Temporal Tide

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor any of its characters or franchises.

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Chapter 19

Bella

I cried for a long time.

When my sobs tapered off an empty feeling sat in my gut like a stone. I knew things like this happened. There were still wars, still fighting and death that got reported on the news in my time. However, it was never so real and visceral, it was a distant reality. Something you should feel regret for, but ultimately it didn't have anything to do with your day to day life.

This was a rude wakeup. The safe modern bubble I'd been living in had popped. People died here, in gruesome and cruel ways that was far removed from the present. Is this why Tanya seemed so desensitized? I didn't want to become that way.

I didn't want being a vampire to change me. I wanted to remember why life was sacred. I didn't want to see people the way the Volturi did. Like they were animals, like they were parasites that were meant to be crushed under heel.

I thought of my father. Charlie was probably awake by now, alone in the hospital, broken and struggling to heal. Victoria probably viewed him the same way the Volturi would when she broke into the house. He was just an obstacle, a convenient vent for her anger. A bug.

Was it wrong that I wanted to use my new life to make things better for people? Was it naive to think I had the power to bring compassion and justice in an unjust world? If this was what Tatyana had lived through for hundreds of years, could I blame her for doing what it took to survive?

My fingers clenched at the fabric of her chemise, and Tanya's arms tightened around me.

"Have you seen a lot of death?" I whispered against her throat, knowing that she would hear me with perfect clarity. Tanya stiffened in surprise, before she seemed to force her body to relax.

"Yes." She murmured, stroking my hair away from my face so she could turn and see my eyes. "I've seen battles, bandits, and the like. Sometimes there will be disagreements between towns or clans; years long feuds that always end bloodily." Tatyana paused for a moment, hesitating before she continued in that same soft tone.

"That's not to mention, all the people I've killed. In my first year as a newborn, I killed nearly every human I came across. Sasha helped me hide their deaths. Kept us constantly moving so that we never drew too much attention to ourselves. It's still hard for me to be around humans for long periods of time."

Gazing back at her, I felt my heart ache with heavy sympathy. People smelled so good. It was lucky I was turned in a warehouse away from civilization. If I'd woken up in the middle of a city, I had no doubt a lot of people would have died before I managed to flee.

"I suppose you'll be doing that again soon, now that you're adding another member to your coven." I remarked with a resigned sigh.

"Our coven." Tanya stressed with a possessive lilt, before she angled my head up to look at her, catching my gaze in an intense stare. I faltered, remembering with sudden lucidity what Sasha had said about mates.

"Even though I'm away so often? Even though you don't see me for years?" I asked, voicing an unspoken question.

"Even then." She growled, leaning down and claiming my lips in a demanding kiss. Melting into the embrace, I made a small pleased sound in the back of my throat as I leaned forward. Entwining our hands, Tanya brought them up and around her neck as she pulled me more firmly into her lap.

My skin tingled with desire, and despite not needing air, I felt dizzy and breathless.

However, the horrors of the day were not so easily forgotten, It felt wrong to indulge in this when I would still remember the blood slick on my skin.

Shuddering, I pulled back slightly, panting quietly as Tanya's raspberry and almond scent washed over me.

Perhaps sensing the direction my thoughts had taken, Tanya's next kiss was light and gentle. For several moments we traded tender kisses and sweet caresses.

"Tell me something," I whispered, wanting a distraction as I pressed our cheeks together.

"What do you want to know?" she hummed, brushing her nose against my jaw.

"What do you aspire to? What do you hope for the future?" I let the words escape, suddenly wanting to know the answers to all the questions I'd never thought to ask.

The joyous contentment written across her face suddenly dimmed. Tanya looked unsure as her eyes searched my expression.

"I want to be with you. That's the future I want."

"What else?" I gently ask, playing with her fingers absently. My lips curled mischievously as I pressed our hands against my heart. "Pretend you're immortal, with all the time and freedom in the world. Nothing is beyond your grasp. How do you spend eternity?"

Tanya's eyebrow quirked as she gave me a dry smile.

"I think," she began hesitantly, "I want to see the ocean." Her eyes flicked to mine, as if gauging my reaction. Seeing my encouraging smile, she continued, picking up steam as she did. "I want to swim under the water, see the different fishes and creatures. I want to visit one of the festivals in Esztergom during the spring. I've heard stories about how the celebrations in the capitol last for days, and that the streets are filled with dancing and music."

The way Tanya's face transformed with enthusiasm filled my heart with affection. I could very easily see her laughing and dancing in the streets of some cobblestone city.

