= Be My Last=

It is Sunday. The spring wind that has brought Nezumi back to Shion the same way it had taken him away four years ago, blows with force against the windows in Shion's small apartment imprisoning them indoors but they aren't complaining. There is nowhere else they want to be. They watch the plantation outside the building from where they lie on Shion's bed, the way the trees shudder, shake and bend in union, helpless in the wind's overwhelming power.

Neither of them talks. They have been doing that for two days, day and night, ever since Nezumi returned. Shion feels like he still has a million questions to ask him but right now they just share the quietness. The bedroom's silence is disturbed only by the reigning wind outside. The mice are asleep, huddled close on the tiny pet bed in the living room. It is around noon but the sun is hidden behind thick layers of leaden clouds. It could also be dawn, or early evening… They don't care anyway. Neither of them is keeping track of time. Not anymore.

Shion lies still on his side, holding Nezumi's hand. When he turns away from the window and looks up at him, he catches his silvery gaze already trained on himself. He brings Nezumi's hand up in between them and continues to stare into his eyes. He thinks he'll never get used to the way they seem to glow. It takes his breath away every single time. Luminescent orbs of liquefied silver. A pair of glass cages containing a typhoon. One not so unlike the typhoon that caused their meeting eight years ago.

The day Shion's life changed forever.

Shion wonders what is going through Nezumi's mind right now. His eyes are calm, steady… brilliant. He seems comfortable… he seems at ease. His gaze caresses Shion's soul, embraces his heart. Shion feels his breath catch in his throat.

"There is something I've been wanting to tell you." Shion says with wary.

Nezumi raises a single eyebrow. A perfect arch indicating his curiosity. He also turns to his side to face him fully.

"And what could that be?"

Shion remains quiet for a while. His heart picks up pace and a wave of sweat comes over him. His neck and face burn and he tries with all his might to keep his hands still so Nezumi doesn't feel them shake. He doesn't want to be ridiculed. He wants to be taken seriously. Even if it is just for this one time. Just once. He wills himself to continue for he knows what he will say is his absolute truth. He opens his mouth and it feels like the words are literally coming out of his heart with a throbbing ache.

"I love you, Nezumi."

Shion's heart is beating so fiercely he can feel it shake the whole bed. But for a moment, he feels another thud, echoing his own heartbeat and wonders if the source is not his heart but someone else's, who shares the same bed with him now.

Nezumi doesn't reply though. He continues to gaze at him. His eyes intense and his face frustratingly expressionless.

At least he didn't make fun of me, or criticized my linguistic abilities.

The silence forces Shion to continue.

"I tried to tell you this before. But I… I wasn't entirely sure myself what this was yet," he continues.

"My entire world was…is you and I feel like a very important part of me disappears when… when I can't be by your side…"

Shion looks down at their hands. The sight of Nezumi's long, slender fingers entwined to his own sends his heart into another disarray. When he looks up, Nezumi's entrenched gaze meets him.

"I am not like you. I am not good with words. I'm not so impressively articulate the way you are. I don't know how to explain this feeling. I just know I feel it. It has been there for all this time… always. It is stronger and deeper than anything I have ever felt before. Almost painful. Right here," Shion places Nezumi's hand over his fiercely beating heart.

Nezumi's eyes show a tint of change. Something in their very depths shifts with an undercurrent wave of emotions.

"I love you." Shion repeats.

"I know," replies Nezumi with a sigh.

He pulls his hand from Shion's hold and raises it to his face instead. His gaze moves to his hair as he brushes aside his long snowy locks.

"I've known it then and I know it now. I've always known, Shion. I figured it out probably way before you did."

Shion closes his eyes to his touch. When he talks his voice shakes with his emotions.

"When you were gone… sometimes… at night, I'd wonder. If I had told you this then… would you…"

He opens his eyes to look at Nezumi.

"… would you still leave…"

"I would."

There is no hesitation in Nezumi's voice. Shion feels it sting just a little bit but Nezumi doesn't lie. He never lies. And it isn't as if Shion thought he would stay anyway.

"… That's what I thought too."

"Do you know why though?"

Shion stares into his eyes.

"I can only guess."

"Because no matter what I have told you that day on that hill or what you have told me, you weren't the reason I left. I just had to leave, Shion. It wasn't your fault. I couldn't stay. I can spend a lifetime with you trying to explain this, but it would still be impossible."

He continues after holding his hand again.

"And like I said… I already knew you were a bit more than 'drawn to me'. So yes, Your Enamored Airheadedness, I'd still leave."

"Then there was nothing I could do to make you stay?"

"I don't think so, Shion. I don't respond too well to bondage."

Shion watches the corner of his mouth curl upwards and hears himself chuckle.

"I'm glad."

Nezumi's eyes widen.

"That bondage is not my thing? Been having worries, Shion?"

"NO!" Shion frowns with embarrassment and smacks Nezumi's hand. "That there was nothing else I could have done to make you stay."

He continues with heartfelt honesty,

"Because that means I had no control over it. I always… I kept asking myself the same question. Blaming myself for not telling you then… I thought I could have changed it. Somehow, someway. If I had said the right thing, did the right thing… But now I know it wouldn't have made a difference. I'm relieved. "

"Blaming yourself-" Nezumi stops halfway. His grey eyes bear a heavy expression as they glint and his eyebrows knit together.

