The Distant Sunlight, a twilight fanfic

The Distant Sunlight

A Short Story

Written By: Pinkster Lily

A lone shaft of sunlight penetrates the gloom of the throne room and outlines his lean figure, sending rainbows dancing along the walls. Most of his pale skin is covered in formal wear, which include a dark grey dress shirt and vest, paired with a matching pair of slim fitting slacks. A crimson tie is around his neck, the knot loosened and the top button of his shirt undone. I stand close to the other Guards but remain mostly hidden in the shadows that cling to the edges of the room, which prevents him from noticing my scrutiny, although the other Guards are examining him with the same intense study.

A silky voice penetrates the silence, aloof, however I can hear the need in his words. "I would like to take you up on your previous offer."

Aro beckons him and lifts a hand, which our guest takes only after a moment's pause. Seconds pass, and then Aro drops his hand and smiles. "You may stay as long as you desire. We will not pressure you into service, although we would be most pleased to have you join us. Think on it during your stay." Aro pauses, cocking his head to the side as if listening to a whispering voice as our guest reaches for his exposed skin. "Yes, I understand your feeding habits are…unconventional, but you may continue to hunt in our forests as long as you wish while you are here. Of course, you are always welcome to join us during meal time."

His copper hair glints as he nods his head and removes his hand from Aro's thin grasp, his expression betraying nothing of his true emotions. "Thank you for your hospitality."

Aro motions for me to join him and my soft steps cause our guest to glance at my slight frame curiously. "Would you show our guest to his room?"

I give a curt nod in response, already knowing where Aro wants him to stay.

His eyes scan the room slowly, taking in the large mahogany desk in one corner, along with the armchair and matching couch opposite the large window at the far end of the room. A slight breeze disturbs the heavy curtains, which ripple against the stone walls, and ruffles his roguish auburn hair. He turns to me, bright, alien eyes assessing me in that seemingly distant way of his, before he responds to my question. "It's perfect."

My rooms, in the same wing as the rest of the Guard and on the opposite side of the castle from his, take no time to get to and I pass Jane on the way, sending a small smile and a greeting in her direction as she walks by. This is about as much social interaction I have with anyone the rest of the day, as I spend it lying on my couch and staring at the ceiling.

I wonder again if I had been changed to young, only thirteen, although I wouldn't say that I regret Aro's decision to do so. The flashes of pain and the screams – the awful screaming – still linger in my mind, replacing my other human memories, and it is during times like these when the fire fills my vision, all orange and yellow, and I can feel it licking at my skin once again, engulfing me, burning me.

I close my eyes as delicate rays of sunlight filter into my room, warming my skin in a way nothing else other than human flesh can. It tinges my sight red as it hits my closed eyelids, and I sigh, forcing myself to forget about where I am and letting myself float away as I do so.

He stands silently across the gathering from me, his eyes on the hapless vampire the entire time, and although his face is emotionless I can see the horror in his eyes as they bring the child in and slaughter him in front of his maker before they execute her too.

I feel nothing as I shut down the vampire's senses with my gift and watch as another of the Guard approaches from behind, beheading her swiftly. She is unfortunate enough to have not known of the Volturi and their laws against making Immortal Children, but the brothers have no mercy for those who simply do not know.

As we filter out of the chamber and one of the underlings takes the bodies to another room to be burned, I glance at him again, observing his stiff posture and relaxed features with a vague interest, like that of a tourist watching an animal in an enclosure.

Aro offers him an opportunity to feed with us in a few short hours when a fresh batch of humans is procured, but he refuses politely, bowing his head in appropriate contriteness. How he can feed solely from the animals in our forests is beyond my understanding, but I remain silent. I know nothing of this vampire, though I am familiar with his sire and the ideals he clings to. While neither will succumb to drinking from humans, one can attribute it to a rebellious nature caused by their youth, as although they are not outwardly childlike, they are like young children in our world.

While often melancholy and solitary, I am also subject to bouts of child-like glee and spontaneity. I don't need his mind reading ability to know that it intrigues our guest, who was changed very young himself, although not as young as Jane and I. I see his eyes following me whenever we are in the throne room, as well as when we encounter each other in the labyrinth of corridors that weave throughout the castle and city.

From what I understand, he has not spoken to anyone, not out of a feeling of superiority or any rudeness on his part, but because he doesn't feel comfortable doing so. As one of the only people he has talked to beside Aro, I know that he feels the most at ease around me, and that he also relates to my outward youth.

When I see him next, at another hearing for a vampire that provoked the wrath of the Volturi by hunting within our borders, I stare at him, waiting for him to make eye contact with me. When he does, I let him silently know through my thoughts that he is welcome to come to me at any time with questions. Aro wants him to stay with us permanently as a member of the Guard, and if I can help assuage his fears then it would be my duty to do so. As I start walking in the direction of the courtyard, he catches up with me and calls my name softly to capture my attention.

