Annie POV

"We are beginning our decent into Washington, please fasten your seatbelts."

That was the voice that jolted me out of my dream.

For a moment, I was momentarily disoriented. My back felt sore and my head was pounding, but once I opened my eyes and was met with the familiarity of a commercial air line, I relaxed. This had been more of a home to me now than my apartment was for about four months.

Four months. Four long, cold, emotionless months; four months of jumping from one flight to another, four months of dodging bullets and assassins with a different voice guiding me in my ear. Four months without hearing from the only voice I had wanted to hear since he left.

Wonder what you're doing right now?

I sighed, preparing myself for the decent into Washington, its been a while since I had been to DC.

Wonder if you're thinking of me?

I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the overhead to take out my one lone duffel and the carryon, following the line of tired first class business men towards the entrance.

I checked my watch, 2:15 AM. If I wasn't on this plane, I thought, then I'd be lying awake.

Wonder how you're holding up?

I walked out of the gates, watching as a couple embraced, turning my head away. I felt every muscle in my body protest as I tried to drag my duffel bag over my shoulder, forgetting that I had already torn it.

It's been four months since I've allowed myself to feel what hurts and what doesn't and boy was my body protesting. It seemed as if every step I took made my muscles flame up.

I slowly made my way out to the parking lot, putting my carryon in the back of the corvette. His corvette. I had managed to get rid of everything that reminded me of him except his car. I just couldn't; the engine was too damn nice.

I threw the car into reverse and slowly rolled out of my parking space, smiling slightly as the engine gave a responding purr. The car seats still smelled like him, I realized, and my foot slammed on the break.

"Pull it together, Walker," I mumbled, and put the car into drive, speeding out of the empty parking lot adjacent to the airport and joining the cars on the highway, speeding towards Langley.

Wonder if you ever dream of me?

I slowed as I approached the security checkpoint, handing the guard my credentials. He let me in with a wave and I parked in my usual place, and got out heading towards the imposing CIA head quarters.

As soon as I opened the doors into the DPD, I was met with absolute silence.

It was understandable, it was after all, around 3:00 AM now. Everyone would be gone by now; everyone, that is, except Joan. If he were still here, then he would be sitting at his desk waiting for me like he had been for over a year now. Until he left.

I walked into Joan's office, handing her my reports, totaling up to over seventy pages; hey, who said it was going to be short? It's been four months, right?

"Annie, wait."

I stopped mid-step, my back already turned away from her.

"Yeah?"

I turned back around, sitting in the chair she motioned me towards with a little wave.

She leaned across her desk, her arms folded.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"It's been a long day."

"You mean it's been a long four months."

"I'm fine," I repeated, my voice monotone.

"Annie, there were several times where we could've lost you in those four months, you should see one of the counselors we have here."

As if I didn't remember. It had been four months of having a different voice in my ear, not his voice, but Stu's.

I shook my head, "I can handle it. I'm ready for the next op, if you guys need one."

There was a light pause.

"When was the last time you slept?"

I shrugged, "A few minutes ago on the plane, why?"

Joan shook her head, her eyes boring into mine, "No, I mean really slept, as in you slept in a bed for the whole night."

I opened my mouth, ready to say last night, but when I thought about it, I honestly couldn't remember when I had "really slept."

"You're not fine, we both know that Annie."

"But I'll be fine, as long as I have something to do," I answer her quietly.

I would rather be running from destination to destination than have time to think about him, having to think about all the chances when I could've told him how I felt was worse to me than being shot. I would rather not sleep, because if I slept I would dream of him and I at Allen's just hanging out. I would rather not stay home because even at home I still have flashbacks of our good times together.

"Come in tomorrow morning an hour late and I'll see if we have anything we can give you," Joan answers reluctantly.

"But I mean it when I say you should really sleep, take care of yourself Annie, I can't afford another loss."

I nod, knowing exactly what she's referring to. We both knew Auggie wasn't coming back.

I looked in the bathroom mirror, stark naked, my eyes tracing over the yellowing bruises on my shoulder and the dark purpled ones along my collar bone. I scanned over my thigh, seeing an ugly bruise developing and realized that I had sprained my ankle.

I hadn't felt any of this today.

That's because you got used to feeling nothing. You had four months, after all to get used to it.

I stepped into the shower, letting the hot water try and soothe my sore muscles and try and wash away my already sad thoughts.

Wonder if you're ever coming back.

I began to think, what if I had told him before he left, would he have stayed with me? What if I had told him before the mission, would things have been different?

And above all, I wondered, what if he had stayed.

The tears that I had been holding back for so long finally escaped, mingling with the water. I leaned my head against the cool tile, my body shaking with silent sobs and pain. I continued to stand in the spray until the water began to cool, until my tears finally stopped.

I turned the water off, disoriented for a second; I had grown so used to the crappy motels that my own apartment now looked alien.

I grabbed a towel and toweled myself dry, stepping into the bathrobe I had hung on the door. I came out of the bathroom and immediately crawled into bed,

I was completely exhausted, but as I had predicted earlier, I couldn't sleep. So my mind began to drift off to people and events I had kept locked up so tight in my head. The main subject now, was Auggie.

The pain of him leaving literally felt just as fresh as the day he had actually left, leaving me with a sarcastic remark: "I can literally hear you smiling."

"No Aug," I whispered, now semi-unconscious, "I wasn't smiling."

My heart had cracked, but he hadn't heard that. He was already walking off, each step he took took him further away from me. Each step made the tears I was keeping back slide down my face.

"I miss you."

I fell asleep with his name on my lips

I breezed into Langley in the morning, all traces of last night's tears gone.

"Annie."

I turned and Jai Wilcox fell into step beside me, a folder tucked under his arm.

"Been a while."

I nodded, "Yeah, been kinda busy. How's running Special Ops treating you?"

He shrugged, "Fine, better than being told what to do all the time."

We both slid into the elevator, him hitting the eleventh floor and me hitting the tenth.

"You haven't been here in a while, what's up with that?"

"I had a lot of work to do."

I waited for the elevator to open up, my stomach churning; he wanted something, or he had something to tell me.

"Well, I was wondering-

"Can you get to the point, Jai?" I cut him off sharply, and seeing his surprised and slightly hurt expression, backed off.

"Sorry, got back pretty late last night. I guess I didn't get enough sleep."

He nodded, his cool demeanor back on, "It's fine. I was just wondering if you knew where Anderson was."

I felt my breath catch in my throat and had to remind myself to breath before I answered him.

"No, where is he?"

Jai shrugged, "I don't know, heard he's still in Eritrea, at the Peace Corps."

I laughed, "The Peace Corps? That doesn't sound like him."

I still couldn't say his name.

He shrugged just as the doors opened. "Just what I heard," he paused, looking at me funny, "Isn't this your floor?"

I nodded, "Yeah, by Jai."

I walked out, slightly flustered.

"Annie," I looked up to see Joan, her hair and dress immaculately perfect as usual, "A word."

I nodded and walked up the stairs, joining her in her office.

"Yes?"

"Last night you asked me if I had an assignment for you, well something just landed and needs our immediate attention. We have an operative captured deep in the horn of Africa, near the red sea. A hangar will take you out to Eritrea, from there you will be going to the Peace Corps stationed and ask around for some information, they must've heard something. Once you know, you -

Someone cleared his throat behind us.

I turned to see Jai Wilcox leaning against the door frame.

"I believe you forgot to mention that I would be accompanying Annie."

I felt like a kid being stuck between her parents.

"You and Jai," Joan began again, her voice dripping with ice, "will be going. You have an hour to pack and get back here. Good luck."