"Would you save all your dances for me?" I teased, lightly kissing her jaw.

The sultry way she lowered her eyes and bit her lip in response sent a shiver down my spine.

"Only if you're fast enough." She purred.

Gasping in mock outrage, and to hide how effectively she'd flustered me, I dug my fingers into her side. Tatyana laughed and jerked slightly before she seized my offending hand.

"Cheeky" I whispered, before pressing another brief kiss to her mouth. It was a kiss she happily returned, smiling against my lips the whole time, but she wisely didn't release my hand.

"Most of all, I want to one day visit the great Imperial Library of Constantinople. The scholars and priests who would sometimes take meetings with The Baron, would always rave about the tens of thousands of scrolls and books in its halls. I can only imagine what sorts of treasures are within." Tanya's eyes sparkled, her smile taking on a somewhat dreamy quality. I had to admit it sounded pretty impressive. It was a shame I couldn't read either Greek or Latin.

"That's far, right?" I mumbled unsurely. After all, education in world geography was sorely lacking in the US. Tanya hummed.

"Its probably a fortnight of travel for a human. Maybe longer depending on the roads. Nothing insurmountable for our kind." She sighed wistfully, "Regrettably, I don't think I could control myself around so many people. Not to mention, as a lowborn woman, I would likely be denied entry."

Reaching up, I flicked Tanya's nose admonishingly. Scrunching her nose, she leaned back and narrowed her eyes at me.

"There is absolutely nothing lowborn about you. I'm sure your wit and charm would be more than sufficient to grant you access." I paused, making direct eye contact before I quirked a brow. "Failing that, you could always just sneak in when they aren't looking."

"So much for my wit and charm." Tatyana laughed, leaning her chin on my shoulder.

"Well, having a library like that all to yourself does sound like a dream." I admitted, trying to remember the days I spent at home curled up with a good book.

Kissing my forehead, Tanya slid her hands up and down my arms in a warming gesture. It was sweet, even if neither of us were affected by the cold.

"And what of you Mari? What do you see in our future?" Tanya inquired, burying her nose in the wet mane of hair on my neck. I exhaled tremulously as she began pressing small kisses to the skin there.

"I s-see a home," I started, thinking of the house in Fairbanks. "Something warm, comfortable, and welcoming. A place that's safe, were we can exist without worry or care." My voice grew stronger as I gained confidence, tinged with affection and longing. "I want to learn how to control my gift. I tire of skipping through the world like a stone on a lake."

"Someday we will. Together." Tanya murmured, pressing her palm to my clavicle as she hugged me close.

Dejectedly I think about how that home might not exist for Tanya for many centuries. I didn't know if she managed to find peace with Irina and Kate in their long years together, or if it was one horror show after another.

Speaking of Kate, I could still remember her screams ringing in my ears, and I wished again that I could somehow ease her suffering. I owed it to her to be there with her.

A sharp crack of wood in the nearby trees broke me of my thoughts. Tanya and I were on our feet and staring into the dark in the span of a heartbeat. After several long moments of silence, I became very aware of the fact that I was only clothed in my underwear. Remembering the vampires in black robes, I suddenly felt very exposed.

I looked reluctantly over at my soiled shirt and pants.

Tanya, noticing my gaze, nodded her head over at the bundles of cloth she had discarded earlier.

"You'll find new garments in the bundles over there. I assumed you would want a fresh set after everything."

"Thanks." I flash her a smile as I pickup one of the heaps of cloth. Wrapped up together I find a brown linen tunic and what looks like a plain cream-colored skirt made from the same material. The tunic is a tad too large, and hangs precariously on my shoulders. The clothes smell like human musk. My throat burns with hunger, but I don't complain. I try not to think about where Tanya might have procured the garments.

By the time I turn back to Tanya, she has also changed into a longer linen dress dyed a dark blue. Even in the moonlight, her strawberry blonde hair contrasts nicely against the fabric.

Walking over to my discarded pants and shirt, I quickly rip the fabric into pieces and throw them into the water. It wouldn't do to have 21st century fabrics lying around after all.

Frowning, I turned away from the stream and strode back toward Tanya, taking her hand as she held it out to me.

Together, we began to walk back.

The closer we got, the clearer I could hear Kates moans and screams. The stench of blood still hung heavy on the air, and I resisted the urge to cover my nose.

Tanya grimaced with every cry, and I could see what looked like resentment brewing behind her expression.