"Alec?" His voice, like silk, belies the fact that his body is barely seventeen, though I instantly recognize it as his. I stop, turning around, and gaze up at him steadily as he halts before me.

"May I accompany you?" I nod and offer a small smile of reassurance and continue my leisurely pace down the dark hallway. I can see him out of the corner of my eye, and it is not for the first time that I marvel at how tall he is, especially in comparison to me. When we reach the large double door to the courtyard, he hesitates for a brief instant when he sees the bright sunlight before following me out into the empty yard.

"You have been around humans for too long," I remark as I stroll languidly over to one of the large trees that the tall stone walls manage to contain despite its girth.

"Is that so?" I can hear the smile in his tone and feel an answering one on my lips.

"Yes. You have forgotten what being a true vampire means, or maybe you just never learned," I tell him laughingly, though what he doesn't realize is that I am only partly joking.

The sunlight touches his skin in mottled patches, sending dazzling rays of light reflecting off of his skin and onto the underside of the leaves. We lie on our backs, and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye before returning to the patches of sky visible above us.

The humidity of the day settles over us as time passes, and I feel the heavy moisture gathering on my skin in a light dusting that eventually slips off my smooth skin like condensation on a glass. His eyes trail after a drop, wondering.

"It's not unlike a cool glass, is it?" He breaks the peaceful silence, but I don't mind. Having lived almost nowhere else, I am used to it, but he had been all over the world, although his insistence on playing human confined him to the shady, mostly cooler areas of the planet. "No, I have never lived in a place like this before," he replies to my unasked question. "It makes sense, though, the physics of it that is," he muses, and I nod agreeably.

He has questions that he is itching to ask, I know he does, but instead of meaningless chatter we just lie under the protective branches of the tree and forget ourselves.

It is much later when I come back to myself. The warming sunlight is gone from my skin and the sky is burnt orange in color.

For an instant I worry that he has already left, as he is young enough that these lapses in time probably do not capture his mind yet. I glance briefly to my right, to see if he is still here, and am reassured when I catch sight of his unruly hair.

He appears relaxed, and it strikes me that this is the first time I have seen him like this, calm with the corners of his mouth turned up in the slightest of smiles. He has been so unhappy since he arrived, I can see that now. It was like that for all of us at first, before we really settled in, found our niche and made what could be called casual friends. The Volturi are safe, and I tell him so as I watch the light fade and dance on the underside of the leaves.

I hear his head rustle against the grass as he nods.

We make our way inside the castle again once the sun has set; the only sound that of our soft steps on the stone. I stare straight ahead, watching for any other vampires as we travel through the winding halls. I see no one, and before long we are next to the door to his room.

I face him and give a slight wave. His answering smile is more genuine than any I've seen yet, and I nod before continuing to walk down the hall in the direction of my own room.

I spend the night reading another book and trying to ignore the muted sounds of mated couples throughout the castle. I redress when I see the skies start to lighten and decide that the cloud cover is sufficient enough to allow me to go into the city today.

Without anything else to do, I wander into the city just as businesses are starting to open and stop at the main square, sitting on the ledge of a fountain and enjoying the smell of fresh bread as it wafts toward me. Only a few humans walk by, as it is still too early for the tourists, and the summer heat has yet to settle in.

Their tempting scents wash over me along with the bread, though I could never feed from a local. There is something about the people of Volterra, a trust of sorts. We keep their streets free of criminals, protect them, and they keep our existence secret. It works very well for us, as tourists come and go all the time and no one living here ever disappears.

The square slowly starts filling with people as the early morning hours pass, and before long it is bustling with locals and foreigners alike. I stand and slowly make my way through the milling crowd, watching my feet so that my maroon eyes do not startle the humans. I end up walking along some of the residential streets, which are less crowded and much quieter, allowing me to clear my mind and enjoy a few moments alone.

I encounter him deep in the maze of streets that comprise the parts of the city that the tourists don't venture into. He walks silently by my side for a few minutes, his footsteps echoing mine in the otherwise silent enclosure created by the tall buildings around us. In the distance, I can hear children playing soccer in one of the alleys, and before I know it we are standing at the end of the street, watching them as men and women amble pass us.

"Why are you out here all alone?" I ask lowly, trying not to attract the attention of passersby as we lean against an old apartment building.

He doesn't answer right away, but I know that he is thinking about what he is going to say, not ignoring me.

"Sometimes," he begins, letting a short burst of air pass through his lips as he pauses for a brief instant, "I like to walk around, acting like I'm human, like I never was anything else."

I don't remember what it was like to be human. It was too long ago, and the memories are so faded by those of the flames. All I remember is the pain that was associated with my humanity, and I contemplate what it must be like for the human children playing so innocently before us. One falls, landing hard on the packed dirt and pushes himself up to run after the ball once he recovers. It must hurt, a lot, I conclude. And the emotions must be so overwhelming.

I don't tell him this, though, just nodding my head as if I understand what he is trying to tell me, although he must see through my façade.