"Blaming yourself because I left…" There seems to be something bitter imbued in his voice.

Shion feels small.

"I couldn't help it, Nezumi. For a long time… I believed I had made you leave. Because… I wasn't good enough. I wasn't strong enough… I didn't know how to protect myself, let alone protect you. You… you almost died because of me… Nezumi, I almost lost you… I wasn't trustworthy… I wasn't reliable-"

"Shion, stop. Stop." Nezumi puts a finger against his lips."Just stop."

Shion feels his soul burn in flames when he sees the pain in Nezumi's gaze. The memory of their last conversation on the hill reflects in his grey eyes. Every word still echo in their minds. Hung in air between them as evident as the storm raging outside. Shion bites his bottom lip and reaches out for his face, ready to mutter an apology but Nezumi beats him to it.

"You… you really are so stupid Shion. Sometimes I just can't believe how stupid you can be for a genius. Can't you understand…? "

He grimaces, "No, I guess you can't…"

He stares into his eyes with frustration and impatience, then speaks the words as if he is spitting out poison, his hatred for his own weakness tangible in every word,

"Shion, I was terrified."

"I know. Of me."

"NO!" Nezumi shakes him. His silver eyes squint in an expression like agony, he clenches his jaw and Shion sees that he is struggling to say something.

"Not of you damn it… Of… us."

Shion feels the words hit him. It feels like being struck by lightning.

"U-us?"

"Us… you and me."

And this time it is Nezumi looking down. He avoids eye contact and Shion thinks he can definitely feel Nezumi's heartbeat through the mattress. He wants to touch his face but fearing that Nezumi might not let him; Shion tightens his hold on his hands instead and replies,

"I thought I understood why you had left. Because of your past. Because of our past. And partially, because of me… But, I didn't think it was the idea of 'us' that scared you. To me… it always felt natural. It felt right. It has always been the only thing in the world that made sense to me."

"That's why it was terrifying… "

Nezumi meets his gaze.

"It still IS terrifying Shion."

Shion's stomach twists upon hearing his words. He feels like Nezumi could slip away into the hungry wind outside his windows any moment and he would be left here all alone to cope with his loss… again. He sees for the first time how much Nezumi is struggling to stay. That a part of him, still wants to run away. The pain is almost unbearable even though Nezumi is right there with him.

"Then… How… How did you come back?"

Shion feels his soul tear apart as if Nezumi is already gone. He bites his lip before adding,

"If you are still terrified… of us… then, why would you come back?"

Nezumi's eyes lock onto his. Shion thinks he has never seen his gaze so open before, a pair of bottomless grey, revealing everything that he is with all of his virtues and flaws and there is so much to bear in his gaze, Shion feels tears forming in his eyes.

"Why do you think?" Nezumi replies and his voice is thick, almost rough with emotion.

Shion's heart expands inside his chest, beating painfully hard against his ribs. An aching sensation makes its way down his stomach and settles inside his abdomen. His lips reach for Nezumi's but he doesn't need to reach far, Nezumi meets him mid-way with a similar resolve reflecting in his eyes.

It feels like throwing gasoline in fire. In mere seconds, they are breathing hard, uneven and out of control against each other's lips. Nezumi's hands make their way into his hair as Shion pulls him to himself by the shirt and responds to his tongue's every move inside his mouth. His taste… Nezumi's taste is saturating. His own brand of chemical induced high. With each dip, Shion feels himself ascending. Wherever he is going, he is determined to take Nezumi with him, so he does his best to keep up with his pace, his demanding lips, tongue, teeth… his whole body.

Shion doesn't question or think about anything. His mind has never been so clear, so quiet. When Nezumi's lips involuntarily release his own, gasping for air, he simply leaves himself to his instincts and senses. Rolling onto his back, he pulls Nezumi with him and he is immediately attacked by a new, maddening wave of lust when Nezumi doesn't pull away, but instead leans in to claim his lips again, his upper body now hovering over Shion's.

Nezumi's hands travel down the sides of his head to his neck, his thumb tracing over the pale pink scar over his skin. His left hand slowly continues to slide down until it's met with the V neck line of Shion's shirt over his collarbones. Caressing along the side of Shion's arm he holds Shion's hand and pulls it up to the side of his head on the pillow, his own hand kneading into it. Shion's head rolls back as Nezumi kisses him hard enough to bury him in his own bed. When their lungs protest with the lack of oxygen, they break away panting but Nezumi doesn't stop.

His beautiful face descends, his long raven bangs tickle Shion's jaw and his lips close over the soft skin below Shion's left ear. A long throaty moan escapes from Shion's mouth as his free hand holds the back of Nezumi's neck and his fingers bury themselves in the silky locks of Nezumi's hair. Shion feels his tongue over his blazing skin, right over the light swelling of his scar and for a moment, he sees stars at his plain, cream colored ceiling with the amount of pleasure he is feeling.

"Nn-Nezumiii…" he breathes out with need.

