A/N: Hi lovelies… I'm so sorry it's been eight long months since I've written. I've continued posting in roleplays as Finn, but the last seven months of my life have been filled with so many changes, both good and bad… and some very painful. This last change, the one we all endured together, has rocked me to my core. Like so many of you, I feel I owe Cory Monteith with everything I have… He truly changed me for the better, and in so many ways. I found a home in the glee fandom, the Montourage in particular, and Finn Hudson has come to help define a very real piece of who I am. I know both Cory and his fictitious counterpart will be with me forever.
I was stunned by the number of messages in my inbox when I logged onto this site for the first time in months, moved to the point of tears. Some were sent before Cory's passing and others came after, but every single one of them meant the world to me. I had no idea you all had been so touched by this story, as well as Don't Tell Me. I can't let that fandom camaraderie disappear, and I can't let Finn and Finchel's stories go untold. No matter how they handle Cory's, and thus Finn's absence on the show, I want to go on knowing that they're both very much alive in the day-to-day thoughts of this fandom. After going back and forth about what I wanted to do, I decided to keep roleplaying, and to return to my fanfiction. This story… well, writing this story last year helped me through so much, and I feel like I would be doing myself and the characters that inspired it a dishonor if I did not finish it. I'm hoping that writing these stories for all of you again will help me heal, and more than anything, I hope it helps you, too.
You know, sometimes, you can just be skating along in life and then boom… You're on your ass. And I don't mean like a metaphor… I mean you actually fall on your butt. I laughed as I tried to roll onto my front on the ice, sighing as I felt Rachel's hands tugging on my coat. Because she was volunteering as a carol singer in one of NYADA's fundraising groups, we had decided to stay in New York for Christmas, taking advantage of the empty apartment while Santana and Kurt were visiting everyone back in Ohio. Of course, I thought that meant we would be IN the apartment, not freezing on the crowded ice rink at Rockefeller Center… but Rachel wanted a date night. "Something special, just the two of us," she had grinned as she wrapped my scarf around my neck, tugging me out our door.
"Finn, baby, you have to put your legs under you," she giggled as she continued to try and help me to my feet, "Kneel, and then stand up." I sighed as I struggled to position myself on all fours, looking up when some other kid skated by us, shouting, 'yeah, good luck with that one lady!' Balancing myself, I raised one hand to wave my middle finger in the air, blushing when Rachel snapped it back. "Finn Hudson, that's rude," she scolded, then giggled. "But it was kind of cute watching you try to flip someone off like that."
"Ha ha ha," I huffed sarcastically, "Alright, babe, this is what's gonna happen. I'm not standing up. Not gonna work out." I nodded towards the edge of the rink, blanching when it looked like it was a mile away. How had we made it out so far before I bit it? "I'm going to crawl to the side, and I'll pull up. Make sure I don't trip a kid or something." With that I started sliding forward on the ice, the cold chilling my palms even through my gloves. I blushed when I heard Rachel laughing behind me, grinning when I felt her tapping her hands against my butt. "Don't get frisky, woman, this is serious business!" She just giggled as she helped push me across the ice, waving at everyone who was staring at the 6' plus dude scooting towards the wall on his hands and knees. When we finally reached the wall, I reached up and tugged myself into a standing position, Rachel coming up under my arm to wrap her own around my waist. "Here, I'll help!" she smiled, and I couldn't help but laugh as I slowly started inching my way towards one of the openings in the wall. "Babe, I love you… but you're, like, half my weight. If I'm going down, I'm going down." It was quiet for a few moments as I slid my feet sideways, Rachel's arms still tight around me.
"Is that a promise?" she asked suddenly, her dark eyes twinkling up at me when I looked at her, "That you'll go down?" My hand slipped on the cold surface of the railing, and I coughed as I fell forward before catching myself. Had my sweet, shy wife just asked me that? "Um," I sputtered, grinning as I started moving faster along the wall, eager to get her home, "Y-yeah, God…Yeah." She laughed as she poked me in the stomach, cheering once we reached one of the exits. "I thought that would get you moving," she teased, "And remember, Finn, a promise is a promise." She winked as she sat down on a bench to pull off her skates, leaving me blushing as I sat beside her to remove my own.
I glanced over at her as we changed our shoes, my eyes soft as she hummed 'Let it Snow' to herself, her pigtails reminding me of the fifteen year old girl I had fallen in love with. It still amazed me that we had made it… grown up and married in New York City, both going to college, chasing our dreams. I had made sure to tell both of our families just how grateful I was for her when we visited Lima over Thanksgiving. I'll never forget the way it had felt to hold her hand under the table and just tell everyone that I knew how lucky I was to have her, how lucky we both were. Especially after the bumps we had hit as we tried to figure out being young and married. It meant everything for me to make sure Rachel understood that, too.