"And sometimes," he continues, acting like he is oblivious to my lack of connection to his plight, but he stops himself before he says anything more. I glance over at him and find him staring at me very seriously. "You have to promise not to laugh," he says, tone stern, "or else I can't tell you."

I nod, the corner of my mouth lifting in a slight grin. He takes a deep breath and turns back to the game. "Sometimes I even go into cafes and order a drink so that I can warm my hands."

I can't stop myself, and even though I promised I wouldn't, I burst into laughter, ducking my head as a snort escapes me. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a long time," I say between chuckles, and he hits my shoulder with the back of his hand playfully.

"You said you wouldn't laugh." He somehow manages to sound hurt, though I can see him grinning.

"Well," I tell him, straightening and calming my features, "if you think about it, I didn't really say anything, so –"

He makes a face at me and I dissolve into laughter again, pushing away from the wall and following him as he theatrically storms off, adding a small stomp of his foot for good measure.

"I never asked you why you were in the city by yourself," he tells me as we lie under the tree in the courtyard once again. The cloud cover from earlier broke just as we reached the shadows of the castle, and now the fading sunlight is painting the underside of the clouds with glorious colors. I turn to look at him and see him staring up at the sky like it has some big secret that he needs to discover.

I take in his features for a moment, sharp yet soft at the same time, caught somewhere between boy and man. He reminds me so much of myself, of what I could have been given a few more years.

I return my gaze to the sky. "I like to get away sometimes," I say, though it is not the answer that he is looking for.

It is quiet again, and neither of us says a word. I break the silence after awhile, not really sure why I am about to tell him this, but maybe his confession from earlier is spurring me on. "I don't remember what it was like," I admit, not looking at him.

"What?" he asks, not sure of what I am speaking.

"Being human," I elaborate, feeling awkward all of a sudden. "I know that a lot of vampires don't remember, and the older you get the less you remember, but most have a trigger of sorts, something that makes them think of how their mother made fresh bread for them or something, even though they don't remember her face or name," I ramble, feeling uncomfortable. "You know, forget it. I don't know why I'm telling you such foolishness."

For one, long moment he says nothing, then, "I don't think it's foolish." His voice is low, almost inaudible, but I hear it and for some reason it alleviates the discomfort I am experiencing.

I find myself sitting on the ledge of the window in my room, kicking my legs out like a child does when sitting in a chair too tall for him. The shutters clack every now and then against the stone as the wind gusts and I can feel the curtains ghosting across my back.

A small thrill goes through my body as I look down and see how far down the grass is, although the fall will not harm me in the slightest. I see a familiar disheveled head of hair is slowly meandering along the outer stretch of wall that separates us from the humans.

"Hey," I call in a whisper that I know he can hear. His head swivels first to the right and then behind him before he looks up. I wave and he returns the gesture, walking over until he is directly below me.

"What are you doing up there?" he questions, though I can see the glint in his eye, and the slightest hint of a smirk plays across his face.

"Oh, contemplating how hard I will hit the ground if I decide to jump," I tell him, amusement saturating my voice like a sponge dipped into a glass of water.

"Quite hard, I would imagine," he jokes with me in our lame, vampire way.

"What are you doing down there?" I counter, a tad curious, as his quarters are in the east wing.

He gives me a straight answer, which I don't expect after my circumvention of his musing. "Hunting."

I can see the bright, reflective gold of his large eyes and I know it to be true. I choose to mess with him a little. "Well, if you are looking for anything over here, there is a mouse living under the cabinet in my room," I say sincerely, pointing with my thumb over my shoulder.

He chuckles at my crack at his lifestyle, shaking his head. "No, I much prefer the sparrows nesting in the trees over there," he responds, grinning widely now.

"But seriously," I say, making eye contact with him before I continue, "no Bambi, then?"

He snorts, "No, no Bambi, though he does well when I'm in a pinch."

It's my turn to snort, and I wrinkle my nose at the thought of living like he does.

Aro wants to speak to me after our feeding the next day, and I follow him to his rooms so we don't have to discuss whatever it is in the presence of the cleaning crew. He offers his hand as we walk, cloak swishing along the floor behind him, and I don't hesitate to place my thin hand in his very delicate looking one.

"I see you have been spending some time with our guest," he says once we are inside his sitting room. I nod, straightening the lapel of my suit as I perch on the edge of a chair.

"I have a job for you," he says once he has settled into his armchair. My interest is peaked, as he almost never sends me out to do a job unless it cannot be completed without me. He senses my train of thought, nodding to himself. "Yes, we had some trouble…acquiring a human that we had our eye on for awhile now. She has, well, slipped into a darker side of humanity, if you understand my meaning."

I did, and bobbed my head as I thought about why he would want me, specifically, to go.

"She has a knack for knowing when we are coming for her, so I would appreciate it if you could fetch her for us…discretely."

"Okay."

When I return with my companions and the woman, it is dark and Aro is waiting for us in the throne room. Demetri hands her over to him, and I remove my influence from her and take my leave, as he has her under control almost instantly.