Nezumi raises his head and gazes into his eyes with burning intensity, long enough to send a shiver down Shion's back. They are pressed so close, Nezumi feels him shiver and a soft smile forms on his lips. Shion wants to disappear in his infinite sky gaze, dissolve into intangible pieces with the heat of Nezumi's body and lose himself completely in everything that is him. He wants to feel his smile over his own lips, not just see it, so he pulls him over himself, and one more time, Nezumi obeys. When their lips meet again, with a much tender, sensual kiss, Shion feels Nezumi's arms slide underneath his body and in a single moment, Shion is in Nezumi's arms.

Nezumi is embracing him.

Over the past 8 years, Shion had wanted countless times to reach out and hold Nezumi but he had always refrained from doing so. Not wanting to anger him, or hear Nezumi tease him about wanting to do something as childish as hugging him, Shion had always held himself back. But now, lying on his back and being embraced by Nezumi as their lips merge in ways Shion previously thought was not possible, his heart aches fiercely and he feels tears rising one more time.

This is Nezumi…

He is holding me.

He is kissing me and holding me.

This is… Nezumi.

Nezumi.

Shion hears a choking sound and realizes it is coming from him. Nezumi pulls away only enough to take a look at him and his expression changes rapidly from wonder to worry. He raises his hand and touches the wetness on Shion's cheeks.

"Shion…"

"I'm sorry," Shion whispers.

Nezumi's eyebrows knit together in uncertainty.

"Why are you crying?"

"It's nothing." Shion tries to smile through tears. "I'm just really happy."

Nezumi's usual amused look claims his features. But Shion thinks that, maybe, he can see something else there, behind that skillfully crafted mask. Something warm and kind: affection.

"You are actually crying with happiness?" he muses.

"You hugged me."

"I beg your pardon?" Nezumi asks completely baffled.

"If you don't count the hug two days ago when you returned, this is the first time you ever hugged me."

Shion feels like an idiot every time he tries to explain something like this to him when he himself doesn't understand half of his body's reactions to Nezumi and everything he does.

Nezumi merely stares at him for a long time. When he finally talks, there is a distinctive tone of wonder in his voice,

"Every time I think I finally figured out a part of you, you reveal something else. I thought I at least knew this about you. I thought I knew exactly how much you-" he doesn't finish and frowns instead, apparently struggling to say the words.

"How much I love you?" Shion helps.

"Yeah… That… I've been kissing you at every chance for the last two days, but you go and cry when I embrace you."

He gives Shion a funny look.

"It is impossible, isn't it? To actually grasp the thoughts that goes through that complex mind of yours."

Shion chuckles.

"What's so funny?" Nezumi ask, raising an eyebrow.

"Just you," Shion replies smiling at him. "Hearing you of all people say that is funny."

Nezumi leans in with a dangerous smile.

"And what exactly do you imply by that, Shion?"

"That you have a very complex and hard to understand mind yourself." Shion manages to say before his is distracted with Nezumi's lips grazing over his jaw line.

"Mmm…" Nezumi hums against his mouth. "I like keeping my thoughts to myself. Makes for good surprise."

Shion tries to focus on the conversation but Nezumi is effectively terminating every chain of thought in his mind with his lips brushing over the corner of his mouth.

"I… uhm… I just think…oh!" Shion gasps when Nezumi's mouth finds his earlobe and starts sucking on it.

Shion's eyes roll back in his head with pleasure and he buries his fingers in Nezumi's hair, his other hand still entwined to Nezumi's hand on the pillow, losing track of everything that isn't his touch, his kiss, or his voice.

The sky grumbles with a deep thunder and the wind threatens to invade their sanctuary. But Shion doesn't care. After four years of immeasurable suffering, crippling sense of incompleteness and unbearable longing, Nezumi is finally here. Shion doesn't need to sleep on the cramped couch in the library just so he can feel close to him with the prominent smell of the books. He doesn't need to reach for his jean pockets and pull out the tiny notes with Nezumi's elegant handwriting which he had written to his mother when they lived in the West Block. He doesn't need to suppress his urge to cry when he feels like he can't take it anymore. Nezumi is here, in his arms, breathing life into him, awakening his every benumbed nerve and cell with the fire of his hands, his lips and his tongue.

"Nezumi…" Shion whispers against his lips.

The luminescent grey of Nezumi's eyes seems to glow brighter when Shion looks up at him. His raven bangs softly cradle the face Shion has long memorized. Brushing his hair behind his ear Shion cups his cheek and whispers with a helplessly weak voice,

"You are so beautiful."

Nezumi looks at him as if he doesn't know what to say to that. Shion thinks he can barely suppress an urge to roll his eyes. Leaning in for another kiss, Nezumi murmurs against his lips,

"You are still a natural."

And this time, he lets his whole body fall on top of Shion's as his tongue dives deep inside his mouth. Holding Shion's face securely with a single hand, he lowers himself onto him and Shion feels his skin catch fire under the clothes everywhere it makes contact with Nezumi's body. With their bodies pressed so close, there is nothing left to hide. Shion's blood boils in his veins and sends waves of heated passion as he feels how fully Nezumi is enjoying this. He throws his head back, unable to help himself and moans with aching pleasure. Nezumi uses this opportunity to leave a trail of open mouthed kisses on his now exposed neck, across his pale pink scar and then, abruptly, he grinds against him.

"Ahhhhh!"

Blood rushes to his face and Shion's hands fly to his mouth to stop the sounds he is making from getting out of control.