"Finn, can we talk for a minute?" Rachel had asked as I peeled off my sweater and reached for the t-shirt I had been wearing underneath it. I paused, then pulled that over my head as well before sitting on her old bed, smiling at the way nothing had changed. Everything was yellow and pink, and the walls were plastered in Broadway posters and pictures… so many pictures. Of the Glee club, me, the two of us. I looked away from one of us taken at Nationals the spring before when she slowly lowered herself onto my lap, biting her lip. "Rach?" I asked quietly, a little nervous. We hadn't had a single argument since the night I had messed up, and I was so worried that she would remember those words, decide that she couldn't forgive me. "Baby?"
"I was very moved, Finn, by what you said you were thankful for at the table tonight," she whispered finally, her fingers playing with my hair, "About being thankful for me, that I married you." She smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. "I love you. I love you so much, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for you, too. I know I talked a big game in high school, but I know I wouldn't be here, finally chasing my dreams, without you. Glee wouldn't have survived the first week, and I wouldn't be who I am. It's like… it's like you make me believe I can do anything." She sighed, resting her forehead against mine. "I worry about you, you know," she breathed, "I know it's not all the time, but the parties and coming home late… It just scares me." My heart broke at those words, and I closed my eyes, tightening my arms around her.
"I know, and I'm so sorry," I whispered, "I… Rach, I'm not doing that again. Ever. You were right, it's not a part of the whole being in college thing… People just make you think that so they don't gotta be alone in doing it. And I'm not saying that it's not okay to have, like, a glass of wine or something every once in awhile, you know, when it's legal. But you don't… I don't know. I don't like who I am when I party too hard, and I hate that I hurt you by listening to people who don't love me like you do. And between me and you, I don't even like those parties. I miss you, and Santana and Kurt… I think it's been about tryin' to figure out who I am in the group. And you know what? I'm supposed to be their leader, not a follower." I brushed Rachel's bangs away from her forehead, my eyes searching hers, needing to know that she understood.
"I love you so much," she smiled, bumping her nose against mine as she kissed me before pulling back, tracing her fingertips down my bare chest, "You know, Hudson… if you're really thankful, I know of a way you can show me just how much."
I smiled as I remembered that night, squeezing Rachel's hand as I helped her up from the bench. I didn't need to say anything as we slowly made our way through the crowd and to the subway station… She knew.
She always knew.
XxXxX
"And everyone was watching!" Rachel giggled into the phone the next night as I kneeled by our small tree, poking at the presents that had been piling up there for a better part of a month. My plans for a fun evening locked in our bedroom before Rachel had to meet the other carolers had been put on hold when Kurt called, so I kept myself busy by surrounding myself with the gifts under our tree, feeling a little nostalgic for Lima Christmases. After we had told our families the week after we got home from our Thanksgiving trip that we would be spending Christmas in New York, packages had been arriving a couple of times a week. More than once I had been left pouting after Rachel took a gift out of my hands, reminding me that we had to wait until Christmas to open them. I tried to tell her that the rule didn't count if there wasn't a note actually saying that on the present, but she never listened. One time I told her that, since she was technically Jewish, we could open one present early… that had earned me a slap on the arm and still no present. I sighed as I picked up one of the ones Kurt had left behind for me, reaching for the carefully taped corners. Maybe if I 'accidentally' tore it enough to see what was inside, my wife would let me open it. Biting my tongue, I slowly started to tear the paper, jumping when Rachel pulled it out of my hands. "Finn, stop it!" she scolded before laughing into the phone, "Your brother's trying to peek at the presents again. I swear, it's a nightly thing." I sighed and pushed myself up off the floor to curl up with her on the couch, brushing her hair away from her shoulder. Smiling, I pressed soft, barely-there kisses against her neck, feeling more than a little satisfied with myself when I heard her hum against the phone. "Kurt… Kurt, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" she murmured before dropping her phone, turning to move her leg over me, straddling my lap.
"That was easy," I smiled, slipping my hands under her sweater to brush my fingers across the soft skin of her stomach. She just nodded, reaching for the hem of her sweater to pull it over her head. "Mhm," she agreed, reaching around to slap my hands away and unhook her bra herself, letting it fall from her shoulders, "Nothing fancy, Finny, I have to leave in less than twenty minutes." I slid my hands up her sides as she leaned forward to press frantic kisses along my jaw, my thumbs brushing against the sides of her breast. She paused, pressing her hands against my shoulders and lifting herself slightly, gazing down at me as her hair fell in curtains around my face.
"I love you, Finn," she whispered, a little smile playing on her lips, "I love you so much. I just worry that I don't tell you enough sometimes." I nodded, smiling up at her with soft eyes as she unzipped my jeans.
"I know, Rachel," I breathed, "I know you do, and I love you forever.
A/N: This chapter will actually be in two parts… The next will include their Christmas together and other little moments… but I wanted to get this out to you to let you know I'm still here and that I'm not going anywhere. In our minds and in our hearts, Finchel is forever.