I walk to my room and lose myself for the first time in days once I am there. The gaps of time that I have been losing are getting more frequent as the years pass, but I cannot be bothered with the implications of it.

He finds me under the large tree that has become our favorite haunting over the last several months. I gaze up at him as he accosts me. "You left." His tone isn't one of childish petulance, but that of a friend abandoned.

I smile sheepishly. "I had a job to do," I tell him, shrugging awkwardly because of my prone state on the grass.

"Does this happen a lot?"

I think about my answer for a second, comparing it to how the others often disappear without so much as an explanation. "No, not really."

He sits next to me, legs crossed and body turned to me. His elbow rests on his knee as he props his head up with his hand, the other toying with the grass by his shoe. "So what do you do, then?"

"Well, I am a bit insulted by your tone, so I'm not sure if I should deem your question worthy of my attention," I say haughtily, and he nudges my arm with the knuckles of his free hand.

"Seriously, though, what do you do around here all the time?"

"Wait for orders?" I shake my head, "Honestly, I'm the one that goes out when something huge happens or when the others cannot accomplish a task without me. The first hasn't happened in a couple hundred years and the latter even longer, so I mostly sit around looking pretty."

He laughs lightly and runs a hand through his hair. "So, then what would I be doing here, if I stayed?"

He's looking off into the distance now at nothing in particular, looking nervous. I reach out to him, sitting up and touching his knee. He still doesn't make eye contact with me; scared of something I can never know, as that is his department, not mine. "Edward, look at me."

My use of his name causes him to jerk his head toward me, and I realize that this is the first time I have used it. "You'll be fine," I reassure him, squeezing his knee. "If you don't want to stay with us, they will understand, but I think you should."

"Why is that?" His voice is even, but his eyes betray his anxiety. "I don't feel like I belong here," he admits, eyes flickering down and then back up to mine again.

"That's the thing, though," I tell him. "You do." His confusion and disbelief is evident, and I admit to my true intentions. "For so long, Jane and I have been the young ones, the ones who were turned too early, but she has disconnected herself from our world, our reality. I have been alone up until now and, being the selfish person I am, I want you to stay so that I don't have to be alone ever again."

I sit in his room as he paces around, his right hand practically glued to the top of his head with how often he has been running it through his hair. I sigh and slouch into the armchair by the window, sliding my legs over one of the arms and resting my back against the other.

I tilt my head back so that I see his upside down figure stacking and restacking the papers on his desk. My fingers fiddle with the seam of my robes, feeling the fabric between two fingers as I watch him frantically move about the room.

He comes to a stop by his robes, which are hanging on the armoire on the other side of the room. I can see him out of the corner of my eye as he struggles with them, probably more out of nervousness than confusion over how to wear them.

A look of frustration and defeat is on his face as he turns to me, the lengths of black cloth hanging over his arms in a tangled mess. "I don't think I can do this," he mutters, proffering his bent arms out as he finishes the sentence. I know that he doesn't mean the issue with the robes.

"Edward," I exhale in one long, slow breath, "of course you can."

He shakes his head, "How can you know that?"

I stand smoothly, sliding my legs to the floor and pushing myself out of the chair before I saunter over to him. He still stands by the armoire, his golden eyes following me until I come to a stop a few feet from him. "Edward, it's not an interview," I say to him, shuffling closer. "You already have the job. All you have to do is stand next to Aro and let him hold your hand," I laugh, reaching for his robes. "It'll be fine."

"That's what you said before, and look at the mess you've got me into," he mumbles as I try to straighten out the jumbled mass he has made of his robes.

"The mess? I would like to think of it as an opportunity." I raise my eyebrows as I say this and smile devilishly at him. "Now here, put this on and pay attention because I'm not going to show you again. Come on, come on, if you don't hurry up we are going to be late."

"Oh, but I thought you said vampires are always on time," he quips, his voice muffled by the cloth sliding over his head.

As his head pokes through the opening and his eyes fix on mine again, I tell him solemnly, "Well, you're still young, but hopefully one day you'll understand that you're not late until those you're meeting are younger than you." I nod and hand him another piece of the ensemble as he sticks his tongue out at me playfully.

"Yeah, because you're so old," he comments, pulling on his boots only to have to take them off to pull out the bottom of the robe which he has somehow managed to get caught inside of it.

"Hey, watch it child. I'm a lot older than you, and probably a lot smarter, too," I retort, and I think I hear a garbled, "Who's the child here?" but I choose to ignore it and instead throw the cloak at him. Once he's got it fastened around his neck, I start to lead us to the door but stop and hit him on the arm with the back of my hand. "It's got a hood for a reason," I tell him, having already pulled up my own.

"And why is that, O Wise One?" he teases but lifts it up nonetheless.

"Well, not only does it add an air of menace, but it also serves a double purpose of concealing how young we are," I answer jovially, opening the door and ushering him out. "It isn't good press to have your Guards looking like children."