Nezumi's slender hand closes around Shion's and gently pries his fingers open one by one over his mouth and he speaks into Shion's ear.

"Don't. Let me hear you."

Shion can't keep up with all the sensations he is feeling, the grazing touch of Nezumi's tongue over his neck, the weight of Nezumi's heated body pressed hard against him and his voice, his maddening voice, whispering in his ear to not keep quiet, breathing heavily against his skin. Right when he thinks he has got it under control and can now focus on returning some attention to Nezumi, he grinds against Shion yet again, only this time he doesn't stop. One of his hands sneaks in between their bodies and Shion feels his touch on his bare stomach under the shirt he is wearing. His abdomen convulses beneath Nezumi's palm and all Shion can do is to remain conscious and writhe in pure lust.

"Shion…" Nezumi murmurs in his ear. The needful tremor in his voice sends another shiver down Shion's spine and he thinks he will disintegrate into thin air, simply dissolve like vapor just by being so close to Nezumi's warmth.

Nezumi leans his forehead against Shion's, one hand entwined to his, the other grazing over his stomach and he murmurs again with the same tremor in his voice.

"Shion… let me touch you."

Touch me?

Isn't he already touching me?

Shion's heart stops between frantic thuds. Understanding dawns on him and he feels his body temperature rise by several degrees. Everything aside, the realization of Nezumi asking for permission to touch him gives Shion the strongest heartache he has ever felt in his life. The mere thought of feeling Nezumi's long and slender fingers down there makes his legs quiver. Nezumi patiently waits his answer, his breath ghosting over his lips and Shion can only speak out one shaky word,

"O-okay."

Nezumi looks into his eyes with tenderness. He kisses his forehead and Shion feels his hand fumble with the front of his pants. Anticipation, nervousness and the intensity of his feelings grow in volumes within the depths of his body. He feels his button pop open and his zipper being pulled down. A thin layer of fabric is now the only thing between his burning flesh and Nezumi's hand. Nezumi props himself up on a single elbow on the bed, brushing Shion's white locks of hair with his fingers and he kisses him on the lips. And while his mouth moves hungrily over Shion's, his other hand finds the outline of his underwear and the tips of his fingers slowly slip underneath them. Shion breaks away from the kiss and throws his head back on the pillows, gasping wildly for air as Nezumi's hand… Nezumi's hand… reaches to the very depths of his most private area and closes around his throbbing hardness.

"Mmm, N-Nezumi... uhh"

"Relax Shion… It's okay. Breathe." Nezumi's soothing voice calms Shion's panicking mind effectively but does nothing to slow down his frantic heartbeat. Involuntarily, Shion pulls his legs up and spreads them on either side of Nezumi. Wrapping his arms around his shoulders, he pulls Nezumi to himself with the insatiable need to be even closer to him.

Nezumi begins to gently but firmly move his hand up and down his length in slow, aching strokes. He leans in to kiss Shion's whimpering lips, setting the rhythm of his kiss in sync with his strokes. Shion feels something gradually rise from within the very depths of his body, something that will surely destroy him as it ascends in vast waves, blinding him, clouding his mind, burning him from the inside with its crushing heat. He thinks his body can't possibly handle such an intense feeling and he can't stop from moaning out in unrestrained pleasure against Nezumi's lips.

"Nez...umi... mmm... "

Nezumi's thumb brushes over the tip of his erection and Shion loses it. His hips move on their own accord and he thrusts into Nezumi's hand as a loud groan tears through his throat. Embarrassment swells in his stomach for losing control, revealing Nezumi just how desperately he truly needs him but he just can't help himself.

Nezumi doesn't even flinch though. Demanding his lips one more time, he quickens the pace of his strokes and tightens his hold on Shion's erection. When Nezumi pulls his head back to let Shion moan needfully, Shion sees his grey eyes just an inch away from his face. He can feel Nezumi take long needful breaths against his mouth as his exhales brush over his lips. He is just as much aroused as Shion is and understanding that mere fact becomes at least as effective as the hand over Shion's erection in bringing him to the edge.

"N-Ne...zu..mi… I'm… I'm going to… Uhhh"

Nezumi continues to stare into his eyes as his hand pumps Shion's erection faster and harder. There is nothing else in the world but those pair of grey, grey eyes and his hand. Shion's eyes roll back in his head as inarticulate exclamations of lust flow out of his mouth. Nezumi leans in and his lips find his ear beneath the mess of ivory hair and he whispers,

"Come, Shion. Let go. Come for me."

Those last three words are what do it. Shion's back arches as his final thrust into Nezumi's hand pushes him beyond the edge. His orgasm ripples through his body in waves and Shion's fingers dig into Nezumi's back crying out his name. He vaguely notices a brilliant jolt of thunder flash across the sky outside the window as he comes, as if nature was a mere junction of his being, acting out according to what he feels.

Nezumi holds him gently as the final shivers of Shion's release leave his body and he falls limp, sweaty and spent on the bed, his arms still around Nezumi's shoulders in a tight embrace. Nezumi holds him against his chest, leaning in to his overheated body. Shion feels him caress his hair.

Rain.

When the rush of his blood roaring inside his head somewhat quiets, Shion hears rain. He has no idea when it has started. Probably somewhere between Nezumi's burning silver gaze and his violent orgasm. Loosening his stranglehold on Nezumi, Shion buries his head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his dizzying scent.

