MEHHHH. I don't know ok , I was only planning on udating this every 2 weeks or so but ...I'm lazy and I've got school ( Best excuse ever!) So sorry if I'm late. OnO here is the next chappy for ya'll please don't eat me!

Homestuck belongs to that sexy Hussie ass!

Oh yeah almost forgot the AU will be explained at the bottem today yaaayyyyy!

Now this chapter is gonna be the one that needs the trigger warning like badly , I mean really, like completely and truely. I felt so depressed writing it...

Enjoy~

Log 2.

=== Be the waking up seadweller.

I crack my eyes open , blurry ,cloudy ,dirty ,dark green sopor slime blocking my vision. My head ached and my alarm buzzed in my ear. I pressed a cold hand to my face, today wasn't going to be a good day. Reaching out blindly for my glasses, I shivered at the coldness of the room, why was I surprised that it was cold now? It was always cold. Finally after bumping and tracing my fingers over everything on the small desk that sat beside my bed I found my lenses on my face I sat up and gasped at how actually cold it really was. I slammed my hand down now that I could see onto that damn annoying alarm clock shutting that thing up. Really oh my God did it really NEED to be that irratating? ...Probably. I glanced over to my window, squinting just so I could peek out of it. Snow, that's all I could really say about it , there was a white icey cold sheet of snow that covered the window of my small apartment.

A frown came across my face, no school was nice but not having a free meal wasn't. I shot a glance over at my empty tip jar, looks like I'm gonna be hungary today. I lifted my eyes up to trail around the dimly lit room, my eyes landed on the small wood buring stove in the middle of the room, the only damn thing here keeping me from freezing my ass off completely was slowly starting to dim out.

Reluctantly I crawled out of my recooprecoon and laid a sock clad foot on the floor. Shit,Shit! SHIT! It was cold, how the fuck had it gotten this fucking cold? I ran across the room bounceing from foot to foot. Shiiitt. I grabbed a log of wood and through it into the fire, gas was expessive and wood was cheep and easy to find. Standing over the litte metal box stove I let myself be warmed by the heat. Sighing I slaughtered back over to my coon. Oh I'm glad I could go back to sleep, my head was really killing me.

I was about to slide my glasses off my face and back on to the desk when something caught my eye, a picture frame, well not the picture fame it's self no, no the photograph inside the picture frame is what had caught my attention.

My mind chilled , my lungs began to close up on me making it hard to breath. Panic and anger took over me. It was painful, oh so very painful. I couldn't think of anything but of what I had done. I couldn't breath, no my lungs where still moving I was still breathing but it was so painful to just like the memories that little photo held.

I reached out and took the photo into my hands brushing the dirt off the glass with my thumb.I stared at it , I don't even remeber how long I could have possibly been standing there. I was just me , my memories and this damn photo.

A Lusus and a child , to be more specific a male seahorse lusus and and small violet blooded troll with a violet streak through his hair and a pair of glasses that where far to big and far too thick for his boy and the lusus where smiling like mad , like it was the best day ever for them , it was that boy's 6th wriggling day. I felt a lump rise in my throat and my eyes beginning to blurr again , this time not from the slime but from my own hot, flesh burning tears.

I missed him , I missed him so much. He left me way to soon .

I felt my head go from aching to a pounding pain and my lungs seemed to shrink even more making it almost impossible to breath. I was still to young , I had no clue how to handle this still, even after all this time. Yes life had gotten a little better lately, I began seeing rose to help me work through my issues, I apperently was suffering a case of major depression and post tramatic stress disorder but I think I'm far beyond getting help. And Cynia she was a great friend to have she talked to me every chance she got like we had been friends for years, I think she did it only because she felt bad for bullying had ceased for the moment, but I missed Sollux , he won't even glance my way now and it killed me a bit on the inside.

But what did it matter? What did it matter if there was no love? Wha tdid it matter if own father wasn't even there to tell you how proud he was about your good grades or how you made the lead role in your schools play? I closed my eyes as deep purple tears began to fall. What did it matter if the man you flush for didn't feel the same way? What did it matter if you where the cause of your gaurdians own death? What did it fucking matter if you where about to die too? WHAT DID IT FUCKING MATTER!

My eyes snapped open and I set the picture down, I let my hands drift up to my own arms and begun to dig my nails in, clawing tearing at the flesh that lay there, healing , torn , or already healed , just being torn off by my own fingers and nails.

It mattered everything.

"I'm so sorry seahorsedad" I hissed lowly , even to speak hurt , it felt like my voice box was being torn out of my throat. It was my fault , all my fault. If I hadn't been such a horrible little bitch of a child he would still be here. I felt like screaming , no matter how much it hurt, I could feel my nails tearing at me tearing into my skin, causing myself to bleed a violet liquid called my blood. That helped a little to relief me a little but I needed full release and fast. I reached for the small cabeint under the desk and serched around till I felt somthing hard and cold beneath my fingertips. A small thought passed through my head as I took the thin , sharp raser blade out , this thing was just like me ,hard and cold.