"Hey," I said, lightly touching her arm as we approached the outskirts of town. Tatyana paused in her step to face me with an inquisitive lift of her brow. "What's going on? You seem bothered by something."

"It's nothing." She quickly stated, but her face twitched slightly as she said it. I rolled my eyes.

"You're going to have to become a better liar then that if you want me to believe you." I drawled, meeting her gaze straight on. Tanya pressed her lips together with displeasure, but seemed reluctant to speak further.

I stared at her for a moment, mulling it over before I cocked my head to look at the church in the distance. Even from here I could see a faint red glow through the slats in the shutters.

"You know," I began slowly, feeling out the words as they left my mouth. "You don't need to feel threatened by Katrina. She's not your competition."

Tanya's eyes flicked from me, to the ground and back again; her features settled into pained introspection.

Stepping closer, I reached out and took both of her hands.

"Talk to me. What are you thinking?"

"Sasha," She began hesitantly, "used to have a son and daughter. They were four and fourteen respectively, when they died of consumption." Tatyana's eyes drifted to the distant church, and her voice dropped into a softer tone, as if afraid of being overheard.

"I've always had the feeling, that the main reason Sasha turned me, was because I reminded her strongly of her lost daughter." Seeing the way my eyes began to darken, she hastened to explain.

"Do not misunderstand me, as a mother Sasha has only ever shown me kindness. However, I cannot help the feeling that, just as I was a substitute for her deceased child; so too is Katrina. I'm worried she won't need me around anymore."

Privately to myself, I admitted that my own reaction to Kate probably hadn't helped her feelings on the matter. Seizing Tanya's face between my hands, I peered into her eyes with fierce resolve.

"Nothing could ever replace you. Nothing." My mind flashed back to the heart-rending pain I'd experienced for those brief moments I'd thought Sasha had killed her. "Anyone who doesn't see your worth is a fool who isn't worth your time or attention." Pulling her face toward mine, I met her lips in a bruising kiss, only pulling back after I felt I'd made my point.

Tanyas eyes fluttered, her expression dazed.

"No matter what happens with Sasha, you're precious to me." I emphasized, tracing her bottom lip with my thumb. "For what it's worth, I don't believe Sasha will abandon you. I've seen how you two interact. She loves you." Tanya kissed my thumb as she peered at me from under her lashes, I felt my eyes darken and I had to resist the impulse to kiss her again.

Taking a second to calm down, I exhaled a sigh, meeting Tanya's eyes with a shared look of commiseration.

"Come on, lets go see if your mother needs anything before she chews our ears out." Tatyana huffed a laugh at the description, but otherwise remained silent as we dashed through the moonlit streets toward the church. The fall of night and the scent of blood gave each building an eerie, haunted cast, and I couldn't suppress a shiver at the thought.

In just a few moments, we made it to the front of the temple. It was a small building, made entirely of stone with a simple thatched roof, but the door large and made of thick sturdy wood. Pulling open the door wasn't difficult for a vampire, but it probably would have taken two hands on the iron handle for a human to budge it.

The interior was dimly lit. Years of melted candle wax hung from sconces on both walls, only about a third of them were in use, but it was more than enough for our vampiric eyes. Two rows of pews took up the principal length of the church, but the ones near the alter had been pushed back to make room.

A straw mattress was placed on the ground, upon which a fevered and thrashing Kate was laid on. At this point, her voice seemed to have given out due to her relentless screaming, and she was regulated to wordless cries, moans, and whimpers.

What looked like several tapestries had been torn off the wall and used to help cushion the ground beneath Kate.

It still didn't look comfortable by any means.

Closing the heavy doors behind us, Tanya and I walked down the center aisle until we were almost standing over Tanya's new family member.

My new family member?

Sasha was nowhere to be seen.

I'd no sooner had the thought, that I heard a crash emit from a doorway behind the raised dais. I'd been so distracted by Katrina I hadn't noticed it before.

Muffled cursing and the sound of ripping cloth filled the air before Sasha came stomping out of the doorway carrying what looked like shredded vestments and worn linens.

Tanya and I exchanged a trepidatious glance.

Catching sight of the two of us she growled, and without warning, tossed the ripped fabric into my face.

Cringing at the musky, molded scent of unwashed sheets, I immediately held it as far away from my body as I possibly could.

"Ugh, what the hell Sasha?!" I complained in Magyar, frowning at Tanya who was trying to hide her laughter.