"I love you, Nezumi," he whispers with his voice still thick with his numbing afterglow.

"I know," he hears him whisper back.

"I love you… I love you… I love you so much," Shion repeats helplessly.

Nezumi pulls away to look at him. His hand brushes Shion's damp hair behind his ear and he leans into kiss the last traces of his tears away. Shion watches his Adam's apple move as he breathes against his forehead. So close to him. So very close.

Shion raises his head searching for his lips as if in a trance and Nezumi is there to meet him. The kiss is slow, rising and falling with sensual tides akin to the ocean Shion has never seen. Although he has just had the most intense orgasm of his life, Shion incredulously feels something stir within his body. Nezumi shifts his weight over him, leaning forward and pushes Shion's head back on the pillow, his tongue sliding inside his mouth with a short, gasping inhale. When he presses his body against him, Shion realizes how hard he is and how much it must be paining him to hold back.

"Nezumi?"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." Nezumi replies to his unasked question. But when he leans closer, pressing his crotch against Shion's body, his head drops against Shion's forehead and a long throaty groan escapes his mouth.

"Nezumi… please… I … I want you to come too."

"If you continue to talk like that, I will." Nezumi's replies hoarsely. He holds Shion's face and kisses him roughly on the lips with untamed lust.

He is like the storm. An element of nature itself. Eyes of moonlight, hands like summer rain, passion like a storm… A typhoon.

Shion stares into his hypnotizing, molten, grey eyes, feeling Nezumi's hands run along the sides of his body and his lips over his skin. He closes his eyes and he feels like he is being swept away. Such ascension, such an uncontrollable, primal, wild sensation… He wants to be naked before him. Naked and ready to be taken away by the storm that is Nezumi.

Shion's hands make their way down Nezumi's sides and slide underneath his shirt. His heart threatens to leap out of his chest when he feels Nezumi's tight muscles beneath his hands. Nezumi responds to his touch with a loud, unrestricted groan. It's a sound Shion has never heard from him before. A sound full of need. Electric currents jolt through his languid nerves, setting them ablaze with a second wave of irresistible desire. Shion awakens from his refractory lethargy and his entire being focuses on the man in his arms.

Shion wants him.

He wants Nezumi to take him.

"Nezumi..."

Shion pushes him back to sit up. Nezumi pulls away with surprise but it is nothing compared to the look in his eyes when Shion pulls his shirt up and clumsily yanks it off of his head.

Nezumi stares at his bare chest and Shion can physically feel his gaze on his skin, tingling and prickling; sweeping across the winding scar around his figure. Nezumi finally looks at Shion's face, deep into his eyes.

"Shion…" He says his name lowly, his voice breaking at the last syllable.

Then without speaking, Nezumi takes his own shirt off with a single, frustratingly elegant motion and claims Shion's lips again with a snarl.

Shion falls back on the bed with Nezumi on top of him, feeling his warm skin against his and he finds out that it is actually quite easy to position Nezumi where he wants him to be; between his legs, hovering over him. Every line, crook and muscle of Nezumi's body exposes itself to Shion's exploring hands. He is beautiful… His body is the archetype of perfection and Shion can't even comprehend how, this man could be in his arms. His hands run down his back and Shion feels his burn scar below his shoulder blades. Tracing its outline with his fingertips Shion pulls Nezumi closer as an overwhelming urge to protect him courses through his heart.

Shion can hear their mutual gasps, moans and the rustling of their clothes and the sheets they are on. Their pants disappear one after the other, thrown somewhere in the room neither of them care. Nezumi's stormy passion consumes everything shielding Shion's skin from his lips. In mere seconds, they are both naked. As the entire room flashes bright with the blinding jolt of a lightening, Shion finds himself mesmerized by the contrast of depth in Nezumi's grey eyes and the raging leaden sky behind him. His silhouette rises above Shion against the swirling clouds and Shion thinks he will definitely lose his mind with how unearthly Nezumi looks.

Nezumi leans in; tugging at the loose ponytail at the back of his head, and his hair falls free around Shion's face when his tongue melts inside his mouth. Shion's arms and legs wrap around him in a desperate, tight knot tugging him to himself. His fingers entangle themselves in his hair. Nezumi gasps and lets a loud groan when their bodies press together. The mere sensation of friction spreading through their entire being is enough to drive them insane. Shion holds on to his mind for dear life because he needs to live through this, he needs to feel Nezumi and give him something, something that could barely be enough to show him how much he loves him.

"Mmmm… Shion…"

Nezumi breathes into his ear. His voice is so thick with desire, so shaky with his need; the core of Shion's being trembles upon hearing it. He reaches between their bodies and his fingertips brush across Nezumi's hard length. A shiver runs down Nezumi's spine. When Shion takes him in his hand Nezumi blindly calls out his name. Shion's hand gets slick with his precum. At first sluggishly and then with increasing confidence Shion starts stroking his erection with a single hand. Nezumi groans into the pillows next to Shion's head and as Shion picks up the pace he feels Nezumi's teeth sink into his collarbone. Shion lets out a loud moan, his arm tightens around Nezumi's shoulders and his own hard on throbs painfully under his hand. Nezumi shifts his weight, spreads Shion's fingers open and takes both of their erections in his hand. Shion's hand is still under Nezumi's grip and then Shion loses everything when Nezumi starts stroking their pressed lengths at the same time. Behind his tightly shut eyelids, Shion sees blinding flashes of light, his head spins, every muscle tenses and he moans, his fingers scratching angry red lines on Nezumi's back in complete abandon.