I walked over to the corner of the small room and grabbed my scarf , wrapping it tightly around my throat. This scarf , I just had to have even though it was three sizes too big for me . The one that was blue and purple and just perfect. The one my Father had gone back to get just for me. The very same one that had caused that car to crash into his on the way home from getting it, sealing his fate and affecting my life forever.

I handled the worn thing with delicatcy , it was his last gift to me and I planned on treasuring it. I slid down onto the floor, cold to but by now I didn't really feel it , no everything was starting to go numb and I didn't care anymore, all I knew was that I needed to feel again and that I knew how to do it.

What a terrible , disgusting , and addicting , hobby I had.

I lifted the blade to my arm and pressed the tip to the flesh of my forearm and slowly dragged the blade down then I began to curve and turn it creating a heart. I lifted the blade to see the small cut ,deep and a dark violet, I frowned and quickly sliced a line into it. I was not loved , everything I had loved ether hated me or left me, alone. I felt pure anger and disgust wash over me , it was my own fault all this had happened to me . I pressed the blade back to my skin and drug it across leaving a purple trail in the form of words.

I'm sorry.

I am disgusting. I am vile. I am a horrible , terrible , monsterous thing that should have never been born. I should have just died. I didn't deserve to live if he didn't

"I should die."

I gasped for air and let the blood run down my arms without a care, if I was lucky I would bleed out and have the world be done with me. I looked upon my hobby's work fixated on the vile liquid that now ran down my arms, the stuff that kept my crippled broken heart beating.

Slam! Not even the sound of my door being broken down broke my trance. I I barely knoticed I was being screamed at and shaken roughly for about a good five minutes by Cynia with Sollux just standing there. I didn't care.

"Eridan why!" She screamed harshly at me. I just brushed her off. I didn't even know why I did it anymore so how was I suppost to tell her? I looked up boredly at the two, at Cynia first she her expression was one of anger and fear, then at Sollux his was one of horror. I slowly regained feeling and let a flood of guilt wash over me, I had cause these two so much fear and grief, though it was Cynia who showed how much she worried, but she saw what was going to happen she saw all of this happen, she knew what she was getting into. But Sollux , he had no idea what he was getting into, he had no one to tell him what to expect. He had been pushed into this blindly and had no control over what's going on at all.

Poor Sollux.

"I'm sorry. I said softly as Cynia took me into her arms and Sollux walked away into the bathroom, most likely to get some bandages or throw up, probably both. A few moments later he returned to me a roll of banages in his hand , guess he had a stronger stoumche than I thought. Slowly he approched me and his sister, carefully he pried the wide eye'd girl away. I whimpered it was cold still and without Cynia's warmth it seemed to be freezing again. I looked to her she was covered in my purple blood , her white shirt forever stained because of me. He pulled my attenion away from her with a shcoking action , he had slid down the wall and sat there next to me , slowly stripping off his leather jacket so he wouldn't get that covered in blood too. I leaned closer to him feeling a sight brush of his warmth, he was so warm, much warmer than Cynia could ever be. He curled next to me and pushed me inbetween his legs my back to his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I felt my blood pusher give a little flutter. Had I passed out from blood loss? Was I really just sitting here inbetween Sollux's legs or was this a dream and I was acctually laying on the floor dying?

This had to be a dream , there was no way in hell that this was real. I was to caught up in my own little world to realize what was really happening when I felt a pain and something wrapping around my arm. Nope , nevermind this wasn't a dream hurt to much, FUCK. I see now why Sollux had set me inbetween his legs so his psiioniics could hold me still while his hands could work at wrapping the bandage around my arm tightly. I began fighting , and hissing at the pain, that sneaky bastard!

"Jethuth , Fuck ED hold thtill, thtop your damn thquirming." He growled at me in that weird agressive yet charming way of his. I thought about his words for a moment and debated whether I wanted to listen to them or not. Then I realized something and melted like butter, ceaseing all my wiggling. He had called me ED. He had given me a nickname , I was so happy I could cry. And I think I just might I whimpered again as he pulled me closer to him pressing my back to his chest firmly, as he pulled on the bandage tightly before he knotted it .

"Thooothhh good boy , thee all done now." He cooed at me almost mockingly, letting his psiioniic's drop. I lowered my earfins to press against my head in a defencive position at him before looking to Cynia , only lowering my ears halfway to show her that I was sorry. She looked at me eyes telling me that this was a step for both Solllux and I and it was a fantastic one at that . But also those soft sad white eyes said 'Eridan you can't do this your really going to hurt yourself and that scares me.' It stunned me at how much she would say without having to ever having to let a word spill form her lips. She gave me a hard thinking look and walked around my three room home, gasping at what she saw, waking back she held a dark looming aura.

"Eridan take anything that is of value to you. You have made it clear to me that I can not let you live alone , for the fact you might end up doing something like this again." The small girl started

" You are coming home with us."

I blinked.

Once.