"Find me new bedding. The old priest was a slob, and I'm not inflicting this stench on my new daughter. The first scent of her new life shouldn't be this filth." She snapped, wiping her hands on her dress. I felt a spark of annoyance.

"Why didn't you do that while we were moving the bodies? You had plenty of time." I growled in an irked tone. She hissed, her red eyes now black as night.

"I was keeping dear Katrina from injuring herself as she thrashed! The venom will heal any injury or sickness, but leaves the victim burning for longer. Broken bones can add days to a turning. A healthy man or woman will complete the transformation in two or three days. If they're mortally wounded it could take four or five. Is that something you would wish on anyone?" Sasha growled, invading my space.

Resisting the vampiric urge to lash out, but not wanting to back down, I bared my teeth. If Sasha wasn't constantly antagonizing me, her gardenia and plum blossom scent might have been soothing. Instead, it was setting off my instincts.

"Of course not." I grit out between my teeth. "I wasn't aware that was a concern. I've never turned anyone before, nor seen anyone be turned. I appreciate you taking such care." Despite not wanting to let Sasha push me around, I wasn't above expressing my gratitude, even if it chafed.

Sasha blinked, surprised by my words. I could see her shoulders relax slightly as some of her hostility ebbed.

"Good. Then stop hanging around here and go do what I've told you." She waved her hand dismissively at me.

Clenching my fists, I silently counted to three.

Tanya, on the other hand, was looking at Sasha with a far-off expression.

"I remember that." Tanya murmured. The older vampires turned to face her daughter; the harsh lines of her face softened. "I remember waking up for the first time in the garden of a derelict house. You'd placed jasmine and sweet honeydew all around me, because you knew what it would remind me of." Tanya trailed off, her eyes flicked briefly to me, before settling back on her creator.

"Of course I did Édesem." Sasha cooed, enfolding Tatyana in a warm hug. Tanya seemed to melt into the embrace, and while I was glad that some of Tanya's concerns seemed to be at least slightly allayed; watching their easy affection made me feel like I was intruding.

Sighing to myself, I turned to dispose of the rags. Hopefully Tanya would take this opportunity to talk to her mother.

Dashing outside, I noticed that the bonfire still burned strongly, and it took little effort to toss the spoiled cloth into pyre.

Large thunderheads had begun to form on the horizon, bringing to mind summer storms and heavy rain. Hopefully it would postpone its deluge until the fire had done its job.

I tried not to look too closely past the flames.

Pivoting away from the macabre display, I began searching through the nearby homes, salvaging any suitable blankets or sheets I could get my hands on.

As I did, I took a moment to think about Tanya's relationship with Sasha and the eventual heartbreak that awaited her down the road. Should I warn Tanya of her mothers' eventual death? Would it change anything, when I didn't even know the particulars myself?

I wasn't especially fond of Sasha, but I could see how important she was to the Denali sisters. I would never wish any sort of heartache on any of them, but was I doing that through my own inaction?

Being the daughter of a police officer, Charlie had instilled in me a strong moral code. Granted, my mother had softened the edges on it a bit; but in this regard I was my father's daughter. There was right and there was wrong, but it was getting harder and harder to tell where that line was.

"Fuck." I muttered in a choked voice, feeling my eyes burn with a well of tears. Just thinking about my father seemed to do that nowadays. Leaning against one of the walls of a nearby hut, I buried my face in the fresh blankets for a brief moment.

Part of my current inner turmoil was trying to figure out how I could remain my father's daughter without denying the intense emotions I was developing for Tanya. My relationship with Edward felt rather shallow in comparison, and that alone was pretty scary considering how absolutely wreaked I was by his leaving.

I used to think he was my one. My greatest love.

He'd implied we were mates; I'd been welcomed into his family on that assumption, and having it all ripped away had been devastating. I'd eventually come to terms with it, but I didn't think I could withstand a blow like that again.

I didn't want to carelessly give away my heart again.

Still, Sasha had called Tanya and I mates. The jolt of fear and hope I experienced in that moment had felt like a shock to my system.

Even now, just thinking about it had me feeling on the verge of panic. I felt anxious, but at the same time my chest felt tight when I tried to imagine Tanya finding someone else.

"Alright Bella," I whispered to myself. "Come on, get it together." The next few minutes were spent regaining my emotional equilibrium.

Despite its promising beginning, today had not turned out well.

Pushing away from the house, I slowly made my way back to the church. I figured if I took my time, Tanya and Sasha will have hopefully finished their talk.