He knows if he waits another second, it will be too late.

"Ne…ah.. Ne-zumi!"

Shion untangles his free hand from Nezumi's shoulder and extends it to his right apparently reaching for something. Nezumi follows his gaze and then looks back at him with a puzzled expression.

"The… night… stand… top… drawer…" he manages to say through his pants and after a moment of surprise Nezumi leans over him, reaching for the drawer. Shion hears him fumble through his underwear.

"What do you wa-" Nezumi prepares to ask but stops midway and he pulls out his hand holding a small tube. He stares at it for a long time and then his gaze finds Shion's flushed face.

"Is this what you want?"

"Y-Yes."

The muscles in Nezumi's arms twitch and Shion sees him swallow. The throbbing ache between his legs intensifies when he sees the fiery look on his face.

"Shion…"

"Please… Nezumi…" Shion hears the plea in his voice. "Please… I… I want to feel you."

Nezumi's breath catches in his throat. Shion feels his erection throb in his hand. He wants to continue, to explain it to him, how for the past 4 years he has been wanting this. How he fought insanity here, on this very bed when his longing for Nezumi became unbearable and he had to use his own hand to quench his need. How after every release, he always felt small and insignificant and lonely and infinitely empty and how even now, when they are so close, closer than Shion ever thought they would be, it isn't even fractionally enough. Shion feels something hot sting in his eyes.

Nezumi's eyes reflect the storm outside. He leans in and takes Shion in his arms. Kissing away the trickling tears that escape, he stares into Shion's eyes.

"Shion… are you sure? We… we don't have to. We can wait."

Shion pulls him closer as his entire body cries with need.

"F-four years, Nezumi… Four years… please… please."

He hears him take in a tremulous breath.

"Shion… it will hurt."

Shion pulls his head back to look at Nezumi. There is so much in his grey eyes; conflict, worry, desire, pain, fear. Shion doesn't even want to think how Nezumi knows it will hurt. An iron hand closes tight around his heart and he feels his chest constrict with palpitation. He leans into kiss his lips and then replies with a thick voice,

"I don't care... It's you, Nezumi, it's you. I don't care."

"Shion…"

Nezumi whispers in his ear and his lips brush against his skin. He is swaying on the line between holding back and giving in and Shion can feel it in every kiss Nezumi plants on his neck. He spreads his legs wider apart, pulls Nezumi closer onto him and lets his hands roam freely up and down his back. Nezumi groans against his neck, almost a snarl, his hand clenching around the little tube. He finally raises his head from the crook of Shion's neck and looks at him.

And Shion doesn't know what love is, if it isn't the warmth in Nezumi's grey eyes.

"I trust you." Shion says.

And he doesn't need to say more because Nezumi sits up and pours out half of the lube on his fingers. His soaked hand reaches down between their bodies. He stares into Shion's eyes as his hand slips beneath the smooth skin of his testicles and touches his puckered flesh. It is the most intimate thing Shion has ever felt in his life. His blood ascends to his face, his heartbeat becomes erratic and Shion just wants him to do it. If it takes any longer, he fears he'll black out without even feeling Nezumi inside him.

Nezumi's finger presses against his entrance and Shion commands his body to accept him as he inches his way in.

Shion groans under his breath as every single one of his muscles tense, and he feels himself twitch around Nezumi's finger. His glowing grey eyes never leave Shion's face, his lips only a few inches away from Shion's trembling lips. When Nezumi, slowly eases in a second finger, Shion bites his lip and throws his head back, trying to cope with the uncomfortable sense of wanting to push him out.

"Breathe," he hears Nezumi's voice. His voice is so low, so unsteady it sends a shiver down Shion's spine. He does as Nezumi says and takes in a deep breath. As he exhales, Nezumi's fingers ease all the way in and Shion wonders how, his entire neural system can be concentrated where his fingers are moving inside him, catching against his soft flesh when he still has a painfully throbbing erection between his legs. Nezumi inserts a third finger and Shion feels himself stretch with an ache around his fingers.

"Ahhhh… N-Nezumi…"

His grey eyes still hold his gaze. Nezumi leans in and kisses him on the lips with unrestricted desire. His fingers move in and out of Shion's entrance and when he splays them inside him, pressing hard against his inner walls, Shion's groan mounts to a scream. Nezumi's name spills out from his lips and Shion's fingers dig into his back.

Then the pressure is gone and Shion feels strangely empty. He looks down and watches Nezumi pour the rest of the lube in his palm. He spreads it evenly over his erection and when he looks up into Shion's eyes, Shion's heart loses whatever rhythm it had left. Nezumi's glowing grey eyes has darkened. They are ignited with a numinous inner flame, much like a pair of dark rain clouds with heavy electricity. Shion's very core trembles as his gaze consumes him. Inexplicably Shion finds himself drawn to him. Nezumi becomes the center of gravity and inevitably, Shion reaches forward tugging Nezumi down onto him and seals his lips shut with a hungry snarl.