Twice.

With lighting speed I broke out of Sollux's grip and was on the opposit side of the room ,away from them. No I was not leaving , they can't make me, I won't let them. This was my home and I wasn't going any where. I felt a animalistic instinct take over and I let out a deep preditorial growl, taking up a fighting position , I was ready to defend my home.

I let out a loud angry scream as I was lifted into the air by two sets of psiioniics. one white and the other blue and red, they where tag teaming me!

"I'm not goin' anyw-where!" I raged but they ignored me , bluh idiots think they know what could be best for me! I know what's best for me dammit!

'Maybe they are right Eridan, maybe it is time to go.' A little voice in the bakc of my head pestered me which ony made me scream again and claw and kick at the air till I broke down into hystarics , I knew they thought they where doing the right thing for me but,

"I don't w-wanna go!" I Hiccuped as the white psiioniic's ceased and the red and blue psiioniic's brought me gently over to them and into Sollux's arms, Cynia imeditly over to comfort me. I clutched onto Sollux's shirt for fear of being dropped but he just lifted me higher and bounced me a little as if I where a baby or a needly wriggler.

"Damn Ed-" There was that nickname again."- do you ever eat you are tho fucking thin it'th like crazy." Sollux remarked as he bounced me up higher amost throwing me into the air, as I clung onto him for dear life. Soon the bouncing stopped and I caught my beath.

"I eat w-when I can." I retorted, not the best excuse not the worst, I figured it was enough for them to leave me alone about it.I motioned for Sollux to let me down, NOW. He caught on quick and let me onto the floor, shivering as the balls of my feet hit the ground , I stood on my own.

"Don't think that your getting out of this that easy Eri." Cynia spoke up finally a sharp look in her eyes. Oh shit I really wasn't getting out of this one was I? I lowered my head and sulked over to the photo taking it into my hands , I knew when I had been defeated. The world was still a slight blurr so I slipped my glasses on, hearing Sollux snort at me. I walked over to my broken door and dug my boots out of the wreckage of what used to be my door, it was so much colder by the door , that wasn't surpising due to the fact the door was gone now...yeah. I threw them on with a shirt and a pair of simple black pants before looking to Sollux and Cynia with a look of 'lets get going now or I'm keeping my ass here'.

"Your only wearing that?" You can't be serious going to freeze your athh off." He stated bluntly before walking around to gather up his things.

"W-why yethh I am. Got a problem w-with it?" I mocked him crossing my arms as he came closer.

" Why yeth , yeth I do." He sprayed at me making me lear away trying to avoid the spit, He then dropped his leather jacket on top of me with a mumured "Here.".

I dug my way out of the heavy fabric and peeked at him through the hole your head went into. It was obviously waaayyyy to big for me, but I liked it anyways cause it smelled like Sollux, It FUCKING SMELLED like him, a sweet ,rough nutty sent I wondered if it was his natural scent or if it was the scent of the musk that he wore ,whatever it was it was heavenly and screamed Sollux.

"But it's yours." I said gripping the warm fabric closer to me ,not really wanting to give it back.

"Eri! Just takes Sollux's kindness and let go!" Cynia yipped as she pushed us out the door into the harsh snow giving nether of us a chance to fight about it.

== Your name is Eridan Ampora and today is your first stumbling steps into a better future.

== Be the author.

Nooo. I don't wanna~ I've been writing this bitch for 7 hours and it's not even spell checked ,now lemme take a nap.

== Too bad.

Fuck you.

== Right back at ya, babe.

Oh my God did I just-

Ok so LONGEST CHAPPY EVER JUST LET ME SLEEP NOW PLEASE!

Lol Nope.

Ok I promised you a discription of the Au I have desided and it's pretty much the same as our world where there is relgion and such, they will be refered to as they are in real life and such blah blah blah. Okay now onto the parenting thing and humans , YES HUMANS WILL BE INVOLVED IN THIS, so no flipping out on me peeps, But the heterospectrum still has a small affect on the trolls and the humans think of the trolls as lower than them(*cough* much like how we used to treat african americans *cough) . As for the history The rebellon and the cordesesion still both have happened. Now for the parenting thin I mentoned earlier , young trolls can be adopted or "chosen" while in the mother grub (Yup trolls still many produce that way) by a parent like Gamzee or Sollux, Or by a lusus like Eridan. Also like a mentoned earlier trolls can be "created" to a person of high wealths fitting like Cynia, where you can chose two people's blood (for Cynia's it was her older brothers) and send it into a lab where they put it in a test tube and grow the child out of some magic! :/ (I still haven't worked out all teh kinks yet so bluh). Now for the last one that has yet to be menton the trolls both male and feamale can now with many years of scientific study become impregnated.

If you have any more questions feel free to send them to my tumblr .com/blog/sleeplessstalkerchan

And lovies reveiws will be eatten for motovation for the next chappy hehe (a.k.a. the more reveiws the faster the chapters come out.)

Love ya'll!

...Can I sleep now please? OuO