Alucard vs. Lucky Star

Hiya Luckies...This story is exactly as it is says on the tin. If you love Hellsing you're gonna enjoy this...and if you like Lucky Star, well, you might still enjoy this anyway. I should thank my brother who gave me the inspiration for this story with his own work: Alucard vs. Life. So I'll give his story the obligatory plug and recommend you all go and check it out after you've read this one. So munch on a few steak cakes and enjoy this heart-warming and magical crossover (yeah right!)

Bats and ravens soared over Japan, blotting out the sun and casting an eclipse of eternal darkness over the entire land. All over the islands of Japan eyes were sent skyward to see the immense shadow spreading over them. A suffocating blanket of black feathers and course fur and leathery wings settled over the area and news stations around the world broadcast it, spreading the fear like a rampant plague throughout all of man-kind.

A downright evil presence was making its way across the main island of Honshu. Busy commuters stopped in their tracks as they could hear a booming laugh coming from the heavens. Soon the cloud of darkness had found its target. Nestled within the Saitama prefecture a quiet little town named Kasukabe remained swallowed up by the beastly horde in the sky. For some time the cloud just remained there, hovering over the town like an omen of damnation.

Then suddenly, without warning, they descended.

All the bats, all the ravens, all the crows, all the vultures, all the flies, everything dived in for the kill, the epicentre being at the Ryo Gakuen High School. The winged beasts all seemed to melt into one another forming a hideous black mass outside the school's gates. The shadows merged into one ghastly form, the almighty vampire king, Alucard.

This truly immortal figure had arrived upon this seemingly obscure location on a mission. He had been ordered by his master to eliminate a particular Japanese person who had apparently been possessing a large number of men in their 20s and 30s throughout the globe. The possessed men were believed to have turned into some new type of ghoul: one who resides inside their homes all day and watches strange kinds of cartoons where the characters have large eyes and the female characters are almost always shown in provocative and sometimes absurd sexual situations the experts referred to as 'fanservice'.

The great demon flicked his long flowing hair from his eyes and strolled forward into the school. He passed through the empty halls with a smile.

I've found you now. I know where you are. There is nowhere to run, nowhere to escape. This is the end!

Alucard found the desired classroom and clenched his fists, the knuckles cracking quite loudly in the process. A small sign above the door displayed in neat block letters '3-B'.

"It is time!" Alucard snarled as he grasped the door handle. He was practically dripping with excitement, salivating like a hungry dog. While he twisted the handle, he announced to those trapped inside, "I have longed to kill you..."

The door was thrown inwards and the great No-Life-King burst through the open doorway, his Jackal swinging wildly in search of the target.

Alucard's gaze settled upon a small girl, much smaller than the other shocked and confused students in the room. Dark blue hair flowed in long graceful waves down around her and great big, emerald green puppy eyes stared back at him. A tiny, curly line of a mouth curved up into a slight smile and with a straight face the girl waved and greeted him.

"Hi Alucard."

Alucard almost jumped out of his skin. He stared at the little girl and frowned, "H-How do you know my name?"

"Of course I know you. I watched Hellsing."

"What? Who are you? How do you know me?" Alucard was getting quite agitated. What did she mean by 'watched Hellsing'? Was she a spy? Had she been watching them all this time without him ever knowing?

The girl smiled and reached under her desk, pulling out a little magazine with a picture of himself on the front cover. Alucard's eyes widened behind his tinted glasses and he grit his teeth. He had been discovered.

"Look, look, it's you Alucard! They made an Anime about you!" she declared proudly.

"What's an Anime?" Alucard asked innocently.

"It's a form of Japanese animation."

"So its a cartoon?" Alucard suggested.

"NO!"

Alucard growled like a dog when he noticed the girl completely ignored the threatening gesture and opened up the magazine to the article about him and the Hellsing organisation. Sure enough there were pictures of him and Seras and Integra and of ghouls and vampires and death and destruction.

She was right, there was a show about him. There were magazine articles about him. His face was plastered all over the news...

Alucard stepped back, stunned. "I'm...I'm famous?"

"Yeah!" the young girl nodded with overflowing enthusiasm, "You would be the most famous vampire of them all if it wasn't for 'him'!"" She said this last word with a disgusted look on her face.

Alucard snarled, his curled lips upturned to reveal his fangs. "I know of whom you speak of. I've already killed him about 108 times already..."

"Then what are you doing here? Are you lost?" the girl asked.

It was then that Alucard pressed the barrel of his oversized pistol against her forehead and a wicked smile splayed across his features.

"I was ordered to kill you, Konata Izumi!"

Everyone screamed and most students ran or hid under their desks. Konata remained frozen in place, her big green puppy eyes glimmering with fresh tears.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah..." she appeared to be trying to speak, but words had failed her. A real life Anime character had just shown up at her school, a dream come true and yet now he was going to kill her!

"Prepare to die!"

Konata just stared at him with the eyes of a lonely fawn about to be hunted. Her lips trembled and tears slid down her pale cheeks.

"No...I'll miss out on so much Anime..."

"How dare you try and entrance me with those Moe eyes." Alucard pressed down tighter on the trigger. He pressed down further and fired. Konata's proportionally large head splattered like a watermelon being smashed somewhere on a Japanese beach by a group of teenagers. Her green eyes flew across the room smashing against the wall like jades. Her grey brain matter decorating the room in gory tinsel. The student's faces were covered in crimson raindrops as they stared silently at the nightmare that had just entered their classroom.