Nezumi pushes him back on the bed and his lips move over Shion's in a ravaging kiss. His tongue dives deep inside his mouth and Shion feels him position himself between his legs. His one hand makes its way down the side of his body, across his hip and comes to a halt over his thigh. Nezumi pushes his legs upwards and leans in. Something warm and wet presses against Shion's entrance and he almost wants to thrust himself down onto him with reckless oblivion. Nezumi breaks away from the kiss heavily panting, leans his forehead against Shion's and speaks through his jagged breaths,

"Shion… take a deep breath… "

Shion inhales. The pressure at his entrance intensifies.

"Now… slowly, exhale…"

Shion lets his lungs release the air and a scream tears through his throat, the loudest as of yet when Nezumi thrusts into him with a single motion... Hard but slowly. Lights fade out from Shion's sight; the sky crumbles on the clouds outside, rain seems to forget falling and every drop remains suspended in air. Silence cuts through the wind and Shion can only hear his own voice echoing in his head until he feels Nezumi's hand in his hair, and hears him speak into his ear,

"Shhh, shhh… Breathe. Shion, breathe."

It hurts but for the first time in his life, Shion feels full. He tries to breathe and his muscles twitch around Nezumi's length and it is such an intense feeling having Nezumi inside him, so foreign, so unreal, so unbearably right Shion feels on the verge of crying.

"Uh… S-Shion… do you want me to stop?"

No. Don't.

Never stop.

I'm yours.

I've always been yours.

Nezumi.

Nezumi…

Shion swallows thickly and can only manage to shake his head. His hands make their way down his back and he pulls Nezumi to himself as their eyes burn into each other. Nezumi slides all the way in and Shion just stops being. He is no longer Shion. No longer a single entity. He can feel Nezumi's pulse throb inside him, within the core of his body, spreading through his being in sensual echoes. He can feel his frantic heartbeat against his skin and although he is the one taken by him, Shion feels inexplicably lost in him.

"Ohh.. Shion…" Nezumi moans and his head drops on Shion's shoulder. Shion can see the muscles in his arms twitch as he starts to slowly pull out of him. When he is almost all the way out, he slides back in with a long, slow penetration.

"Oh God… oh… Sh-Shion… you… mmmmm…so tight," Nezumi breathes out. He is shaking in Shion's arms and his expression shows undivided concentration. Shion's head rolls back on the pillow and he feels something swell inside him, consuming all the ache and nervousness and wary. Something close to starvation. A dull, heated burn for more. As Nezumi takes him in his arms and his pelvis starts moving back and forth in slow, deep thrusts inside him, Shion's lips part and he repeats Nezumi's name through them in unintelligible slurry of moans.

Then Nezumi's hand slides in between their sweating bodies and he curls his fingers around the shaft of Shion's erection. Shion's moans mount to keening sounds and his hips buckle forward, effectively burying Nezumi's shaft deep inside him up to the hilt.

"Oh shit… Shion!"

"Ahhh! N… Nezumi..."

Shion looks down at Nezumi's face through heavy eyelids. Behind his heavenly figure, his mind vaguely registers the flash of a lightening, again, just in time with another deep penetration. Shion can feel his precum ooze from the tip of his erection on to Nezumi's hand as he continues to stroke him in the same rhythm of his thrusts. His grey eyes glint with feral need. His hair oscillates with his movement and Nezumi bites his lip.

"Shion… it… it feels… so good… inside you."

Nezumi whispers into his ear as he hilts himself all the way in. He is so slow, so gentle, it makes Shion ache. He can feel how much Nezumi is holding himself back from the way he breathes in short ragged bursts against his neck. Shion's arms cling tight around his shoulders and Shion whispers back to him.

"Nezumi… please… h-harder…"

"Damn it, Shion… and I'm trying to be nice here." Nezumi grits out through clenched teeth. Shion lifts his face up and finds his lips and the kiss lingers until they are both breathless. Nezumi's hands slide down Shion's sides, he holds Shion securely by the hips and finds a steady grind to his thrusts. At the third thrust Shion's eyes shoot wide open and his groan almost sounds like a scream as Nezumi's erection hits somewhere inside him that sends jolts of blazing passion through his veins.

"Mmmm… Found it," Nezumi murmurs against his neck and his next thrusts finds the same spot, making Shion cry out in ecstasy. It overshadows everything; everything Shion has ever felt his whole life, including the first orgasm Nezumi has given him. His forgets where they are, who they are, what his name is… His nerves burn ablaze, his muscles tense uncontrollably and his mind overflows only with Nezumi… Nezumi and his scent, his hands, his voice, his thrusts. Time dissolves into an inconceivable vastness within Nezumi's pace. With the same lazy rhythm of a swinging pendulum, Nezumi moves inside him, in and out of Shion. Taking him. Making him his.

"AAhh…. Ah… Nezumi… Nezumi… Ne..zumi…"

Nezumi leans forward to kiss Shion's hungry lips. Shion moves with him, trying to meet him with each thrust and soon, Nezumi pulls back from the kiss with a wild groan. His pace picks up as he tugs Shion down onto him. Brilliant white lights flash across Shion's vision as his gut twists with the rise of his orgasm. His hands close into tight fists in Nezumi's hair and he screams out his name over and over again as he feels his heated lust climb from the pit of his stomach, burning every fiber of his being as it ascends.