He chuckles a little and I grin at him. "Oh, and Edward?" He looks at me over his shoulder. "Just stand around looking pretty and everything will be fine." A loud guffaw forces its way past his lips and I smile as we stride toward the throne room.

I find him sitting in the reception room after feeding, lounging casually on one of the couches and reading a magazine. The cover depicts a young, scantily clad woman with an Italian caption at the bottom that roughly translated to "five things that you do during sex that drive him crazy."

I cannot help but chuckle to myself a little, especially with how intensely he is studying it, flipping each page much slower than a normal vampire would.

Then again, Edward is a bit abnormal, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.

I walk up to him, but he doesn't notice me, despite the fact that his talent for mind reading should have picked up my presence a long time ago. I clear my throat loudly, my eyebrows raised as his eyes connect with mine. Horror flashes across his face before he snaps the magazine shut and places it facedown on the end table next to him.

"Ready?" His voice is shaky and it sounds as if he is trying to feign ignorance of the content of what he was reading. I shrug, shoving my hands into the pockets of my slacks, which I changed into to avoid being conspicuous. Edward has also changed clothes, looking absolutely dashing in a dark suit with a deep green tie that brings out his copper colored hair and bright eyes.

"You saw that, didn't you?" he asks, though it sounds like he knows the answer.

"Yep," I say as we tread over to the tunnel that will take us outside of the castle walls and into the city. "All I wonder about is why you would need to read that if you can read minds."

"So," he breathes, pausing for a moment as we pass a babbling group of humans, "you don't think it's, well, weird, or anything?"

After our pleasant conversation about the pros and cons of the Italian justice system, I am a bit thrown by his seemingly irrelevant question. He, naturally, picks up on my train of thought, elaborating for me in that slow, careful way of his whenever he feels nervous.

"I mean, that I was reading that article."

I realize right away what he is really referring to, and I think over my words so as to not make him uncomfortable. "Edward," I begin, glancing at him, "I live with vampires that pre-date both Christ and the Romans."

He still looks a little lost, so I decide I probably shouldn't beat around the bush with him, seeing as right now he is being a bit slow for a vampire. Honestly, someone with his intelligence shouldn't be so thick. "Meaning that love is love and we have no problem with homosexuality, Edward."

Embarrassment floods his face as I finish and I chuckle lowly. "Plus," I mention, "I think Felix has a thing for you, if you know what I mean."

He sputters, halting in front of a corner market and staring at me. "What?"

"Really, Edward," I tug at his shirt sleeve, "sometimes I wonder if that diet of yours impairs your ability to think."

He puts on a show of looking affronted by my comment and I shrug again. "It's the truth."

"So," he starts again as we roam through the little alleys that the tourists typically avoid for some unknown reason, "what if I didn't like Felix that way?"

"Well, I would assume that he would be a little put off, but that's not a major issue. Felix would find someone else to pine over." My shoes clack softly on the cobblestones and I stare into the distance, listening to the sharp sounds of people laughing, cars starting, and doors closing. The cacophony rings loudly in my sensitive ears, but I can hear Edward's unneeded breath more acutely, as well as the sound of his pants rustling as we walk and his footsteps, which are in sync with mine.

"No, I mean…" he trails off, sighing heavily.

I turn to him, confused and worried about him. His turmoil is clear, and I want to do something, anything to make it go away. "What do you mean, Edward?"

"Just…never mind. Forget I said anything."

"Well," I joke in an attempt to lighten the mood, "that might be a little difficult, vampire memory and all, but seriously, what's up?"

A heavy breath escapes his slightly parted lips. "Really, 'what's up?' I thought you were, like, ancient or something." At my narrowed eyes, he stops stalling and instead straightens his suit front uneasily.

"Edward, look at me." He complies as if he would rather not, but meets my eyes anyway. "I think of you as my friend, and it bothers me that something is causing you such distress. You can tell me anything."

His golden orbs tell me that he agrees, but still nothing comes out.

"When you're ready," I compromise, resuming our leisurely pace and wrapping my arm around his. "Now, let me show you what Volterra is really like."

"Hey Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Squirrel or rabbit?"

"What?"

I meet his eyes as I say, quite seriously, "Squirrel or rabbit?"

"If you are asking me which I prefer, and I think you are, neither."

"Edward," I sigh, rolling my eyes, "that's not how the game works."

"Oh," he raises his eyebrows and leans toward me. "How does it work, then?"

He's just trying to annoy me now, but I refuse to take the bait. "We are not having this conversation." I stand from the high-backed armchair in the center of his room. "I'm done."

He grabs my arm as I walk past, on my way to the door. "What? Done? You can't be done."

"Watch me. If you can't answer the question, then I have young vampires to torment," I reply nonchalantly, shaking him off and prancing to the door with my nose in the air.

"Ah, fine, come back, please? I'll tell you anything you want to know."

I turn on the spot, an evil glint in my eye. "Anything?"

"I probably shouldn't have said that, right?"

"Nope," I respond, sauntering over to him. "So, Edward, who popped your man cherry?"

