the Space thing on my right collarbone!" Jade pulled back her shirt for everyone to see. I'm pretty sure I saw it wrong, but I think Dave was blushing. Ooooh, Mr. Striiiideerr...

I think he caught me staring at him because he quickly said "Time, on my arm." to cover up for it. I still pervy-eyebrow wiggled at him but he sent me 'the look'. I stopped.

"I think I have one on my right ha-OH MY GOG. WHAT. THE. FUCK." Karkat gaped at his hand. He wove it around a couple times, staring at it in disbelief. "SINCE WHEN WAS I A PINK MONKEY-CHILD LIKE YOU DERPS? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THIS?"

"Well I assumed you already knew..." Rose raised an eyebrow and sweatdropped.

"What? Oh, yeah, we're having a conversation, spaced out a bit...uh, well I thought you had already noticed too." Jade said, snapping out of a daze.

"I don't really flipping care." Dave flipped his hair back into place.

"Shut up Strider. Egbert, do you have a mirror around here anywhere?" Karkat asked, frantically rubbing at his skin. I nodded slowly and pointed toward the bathroom door. He shot off like a rocket and slid into the small room.

For a second there was silence. Then I heard Karkat shout something...

"AGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! I'M A FUCKING GINGERRRRRR!"

Bluh. I had to do that. X3

Anyway, yeah, this chapter would have been longer, but I got lazy, soooo...:B

I already have all the trolls appearances planned out and am working on the next chapter.

Dangit...going back and reading this, it seems a bit uninteresting...bluh. I'll change that over the next few chapters~

Since I'm having exams coming up, there won't be frequent updates. Yet since I never study EVER, not by much really. After exams are done and school is out, I'll be shellin' em out like crazy though. I'll even write during my swim meets if I can. X3

Till next time~

-Mint