"Shion… Shion… I'm… so close…"

Nezumi's thrusts become harder and Shion feels an edge at the end of each deep penetration. Cradling Nezumi's head in his arms he manages to push out words reasonlessly through his moans.

"Inside... Uh! Come… Ah! Inside!"

Nezumi's restraint breaks apart upon hearing him. He groans ferally and starts slamming into Shion with lustful abandon. Shion body arches and he almost leaves the bed, screaming out with blind pleasure. One of Nezumi's hands entangles itself in Shion's snowy white hair while the other pins him down on the bed by the hip. Shion feels the heat mount and for a moment he fears he will actually die from this, die with the amount of pleasure before even climaxing, but it only takes another hard, deep thrust to push Shion beyond the edge. His shout echoes in the bedroom as his cum, warm and wet spurts between their pressed bodies in loaded waves and onto his stomach. His whole body tenses, his muscles lock taut; cramping tight around Nezumi's length.

"UGH… Shion… shit… I'm… OH GOD!"

And Nezumi lets out a drawn out, breathless groan as his orgasm ripples through his body, hard and intense. Shion feels his liquid heat spill deep inside him, reaching to the inner most parts of his being and finally putting out the fire that burned him alive everyday for the past four years. Nezumi's whole body trembles in Shion's tight embrace. He doesn't even breathe, he merely remains buried deep within Shion, and shakes uncontrollably until there isn't a drop of cum left inside of him. Then slowly pulling out of him, he falls on top of Shion, and his head rests on his shoulder, one hand still in his white hair and he exhales deeply.

"Shion…"

Shion feels dizzy as sweet aches spread through him, undoing his muscles, making his bones melt and tingles all over his skin. He clings onto Nezumi tighter and realizes there is only one set of heartbeats thudding through the mattress. He lazily smiles to himself and welcomes the sound of rain, as it mercilessly taps against the windows.

Living people are warm.

He thinks to himself. A storm, a boy taking shelter, a pair of hands and a warm body.

Nothing has changed.

And everything has changed.

Shion hears Nezumi take in a deep jagged breath. It somehow sounds off to him.

"Nezumi?"

He doesn't reply. His arms tighten around Shion, and then, incredulously, Shion feels him shake in his arms.

Nezumi is crying.

Shion doesn't know how he knows this. There is no tangible proof that shows this is really the case but Shion knows it as he knows every time Nezumi stares at him when Shion isn't looking. He feels it the way he always feels his gaze, the way he always notices the smile that curve his lips when Shion hands him a cup of hot cocoa. Shion's heart swells in his chest and threatens to choke him. He doesn't know what to say or how to console him. Shion has never seen him cry apart from that one time in the correctional facility when he had cried with guilt. He thinks he knows why he is crying now and if he is right, Nezumi would rather not talk about this. So Shion tugs him closer, kisses the top of his dampen hair and merely holds on to him.

He gives him the silence he so desperately needs but never loosens his hold on him. Nezumi doesn't sob. He doesn't break down, or lose himself. He cries silently, with occasional sighs and mild shivers taking over his limb body. Shion raises one of his hands and strokes his hair. After a while, when the grumbling of the thunder sounds more distant, Nezumi speaks up,

"You are tangling my hair."

Shion smiles to himself.

"It was tangled way before I started playing with it. I'm untangling it."

Nezumi doesn't reply for a while. Right when Shion wonders whether he has fallen asleep or not, he answers him.

"Thank you."

Shion's heart threatens to explode in his chest. He tries his best to control his emotions and replies truthfully.

"Always"

Nezumi lifts his head up from Shion's chest and looks at his face with a quizzical expression. His eyes are dry but they glow with the same brilliance akin to the reflection of moonlight over the surface of calm water.

"Always? What is that? A promise?"

"It is my resolve." Shion replies nuzzling his face in Nezumi's hair.

"You told me that before." Nezumi says slowly.

"I know."

Nezumi looks down at Shion's chest.

"Shion… you know… I wouldn't hold it against you if you had slept with someone else. Four years is a long time."

"It didn't matter. I wanted you to be my first."

Nezumi looks up into his eyes again. Shion thinks he looks proud.

"Now that you accomplished that, Your Highness, what do you have in mind next?"

Shion leans in and kisses him softly on the lips. He brushes his raven locks away from his face as their lips move in a synchronized pace. When Shion pulls away, he indulges himself in the infinite glow of Nezumi's grey, grey eyes and replies with a smile,

"Nothing else but you to be my last."

The End

Ohhh well... I really don't know what to say about this. Let me just apologize first if you thing this isn't realistic or somehow awkward... This is my first time ever attempting fluff and if it wasn't for Brigid (my Bree, my waifu, darkotter14 on Tumblr) I would never write this down and / or have enough courage to post it.

Thank you Bree, I love you.

She also suggested that I should write this whole thing down with Nezumi's POV too... She is trying to tempt me knowing how obsessed I am with the mousykid's brain but hell if I do write it, it will probably be longer than this... Geez... I have no life :P

Please leave comments. I am overly self-conscious about this and I can't post it on DA due to "porn being forbidden". I need feedback.

Thank you for reading. Hope you like it 3