I smirk as he splutters, a hand rising to rest over the place where his heart is. "Alec!"

"What?" I ask innocently, widening my eyes imploringly at him.

"You can't just ask about something like that!"

"Sure I can," I counter, sitting on the arm of the chair I had just vacated. "I just did."

"Alec, that kind of information is private!" His golden eyes are wide and his hands gesture wildly as he speaks to emphasize his point.

"Is it?" I muse, turning my gaze to the window.

"Yes."

"Well, I mean, I just thought we were friends and all."

I hear him sigh heavily beside me, though I still stare out the window. "We are," he tells me softly.

"Then why are you so secretive?" I ask, eyeing my clasped hands on my lap. "It's more than just silly questions." I meet his eyes. "You're hiding something from me. I don't know why and I don't understand."

"I know."

I turn my body to face him, our knees almost touching. His chest is level with my eyes, and I have to look up at him in order to see his guarded gaze. "But why? Why would you hide something from me, but be willing to share it with Aro? You know me, you know me better than anyone else. What ever it is, you have to know that I would accept it, right?"

I reach for his hand, my small fingers wrap around his and he squeezes them. "I know."

Instead of lying beneath our tree like usual, I twirl gracefully in front of Edward, who is propped up again the trunk. He watches me with intense scrutiny; his eyes trace my light steps and he sways with the imaginary beat that I have created.

I want him to talk to me like he used to, completely open and genuine, but it seems that he is more tentative than he used to be with me. It hurts me like nothing has for a very long time, and I know that he knows this – how can I conceal it from him? – but I have not mentioned it since our last conversation.

"Alec," he muses, "do you ever act like a normal vampire?"

"Normal is subjective," I reply, dancing over to him. "Especially for vampires, Mister Mind Reader."

"Touché." A smirk plays at the corner of his mouth and his eyes light with fire. I reach for his hands and he lets me lift him to his feet so that we can dance together under the mid-day sun. Our skin sparkles brightly, throwing rainbows across the grass and surrounding foliage.

I am short enough that he takes the lead, spinning me again and again before he pulls me back to his chest and starts a slow waltz. My cheek brushes against his sternum with each turn, and I have to lean back in order to see his topaz orbs.

"Why can't it always be like this?"

My brows furrows, but my step doesn't falter. "What do you mean?"

His eyes lower, meeting mine before glancing away. "I just…why can't it just be us, Alec?"

"It is just us," I respond, confused, spinning out and then back to him. His stare is burning, and I feel as if he can see into my soul for a long, breath taking moment.

"Alec…" his voice trails, dying off before he can say anything else. In a sudden flash of intuition, the kind that tends to avoid me most of the time, I realize what he is trying to convey to me.

"You are having doubts about joining the Guard, aren't you?" We stop dancing and face each other. I take a step away so that I don't have to crane my neck so far back.

A pale, twinkling hand shoots up to his messy hair, entangling itself in the nest of auburn. "I don't know," he breathes, not looking at me. "I just wonder if this is the right choice for me."

"Why didn't you have these concerns before, or did you have them but not say anything?"

He refuses to answer me, simply rocking back on his heels and staring at the sky.

"Edward," I say sternly, wanting him to look at me. Edward.

His head jerks down to me, finally meeting my eyes. His toe scuffs the ground in yet another nervous habit that carried over from his time as a human.

"What?" he snaps, though I don't take offense as regret flashes across his face almost instantly. "I'm sorry."

I brush off the apology. "Edward," I say softly. "I want to give you space because I know that you will tell me when you are ready, but what is really bothering you? Is it your doubt about joining the Guard or is it something else?" I am almost positive that it isn't his worries about the Guard that are his true concern.

"I…I don't know."

"Okay," I say. I'm not sure how else to respond, so I say nothing.

I start to walk over to our tree, but he grabs my hand and yanks me to him sharply.

His hand grips mine tightly as his other arm wraps around my back, pulling me flush against him. My thoughts go wild; I don't understand what he is doing. He lifts our entwined hands to his chest; his thumb rubs the back of my hand as his eyes search mine almost imploringly and I know that he is listening to my inner monologue.

Something in my eyes and mind must tell him what he is waiting for. He leans down to my upturned face, and because of our height difference he has to bend over almost comically.

His nose brushes against mine, and I can feel his cool breath on my skin as he exhales. My mind quiets as his lips press gently to mine, and surprise quickly engulfs me.

Suddenly he breaks away, dropping my hand and stumbling back. I am frozen as he turns and disappears into the castle.

I don't know what to think, and I sit down in my room for the first time in days to try to do just that.

What had just happened? I desperately want to find Edward, to talk to him, but with his inconvenient knack for reading people's minds, it is impossible for me to find him unless he wants me to.

So, I have to wait for him to come to me.

The thought is torturous and I run a hand through my hair only to catch myself.

I spot him in the chamber room for the first time in days. His body is turned toward me, but his head is down cast. He is dressed in an impeccably tailored black suit and black button up shirt. He has left the first few buttons undone, showing a tantalizing line of pale skin.