And indeed, the tension inside had lessened dramatically as I pushed open one of the doors. Tanya greeted me at the entrance with a grateful smile, and didn't hesitate to take part of the bundle into her arms. It wasn't heavy, but I'd been laden with so many blankets that it was hard to see where I was going.

We walked them over to Sasha, who immediately began tucking them beneath and around Katrina with near manic fervor. It made me wonder if vampires also had nesting instincts, and if this was a full-blown case.

Looking around the church, I tried to think if there was anything else that we needed.

Sasha had situated herself on the ground next to Kate, and was gently stroking her hair. At this point Kate looked pretty terrible. Her clothes were damp with sweat, and her entire body trembled and spasmed near constantly. Tanya was seated on one of the displaced pews, leg folded over one knee - arms crossed, watching Kate and her mother with a contemplative expression.

Considering Kates position, I wondered if I had looked similar to this when I went through my change.

I couldn't help but speculate if my own experience would have been quite as traumatic if I'd had the Denali's watching over me; caressing my hair, making me as comfortable as possible, filling the room with my favorite scents.

The realistic part of me knew that I'd been too far gone to really notice any of that while I was burning, but afterwards? When I woke up? I felt a slight pang of envy for Kate, knowing that she would be well loved in her new family.

Already I could see the minute changes in her. Kates flesh was already starting to harden, the pores on most of the skin I could see was already disappearing, becoming smooth and flawless. Soon the virus would work its way into her muscles & organs, her heart would stop, and she would awaken as a vampire.

An extremely thirsty vampire.

"I'll go round up some sheep and pigs." I spoke into the silence. Tanya and Sasha gave me identical looks of confusion. "She'll be thirsty when she wakes up." I clarified, motioning to Kate. Sasha scoffed and rolled her eyes. Tanya by contrast, only looked at me pityingly.

"Look, if you don't agree with my diet, that's fine. However, I doubt there's another human settlement for leagues in any direction. Considering the Volturi were just here, it might be prudent to get her fed before traveling. Having a newborn rampaging through the woods doesn't strike me as a good idea. You both saw how eager Caius was to mete out punishment to this village. Do either of you want to risk him using her as a reason to exercise his sadism?"

Sasha seemed to begrudgingly concede my point, because she nodded.

Tanya stood from the bench in a single graceful movement. The soft candlelight gave her an ethereal glow that only accentuated the amused tilt of her mouth.

"Come. I think I saw a paddock around the back of the temple. We can make sure it's secure before heading back into the village." Tanya quietly uttered, taking my hand as she led me out of the building.

The paddock wasn't exactly what I would call quality craftsmanship, but after giving it a good shake, I had to concede that it would probably serve its purpose.

Perhaps not so surprisingly, the Volturi had left all the livestock unmolested when they went through the town, slaughtering indiscriminately. As a result, finding animals to wrangle to our purpose was an easy task.

In no time at all, Tanya and I had managed to collect at least a dozen or more large pigs, goats, and sheep.

As Tatyana complained about the smell of unwashed swine, thunder rumbled overhead and rain began to fall. At first a few droplets, but then a downpour. I laughed at Tanya's put-out expression.

"Be careful what you wish for Tanya!" I called over the rising sound of wind. "It looks like the heavens decided you needed a bath as well!"

Tanya's eyes narrowed, and I could tell she was moments away from tackling me into the mud when a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning caught my eye. The loud sound reverberated in my chest as the lightning arched, breaking the sky like shattered glass.

The reverberation in my body built and built, no longer a result of the storm. I caught a glance of Tanya's panicked face before I faded to white.

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A/N: Annnnnnd Scene. So lately I've been getting a few reviews where people seem kind of annoyed by Bellas morals and her unwillingness to just be ok with murder. While I can understand the annoyance about how impractical she's being, I hope this chapter helps clear up a little bit about where Bella is coming from.

Oh also, regarding Kates talent. I forgot her gift was mental and not physical, which is why it works on Bella in this fic. So, im just gonna say for this fic that Kates gift is basically being a taser, and is a physical gift.

On a side note, I've had a few people express interest in knowing what kind of music I listen to for this pairing. So, I put together a Spotify list, so people can kind of get an idea of the mindset I try to get into before writing. If any of you are music fans, I'd like to know which of these you think is from who's pov, and which one you think best encompasses Tanya/Bella. Or, if you have any recommendations that you think fits my fic well, let me know!

The playlist can be found under 'Temporal Tide - writing playlist'.