Alucard had fulfilled his mission...He had killed the Van-taku.

But he wasn't finished yet...

"KYAAAAAH!" On cue, terror had erupted in the classroom as the panicking students scrambled to escape from the Fedora wearing Grim Reaper.

"KONATA! NO!" Alucard noticed two female students rushing over to their dead friend. One of them had short purple hair tied together in a yellow bow. "Why Konata? Why did she have to die?" She picked up the wet and tangled blue hair which was all that remained of the tiny girls head.

Alucard noticed the other girl sobbing heavily beside her. She had long pink hair and wore large round glasses in front of her oyster-sized blue eyes. "Are you friends of this girl?"

They both nodded glumly as they continued pouring their grief onto their fallen friend. "Perhaps you two are also Van-taku." Alucard could not hide his bloodlust and further when he speared his flattened hand into the pink-haired meganneko's belly just below her breasts. The sweet young girl's eyes turned from a sea blue into a dull grey as the life drained out of her body. Alucard pulled the girl towards him as he sank his fangs into her fragile neck.

"MIYUKI!" The other girl brought her hands to her mouth, the long sleeves which concealed her hands ruining the very disastrous predicament she had found herself in.

"AHHH! Virgin blood, so sweet and pure." Alucard licked the blood around his mouth with his large serpent tongue, his knife-toothed smile visible as he turned to the long-sleeved ribbon wearing girl. "Now you're next."

"NOOOO!" The girl let out a shrill scream as she ran towards her sisters classroom. By now most of the students were filing out of the classrooms as the news had spread.

"Kagami! Kagami! It's terrible!" The girl was shaking her sister wildly as the tears continued stinging her cheeks.

"Tsukasa what's the matter with you?" Her far more cynical sister groaned as she wondered why everyone was evacuating the school.

"Kagami, it's terrible!" Tsukasa continued rambling uncontrollably. "Konata-chan was...Miyuki-chan was..."

SLOOTCH. Tsukasa chocked on her cries as her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Kagami noticed a long white gloved hand was protruding out of her twin sister's chest. Tsukasa was frozen, unable to turn back and see her killer for herself. Instead she could only whimper softly as she faced her sister with teary eyes which eventually stopped flowing. Her eyes remaining wide open as her face muscled relaxed in death.

"TSUKASA! NO!" Kagami cried as she noticed the towering crimson figure behind her deceased sister.

She stared into the giant barrel of death as he held his Jackal before her very eyes. "Are you one of them too?" Alucard's face contorted as black flames took over his face, menacing hounds extended from his shoulder blades as he gazed into the pigtailed girl's sharply shaped eyes.

"No you're not one of them..." Alucard's tone reverted back quite causally as he slipped Tsukasa off her arm and began turning away from the distraught Kagami.

"H-Hey wait a minute!" Kagami cried out to the man in her usual aggressive tone. "W-Why aren't you going to kill me?"

Alucard half turned back and offered a blood curdling grin. "I already told you, you're not the kind I'm after." And with that somewhat ambiguous answer the No-Life-King vanished into thousands of tiny bats and creatures.

Kagami held her dead sister tightly in her arms as she still tried to piece together the nightmare that had just unfolded before her Tsundere eyes. I guess I should be thankful that my life was spared but...why do I feel jealous all of a sudden?

"Ahhh...What a splendid feast we have descended upon today." Alucard boasted as he travelled the skies. Suddenly one of the metallic looking bats started beeping, it was Alucard's customised Smart Phones (complete with all the latest Anti-Freak destroying apps and features!).

"Hello Master Integra." Alucard answered.

#Alucard...I hope you haven't reached the designated target yet...#

"Oh but I already have, Master..." Alucard breathed deep into his phone as he answered.

#Shit...Alucard, I don't quite know how to say this, but the Hellsing organisation has made an error...#

"Oh...And what kind of error is that you say?"

#I'm afraid the alleged Van-taku we sent you out to eliminate was incorrect...The real enemy who was responsible for possessing those men was-#

CRRRRRSSSHH...

…

"Hey Haruhi, why'd you turn it off, I was enjoying that!" Kyon whined as he sat by the clubroom desk waiting for Koizumi to finally make his move on Othello.

"It's wrong! All of it was just wrong!" The head-band wearing brigade leader stomped her feet in protest.

"Oh! C'mon, it wasn't that bad was it?" Kyon tried defending the show.

"It was a complete insult to the fans." Haruhi snapped as she continued her rant. "I mean Kagami was clearly acting out of character in that last scene!"

"Well I'm afraid I must agree with Miss Suzumiya on this one." Koizumi showed his masked smile as always.

"Nice one Koizumi." Haruhi winked to the esper-boy as she suddenly jumped onto the desk, her Absolute Territory clearly visible for Kyons wandering eyes. "That damn Andy Crard or whatever he's called, I'm going to have a word with him now!"

Kyon laughed as lay back on his seat and continued observing the God's eccentric mannerisms. Foolish Haruhi, she has no idea how close that man really is...

The END...

So now you have to go and watch some Lucky Star Gourmet Races for some well needed Brain Bleach. But before that, tell me what you think? If I offended you, well I guess that means I did a good job on this one.