I want to say something, but the rest of the guard file in, preventing me from even approaching him.

I smooth the front of my coat instead and wait for the meeting to end.

When it does, Edward is the first out of the room. I sigh and shove my hands into the pockets of my pants, shuffling pass the immense double doors.

I wish desperately that there is someone to talk to about this, anyone. Edward would have been my first choice for any other problem, except that isn't a possibility this time. I want to see him, to talk to him about what happened under our tree, but in a castle this big and with his vampiric gift, it is impossible to find him. To make matters worse, I can smell him, his scent clinging to the stone and mingled with several others, but there is no way to track it to the source.

I perch among the branches of our tree, hoping that he will come to meet me, but knowing that it is a vain hope. I am so confused and not entirely sure what I will say even if I do see him. Does he regret what he did? I knew that he was gay, but that does not mean that he cares for me that way. He is probably afraid of making things awkward between us, but it is too late to worry about that now. If anything, it will be better to just move this aside so we can be friends again.

But is that what I want?

I think on this for a long time before I come to a conclusion that satisfies me.

At the next meeting, almost two weeks later, I finally corner him.

He is jittery, wringing his hands while he glances frantically about the common room, but there is no one to distract me from my mission.

"You know, I don't like it when people deliberately try to hide from me. It makes me feel like I am some despicable creature that people might try to wave burning torches and pitchforks at, and I like to think of myself as more of a passive being. You know, hug-a-tree and all?"

He bites his lip nervously, almost as if he is trying to fight back a laugh.

"You are such a stick in the mud sometimes," I mumble, and I know it is loud enough for him to hear. "Why have you avoided me? Huh?" I poke him in the side, and he lets out an indignant squeak, but does not budge. "I asked you a question, and I expect an honest answer. You owe me that much."

He sighs, ruffling his hair. He mutters something that I don't catch, despite my close proximity.

"Edward, you know I don't like it when you talk too low for me to hear. It makes me feel like an old man."

That garners a small smile from him, and he twists his hands, eyes lowered. When he doesn't speak, I prompt him by nudging his foot with mine, and leaning sideways to catch his eye. "Please?"

He leans against the wall behind him and sighs. "Can we go back to what we were? Forget about what happened?"

I stare at him for a good long second, trying to find even the slightest hint of sincerity in his face.

"No."

His eyes flicker to mine, quietly shocked. "What?"

"You heard me," I tell him, confident. "No. No, we cannot go back because I don't want to go back."

He blinked, hard, and then once more, not comprehending what I said. "But…"

I raise an eyebrow. "But what?"

"You are…so young." His expression turns sheepish almost at once, and I kick him, hard.

"I'm older than you by at least tenfold."

He rolls his eyes, the first sign of the Edward I know that I have seen in several months now. "So you say. Honestly, the kick to my shin says otherwise," he tells me, a weak attempt to joke with me.

"You know, I think I finally understand why you came to us. It's because your family couldn't stand your snarky remarks and kicked you out for your petulance."

"That's not nice, Alec. And, once again, you are one to talk about snarky comments and petulant behavior."

I turn serious in an instant. "I may look young, but I am a fully mature man inside. You must understand this. You face the same problem everyday when interacting with the others."

He nods slowly, thinking.

"I want to be with you," I tell him, reaching for his hand. It is bigger than mine, and it engulfs my skinny fingers with that comforting non-warmth that we vampires have. "Whatever that means to you."

"Okay."

I hold his hand in mine loosely as he plays with my hair under our tree. My head is in his lap, and he hums a slow tune, his fingers lightly tapping against mine. I sigh, content.

The others were not surprised by the development of our relationship, but they were confused by our seemingly platonic interactions. It is difficult to explain to sexually driven creatures why you don't spend every moment either fucking or trying to fuck, but we are simply happy to be with each other. We didn't need sex to feel close or content.

I pull his hand to my lips, holding it there for a moment and catching his attention. His golden eyes connect with mine, and I smile, feeling warm inside. "Hm?"

"What if your family doesn't like me?"

He smiles, rubbing his thumb along the back of my hand. "They will love you."

"Even though I look so young? Some of the younger vampires don't understand." My thoughts flicker to some of the newer additions to the Guard who see us with disgust.

"They will," he assures me, squeezing my hand. "They just want me to be happy. For us to be happy." I nod silently, contemplative. I am nervous about meeting his family, worried about being judged for what I have chosen to do with my life. However, I know that Edward would not ask me to do this unless it matters to him, so I will do this for him.

We are to fly to the States in less than a week, and it will be our first time outside of Volterra together. I am strangely excited to leave, for the first time in years. I wonder secretly to myself if we will ever come back, careful to hide the thought from Edward behind languid pictures of the tree above us.

Edward isn't holding my hand as we make our way to the terminal, although he knows that I desperately wish he would. It would draw too much attention to us, pale and young as we are, in addition to our vampiric beauty drawing an equal amount of stares. Already, several have tried to flirt with him, much to my displeasure. He smiles at me, and the back of his hand brushes against mine, dispelling any doubts that I might have about this trip and the status of our relationship.

As we wait for boarding to begin, we rest in a thankfully almost empty terminal, as the inconvenient red-eye flight we booked to Chicago has deterred most flyers. From Chicago, we will continue on to Seattle and then Port Angeles, with a short drive that will take us to our final destination. My leg is bouncing nervously, something that I don't ever remember doing before, so I must have picked it up from Edward. The steady clack of my shoe distracts me from thinking about the people I will meet in less than twenty-four hours.

A steady pressure pushes down on my knee, and I look down to see Edward's hand lying across it. "Calm," he whispers, his fingers tapping my knee as he says so. "It'll be fine." I nod, not entirely convinced of that yet. "Look at me."

My eyes flicker to his, catching the golden orbs staring at me with such intensity that I feel as if he is seeing into my soul. I have tried his diet, the result being the orange hue to my normally red eyes, and I wonder to myself for the thousandth time if his family will disapprove of my lifestyle. I have trouble sticking to his food choices, but I promised him before we left that I would not deviate while we visit. Although unprompted, my vow made him smile softly and he squeezed my hand before we got out of the car.

Now, I am trying to quell the burn in my throat, ignoring the wafts of sweet air coming from passersby. I never thought I would be reduced to this state once again, especially as my desire for blood has decreased with the years, as well as my need for it. However, the resistance involved with ignoring the presence of blood combined with the meager source that I am currently feeding from is making it more difficult than it has been in centuries for me to keep my bloodlust in check.

Edward senses my train of thought, as always, and he quickly tries to distract me. I am grateful for it.

"Got everything you need?"

I snort. "Of course, we are only staying for a few months."

Edward shakes his head at me. "Only?" he asks, squeezing my knee again. "Alec, only you would think a few months isn't that long."

"Is it?" I question, counting the number of stitches on his shoe. "A blink of the eye, and it's gone."

"True," he murmurs, quieting. He still has not removed his hand from my knee, which I find odd after his insistence that we need to appear "nondescript," a nearly impossible feat for him, let alone me. I don't care, however, what the humans think of us so I say nothing.

"You know, you haven't been drifting as much as you used to," he comments, and I glance up to see him staring off into the distance, deep in thought.

"Oh?" I breathe, leaning back against my chair. "Is that so?"

"Yes." He turns to me, a ghost of a smile on his face. "I used to worry, you know," he says, and a line forms along his brow as his eyebrows pull together.

I want to reach out to smooth the line from his face, to reassure him, but I don't understand what he is trying to say. My confusion prompts him to continue.

"About you, and the glaze that would come over your eyes. I had never encountered that before, and I didn't understand."

"I'm sorry if I scared you," I say, concerned.

"No, no, don't be." He interrupts, the corners of his mouth turning up. "It wasn't your fault. When Aro touched my mind, he saw my confusion and explained it to me."

"Yes," I sigh. "Aro tends to know about a lot of these sorts of things." At his raised eyebrow, I continue, "about, well, old age."

He chuckles, eyeing me. "Old age? You? You look barely fourteen," he jibes, and I elbow him in the ribs. He continues grinning, but stops harassing me.

"Yeah," he drawls, filling the air with the hum of his velvet voice.

I nod. "Aro tell you anything interesting?"

He is apprehensive, as if unsure how I will respond to his answer. I reach out and grasp his hand that is on my knee, encouraging him to speak. With a sigh, he continues, "Just, you know, the stuff you gotta watch out for…"

I finish his thought, "when you get old." He meets my eyes, and I assure him, "It won't happen to you." His expression is incredulous, and I press on, "If you have something to drive you, motivate you to do things, you will remain as healthy as a horse."

"So…you didn't?"

I shake my head. "No, I didn't." His mouth begins to turn down, and it saddens me too, so I try to make him understand. "Edward," I begin, organizing my flurry of thoughts and emotions. "My life has been…hard. I won't lie. There were times that I thought of ending it, of asking Aro to end it as I can hardly do it myself, but he would never allow me to do such a thing. Jane and I…we were close, but I don't know what happened to her. She is spiteful, angry, and it has only grown over the years. As she changed, I became more distanced from reality and time, and it was hard.

"I just wanted to live, Edward, and that castle, while it has its moments, is not living.

"I wanted nothing more than that and, at the risk of sounding like a cheesy romantic, I found it. It just took me a little longer than most." I smile, and the light in Edward's eyes negates any hint of sorrow I feel.

"You're right," he says as we stand to board the plane. "That was really cheesy."

I laugh, and we walk onto the platform, bumping shoulders and joking with each other in a way that reminds me of how much we have together, and it reassures me that no matter what happens, if we leave the Volturi, stay, or do something else incredibly wild, I will have Edward with me.

As long as I have him, I will be able to continue for another millennia and maybe then some, because I am happy for the first time that I can remember.